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Platefull of Love

I have just had enough

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You know those time when they won't do as they are told, they mess about, refuse to do anything, won 't evene go to their room. now he has, but its shouting & screaming as him & eldest are argueing. I have just totally had enouigh. I just need a break :( . the nouise, the argueing, the threats of I won't be here when you get up, I will be gone. but not telling where stuff. I feel like a drink, but darn'ty incase i have to take him out. i can't take any more of this. younghest now shouting as he is trying to sleep in his room. eldest now down, he has had enough to. Before he even styarted argueing with eldest i was so close to either dropping him off at huis dads, or even social if they could help. I love him, yet at times he is just to much :(

Better go, sort stuff out.

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Oh no, knowing exactly how you are feeling now i've felt that way so many times myself especially the I wont have a drink might take him to his dad or social. Been in that position so many times.

 

Would dad help? if he would then let him go there, you need a break and it will probably help you both if dad wont then have a drink and try to unwind. I know it's hard especially when there are other children involved.

 

I ahve nothing to suggest really just sending you lots of hugs and hoping thatthings are quieter sooner >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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When I had stopped my post poor steven burst into tears. He had totally had enough to, he also sugested himself going to his dads to get away from Dan. I did ring his dad. have been on the phone to him a few times tonight, he put the blame onto me, so we don't exactly get on. But I was desperate & at Dan has now stayed upstairs ( apart from when i rang his dad to chat to steven & was considering sending him over, but Dan appeared so Steven yelled somehting he shouldn't, result his dad wouldn't speak to him, he had a go at me as he had used that sort of language ( ste's language has got far to colourfull this last week, I won't put up with it ), he had a go at me, what was I going to do about it ect, rules there type of stuff, yes he swore to ( quite a few times ), luckily his woman came on the phone & I spoke to her at length to. I don't have a problem with her at all, somtimes she has would Dan up, but that is only through general stuff, but of course Dan holds it in there & then that plus other stuff builds up & I get it. As I said he is only there 1 night a week. i have hime the other 6/7 ( he doensn't go every weekend ).She seems to agree. She says she won't treat any of them any different ( she has a daughter a few months younger than Dan, not that its really relavent, but they are actually cousins, but only by her x husbands side, no relation with her & my x ), so rules have to stay the same for them all, weekends or not.Some I agree with, others I don't, all kids are different & although same type of rules, to treat them all the same isn't really as they all do better with some different treatment. So I think she was actually listening to me, she seemed to actually understand the stuff I was going through, we joked it was cos we were both women. So seems maybe I should talk more to her, yes of course she will stick up & back my x in some area's, but also has the womans understanding bit to ( sorry guys its nothing personal honest ). I feel better now haveing been able to let it all out, not only on here, but to somebody on his dads side, but with some understanding to. We had been split up long before they got together & knew her from knowing my x years ago as she was in the circle of friends/family on my x's side anyway, so its not as if she is a total stranger. I think the more I keep talking the better things will be. I think its taken a proper crisis for me to have to really readch iout & say enough is enough. I learnty today that SS are gouing to provide me witrh some respite vouchers as has opened up to my carers link, she chased it. I also have somebody in CC ( a CC version of PP ), so will have suport for all the educational stuff . I fo have alot of peple on my side its justr when it gets to much even that at the time seems not enough. I do feel alot better now. Steven, Dan & Bren are all fast asleep & I have actuially managed to get that drink. I am on my 2'nd large glass of apple snapps & put it this way its doing its job :D .

Also being on here has made me realsie how not alone I am, I recopgnise so many of the posts, they could of been made by me about my son ect. Some of them beeping heck, I so know that feeling. Thanks alot for listening, I really really do appreciatte it, i >:D<<'> >:D<<'> xx

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Really glad you are feeling a little better now, sometimes just talking really does help.

 

Happy the drink is working too, lol hehe why is drinking only 1 can of beer mixed with lemonade makes you feel pissed when you've had an emotional tiring day? doesn't work on a weekend night if out.

 

I think where some dads are concerned you will always get backlash, it's easy for them to say that they have no problems when it is just so short term if they only have them over one night or something. My ex despite s/s offering to fork out cash for him to take the kids away still couldn't find a date to do it, let me say he was not working and the kids are just angels for him.

