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  1. I've been officially diagnosed with Aspergers for 5 years, although obviously I've been living with it my whole life (I was just 'weird' before diagnosis). My brother also has Aspergers although he was diagnosed at an early age. I think I was missed as I was generally performing well academically, whereas my brother had clear problems. Anyway, I will get to the point. Emotions. Now from what I've read, a lack of apparent empathy is normal, and so is the inability to outwardly express some emotions. But what if those emotions appear to be missing completely? The last time I remember feeling joy was age 11 on Christmas day. And I'm not even sure whether that's just an exaggerated memory. I do not get excited about anything. I do not feel 'fun'. I do not feel anything for the tragedies that others have. Off the top of my head, this is a quick list of events that I have shown - and felt - no emotion about. My wedding. The birth of my children. My wife having miscarriages. My grandparents dying. My baby son being in hospital for a week after being close to death from a bad infection. (I went to work as normal whilst my wife was at the hospital). Any great news another person has Any tragedy another person tells me about Leaving my wife Seeing my kids (I see them every 2 weeks. I don't look forward to it. I don't dread it either. Just indifferent. I don't miss them when I'm gone again) Borrowing £800 from a very generous friend, and then cutting him off - I haven't paid him a penny back since. And I feel no shame, or guilt. Now reading this back to myself - I sound like a cold one, possibly even depressed. But I don't feel depressed, there's just a void there. I am aware how I should be acting and I want people to think I'm good so I fake things the best I can. I try and do 'nice' things as much as I can so people think I'm a good person. It seems to be important to me that people think I'm a good person. And now I am simply asking myself - is this really aspergers, or has it evolved into something worse?. Have I developed something worse?. Because from what I can see on other forums, and blogs, those fellow aspies out there experience joy and excitement, and feelings. Its just the expressing of them they have trouble with. Other traits are similar, I lack empathy - if someone is crying I quickly aim to have them bury their head on my shoulder or chest whilst they cry - so they can't see my face devoid of emotion. I find social events bemusing. A group of colleagues could be laughing, shouting, joking, and I just sit there and think 'why are you behaving like this? it's not even funny.'. The background noise becomes unbearable eventually too - can't filter out other noises. Mating rituals bemuse me too. And dancing? what the hell is that! I spend most nights alone though choice. Its the only time I get some mental peace. Can't do smalltalk either - which is fine as from what I've managed to figure out, it consists of people stating the obvious. 'Its raining again I see'. 'Yes I know, I can see too'. What I do feel... self pity. I can do that just fine. If its aimed inwardly, I can feel the despair. I just can't find it for anybody else. I can chuckle at something I say. I don't laugh at anybody elses jokes. And I'm sure I never used to be this bad. Not when I was in my 20's. It seems to be a deterioration of emotional capability - and no I'm not a drug user. And I guess I'm having a bit of an identity crisis. Who am I?. What am I? I'm not even sure what kind of answer I expect or want.
  2. Hi there, I am new to this forum and in desperate need of some help - please! I have a 9 year old little boy with mild Asperger's who I feel I've lost. I'll explain our really messy situation; my husband took a job in Kuwait in August with 'family status' which offered private education for our two boys as well as other benefits. After doing as much research as we could online (the schools were closed as it was Summer holidays) we decided to take this opportunity which would get us back on our feet financially (hubs had been made redundant 4 times in 4 years) and we thought it was going to be a wonderful opportunity for Corbin to have private education. We prepared him as much as we could for our new life. Well, we couldn't have been more wrong......I'll try and keep this brief. Basically after visiting the schools here, I was shocked and horrified - not at all like their websites! They are private, but are overcrowded, ran down and chaotic. There was only 1 British School I felt the boys could go to, which although large it had great facilities,a SENCO and a 'western' feel. Children have to sit entrance exams here, so I was upfront about Corbin's diagnosis. I explained that he had been in main stream school in UK, and did not qualify for a Statement. I provided his reports from his diagnosis etc and that's when things went wrong. They refused him a place and said he was the weakest child in maths they had ever seen (rubbish!) and that it wasn't the school for him. We were devestated. It was clear they had formed an opinion on our son. I then went to another school which I had discounted due to its size (2,500) children and again the noise levels and craziness. The head there was great and offered Corbin a place, however we all knew that really it wasn't the correct environment for him. He lasted 2 weeks, and then the meltdowns began. I couldn't get him into school, he was crying and screaming. He was very distressed and obviously we talked about how he was feeling. He couldn't cope with the organistaional skills needed (moving classrooms for lessons) or the noise or size. The classes are so small that there wasn't an option of paying for learning support to help him cope with the sensory issues and keep his confidence levels up. We appealed to the original school who gave him a 1 week trial (he loved it) and then refused him a place at the end. I was told that they don't need children with 'Special Needs' at their school......myself and my husband were angry, shocked and devestated. We told Corbin there had been a mix up and there were no longer any places. His little face just dropped. Apologies this is so long...wanted to explain the background to the mess we are now in. So, we came to Kuwait 28th September and aside from 2 weeks in one school and a 1 week trial, Corbin has been out of education. We decided our only option was to home-school him, and set out to find a qualified British teacher - to no avail! Therefore I said I would do it (I'm a teacher). Now this is where it gets really tricky..... Due to the fact my little man's entire life has changed overnight and there's no suitable schools,he has changed dramatically. He is angry, disrespectful, lazy and very very sad. It is killing us all seeing him this way. I can't get him motivated to learn as he's definitely built a barrier now. All he says is 'i want to go to school like a normal boy' and 'i refuse to do home-schooling'. He is particularly angry towards me as he says that I've taken him away from the school he loved (not strictly true), his friends, his family, his home. Ontop of all of this our house has sold in the UK. I've talked and talked with him, cuddled him, given him space, made lists of positives, drawn pictures.....but I can't reach him. I think I've lost him due to me and my husband making the wrong decision to come here. My ability to cope has long gone and I'm erratic, I shout, I scream (all of which I know are adding to the problems) and then comes the horrific guilt. Our family lif e is terrible and our 3 year old is picking up on the awful atmosphere. Myself and my husband fall out constantly. Wonderful! So, I was hoping someone out there may have a suggestion of how I can move things forward. Of course we've talked about going back to the UK, however financially we will be almost destitute. I also think that not having his lovely home to go to, and returning to school mid term would be simply more transitions to overload him. I've ran out of energy and ideas......can anyone suggest how they would deal with this? Thanks so much.
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