jim

That's wierd !!! I have that progression in a song. Am on the 5th ( but jsut fingers on the 5th, 4th and 3rd) then G on the thrid (with the 6th open) and F top with the six open.. Am plucked, G and F strummed and then a back thumb strum on the E ( like spanish flamenco)!!! It is the middle part of the song with a wailing harmonica on top ! It was a song of anger about a Ex !!!

That is a great comfort. Because I dont feel "ill" anymore. I used to think I got nervous and stressed because I lacked confidence, and then the answer it to face the thing causing me stress. But now, I know that isnt true. It is the Aspie in me, and that cant be "cured" because it isnt neccessarily an "illness". So, I am learning to avoid stress and to do things that reduce my stress levels. And to go back to the first point, it is a comfort to know others are in the same boat. I gives me the feeling I am not alone, and It makes me more relaxed in myself when these tricky situations happen. I dont suffer them anymore, I think, "right" what is wrong, and how do I stop it. I act immediately and routinely to change the situation: I go for a walk, I go cycling, I drink camamile tea, I play a relaxing familiar song, I play my guitar or a let my frustration out... in the end, I suppose it is learning to live with it and not let it scare you or dominate you. I wrote a song a while back called "over my dead body." And it was really posing the question: Would I give up my song writing skills, my drawing skills, my creativity, if it meant I was "cured" and could live life the same as an NT.... I think you know the answer :-)

What complicates it, is that I have lived in Germany for 15 years. Here, everything is private ! But there is private (for everyone) and private (for the rich) and I can afford that. I have even been told: No we cant help you, but if you have money then we can !!!! I look normal, healthy, attractive (or so I am told). When I walk in a doctors surgery, you wouldnt think I was ill !!!!! But the Sleep problems (TSC) the sleep rhythm (Epi) the diet (Z�lli) and the routine and stress (AS) are individually all manageable, but together, they can be hard to handle !!! And I have trouble convincing people of that !

I have decided that by my next doctors appointment I will eeter the room and undress. I am pissed off because I have spent a year trying to get help for my problem and until now I have received nothing. Dont get me wrong. I am balanced and quite aware of what is happening to me. I am suffering more from Tsc and the AS which goes with it, and from ten doctors none of them want to take my case. I cannot find a doctor. I want to make some kind of protest. So I have decide to strip naked at the next appointment. If you cant get treatment: force it !! I cannot go on without help. I have noone. I know that it wont take much to support to help me lead an almost normal life, but after four beers, I am sitting here quite normal, quite logical, quite relaxed, and I know I cannot keep up my life without some help kind of help and support- which I cannot find. I am pissed off with meeting doctors who say (without examining me and just by looking at me, and with no prior knowledge of me) "go away I a room full of MORE ill people " I just need help. But it isnt there....

I think you are all very brave to read it all :-) Thanks for the lovely words of support. I realise this is not the optimal time of year to post, but, I dont need answers straight away. I have waited 43 years to discover this, so a few more weeks or months wont hurt :-) The more I think about it, the more I realsie I have no idea about "readiong between the lines". Sometimes I feel like Im still ten yearts old, in that I dont always understand all adult inuendoes... but then again, I do get most jokes.. I read today on another thread that Aspie'S often try too hard to be perfect. God ! I know I am talented, a nice person etc etc, but I still personally suffer because I dont think I have done as well as I should have in life !!! Who needs critics when you can do the job yourself :-) I am off to get my best jeans on, and wander off to a pub (where I dont have a conflict with someone :-) ) I suppose I could also mention I have TSC (tuberous skerosis (90% probably), mild sleep epilepsy and Celiac)