 

I hope talkng with his partner helps, maybe she will see it fromyour point of view, how about perhaps printing of some sheets for her cos your ex probably hasn't explained in detail what's what.

 

Will the father go to any appointmenst with you, if you can stiull try to make him feel involved and not part time dad (not saying that you do) then it may help as he will get more insight into the problems you experience. My son is like yours he will not tellp eople how dissapointed he is in something but will give me the hell for it and that makes me despise his dad when I know I shouldn't, not only dad but other people.

 

Anyway sorry for rambling, always do after a beer, take care >:D<<'>

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>:D<<'> hope tomorrow is a better day. were all stressed but im afraid the reality is these are our kids and its our duty to care for them however hard it gets. Believe me i know how hard it is there are times when youre driven to distraction. Is ther noone who could give you a short break or even an hour or two off?.

 

((((HUGGS)))))))

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hello i have sarcoidosis fms cfs and 5 children 4 boys easy to look after dd 6 dx aspergers nightmare but saying that i wont change her for the world she is the youngest and the boss of the boys hope things get better for you take care all the best jill

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Plateful of love

 

Really identified with your post - hope things are more relaxed now.

 

The only thing that ever helps me is repeating to myself 'This is happening now but IT WILL be over. Give it time. Work through it.'

 

Not much help I know but it keeps me just this side of sane.

 

Barefoot

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This morn I went to wake them all up, woke Bren, but when I went to wake other 2 discovered Dan wasn't in his bed. I though oh my, Oh *&^$ to. I woke Steven up & he said he had seen him getting dressed in the middle of the night. I really though he had gone :(. I came downstairs & he was in the kitchen, Complete with school uniform on :o. He was weighing out his ingredients for cookery 1st lesson. he hadn't got the right recipe, so had gone online. I later said what lesson no. was it & he said 1st. i had to tell him as we weren't in till 10 it was to late, he couldn't do it :(. Even though time was tight we I said he could make them at home before we went, he did & then we went for the meeting. I did ask him if he had gone out in the middle of the night, he had but said it was dark & he came back as he knew i would of been upset. Turns out he only sat in the garden, he tolfd me he had been out for about an hour, I though he had gone to the next village, turn out he was only in the garden.

Dan didn't end up in school today. We went for the re-integration meeting, but he refused to sign that he would not hit/use abusive language at all. He said he couldn't guarantee it. he gave to impression that he didn't care. It made me so sad. i was close to tears. I so wanted him to sign, but they wouldn't let him later as he didn't seem bothered. I spoke to the dep. head, again nearly in tears & said I couldn't cope. I had had enough etc. she has rang SS as we desperately need some respite care. He is breaking my heart. She said we needed to see the head, but he was teaching. he rang later & we are going in on monday at 9am.I just hope it goes ok. I called in SS & told them the same, Yes i also said what a wonderful lad he is to & that he needs support as its not all his fault as he See's things differently, but school isn't going well/home life as he keeps on pushing it. I know he loves me, but its just got to the stage where enough is enough. I try not to blame him, but it is so upsetting. he flared up a bit in town to after, I saw my SW ( he was out on the street, prob. on a lunch break ) & told him. Dan was refusing to come home with me, he had walked off, & been kicking my mobility scooter to. He did come with me, If went 1st to the car & he caught me up, he cried to my SW to, I think maybe now SS realise stuff. He has been fine since he came home. I asked them all to tidy some more of their rooms & put so0em clothes away & if they did that without arguing & shouting I would treat them told them not to disturb me as I needed a rest. They knew if they did that we were going to Blackpool for the fireworks championship, also the illuminations. They did it. Not saying they did loads to their room, but they were so good & had done some, its a miracle they didn't shout.,scream & fight. I got my sleep to. Yes we went out & we had a brilliant family time. They were all all good. The lads all appreciated it. i felt like crying when I got near to home, I was so close to breaking point then they go & get on, i love them so much, I wonder if we can get through this. i know deep down that if Dan keeps on flaring up I can't cope, yet when i goes well I feel sad for not coping when he does. I so much want us to be able to be like this, we do have some great family times. Dan was full of love, hugs etc. tonight, he really is a great lad, they all are. Somehow I just hope we can get through the tough times ( even if respite has to happen for a short time :( ).. I just wish I could cope when he can't, its also not fair on his brothers either, I love them all so much it hurts a lot to.

