florrie

I feel suicidal very often, I've tried to analyze why some people get suicidal and some people feel would go on no matter what cos they have such strong views, my son asd despite getting quite severe mental health probs at times is adamantly against suicide and his relationship with me broke down completely after that because it affected him so badly as he found me and he was only 12, you don't need to criticise me for it as i was already criticised by everyone including mental health people who said I was attention seeking and was not depressed but I felt there was no thother way out, but i do really regret that i did it and he found me I wouldn't have intended that in a million years and don't know why i did that and I blame myself anyway but it doesn't take away the fact I still feel suicidal because I can't cope or organise things and I get so overloaded and frightened and hysterical because I can't sort anything out and no one understands I can't, I think they jusst think I am an attention seeker because I can't explain properly how I feel, and go into too many details without getting to the point and that is part of asd in my case and how I can try and explain things but I sometimes feel there is no point I hate the way i sound when I get like that but don't know how to organise it to make sense in a rational way Things are definitiely loads better when people can be understanding, I also used to feel that I needed to be around for my son when he was younger but now I just feel I made everything worse and I wasn't able able to get him the help he needed anyway, and that has definitely contributed to my feeling of failure and despair and uselessness. Also my father the entire time iknew him was strongly opposed to suicide but funnily enough I found out he had several attempts as a child trying to hang himself etc. MY father was also classic undx asperger syndrome, because they didn't dx it in those days Sometimes there may be additonal mental health problems that aren't dzx because the asd and communication problem masks it. i feel sorry for this woman very sorry but the world is full of people with these types of problems at least hers are getting attention and recognition, and even then there is no help, there so many others that are also in this situation

HI Paula Reading this stuff just make feel sick to my stomach, I don't know what to do to help, you do need to see an asd expert, who is sympathetic to asd and is prepared to stick there head above the paraphet, which probably very few are or else just don't tell them of the problems going on, because they will run a mile, it is distrurbing that it is like this but it is also what I observed It is very disturbing what is going on< my nephew also has all traits of asd and her psychiatrist at first told her it was autism and then retracted it and told her it was her parenting skills. she decided to stay well away from them as they were trying this control game and I could see it a mile off, and told her so, luckily she got a referal eventually despite it being turned down first time to an asd paediatrican who was retiring in 2 months and therefore had nothing to lose by doing a proper assessment and dxing him with asd and I have no doubt that it was because she was retiring. They all seem to stick together it is very distrubing that no one is prepared to stick there head above the paraphet in order to help your son is disgusting. I don't know what to suggest on how to get out of this except going to stay with someone changing you r name or something and severing contacts with them. i know it sounds drastic, and it may not be possible to do that, I'm just grasping at straws. Sorry I'm not much help Thinking of you though

Can someone send me the link, so I can email them too, especially as I've been through something similar with corruption etc

Hi Paula, i have just printed off the post but I'm not sure after looking at it whether it explains the complex situation clearly enough and I need to know whether it is ok to fax it to the disability law service, it may be better if you explain situation to them yourself. I will also email GMTV if i can find out how to do it.

Paula, I've sent you a PM. i think you should contact the disabiltiy law service, as they do specialise in this sort of stuff , they sorted something out for something similar with an AS child before if you send me your address by PM my ex partner has said he will fax them this post. The NAS has an advocacy service you need to ask for it specifically, I never succeeded in getting an advocate when I needed one either, although my ex partner did help me. I'm sorry you have not had any help from your MP, unbelievable, how are you supposed to sort this mess out on your own.

paula hopefully someone will come along with advice on an advocate, the nas may be able to help and your regional nas, perhaps someone could post a link as I don't know how to find it, or the nas can give it to you. I think you should contact your MP and the newspapers, this case needs to be publicised my MP was quite helpful in as much as they could and contacted regional nas for me. Would moving to another authority help, you really need expert help, I had great difficulties accessing it myself. The NAS were very helpful and MP. I really feel so bad for you, I hope someone comes along with better info soon Love Jane

Hi Paula, I've been thinking of you a lot, it really beggars believe that this kind of abuse is allowed to go on, I've experienced similar with these professionals, although no where near as bad as what you are being put through although the lies etc felt so bad at the time. it is clear they absolutely do not give a damn about your son's needs this is all about power and control. But you will win, I have no doubt, Keep strong and don't give up. I hope someone can help you with people who may be able to help, i wish i could help further Jane