I have been living with the idea that I have a mild form of AS for about 4 months now. I feel like I have found out why I am like I am ! It seems to answer all questions about me. I have an appointment with a neuro in January and will try and start a process to get diagnosed officially. But I have a few questions: I used to go to a Pub, where I got to know lots of new freinds. But there was a man there who for some reason didnt like me. I suffered him for about a year. Everytime I was there he would try to find an opportunity to mildly insult me, or put me down.. In my head I dont feel inferior to him, and would like to laugh him off. And I am a qualified Civil Eng, and have a degree in Socio. and Psych. but I dont seem to be able to fend of such an attack. I cant respond quick enough and he frustrates me. It makes going to the pub no fun anymore and in fact, it stresses me to go there. I did actaully confront him, but he denies a problem with me. I confronted the owner, and he admitted the man was a problem with other guests but wouldnt ban him... so I dont go there anymore. This isnt the first time in my life I have I have avoided a pace because of problems with individuals. My father is exactly the same... from the outside he seems to take things too personally... and I find I do too... and I put it down to AS...Am I right to think this is typical behaviour? I have recently left my girfriend (and feel muchb better) I have noticed that in my last three relationships, my partners annoy me to death. But instead of leaving or complaining, I sit in the realtionship and suffer it, until I cant take anymore... but really I guess it is that I dont have an adequate mechanism to solve problems I have in a relationship, and again, like the pub, the frustration sets in... in this As behaviour? I have no problem meeting women in my life. I have had lots of relationships and the next will come along. But, I realise that the process of getting together is a nightmare. Because it is full of "between the lines" moments. To put it bluntly (and over exagerrated) I need a women to hold a sign saying "take me" before I am certain that she is responding to my wooing !!! I also find it difficult to converse. I salways want to talk about myself !!! But, over the years, I have learnt how to chat. I have learnt how to ask questions. I have learnt that women often say one thing and mean another... this side of my life is reletively in control... but: Do thses problems sound like Asperger problems? I am a teacher and, of course, I excel at explaining !!! But I am now 43, and I find it increasiong hard work. I get stressed and overlaoded by having twenty (adult) students asking me questions all day. I love the work, I a good at it. But, I have noticed that teaching causes me stress since the day I started: But, I just put it down to nerves, or lack of self confidence, or normal stress.. Being younger, I could take more stress. I would drink beer to calm myself, and run in half marathons... But now, at 43: I cant can take it anymore. I feel I need to do a job where I am working with "something" and not "someone: Like an ofice job, something to do with desgin, or creating or organising...My attempt at career change will start in the new year and will probably take a year.. but: once again: Does this sound like a mild frm of Asperger behaviour? MY main hobby is music. I cant read music because I find it a bit pointless and time consuming. But I write songs. I have written 387, the are all numbered and calatogued. I record them and play all instruments and store them on CDFs and as MP3. I dont do it continually, but when I do, it is intensive. After a few weeks and a few new songs, I move onto something else.. I have other intensive hobbies (like cycling) but I aslo have new "fads" I can become obsessed for a week with a politica theme, or a person, or a band, or a sport or anything really. Then I think about it an research it until I reach a point where I lose interest. Sometimes my grilfriendsa re part of this circle... when I am into something esle I am not 100% into them... but when I am into them, then it is intensive... dioes this sound.. apsie- ish? I have no plans for the future. I find it hard to "see" the future. I have a plan to move to England, but I cant visualise it. So I wrote down every step involved in the process: Cancelling the milk, giving up the flat, renting a van, laoding the stuff... etc etc, until I had a 50 or 60 long list.. then I thought NOW I can see it !!! Does this sound aspie? I have a video collection and watch the same videos again and agin. I think it calms me. I have a large music colelction, but Im listening to my favourite songs right now, and they are like balsam for my soul ! LAter I will go cycling and the monotony of the movement helps me to relax and think over things, and I lvoe the adrenalin. I've been going to a sun studio this winter (twice a week) and when I come out I feel in a happy summer mood ! At 43 now, my biggest problem is stress. I am still fitk, but I am not getting younger, and I think things stress me more than when I was younger. It isnt a social stress. Not froma social situation. It is more a stress from communicating, or from living my life too fast, and not relaxing enough... I feel stressed mow from writing this !! But it is a pure physical stress without a socail reason. I am happy writing it. But I will drink camamille tee. Eat food and then go cycling and feel better ! ... is this a typical problem of As ? What is usually done about it ? What are good ways of dealing with stress? I t5hink the probelm is knowing when to burn off the energy and knowing whehn to relax. and finally, Merry Christmas and a happy New Year !! P.S. Since I've known about AS, I've have come to the conclusion my life has felt like sharing a flat with Freddie Kruger: It isnt me that is a problem, it is life that often scares the hell out of me !!

I want it diagnosed, simply because I have spent 43 years not knowing what was wrong with me and now I know it, and would feel personally justified. It is also simply the idea that I want someone to "hold my hand". Someone to listen to my story and say "yes, I understand." However, I realise what you say, that getting help depends on finding a professional who knows the first thing about it !! Luckily, sites like this help enormously, because is the end, the psychologist is just helping YOU to find ways and methods that YOU can use. I am copnfident that I can improve my life on my own too. I just have a problem seperating the effects of mild epilepsy ferom the effects of mild ASC, and the effects of my normal body ! Right niow, I am full of nervous energy (which isnt bad) but I dont know where it comes from (it might be the epi because I slept irregulary the last two nights) it might be jsut nrevous energy, it might be because I slept ten hours last night and have just breakfasted twice (carbs), but, whatever it is, I will go out cycling, which will burn the energy, fill me with lovely adrenalin and sunshine and make me happier ! I just noticed your Location (Tally) : My sister lives in Devon ! Used to live in pettrockstowe and now lives in Bratton Clovelly (if that means anything) North/ central Devon ! I love the rods in Devon, they dont go straight ahead, they go right, left, up down, back, forwards, over round....