Edited by Platefull of Love

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Hopefully social services will give you some more support now. I hope everything has continued to improve over this weekend and i've got my fingers crossed all goes well for you at the school on monday.

 

Take care

Lorraine

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he did go to his dads from 2ish yesterday till 7.30ish today, so at least i have managed to get a bit of a break. We rang his dad earlier to check the time, then Dan rang him to say he was busy, he wanted to sort some stuff out, so his dad said he would ring about tea time to see if they wanted to come. i had told Dan not to ring, i was so annoyed, i desperately needed this break. I rang his dad & said there was no way I was letting Dan dictate when etc. I said make it 2. make a routine & stick to it. Yes Dan did stress, but was OK when he realise he was going it was lovely to have some time with my youngest, there was still some mix left from the choc chip cookies Dan had made, so we made those. We also had a game of bingo, we did it even though Brendan was both the caller & a player :lol: . Brendan won to, prize was a biccy :lol: . I managed to relax earlier to as I knew I would not have to deal with stuff. Today i didn't make the most of it, but I really was so tired. Brendan was on his x-box, I had slept in anyway,( he did come in for a cuddle, but after a while realised i was tired so left me ) but ended up going back to bed again for another nap later. I had spent hours ( or it seemed like it ). researching code of practice etc & downloading & saving pages & pdf file of SEN & autism.

Tonight after the eldest 2 came home we had a family game of bingo, i was the caller, it was nice, we did laugh though as eldest won ( all the 1 line, 2 lines & full house :lol: ). Dan stressed abit said not fair etc, but it turns out he was kind of right, it had only been a cheap game & the highest no. should of been 90. Turns out the little thing for the numbers only went up to 89 :lol: , I am sorry but I really had to laugh, Poor Dan had 90 on his card, so there was no way he could of won :oops: . Turns out Dan did see the funny side of it & we managed to get through it, it did really tickle me, Dan laughed to :lol: . we shall have to remember not to use any of the cards with 90 on in future :oops: I spent some time with Dan in his room & started to read him the aspergers & the universe book. he really identified with Kenneth Hall, so that was really good, we chatted to. I did have to shout at them tonight, but at least it was friendly chatting ( & tickling ), between Dan & my youngest, not the usual shouting & screaming for something wrong, the messing I can kind of live with, its great they can get on. ( poor Steven was trying to sleep on the bottom bunk ).

Tomorrow we are back in school for 9am :o . Dan isn't sure whether he will sign of not, as I may of said before he is kind of right, he can't promise certain things, but he can try, we shall just have to see how it goes.

I was shattered before, but woke up after a chat on the phone with my mum n dad, i ended up getting a nightcap ( & another 1 or 2 :rolleyes: ), so i really should get to bed, esp. due to the meeting tomorrow.

I forgot to say Yesterday Danny brushed his :dance: teeth. its something he normally refuses to do, but with a cheap battery toothbrush he did it, I am so proud of him. I really hope he can keep it up.

I know we have a long way to go but as long as things can stay kinda calm we may be able to get through this. I still know we are close to crisis, but am starting to feel a little more positive tonight.

Edited by Platefull of Love

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He is back at school. To be honest we are not so sure how long he will manage, but we shall see.

He was late sorting all his stuff out, so we ended up a little late for the meeting. He locked the house up as i was sat in the car waiting. He then refused to give me the house keys, saying later. I did keep asking him right into getting to school, but he didn't I told him i needed them now as i may forget after. He didn't

He kept refusing to sign the re-integration agreement, saying others get away with things, so its not fair. In the end he said he signed it for me as he knew i really needed him back at school. He kept pushing & pushing it, arguing about stuff, being extremely defiant. He couldn't find a pen, then the head gave him 1 & he said he wasn't using it as it was a cheap 1. I gave him 1, but he ended up dismantling a broken 1 & replacing it with another ink refill out of another broken pen.It even got to the point that the head had to leave the room for a min as he didn't want to lose his temper. ( he did manage to stay fairly calm ).