Even though I like the concept of the Indigo children because my perception of it is it seems gentler to me I also don't believe indigo children are more special than others I believe everyone is special and I began to believe everyone is here for a reason, and that has helped me because it stopped me feeling suicidal, although could be temporary, and that is all I can say really to show how the concept helped. To me there seemed to be a deeper spiritual message behind it ( or at least that is how I've interpreted it)that has been incredibly helpful, and has made it easier to cope with problems I agree about the large eyes things but I didn't take everything literally but the general spiritual message particularly with crystal children I kind of resonated with on some level, not completely in every way and it helped I'm also sorry if my view upsets anyone if they think it harms asd as that is not the intention, but I was left with no help support or understanding whatsoever and I feel it is still a miracle I survived or my son survived at all as I couldn't organise anything and the ocd which I have about everything in order to cope can be disabling when stressed and unable to communicate and when you feel like that you will look for anything that helps, maybe i just want to believe it because I felt so desperate( Iam ever aware that could be likely ) but it still helped. Another thing that was pointed out to me was that the concept of an indigo child is getting away from the labels that some people feel stigmatised by. I often feel now thathaving my son labelled may have done more damage and harm to his self esteem, than otherwise it certainly has not helped to have him labelled with the predjudice that exists he was treated as a person before and as a label aftereward, and developed mental health problems after he was statemented because the statement did not meet his needs, and may have contributed to the severe mental health problems that then occurred ,and the more I tried to explain the more they misinterpreted things, it was a nightmare

I first read about indigo children exactly the same time as my son was dx with asperger syndrome, I thought they were the same thing just different interpretations or perceptions of it, I have to say the concept of the indigo children or crystal children is a much nicer one than the predjudice I've encountered that comes with asd, and I have found it really helpful for me, my interests are alternative medicine chemical free nutrition and stuff that could be classed new age but I don't put myself in that category just another label. When I read the book on the crystal children, recently it fitted my son to a tee, he has extra sensory perception that is so acute it is bordering on what couldbe regarded as telepathy and I hve something similar presents a bit different. When people have difficulties perhaps other senses become more developed as a survival mechanism, there is a lot more that meets the eye than we are taught to believe I find it an easier world to live in with these alternative concepts and believe if the world wasn't such a harsh place it would be easier for me, at the same time dismissing the asd label and just going with the crystal indigo child label( even though I'm not a child and an adult actually too old to meet this criteria of when the crystal children indigo children arrived) still causes me problems because I can't work in the alternative field either because of the same problems that cause me problems in the conventional world, namely lack of confidence, lack of selfworth and self esteem, social phobia ocd communication difficulties etc. Of course society doesn't accept these concepts of crystal children extra sensory perception etc although the term was coined by someone who is a psycholgist, so they are not much use

I don't think your stuff is weird at all, I relate to a lot of things you say, i don't get stressed by things others do and do get stressed by normal things that others don't like a knock at the door or the phone ringing,i sometimes feel afraid of trying to explain what I feel in case others find it weird, I have asd dx at 40 by my own choice now I regret it due to others ( mainly the medical profession ie they think asds should be put in prison)predjudices which have made things worse for me. I also know what you mean by wiping the slate clean, I've reinvented myself several times in my life and it helped at the time, before I knew I had asd, now that seems to have become my identity and I'm not sure I like it, although i do find it impossible to cope and work as all those changes and communication make me feel mentally ill, but that isn't understood or recognised and I feel i have a lot of pressure on me to conform normally, I don't exhibit asd in stereotypical way which isjust as problematic as no one recognises there are difficulties I hope you find agreeable solutions to your dillemas

I really feel for you Paula, this is unbelievable, I second the advice to contact anyone you can to get further advice and support, the NAS may be able to advize, they can't stop you home educating, where I live many people home educate, ocasionally they try to make an example of someone who can't fight back so please get further advice. Thoughts and prayers are with you that things will work out for you

I used three lac and it is definitely the best that I've tried, i thought it was brilliant. Used with other things i definetly had an improvement in clarity of thought, and mood but still had main cognitive probs associated with asd, whic i feel in my case would be helped by Lindamood bell, but I don't have the money and I can't afford to take all the things all the time that do help.

