witsend

Oh Mel - <'> this is so ###### awful and unfair!! I know you must be worn out with it all but please have some time out (quickly ) and re gather yourself and fight them about this! It's just wrong! Do you think the magic words 'MP' would help here? Maybe worth a go. And maybe the 'other mum' has shouted louder than you so far - so time to get the mega phone out love! Good luck - luv Witsend.

Hi Mel - <'> this is awful for you. This woman sounds very manipulative and she is def bullying you. As others have said I would block her e mails and then get onto the transport people and the LEA and let them have all the stress that is being put on to you! You have the grace to understand her situation but she is being so unfair to you it makes me really cross thinking about it. Can you go to the transport office and sit there until you can see someone in person the tell them exactly how it is? Best of luck - take care Luv Witsend.

Good for you Hev (and Hevs Mum) , I know it's not easy! Luv Witsend.

Thanks Pearl - my son says he has now told this other lad he doesn't want to be freinds with him anymore because he keeps getting him into trouble, I just hope now there won't be trouble between the pair of them as a consequance. The head rang me eventually yesterday and confirmed son has a saturday detention so it's an early start for us tomorrow . Son is also having to miss cadet camp this weekend which he was really looking forward to so it's like double punishment - but hopefully he will learn from the experiance eh. Cheers - Luv Witsend.

Hi - well after the high of the recent review meeting which went so well it's been downhill ever since! Last week there were problems with transport - the passebger assistant had had a row with the driver and didn't turn up, she's now back but not speaking to the driver and I think the atmosphere in the taxi must be pretty ######. Also found out DS1 is getting to school 50 minutes early each day and has been spending the time meeting other lads in town and then actually turning up for school 10 minutes late!!! His teacher rang to tell me this on Tuesday and also said his behaviour has been bad this week, chatting and laughing in class too much. She wanted him to do an after school detention on Friday which would mean I would have to go and pick him up, trouble is I just couldn't do it the school is an hour away and I have work and the little one to see to . When I explained this the teacher was really off with me, I asked her if DS1 could do the detentions at lunchtimes instead but she said that would "inconvieniance" her and she wasn't prepared to do it. In short she made me feel really bad . I tackled DS1 about it when he got home and have grounded him for the weekend and stopped his pocket money this week - don't no what else to do. All this was bad enough when yesterday afternoon the head from the school called me to say the toilets have been flooded (think it was a real mess) at school someone had put paper towels in the sinks to block them and turned the taps on and he thought DS1 may have done it and could I ask him about it. When Ds1 got home and I asked him about it he quite openly said it wasn't him but another boy (his 'friend') who had done it but that DS1 had been with him!! He said he told the boy not to do it because he didn't want to get in trouble but he did it anyway and DS1 obviously did not tell anyone about it, just left it to flood! So I had to call the head back and tell him, he was very nice about it but obviously he's not happy and I don't blame him. He said he will talk to son and probs give him a Saturday detention (after 3 of theses they get expelled!! ). Thought he would of rung me today but so far I've not heard anything. Anyway I just feel terrible, spent last night just crying. I fought so hard to get son into this school and thought it was going so well, now it seems to be falling apart and it's son who is to blame. I just feel so cross and let down by him and really humiliated too. I think this boy who is his 'friend' is quite a character and son is drawn to him but he has been involved in all the trouble (the lateness to school, the laughing in class and the flooding) I think DS1 is trying to impress him but it's going to be his downfall and he can't see it!! And son needs to take responsibility for his own behaviour I know so can't push all the blame onto this other boy. Sorry ranting a bit now - just wanted to get it off my chest. Do you think I should ring school again today to find out whats happened or wait for DS to come home? DS did say he was going to go straight to the head this morning and come clean and apologise and explain that it wasn't him that actually did it but I can't see that being an end to the matter. Am just so fed up. Luv Witsend.

Hi ) I think it could mean what you think it means if you see what I mean! Lol - fingers crossed - Luv Witsend.

This is better than corrie - can't wait for the next instlament Mumble! Luv Witsend.

Oh Bard <'> , come back when you get chance and if you need us <'> . So sorry. Luv Witsend.

Mumble - <'> - just read your post - are you OK now? Luv Witsend.

Hi your situation sounds awful <'> to you. My son was bullied at a special school and the staff couldn't deal with it and tried to cover it up - it was a dreadful time and my son was only there 6 months! Eventually he refused to go anymore and we got him moved to a different school. It's really difficult if your son wants to saty there but if he's coming up to 6th form age is there not another school with a 6th form he could go to and make a fresh start. he does not deserve to be treated like this and the school sounds like they are useless to be honest. It sounds like it's been going on so long your son just accepts it as inevitable and that's so unfair and sad. Would it be better to meet with the education authority now not the head and see what their take is on it? Good luck - Luv Witsend.