I got home & as soon as I pulled on the drive I remembered the flipping keys, Yes Dan still had them :angry: . I had to go back to school for them. Dan was waiting with them for me. He made a few excuses which were just lies. I had to just walk off. I have told him ( & school ), I will be out at college this afternoon. Dan isn't very happy as he will have to wait for me to get home.

I am glad to get home, but worried about how he will get on.

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I had no phone calls all day :D . I came home late, so they were all waiting for me. Danny told me he had had a great day at school. He had been told how well he had done, in fact the best behaved in a few of his lessons. it just shows when given the chance he really is a great lad, its just a shame he doesn't always get the support he needs. I am so proud of how well he did today :wub: . I let him go fishing tonight, also took him to a fishing meeting later, so he was rewarded to :D

Edited by Platefull of Love

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Aww really pleased it all went well in the end today. I have that sort of behaviour with my son Stephen when he's on the edge of a rage he trys to do things in the most awkward way possible like your Dan with the pen. Nothing is ever right he moans about getting a drink then it's the wrong one then he's more specfic but it's in the wrong cup then eveything and everyone is too noisy all this to write one sentence for homework. - that sort of thing - it's when your bending over backwards to just get through it and he's still moaning that throws me over the deep end.

Anyway I hope things continue to improve at school and your feeling better yourself.

 

take care

Lorraine

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I just hope Dan manages tomorrow, he was to scared to come home tonight as he said some kids were after him. i had to collect him in the car ( I only live the next street or so away ). Because we had then nipped out he didnt agree with it he stressed & stropped off, came back OK later, but by the time we got home he didn't have as much time as he hoped to get changed for Army cadets ( his brother managed although we were later that I had planned ). He yelled at me once I got home, he blamed me, was being to heavy handed with his little brother (9 ), so tried to stop him. He hit my arm hard, I am lucky t hasn't bruised. I think he realised later what he had done & did have a cry, but didn't end up getting a proper chat with me. I can't have him hitting & said it wasn't acceptable. I had had him push me hard before, even pin me on the sofa, but he had been a lot better recently, think this was about the 1st time he had deliberately hit me :(

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He had another good day yesterday. He stayed for Homework club, then helped another teacher & got another 5 credits. I just wish i had known as i was worried that he was so late, i had the phone in my hand ringing school when he walked in the door.

I have a carers assessment again this afternoon at 4. I am so scared, I know the house is in a state :crying: . But I am out this afternoon so can't tidy, should of done more this morning. (I did manage to find the source of the stink in the kitchen though, 1 of the tins of cat food had split, not something you expect ) I only got the letter yesterday morning in the post. But then i think well there is no use putting on a false look, but I should of done more, Must get the hoover out . It wasn't good i ended up doing a big shop last night, not managed to pack all the bags away yet ( have done the fridge & frozen stuff, although the freezer is full, so some of the frozen bits are in the fridge ). I am already on antidepressants, but not so sure they are working that well at the mo. :crying: , not that long ago i was doing OK, part came off them, but felt did needs them, though i was doing OK.

I need to get off this PC, am still in my pj's & need to get a bath as am out in less than a hour.

Edited by Platefull of Love

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>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> Hi this is what you need! I have the same as you every day is just the same. some days I can cope better and other days it is just toooo much, I often feel like ringing up the social or running away from it all, but then I pick myself up again as i know I have to. I do have days where I just sit and cry. it is hard, we all know how you feel, my kids are always fighting, Matthew never does as he is told, life is so hard isn't it?

 

Is there no one who can have him for the night? My mother in law has Matthew sometimes although not enough (lol) she lives in whitley bay and we are in middlesbrough so an hrs drive. sounds like you could do with a break!

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Meeting seemed to be a total waste of time. I told them about his fighting with his brothers, but was told all siblings fight, even when Steven said he prob. has had bruises. it was a very noisy house, but no help. I am not a happy bunny :crying: More stuff went on to, I just want to move, or Rather I need to move asap, ( yes with my boys I couldnt leave them), this area is no good for us at all.

