Alli

Thanks 4 all yr comments will take me a while to digest. I do believe my partner has AS and is selfish. Will reply in more detail tomorrow. Have taken the advice of a friend to look after my own well being and then address issues. Went to an alternative pract. this eve for energy balancing/ massage feel less "wound tight" was shocked at how sore I was physically and was unaware that I was. Haven't slept properly in ages. Anyway thanks for the comments Alli

Finding it really difficult at the moment with an aspie partner(undiag.) and yes you have guessed he won't/can't discuss it. Would appreciate constructive comments Very fragile at the mo but this site is usually moderated well Is there a problem…….? He won’t discuss it so here it is • No support on parenting issues to the detriment of our children including one with AS • Avoidance (work, computer and jobs for others as much as possible) • Constant lying or withholding of information to give me no say in things. Buying thing we don't need. • Lying about time/where he is going. • No desire to spend time with me or family doing normal family outings/activities. • Money given to kids to keep them “happy” at a distance with no real quality time spent with them. • Strangers more important • Won’t organise any social event e.g. visiting family or friends or book holidays. Must be completely on his terms. • Recently has had to look after his Mum on occasional weekends. Tries to turn this into his holiday not doing chores or keeping her company. (Tries to go on his own so he can do this) • Won’t do any repairs until it is his idea. Won’t let someone be paid for painting he won’t do or help with. • Won’t deal with snoring as it doesn’t affect him. I want this.. • Someone who does not condone bad behaviours so as avoid getting involved ie actually cares how I am treated. Cares about children’s development. • Someone who actually cares about our family enough to want to be with us. • Honesty and openness as this is what he gets. An emotional connection • An occasional night out and holidays away. Joint planning of family freetime. • Cooperation in running and maintaining the house On the surface these seem like normal man problems but it is the degree. I don't think he realises how much he is loved and accomodated. I think he may be an oppositional type of person even when it is illogical. Feeling very upset esp. re children. The kids know if anything is said to them re behaviour, they can just blow up and he will not support me. Quite distressed and wondering if I am being unfair in expecting any more from him.

Just got a spam via pm too. Tried to post not sure if I was successful and just noticed this Alli

Hi all Just got spam for computer software via this forum from Inkey. Not impressed!! Alli

Hard to believe it is so reasonable for parents Alli

My positive is that I went to a very enjoyable seminar in town yesterday, went window-shopping afterwards and came home to find the washing on the line and husband baking with youngest!!!!!!! Normally , aw I won't ruin the moment!!!!!!! Delighted Alli

Hard to take in how they could come to a decision like that. Don't give up Thinking of you <'> Alli

Jonathan Some people like to put others down. this family sound nasty. Usually when people are nasty enough to behave like this, they don't allow themselves to consider if what they are doing is wrong and the effect that it is having. Try to steer clear, if they are ignorant enough to do this, they will never respond positively to you. Sometimes when people seem to be popular, they are not really. They have to organise lots of things in their house to feel popular. Sometimes people go to these events to see other neighbours and not the organiser! I hope I am making sense I have seen your posts and you sound like a lovely young man with lots to offer. Take care <'> Alli

Thanks for all your comments it really helps. The triggers are so unexpected. e.g. Do you have homework? (Not a big deal in this house) Please don't swear in front of 5 year old. Where are you going? Can't really post properly too stressed will do so when I'm more together. Thanks again jessie and Clare

Delighted for you Karen Alli

Have appointment with Psy soon. What if anything should I be asking him? So stressed can't think straight. Any links would be appreciated Thanks Alli

Yes it is a fantastic forum but I must say I had one v bad experience ... on the forum. It left me v upset .... I decided to ignore it and asked that person not to contact me again. The info support and advice on the site cannot be surpassed Thanks to all who give their time to make this possible Alli Hi Alli I have edited your post as some elements could possibly offend. I trust you will agree that the sentiment of your message has not been effected, and will appreciate the reasons for the edit Regards BD (on behalf of the mod/admin team)

My son refuses to ever help says its our job. Bedroom so bad things growing in it worse than any thing I've seen on TV. Flies into rage if you ask him to clean it or offer to do it. Alli

Thanks Jessie He has refused to apologise and is keeping out of the house a lot. Spoke to Psy and all he could suggest was calling police. No help with how to improve things etc. Alli

My son is 17 and is very verbally aggressive constantly critisizing swearing threatening everyone in the house. yesterday he physically attacked me has threatened to kill me thinks he has no problem except his wierd parents he is barely attending school and on the verge of being kicked out of school. He is so intelligent but he does no work. he refuses all help is overtly aggressive to any one who makes the smallest demand of him. I dont know if he should be living with us since he cannot seem to accept any boundaries he says he hates us He is quite paranoid and suspects everyones motives. He has a diagnosis of AS ADD ODD

Feeling things are quite hopeless. My son is so stressed that he cant listen to anyone. He wont allow anyone to help him. Need help and dont know what to do. Please direct me to any useful links Alli

well done so happy for you and yr son Alli

My son (AS Add Odd) has got repeatedly aggressive verbally,is constantly threatening to beat me up. yesterday he attacked me physically for the first time. He has been getting worse and worse about getting ready for school-40 min showers has missed school been late i dont know how many times. He was simply asked was he going to school (he had been getting ready for 2 hours and had missed his lift. He said my harassment of him was stopping him from getting ready even though I had not spoken to him until then) I insisted that I had not delayed him and was attacked. I think when reality faces kids with AS they sometimes react like a cornered rat. He chose to blame me on his inability to get ready rather than accept that he needed to hurry up. he has left me v upset yet he is fine. He believes that I was shouting at him even though I was not. He shouted every obsenity at me and attacked me because I said something he didn't want to hear. He attends a clinic who are non contactable of course