Hi- "I feel like I should try and get a meeting with the Headteacher to try and ascertain exactly what he means/thinks and go from there. " That's exactly what I would do too. Then if you want son to move schools and school agree get ready for the review meeting with all the ammunition you can. Your right to postpone it you haven't been given enough notice. Once you''ve spoken with the head (do this before Xmas) yo can then have the Xmas break to think about it and decide what to do. Take care - Luv Witsend.

Hi - well no diagnosis today - school haven't sent in their connors assessment form . The consultant also wants a report from ed psych before she'll diagnose. So guess we'll go through it all again in another 6 months. Taxi picked DS1 up this morning with no escort I didn't know until I got a phone call from the taxi operator 20 mins after they set off!! Turns out escort and taxi driver had had a 'dispute'! Anyway I don't usually got out to the taxi with son so I was unaware escort wasn't there. The guy who rang me was really angry about it and said driver should not have taken son without the escort and that he should have come and explained to me, instead he took it upon himself to take son off without saying a word! Am not to worried becasue I'm sure DS1 would be ok without escort but has made me a bit wary about the driver who should have known better. So just another typical day here really...... Luv Witsend.

Hi - have got appt with little ones consultant tommorow. Last time I went (in Februaury) she said she's 'sure' he has ADHD but didn't actually diagnose him formally as such. since then we and school have filled in and sent connors assessment forms so am thinking/hoping/wondering that tomorrow she may have something conclusive to say. However as we all know knowing your child has something then getting it confirmed are a bit differant. I know he will probs need dx for the future (help at school etc) but am kind of dreading all the stuff ahead that goes with it.The subject of medication was raised at last appt but he is to small yet so I have a breathing space but I know I'll have to confront it one day and dread it . And I know this is really wrong and not true but I always feel a bit like it's something to do with me as a parent that both my kids have these sort of problems especially as they both have them IYKWIM? Anyway just want to get it over with - always get a bit fraught the night before meetings/appointments. Wish me luck! luv Witsend.

Jenrose - <'> you've got a lot on your plate at the moment <'> . Take care. Luv Witsend.

Good stuff! Luv Witsend.

Hi sorry don't have much advice, we have been through similar situation and I thought it would never be resolved and know exactly what you mean about feeling like your head will burst. What are SENDIST advising you to do? Would it be of any help to get a solicitor and or MP involved? Could you ring the people sorting out the tribunal explain the situation to them and see if they will agree to an earlier date? I know the LA are being difficult but you are involved in this not just them and the tribunal is supposed to be fair - that's the point of it. Do you get the feeling that the independant school may have a place after March anyway or are they not commenting about that? If you got the school you want named at tribunal would they not have to make a place for your son anyway? Sorry am prob confusing you even more these are just all questions that come to mind when I read your post. Do your LA want your son to remain in mainstream or are they wanting him to go to the moderate learning dis one? I know you said that's not suitable but if they're saying it is then they are acknowledging mainstream isn't IYSWIM? Which helps your case. When I thought I had considered every school poss for my son it was actually LA who suggested the (independant) school he's now at otherwise I'd never of thought of it as possible or suitable so there may yet be some options you haven't come across yet - keep looking. I think the most kids are allowed to travel (in terms of time) is an hour and a quarter to school does that make your search field any wider? Take care of yourself it's hard fighting these battles when your rundown <'> . Luv Witsend.

Thanks guys <'> Luv Witsend.

Hi sorry not had any time recently to come on the board and am still rushing about now (ironing waiting before bed and work tomorrow ). But just wanted to pop in and share good news for a change. Had annual review meeting at sons (newish) school this morning........and it was great . Have never been to such an organised and welcoming review. All the staff seemed to be on the ball, seem to be doing all the right things with DS1 without me breathing down they're necks every 5 minutes and Ds1 is making good progess and is actually HAPPY there and has made freinds!!!! LEA are happy with the situation too. So I floated out of the meeting and have not actually landed on firm ground yet. Right best go and find the iron (always something to spoil the fun eh? ) Luv Witsend.

Jen - hi sorry am gonna have to sign off any minute now for mummy duties, but just wanted to say how sorry I am, and I know it's awful I have been there, but you will get through it and things will get better eventually. <'> To you - take care - Luv Witsend.

That's brilliant Mel Lets hear it for the snails!! Luv Witsend.

