frances-mary

Oh how familiar this sounds. My son thinks he wants to do all sorts of things but actualy does nothing. I have given up actualy fighting with him, I am struggling to accept that he cannot join in with anything outside the house and now stays in his room all day. - It breaks my heart seeing him like this. You arn't a bad mother we just have very special children. I wish I knew how not to compare what my son does with other peoples ....I am trying to accept that that is my problem not his, but it is hard. Take Care

Can anyone tell me how long it was before your got a reply after your submission for the DLA?. It sounds like I ought to prepare myself for the appeal process. As I am now currently trying to fill in the parental submission for my son's statement I wonderd how long I had before the next lot of form filling was likely to decend ??? Mary

Wonder if anyone has any advice to give me. My 16 yearold son (ADHD) spits at me and throws anything he has at hand (food, small objects) when ever he dosn't get exactly what he wants. He also screams verbal tirades of very unpleasant language irispective of who is around. He very rarely actualy hits me as I have in the past had to call the police to protect myself. If I retaliate in any way the situation can escalate out of hand so I just have to egnor the behaviour and keeping my voice very level tell him that what he is doing is not acceptable. - (inside I am screaming but outwardly I'm the model of control!) My younger son 14 had aspergers and uses his brother as his only role model so I am now getting this behavior from both of them. Am I doing it right ?, has anyone any other suggestions. The part of me inside which is screaming and crying that I can't take any more keeps threatening to take over!!! Mary

Isn't it great to know its not only your children that think you are the worst Parent on the planet !!!! I find it so hard to egnor the verbal and phisical abuse I get and yet at the same time convey that I don't condone such launguage and behaviour just because I am trying (not always succseeding) not to escalate the situation by responding. Wine and chocholate certainly help, and clinging to the fact that they may say they want you dead and out of their lives but who would do their washing!!!! xxxxxMary

Oh how familiar this sounds. Both my children cannot accept praise (one with ADD the other Aspergers). If given, it nearly always has a counter productive reaction or they don't believe it is genuine I may be wrong but I feel its linked to their expectations that other people are more likely to tell them off than praise them - they picked this up when very young. So they learnt to protect themselves by not expecting nice words......My theory falls down abit, as they won't accept praise from me either and I have always tried not to be negative with them. I now try to be very understated a very quick "thats good" then on to something else almost like distraction theapy -so they are aware they were doing well but not given the normal reinforcment that I see other children recieving. just being aware that praise can cause problem helps. Mary

HI reading all these posts is scarry. I spent about 5 hours yesterday trying to fill in the initial section 2 DLA form. I went to the C.A.B and phoned the number they give for advice on the form......I am now even more confused. How are you suppose to answer "how many times a day does your child need help" and "how long in minutes". I am really encouraged to know at least some people have managed to sucseed.!!! Mary

Thank you so much to every one who has responded to my plea. I had never used the forum before but in the last few days it has become my life line. I will take your advice and I intend to fight for Tris. The thought that other children are suffering in the same way fills me with such sadness and yet I must be honest it has also filled me with such hope - I just didn't realise we wern't alone...... The problems are still the same but the isolation isn't. Thank you

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I just feel so lost at the momment and don't know where to try and get help from next. excuse my ignorance but what is CAMHS thats a new one on me. I was intested that 2 of your children were in special schools. I have contacted 3 that I know of but all required a statement and to be recomended by the education authoirty. Tristan does not even have a statement (although I am fighting for one at the mommet I have been told by a parent support goup that it is going to be very difficult to get) Tristan has also indicated that he would rather die than go away to school. I do realise that at 14 he is only a minor but I have no idea how I can force him to do anything he takes against. I have driven him to the GP but he will not get out of the car. I have had the consultant Psychartrist come round on a home visit ,as Tris wouldn't go to them. He cleverly gave them all the answers they wanted and after they had left become so violent I had to leave the house for my own safety. Thanks for being out here I feel less isolated knowing others do really understand

Has any one out there any advice on what I can do next.? Tristan is 14 (diagnosed with aspergers when 8)and had been struggling in mainstream education. He has now taken to his darkened bedroon, won't go to school, He has no social contact and his eating and sleeping pattens are now totaly disrupted. He refuses all help offered (child & family thaerpy and councelling) I have made doctors appointment for him but he refuses to go to them. I have no power or influence over him and he is just abusive and sometimes viiolent when I try. ANY suggestions gratefully recieved

Hello felt it was about time I intrduced myself so that I could let you know I feel far less alone since I discovered this forum - thank you. I have 2 sons, a 16 yr old with ADHD and oppositional disorder (in english that means he is violent and abusive towards me) and a 14 yr old with aspergers who is depressed, a school refuser and who's role model is an abusive elder brother....sound familar to anyone??? Both boys have in the past recieved help but now refuse any outside intervention...they won't even go to the GP. I am in touch with agencies such as child & family therapy, Police and connexions but as both boys refuse all help I do feel very trapped and isolated. Reading everyones contributions has helped as I realise, despite the fact I feel like I am not the only one who's children and family life have not turned out quite as they imagined it would. Frances-mary