Thanks for yr replies he is currently getting no help in school as the only help being offered was the kind that stresses him. NO FLEXIBILITY !!!!!!!!! They thought if the forced him to do everything he was supposed to do he would see how much it improved things that he would willingly continue. Some of the pressure was in a very bullying way and he just resisted it. i feel really desparate at the mo. My other children are exposed to stuff, they shouldnt be. He is really paranoid, thinks we are inventing ways to torment him. Prob should be on meds which he might not take. He is taking meds for epilepsy he cant remember to take them and goes ballistic when reminded. Who could I take him to anywhere to get a proper longterm plan/strategy that would be independent? Alli

<'> <'> Hope things went ok for you <'> <'>

Thanks for all your replies. I really appreciate it. Will post again soon when I've a clearer head. Trying to get letter together for clinic, he had his last apt this week!! Thanks again Alli

Thanks He is only on meds following recent diagnosis of epilepsy not for anything else. Was on Mincin for acne refuses to take them since someone told him they mess up kidneys. He has had acne for years blames us (neglect !) First tablet he was put on for epilepsy causes acne. How could they give it when he was sitting in front of them with acne. Hes on diff one now. Still having 3-4 Seizures a day they are like dizzy spells. Has to wait until Dec for acne appointment Alli

Goodluck tomorrow <'> Alli

Thanks Mel He came home as if nothing had happened whereas the whole household is upset. Would appreciate some replies if anyone could direct me to any information about how to deal with a teenager who believes the worst of everyone. We cant ever discuss probs with an impartial professional because he sees this as everyone ganging up on him. we cant even talk to him together because he cant cope for the same reason. Spoke to a friend and she said maybe the psychiatrist should be seeing him for paranoia and poss giving meds. Psychiatrist said the last time that he thought education was appropiate and not meds. I know any improvement will only take place over a very long time but I can't see how it can happen. My other children are very stressed as a result of his behaviour They are often at the receiving end of his violence and constantly exposed to his swearing and tantrums. This might sound awful but I would prevent him having contact with my other children if he wasn't my child. Still after all the upsets he could turn around and be charming and interesting as if nothing happened. I think he just uses adults to intellectually engage with and he doesnt really care about anyone. He could chat away happily until he might be asked say, if he has homework. Then he'll blow his top and say something like "I'd have it done except you are delaying me .and now that you have upset me I wont be able to do it. He might simply be asked to go to bed because its late and he will have an absolute fit. The the cycle starts all over. he cant get up because he is over tired He texts nonstop even getting texts through the night He wont leave his phone downstairs on charge He wakes up exhausted he cant function without a shower of at least a half an hour He brushes his hair in the shower he has all these sensory things going on. When he occasionally is ready on time If he gets down a few mins early he starts fights. He wont entertain any suggestion to improve anything. I dont believe he has unique probs someone must be able to tell me what he needs Alli

I don't know what to do. My son was diagnosed very late and has never really had appropiate resources. He is extemely bright and when his IQ scores were so high in the past, he tended to be deprioritised. He has huge problems with organisation and is very immature aggressive and paranoid. He attends a clinic. When we first brought him there we had an assessment which we had to get done privately. He was diagnosed as having AS ADD ODD and needed Help with Social skills, speech and lang training in emotions and O.T. He has difficulty writing, uses a laptop in school almost never manages to do classwork or homework. The clinic that we take him to initially said that he had been assessed so much that they did not feel that he needed any more assessment but did everything to avoid appointments with my son or us. (At one stage he saw nobody for 3 mths and he began to self harm) Following this he had a weekly apt with a psychologist who seems to have built up a relationship with him. She says he can't handle being challenged on anything however small and she is very worried about his paranoia. She is going on leave for 6 months and the clinic are not replacing her. I have had no contact from them to say what will happen appart from the psychologist who voiced her shock at the situation verbally. Recently when I put pressure on them re other help he was assessed by OT and Sp and Lang who told me separately before the assess that they would not be taking him. This morning he missed his lift. His Dad waited as long as poss My son spends so long in shower getting dressed etc. He believes that his Dad waited until he was ready and drove off. This is not true he arrives frequently downstairs with wet hair (down to his waist) only partially dressed. Have tried everything to no avail. He left the house with 3 bags swearing etc. I threw on my clothes and gave him a lift. He started to give off about his Dad and I told him that he needed to hurry up in the mornings and only he could do that. He accused me of shouting (I didn't) and told me to shut up and he threatened me physically.(Just as I was turning onto Motorway) and accused me of physically abusing him as a child (Not true) I am so upset and I dont know what to do with him. We received no family support despite having asked. At this stage I would bring him to any country to get help and I dont even know what to ask for. I know this is a UK based forum so advice on my son's entitlements etc would not apply but I really dont know what to do. I feel my son is just waiting to beat me up he has said this. He has focussed all his frustrations on me. He doesn't have probs, he feels we are the prob. I'm literally at the end of my tether