My son regressed big time when he went to secondary school at 11 he just couldn't cope at all and became withdrawn depressed and would shut himself away in a room with curtains drawn, he would have aggressive outbursts, but when he was removed and went to an alternaticve school and he just followed his own narrow interests it all went away, but since he left at 16 things have been very bad again he is now 18 and his agressive outbursts are a worry, but he is overloaded trying to cope, on his own, which is why i believe correct environment is so important,and at least reduces stress levels, but the fight to get the correct environment led to me having a breakdown, so I've given up because it makes me feel so ill and suicidal because I never achieve any of it.

My son j also had asd symptoms before his mmr but he had bad reaction to first but no noticeable regression and went into a coma after second mmr, at the time I made no link between that and mmr but am convinced it is linked now because hundreds of other people have had similar experiences. Many other people who have probs of one sort of another have found upon removing mercury fillings they have had improvements sometimes enormous, including a friend of mine. mercury is one of the most toxic poisons knows to mankind that was banned in fillings from many other european countries many years ago, I personally dont think it is safe to have a poison like that in your mouth, even though it is supposed to not leech it clearly does, your body doesn't metabolise poisons the body wasn't designed to ingest, autistic people less so, although i think human beings have adapted to the poisons and chemicals in the world like pests adapt to pesticides, our world is so toxiic and poisonous it is a miracle anyone is alive and the planet is dying the forests are disappearing ( the lungs of the earth) the oceans are dying and the earth is on the brink of chaos also when they removed mercury from the vaccines in california dx of autism went down

I have an asd and I have a special affinity with all animals as does Temple grandin autistic professor in animal behaviour, wild animals come up to me, I have so many in my garden birds hedghogs and the birds don't fly away anymore when I approach. I would also love to swim with dolphins because I think they are very special and there is no end to the amount of people who have been helped and had amazing experiences swimming with dolphins. I think anyone who excludes people for having an asd or a psychological problem (just because one may have a psychological problem does not mean to say they have no respect for animals) probably also has no respect for the dolphins either so I certainly don't think you are missing anything by not going with these people, find a small company that truly respects dolphins in the wild and it is more likely they will respect people including those with asd. The ones I've been thinking of going with are www.dolphinconnectionexperience.com and www.wildquest.com

Iknow this isn't quite the same but is similar so thought I'd add it in case it helps, my son seemed to regress every year when he was at school, in fact that was one of our first concerns and he developed nervous tics similar to tourettes, with the stress, I also had something similar whereby i read fluently at 2 had no probs early on but by the time I was about ten they were begining to show in last year of primary school. I think it is the way the education system is it doesn't cater for kids with processing difficulties or differences or do anything to bring out there special talents and skills, although some get through ok if they have a special interest. It may be that your son is so overloaded with stuff that that is why is seems to have forgotten things he could previously do. I'm sure other people will have similar things to this, it can manifest differently in different people of course

I remember your story too, it is awful, I actually had similar experiences with professionals blatantly lying and did so much harm to us. i think some of these people have lost their souls, they are completely devoid of any kind of empathy, and I sometimes think it is quite evil although I try to tell myself they can't help the way they are. I hope you succeed in going forward positively I'm sure you will, don't let them get away with it because I know with us they got away with it only to do it again, and they make you too weak to fight back.

I have found enzymes to be effective for myself, I don't currently use them as I can't afford everything, I have found using several things such as enzymes, probiotics, zeolite which is miracle natural mineral that removes heavy metals and other pollutants ( we are living in a very polluted world )and a clean healthy diet as free of pesticides and other pollutants eg heavy metals to be really helpful. I used high strength digestive enzymes from USA which were more effective thatn the ones in healthfood shop although I'm sure they are better than nothing. THey are particularly helpful where people have intolerance to certain foods or digestive difficulties. All the dietary measures I have taken have also got rid of extremely debillitating asthma which is a nice side effect

HI Jonathan, I also have avoidant personality disorder (self dx) and still have AS,(formerly dx) and I believe in many cases it come under ASD umbrella, unless they did tests to see how youare processing information that might be giveing you communication probs there is no way of knowing, my communication problem and delay in auditory processing makes me avoid social situations and communicating with people that is the same as asd that is what it is

