thebuzzer

Well thank you to everyone who has responded, I didn't expect such a response! There is so much said that I agree with! There is a history with this teacher, he had her from the begining of last year and they really got off on the wrong foot. She handled him very badly and he has never gotten over that. I have never let him know my feelings about her, in fact I have meetings with her for his psp every 2 weeks and feel that deep down she is very caring, but out of her depth. There are parents that have seen the head and said that if their children are put in her class next year they will withdraw their child. Anyway, that does not excuse DS's rudeness. It has increased lately, we are trying to figure out why. He does find it very hard to forgive any 'indescretions' on another persons part and we do do social stories at school too. His LSA's have a very good insight into him. He hurt one of his friends to day because she spoke to him with her mouth full and sprayed him with crisps. He was adamant she had done it deliberately, but both his LSA and I explained that under no circumstances can you hurt. He was taken to the Deputy Head who really told him off then when he got back to his 'quiet room' off the classroom, errupted for 20 minutes. That was not an AS meltdown, but a full blown paddy at getting really told off for something he thinks he is justified at doing! I find myself scared and upset that he does this when we have always set a good example, neither my husband or I go off on one, we are human and get upset but not for him to learn that. When he was little and had the terrible twos I would put him down, walk into the other room etc until he calmed down and they pretty much stopped. But because of the safety of the other children the staff have to 'react' and he knows this gets attention. We do a reward system with the reward at the end of the morning, the time has increased over the last year as at first it was too long for him to wait. Its the consequences we are having to rethink at the moment. He looses his playstation time if he hurts anyone and up until yesterday he hadn't hurt in weeks. Escalating again. I had a 45 min emergency meeting with the Head yesterday when I picked him up when I was told what had happened and asked her to get the social communication team back in asap. She agreed. I am aware that the behaviour he is exhibiting could well get him excluded, I work at and EBD school nearby KS3, so know full well the system as it were. I can't remember who said it but I think it is important for me to try and find out why he is doing this as well as him knowing it is not acceptable. He says every day "Is it stupid school today?" and says he hates, but can come out beaming some days and according to his LSA's can have a great time. He does mimick at home, which is not allowed. He says he heard another boy do it - who knows? He can dissolve very quickly into floods of tears at the tone of someones voice and to me it is my most calm but firm voice and yet to us he can snarl and say "how dare you speak to me like that!" We are working on that one too! Phew run out of steam now!

If your AS children (or yourself if AS) does not like someone do they have no regard for their feelings? My son will care about peoples feelings if he likes them, but if has made up his mind he does not like you for whatever small reason (the way someone looks for example) he can be very rude, unkind and physically aggressive. He has taken a nose dive over the last few weeks at school. He has become very rude. He has always disliked his teacher and has no time for her and she for him if we are honest (if you can, you can see my posts from last year explaining that). He does not like one of his assistants because he says she said he was lying when he went to her to say a boy had hurt him. She did not call him a liar but said she did not see that what the boy did was hurting, it was in my son's eyes. We sorted out the misunderstanding, but he cannot forgive or forget. Today he called her a fat pig, I am mortified. We just do no accept that sort of behaviour at home, we have firm and consistent boundaries. But as far as he is concerned anything goes at school and he will just say what he thinks. If the teacher tells somone off he mimicks her or says she is horrible for telling the child off. The other children snigger as they do not like her (she is quite scary) but DS is disrupting and undermining her and it's not on - he knows how we feel about what he is doing, he says he cares we are upset, but because he doesn't like her he isn't going to stop!!!!!!! Am I being thick, I am reading all my books on Aspergers, but cannot find anything about being 'deliberately' rude, only that Aspies can 'appear' rude as they are brutally honest. He has a statement for 22.5 hours and is in Year 2 doing part time still! - well not surprising Please tell me we are not alone!