Thanks very much for that. I have a 1,000 traits that fit to being an Aspie. And this wonderful site is helping me find out more about it, and myself and that makes me feel more comfortable with it, because I can avoid things, and I know what is happening to me. I am 100% sure my father is an Aspie: He is socially inept ! Very withdrawn and quiet, he explodes over the slightest thing. HE has intensive hobbies, doesnt understand jokes...etc... As a child (and I assume as a child WITH mild AS), I was scared witless by my father because he reacted unperdictably. His silence was unnerving, especially with my mother saying "dont go near him" etc. Everything was arranged around him. I now understand that him having NO social abilities, meant that I wasnt going to learn what I needed from him. I was well educated and got to University and got a degree and that helped me deal with my social inadequacies and develop ways of getting round them. What I still can control (and my father is exactly the say) is when people annoy me deliberately and without provoking. It drives me mad. MY body goes in overdrive and I have to leave the scene before I flip out. I find then, that I cant recturn for weeks because the feeling it still there. MY father is exactly the same. He would have arguements with people and couldnt go back and deal with it. I have an appointment with a genetic doctor for my TSC), and when it is confirmed I hope to be able to see a psychologist or psychiatrist and find ways of dealing with AS. Im pretty sure I need to 1) learn some social ways of dealing with thing. 2) learn to understand my emotions, 3) learn to relax more an better 4) learn to let my anger and frustration out.

Thanks for the replies. I do get taken over by fear and anxiety. They are sio intensive it scares me ! and I cant conrol it and I can communicate. On Mandy I was being talked to, but I wasnt answering. It was too much info. I could see the lips move and hear the sound, but my brain wasnt processing it !! I feel a lot better today. But I have realised a few thing: 1. I think my ASC is relatively mild, but my reaction to dogs, fairground rides, cacling down hill, loud noises, being tickled, showering (and more I can spontaneously recall), my reaction it far more extreme than other people, and I never realised that this is just ASC, and now I know and will protect myself from these things, but also find ways to calm myself !! 2. I have thought about the comment that I talk about the effects and not the emotions: I think that is the key. I dont really understand my emotions or feeling too much. I dont know when I am ill, I feel feelings but I can order them or label them. I just think, "maybe I am ill, or mabe it is th epilepsy, or maybe the ASC, or maybe Im just nervous..." 3. I know today that I have had a throat i nfection since Saturday, and that I have a "head cold". It sounds so stup�id, but it has taken me three days to accept that, and now I can accept the effects of the cold because I nkow what they are. I have labelled them. I know that I get stressed the day before I have a cold. That would explain why I felt Sooo bad. I feel better today, after spending two days in my world, donig my things. But I know now that I really need to talk to a professional about dealing with my emotions, about hearing my body and understanding it, about relaxing (like now in my dinner break instead of typing like mad (although I would rather do something than sit passively) )

The Friday man has bated me for six months (a total of 4 or 5 times) this time I felt the explosion coming, so walked out of the pub, otherwise I would have punched him !!! BY the time I got home (5 mins later) I was livid and abusing him! So you are saying I may be Aspie, because I dont seem to recognise the emotion? Thinking now, I guess the emotion was hate of this man, or maybe I was scared of him because I new I had trouble defending myself, because he always tries to belittle me and treats me like utter dirt, and I dont have anyway of defending myself against him. I know I am more intelligent, but I know I dont have the social skill to take him on, and I guess that frustrates me totally, and Friday I just exploded. I still get annoyed about it now.