Hi Andrew, I am an adult with hyperlexia and AS, with a son with HFA, I had a lot of depression before dx of my son and after because once he was dx all he received was predjudice, when i was seeing a psychologist for my depression, she told me mos AS people end up in prison, I was devastated, I decided I wanted mine dx as I thought theyn they would listen to what I understand and it took me several years as the medical profession acted in utter in disbelief, first of all they refused to acknowledge dx and now they acknowledge it they treat me like a dingbat and speak to me slowly etc and made me feel even worse than before, it hasn't brought any support or understanding of our particular probs, so i sometime think it has made things worse although not everyone experiences what I have and it is getting better in some places. Good luck with what ever you decide, but my gut feeling is dx of your brother may make things worse unless it is his choice, and it wont necessarily give you support, but if it makes it easier for you to understand or communicate with him maybe it would be the right thing

Yes you can bake with xylitol although I just use it for drinks, i don't think you should worry too much about removing fruit from her diet apart from dried fruit which is really sugary, I don't know many people that advocate removing all fruit from diet for candida, some fruits are better than others such as pears melons peaches nectarines apples, also berries are very good unless you are really senstive to salycylates, i also use bananas, although high in sugar, it is natural sugar, but not too many, but just trust your instincts, Fruit will not be harmful in asmall quantities remove as much sugar as you can and use a good probiotic for candida, will be most helpful Pears are one of the best fruits , for people with allergies and sensitivites

I've been using xylitol for about two years , it tastes just like sugar and prior to that I used sugar in my drinks, I know longer have sugar cravings and it stabilises blood sugar levels, i f your daughter has candida as I did, a probiotic for candida would help too, there is a really good one called three lac which I found the best of all and tried loads o f them. even though I use xylito in my drinks I've begun to reduce and now don't even crave the sugary drink, I hadn't been able to do this while using sugar

I wish I hadn't had the mmr vaccine done either, especially as I had reservations about it as I'd read negative stuff about vaccines in general, but not enough to make me seriously concerned but this was before the info on mmr, that we now have and I wish i'd trusted my gut feeling and had the confidence to say that I didn't want it,instead of going along with status quo, J had his in late 80s when it was first out and booster in 91/92 and went into coma three days later, but i didn't link it to vaccine at the time and still don't know for sure whether it was but he had a bad reaction on first one where he became feverish and his leg swelled up

I started writing this as it is something I think about all the time but it bacame so long and rambly that I decided not to send it as no one would probably read it as even though it makes sense to me it probably doesn't to anyone else, I kind of realised there were so many things I could have done differently and they would certainly have had a different outcome, and I'm certain that if I'd got it right from the begining if I knew what I knew now, the outcome would have been better but may be it wouldn't, maybe it would would have been different. I'm convinced that everything had been just so everything would have been fine and I'm certain some things would have been better ie professionals having more understanding instead of prejudcice of all different kinds which has made things worse without a doubt for both of us. If I knew what I know now sometimes I think I would have put him in a home because my probs in coping with trying to access help for him caused additonal distress to him I'm sure and he would have been happy he would have know no different, and I wouldn't have to worry about how he will cope or survive in future, he lives on his own with no support and my worry is people take advantage of him he has mental health probs and aggression particularly against me which i've been unable to cope with because reminds me of childhood and my fathers awful violence and metnal illness, but he was like this from a baby ie screaming non stop and tantrums and I ididn't know why (sensory probs I reckon) so bad they drive him mad butno one acknowledges this. But I still believe it is possible that he could come through if he could do something with his interests, but I don't relate to his interests can't even organise my own self so I don't know how to help and believe me I would if I knew how. I kind of agree with call me jaded, there is no point in saying what would you have done and as LOuise Hay says which I do agree with, "you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time" and I find that a great comfort to myself when I start beating myself up about what a failure I am and the guilt trip I do, even though it wasn't me that got it wrong for my son except for my breakdown related to professionals lack of understanding and putting in place harmful and not helpful things, i blame myself for not having been able to deal with that even though I know it's not my fault some of it is which I'm still struggling with, event hough there is no point.

Thanks for that info Sue, I like the sound of the second book images of human behaviour, but don't think I can afford it at the moment