Thanks for your reply, The reasons range from DS will get over tired and then his behaviour will escalate. At the moment he is being difficult in that he is disruptive and rude to his teacher who he really dislikes (nearly all her class feel the same as do the parents and there have been complaints to the Head), but that does not excuse Ds's rudeness. He says exactly what he thinks and because he doesn't like her he is not concerned with her feelings. He does have an amount of empathy for other's feelings IF he likes you. I can understand that at the moment increasing his hours with 5 weeks to go to end of term would not be beneficial to him, but when he starts in the Juniors I am hoping he will start the new year doing the 27.5 hours with one to one and the school will have to show how they manage him. If they can't then I need to look at another school. The school seem to be waiting for him to be completely well behaved and coping before he can increase at all. The LA have said that now they have the final statement and the funding he should be in school for those hours and the school have to have strategies and cope if they can't we would have to have an emergency review and possibly look at another school. I do social skills work with him, last night we talked about his rudeness (banging his drink on the table when the teacher was addressing the class, making loud noises, screams, roaring, the list goes on) and as he is mad about Star Wars we wrote 2 headings on 'The light side' and 'The dark side' under which we put polite and acceptable behaviours and examples of good manners and under the dark side the rude and unacceptable behaviours. He got it and agreed he wanted to be on the 'light side' like Luke Skywalker. But without prompts of 'be like Luke Skywalker' or 'Would Luke do that?' he will just carry on his way!

HI I put this subject up last week, but maybe it was a bit waffly or unclear as no one replied? All I want to know is, is my son's school legally obligated to provide have him at school for the hours named in his statement? He has 22.5 hours plus the school must top up with an extra 5 taking him up to 27.5 hours. He is only doing 22 hours at present. They applied for the statement saying that the only way he can be in school is if he has full time one to one. They have the one to one in place and now funded but are still not letting DS attend more hours.

Hi We have received my son's Final Statement 2 weeks ago. He has been given 22.5 hours, so the school are getting full funding for those hours and they top up an extra 5 hours taking it up to 27.5 hours. DS is only attending school for 20 hours a week. After exclusions last year he could only manage an hour a day until the end of Year 1 and when he started in Year 2 last September we agreed we would gradually build him up while we went through the Stat Ass. In the Stat Ass the school stated that DS could only be in school with full time 1:1. After the usual faffing about with the LA they agreed to the hours awarded, the school did go back to the LA and asked for more to take him up to 32.5 hours, but the LA have said they will not look at that until DS is actually full time. Fair enough. My worry/problem is that in DS's PSP meeting before half term, the SENCO and his Class Teacher said that they felt DS could not cope with anymore hours now and when he starts in the juniors "he will probably find it very difficult as a lot more is expected of juniors and we may even find him going backwards"!!!!!!!!!!! They said we should be pleased if we manage to get him to full time by the end of year 3!!!! Parent Partnership have said that this could jeopardise DS's hours on his statement as he should be attending for at least the hours that are stipulated in his statment. I agree, I realise that we cannot just up his hours in one go, but I feel the school are dragging their heels not for my son's benefit, but because it is easier on them if the is not there more. If I am sounding harsh or over sensitive there is quite a history with said school, you can see on my previous posts. My query is, is this true that he has to attend for the hours in his statement, plus the 5 the school put in? I can't see the LA paying for hours he is not there. The school made such a fuss that he could only be there if the had 1:1 we now have the LSA's in place and paid for and they are still not upping his hours. Sorry if this is waffly or unclear! Thanks for any comments

Thanks Kathryn, that does help, I shall give his caseworker a call in the morning and ask her to email me one. I had typed it all out myself with black for what they had said and wanted kept in and blue for my suggested changes, as for what I want removed - well I was a bit stuck on that one! No longer though! Will let you know how it goes.

I wanted to get a idea of how long part 2 of a statement can be and whether anyone has had any luck getting this part more detailed and therefore longer. I know each child has different levels of needs so each statement will vary. The proposed statement I have had for my son is one side and under the communication section it is woefully inadequate. I have gone through the SALT report (which was brilliant) and his teachers report and added in what I feel describes all of his needs and instead of 3 small parapraphs I have one side. Parent Partnership have said that I do not need to be hung up on how much longer it is now (2 sides and 8 lines), but having not seen anyone elses statement before I would be interested to know I am not asking for anything to be put in that was not in the Stat Ass reports, its all there a clear as day, just not in my son's statement.

Afternoon everyone I received my son's proposed statement 3 weeks ago and after reading it could see that it was not detailed enough (which is an understatement). I contacted the LA asking for a meeting to discuss it. They emailed me to say they would be in touch with a meeting date, a week later, nothing (but it gave me valuable time to put together what I want included). I spoke to them yesterday and apparently the CEO was supposed to call me last week, surprise, surprise! The caseworker said that the CEO wanted to know what my issues were before the meeting and when I told her I felt that statement did not detail all of DS's needs she asked if I could email what I want changed/included and if there may be no need for a meeting if they agree to the changes. If they don't off to SENDIST I will trot! Could this be some dastardly ploy by the LA or just a good idea to save me having to drive to a meeting an hour away! Thoughts greatly appreciated.