I am currently waiting to take a genetic test to prove TSC (Tuberous Sklerosis). It was diagnosed four weeks ago, and I found out then that the behavioural problems I always said I had, finally had a nem: ASC. I need to wait for the test and then the results before I can be reffered to a psychologist or psychiatrist to talk about the AS side. I joined this site to find out more, and the more I find out the more I am convinced that I have it. I wont bore you with the eviendence, siffice to say, it is massive, and my nearest friends agree. My questions: I have had increasing problems with my behavioual side in the last year (I am 43). That is why I appraoched my doctor and finally got the TSC diagnosis). This weeksend I experience the first "meltdown" that I have had since knowing that I had ASC. And, I have a few qustions about my weekend. The first event was Friday. In a pub, a amn I barely know, insulted me and my family for 15mintues, until I got up and left. HE was really over the top. But I realise it made me angry inside and frustrated that I couldnt deal with the problem. Anyone would have been effected by him, but I guess I was especially angered. I left without finishing my first pint of beer. By the time I got home (5 mnis later) I was fuming. I promised (my girlfirend) I would punch him the next time I saw him. I now feel that the reaction was stronger than I wanted myself. It was like my "body" over-reacted. MY body decided to increase the pulse rate, but, it was certainly related to my inability to deal with the situation like "Tony Blair". This fits to the "meltdown" description that I have read here, that it isnt the person that really drives it but the ASC. Does this sound similar to anyone? Anm I right? On Sunday I went to a football match. I thought "good", I will be able to get rid of the frustration that built up on Friday. On the way I was chatting and getting excited. BUt once in the stadium and in a crowd and on the top teir, I suddenly felt weird. I felt it was all too much. I felt my body couldnt take it anymore. It was too much information. I felt like I wanted to collapse. I felt like I was over worked. I took my coat off and tried to calm down. I dont really like heights and I was scared a bit of where I was sitting, and the feeling took an hour to really go away. When I got home, my whole body breathed a sign of relief and I slumped on the bed. I felt worn out. I felt that my nerves were "burnt out". The situation suprised me. I didnt over react to it myself. I didnt shout or scream.I just reacted logically, but I felt scared. Again, I now believe it was "ASC". I feel it was because I couldnt deal with so much information. I feel that the fact I remained calm in my head, means that again, it was the boddy doing the talking. I always thought it was a psychological problem to do with confidence and conflicts, but I didnt feel uncomfortable myself in going there, or fear going there. I was just overwhelmed (by surprise) when I got there. So that kind of tells me it wasnt classic psychology, not a fear of something. It indicates to my, again, that it was more an "aspie" thing. Does anyone thing I am right in my understanding? Thirdly, this week I had a new class of adults to teach. The secretary who handles the admin normally gives me the details and I desgin the course. This time a secretary that I dislike, actually copies lots of info for the course, planned the course, and I had tot each it. The problem was that I had to toally re-desgin it and use different material. This was all doe the week before. Come Monday I turned up in the class and she was there, she started telling the students whatz "she" had decided was in the course. As she isnt a teacher and not qualified it inevitably mean that what she planned was inadequate for the group. I just stood by and felt again, over whelmed by the situation. My pulse was 120, I found I couldnt calm down or take in ifo too well. Eventually she left and I taught my own stuff and the course went well and has gone well today, but, the rest of the day i felt my body was "burnt out" it was crying to be locked in my flat. Again, I am not angry or annoyed, but my body seems to over-react. I know that I dont have the clever way to diffuse the situation for me with the secretary (although she doesnt see a problem) and maybe that is the frustration that my body reacts to, but, I feel like I am living with Freddie Kruger !! Today was relatively okay, but writing this is hard. It makes me nervous, and that isnt good because I still feel burnt out. My next doctors appointment is the 1.11 and I will try and make it til then. Despite the fact I am in a crumpled heep. I still have my intelligence about me, and I can still be fairly logical. I guess that at the age of 43, my body can no long deal with the demands of ASC meltdown. What I could shake off easier at a young age has had a worse effect now. The question is, does this sound like meltdown? or like ASC? Does it have such effects on a person? My TSC diagnosis has taught me to look at ASSC as a solution to my socila problems, the rest that I read seems to fit to ASC, but does this weekend?

Couldnt found one, but I found this: Mom?s Special Brownie Recipe Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr., ?No, no.? Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat?s tail. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour. Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill. Measure 1 tsp. salt, � cup nuts and beat all ingredients well. Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9�13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there?s still time and he?s still able to run away. FROSTING Mix the following in saucepan: 1 cup sugar, 1 oz unsweetened chocolate, 1/4 cup margarine Take the darn teddy bear out of the broiler and throw it away ? far away. Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn?t know Jr. had slipped out of the house and was heading down the street. Put Jr. in playpen. Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes. Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man?s front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet. Remove burned brownies from oven. Collapse and call the baker for delivery.

CHRISTMAS FRUIT CAKE RECIPE Ingredients: 1 cup water 2 cups of dried fruit 1 cup brown sugar 1 cup sugar 1 tsp salt 8 oz nuts 4 large eggs tsp baking powder juice of 1 lemon 1 bottle of whisky Method: Sample the whisky to check quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again to be sure its of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one tsp sugar and beat again. Make sure whisky is still ok. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixerer. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky for tonsisticity. Next sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat the turner. Throw the bowl out the window, check the whisky again and go to bed. Happy Christmas!!

Just read his to my partner. It sounds a lot like me !

My male best friends have always been nice blokes who are never fazed by anything (like the big Lebrowski) and I always see them as big brithers (even now at 43 !). I aso try and learn from them. It is aslo good when they are there ! On Friday, mine werent and suffered without them !