Right you lot!! You have now plunged me futher into Xmas stress with all this being mega organised and I've nearly done all my shopping' caper!! What with all this who to invite saga going on in my head I have sort of forgotten about buying presents, dressing a tree, cooking an enourmous meal etc etc ! It's all become clear now maybe I've subconciously focused on the family thing in order to avoid the nightmare of all the other things??!! I am planning to do a lot of ordering get it delivered to Dads type shopping this year. Am going to scour the fields opposite me for cheap - actually make that FREE! - decorations (holly, twigs - nice sprayed silver- leaves, grass whatever!! ). I have already started adding little luxuries to my weekly shop (well after eights and that kind of thing) to store away for the big day. I have seen some fab big black and white luxury crackers at a factory shop nearby for half price, so I'll be going back for them. So despite myself I am actually kind of starting to look forward to it a wee bit now. As for the who's coming.............well........have spoken to sister about it all and was just honest with her and she was really lovely about it, said she would like to come if ex isn't but understands if I invite ex and there will be no bad feeling about it all on her part. The ex himself is still not speaking to me after the 'put my name on the presents you've paid for' debacle (see earlier post). Also when I spoke to him about it all and suggested he come for Xmas day and my sister could come for Boxing Day he said and I quote: "Well, what am I going to do on boxing day then?" !! So have been thinking, who's the nicer person here? Who actually cares wether the kids and I have a nice day and who is just thinking about themselves? So as it stands I am now thinking I will have sis over for Xmas day. And if ex wants to come boxing day fine and if that's not good enough well then that's up to him. He does have family to go to, he just can't be bothered and my sister would otherwise be totally on her own once the kids have gone to their Dads. I'm a but apprehensive because telling this to the ex will start WW3 but I will just have to take cover under the stairs and emerge to make Jims Christmas cake recipe when the dust settles eh? Luv Witsend.

Hi again - just wondering.............how does the noticeboard thing breach confidentiality? Does that mean yours (which is surely your choice?) or the respondants (who would/could be anonymous if they wanted up to a point anyway?) am prob missing something here sorry. I was thinking about the hotmail address too, would be safer for you. And (maybe clutching at straws here - -) you could think about writing a brief note to the ? aspie chap just outlining your thoughts, I know that's a bit risky but it sounds like from what you've said he wouldn't be awful about it and if he is AS he might find it easier? Just want to add I hope he would not be insulted re being asked if he is AS becasue having AS should not be something to be insulted about, IYKWIM? Just like if you asked someone if they were gay they should not be insulted wether they are or not. But then I could be being a bit naive here, as I have noted what you said about what some people write on the noticeboard . Predjudice is a horrible (but real) thing. Take care - Luv Witsend.

Hi Mumble i guess it's tricky because it's not just 'hi' but 'hi' with some hopes and expectations attached IYSWIM? I'd be a bit shy of doing it too, but your instincts are probably right and it would be great to think you could strike up a friendship with this guy to share ideas. May be best to perhaps go up and ask him a uni or course related question to break the ice and build on it from there and then hopefully get round to mentioning the AS thing when the time is right. Of course you will have to play a lot of it by ear so to speak which is the tricky thing eh? I think the idea of contacting other AS students is great too. Is there a noticeboard you could post something on? Or a college magazine type thing you could 'advertise' in? Could the student union help? Does the uni have a website with a students chat area or anything where you could ask about it all? Sorry if they are naff ideas I'm a bit out of touch with the student scene. Good luck with it though and keep us posted. Luv Witsend.

Thank you al of you - you always manage to cheer me up! The 'family' dynamics here are not very straightforward though which just complicates things. First my sister is a lovely person and we very rarely fall out. When I first posted I thought she would have her boys with ther for Christmas but have since realised they will actually be going to her ex husbands this year which in turn means she will be on her own. My sister has no time for my ex because she knows how he has upset me in the past and whilst she knows the kids and I still see him she would not choose to be around him. She hasn't said anything about Christmas yet but I imagine she thinks I will be inviting her, and if I don't I think she will be more hurt rather than offended, if you see what I mean. Secondly the ex is not the childrens father although the little one does regard him as such. The kids both like the ex and my sister and they are unaware of any bad feeling, so I couldn't ask them to choose who comes. Also ( bear with me - told you it was complicated!) the ex has some mental health probs (some of you may recall me posting re this when we split up earlier this year) which means that when he's in a good mood he is lovely and great fun to have around, but his moods fluctuate quite rapidly and when he's not in a good mood he can be horrid! He is now acceptin some help with all this but it's still early days. He just presumed he would be coming for Xmas and will be hugely offended if he doesn't! Lastly I saw ex today and I was talking about Xmas and about how I would have to careful with spending this year due to being so skint he said he was skint too and presumed I would be buying the kids presents and putting on them that they are from both of us!! As he can't afford to buy any!! Now is it just me or is this a blooming liberty! The little money I have I have worked hard for and it doesn't feel fair or right that I should be expected to do this does it?? Anyway in short he was massively offended when I said I was not intending doing this said I was 'tight' and a few other things to boot and walked out! So there we go - just felt I had to fill in a bit of the background as it's so complex. Thanks if you've read this far - any further advice appreciated. Luv Witsend. Still don't know what to do

Hi Mumble - my son hates coats and doesn't seem to feel the cold. He always insists he's fine in a T-shirt. We do get funny looks sometimes when we're out in cold weather but son insists he's OK. If it's mega cold I do make him wear at least a jumper or hoody! Don't think it's anything to worry about unless you're off up the fells when obviously hypothermia would be a big problem! Being cold doesn't make you catch a cold. Take care now and wrap up warm! Luv Witsend.