Hi I am in the process of trying to make these for my son too. He also has difficulty telling us how he is feeling, but the SALT has recommended trying flash cards or an emotion fan. I have found one on the following website, hope the link works! If it doesn't just copy and paste it - sorry bit technical for me! If I find any other useful info I will let you know. http://www.sparklebox.co.uk/parents/sen.html

I am not from your neck of the woods (my boss is ) but I was still interested to read the stats. Who did you ask to get this info as I would be very interested to know how my LA stands up. I would be interested to know how many went to tribunal and were for ASD so if you do ask let us know!

Well I said it all in the title really! We got the 'yes' from the LA on the 12th Feb, they said I would get the proposed statement the next week (which I thought was quick) but have received nothing. I am going to call them tomorrow but want to know the time limit as I know they are awful at sticking to them and if they I know the time limits they have to stick to, it seems to give them the kick in the backside most LA's need when it comes to the statementing process!!!! If anyone can point me to a website that will tell me the time limits for the rest of the process too, I would be grateful.

So so sad, my heart goes out to them!

Thanks, you are right I am not going to actually mention the word 'bullying' tomorrow in the psp meeting, but will voice my concerns. We will hopefully have the Inclusion Officer from the LA who is brilliant and she always comes up trumps with strategies etc. Will let you all know how it goes.

Hi Caroline, I missed your post, typing my rather lengthy reply! Yes DS is mainstream. You have summed up what I think so concisely (spelling - tired brain!) and yes it is having an effect on his self-esteem. He only does part time at the moment until 1pm. Many thanks

Thanks for all your comments and replies, much appreciated, even if I don't agree with some of it, I still like to look at it from other angles as it were! To add a bit more background to it and answer some of the comments made by baddad and noobynobbs, which may have been because my post was not that clear on some things! DS does not follow this boy around, the boy has been keen to play with DS since Sept and often instigates the play. Nor is there ever any pressure on the boy to play with DS, the school has a strong policy of respecting each other and if anything as I said it is felt that it is not a friendship to encourage. Not because DS has AS and gets obsessed with an individual, but because of the boy in question. We are doing a social story on getting DS to understand that it is ok for other children not to want to play with him all the time and to try and have a wider circle of friends. He does not hit the boy when he says he doesn't want to play with him. But like other ASD children can get physical when upset, which he knows is not acceptable or appropriate and we have always and will continue to support him in other ways to show his frustration or feelings. What is unfair about the lego situation is that the boy is more than happy to let any other child handle or look at the lego, but specially says no to DS. This is not a just the LSA's assessment of it, it was also in front of a lunchtime supervisor and both the LSA's are more than capable and willing to deal with any 'fallout'. Both are mothers of children with SEN, one of whom makes my DS look like a mouse! I feel Kazzen161 has some great strategies to offer in the school on how to handle social interaction. School is not just about 'education'. I have worked as and TA in KS1 and now work as a TA with children with social, emotional and behavioural problems, and even at the age of 6 or younger there are children who are more than capable and aware of how to manipulate others and to deliberately goad them, that is not acceptable behaviour at the age and the children need guidance on how that affects others. The SENCO is looking at setting up a social skills group for a few of the children in KS1, which includes DS other AS children, but this boy too. As for what does the boy have to gain from winding my son up, well, my son gets upset, the boy gets a reaction and if DS reacts inappropriately he gets told off and looses some of his playtime. This boy does wind other children up as well to get a reaction, not just DS. The school are looking at supporting him as he is one of the most boisterous in the year and they are having other issues that are not concerning DS. They are in different classes and other parents have voiced concerns. The are other things that have happened I could mention, but the reason I didn't go into such detail in my original post is that I didn't want to look like I was gunning for this poor kid, I am not, just concerned. I am in agreement with both Bikemad and Pippin on this one and would feel the same even if I didn't have the emotional involvement of a parent, which is probably why I love working with my SEBD kids! Thanks to all again and I will let you know how it goes at the meeting tomorrow!