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Dan had another bad day at school again today. School rang me after they had finished & have expressed their concerns that they may have to exclude him again. It doesn't seem to be anything major ( No hitting or swearing at staff ), but refusal/reluctance to go to lessons, basically it seems he can't cope with others & the school enviroment.He isn't getting on with others either & is very angry & wound up. I don't blame him at all, its the situation he can't cope with. I am seeing the Educational phycologist for the big meeting with her, CAMHS & the SENCO on Thursady afternoon, so I really hope they can suggest some stratagies & be able to suport Dan, also make the school understand he is not a bad lad, he is like this due to his AS.

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Well the school meeting was today. I went, also Ed psyc, school nurse ( & trainee), Camhs, Dan's learning mentor ( who at teh mo. isn't seeing him as sesions arn't productive ) SENCO & SENFLO. Unfortunately things got very major with Dan last night, so I had to take him to his dads & leave him as it wasn't safe last night. I desperately rang SS from the car & he was shaking it pretty violently, he climbed on the bonnet & was hitting the windscrean ,He had also climbed part way up a drainpipe, fairly high. they suggested the police, but there was no way ( also getting pretty close ), I wanted them as didn't want to make him worse, but it was getting scary. Other stuff had happened before that to, it was a hell of an evening Outcome now is that his is staying with his dad & partner for a short while, I saw his partner this morn. as went to collect him for school & she asked if i would like that, I thanked her, ( even gave her a hug & was so close to tears ) we all need this break, i will still have him 1 night at weekend as it used be be his dad when he was with me, then Ste will go to his dads. Me Ste & B. had a cuddle this morn & i said what could you hear, apart from the radio in my room, Ste said exactly the same as i was thinking.. Peace, it was lovely.

Back to topic, I had to fill everyone in on all this, i realized after I had told them most of it with my eyes closed, I don't know why, maybe it was my way of trying to deal with it. :tearful: .

Outcome is now everybody realises the severity of Dans problems, i did also tell them what a lovely lad he can be, didn't want them thinking he was naughty on purpose, I had all his school notes which was very useful, so when school had said he hadn't had a s much problems in some area as some other children with AS I could quote from his records the letter the hospital had sent them 18 months ago saying he was vulnerable & Probably had asd, i took a lot of info with me, also had stuff printed off & gave it to the SENCO & asked if all Dan';s teachers could read it ( it was the info from the 10 things a child with autism wishes you knew book ). I also make it quite clear that the school had sent him home on a number of occasions without a formal exclusion, The ed psych was interested in that bit , SENCO had to agree it had happened to :whistle: . I went with huge file of stuff, even books that I said we were reading, so they knew I knew what I was on about. Outcome is we all agree Dan needs a Statement :thumbs: , i know we have got a while till we can get one, but to actually know all agree with me & others I am so pleased at. WE are going o see if Dan. can get some small group work, but need Dr's input to get it sorted ( camhs), either Lem's or a small unit within CAMHs specialist team. I crashed out this afternoon for a while exhausted, youngest had gone to his friends for tea, but to top it all I nipped out later & had a accident in the car, luckily we are all OK, its just my car :( , but that's only a tin box as my dad said ( i went straight to theirs after ). So certainly been a pretty event full 24 hours, I shall sleep well tonight Zzz

Edited by Platefull of Love

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I have now typed out the formal request for Daniel to be assessed for a statement, so shall deliver it tomorrow.

Daniel is still living with his dad, he was thrown out of army cadets last night, the door burst open he was really upset, so I calmed him down. Later I took him back to his dads. His dad doesn't understand him & had a yell at him, part of me really wanted to bring him back home, but I knew that would be wrong for us as a family. I do love Danny so so much, its hard, I have cried quite a bit today. I wish his dad would at least make the effort to try & understand why he is like he is. I had printed off some stuff for him, but he says he doesn't need to read it :( .I just hope either him or his partner does ( she is OK , but of course she tries to keep out of it when its between the lads & me & him ). His dad was pretty nasty to him, I told him It wasn't right to speak to him like that, at least he calmed down later. I do Love Dan so so much, we shall still have good times together, we had special time this weekend., he loves his fishing & he went both sat & sun. I went to ( although had to wait in the car on Sun, as I needed to rest.but was very close & he could see me at any time , I had the car blanket all warm for him ( its s plug in 1 i had thrown over me, but once he got in I drove & gave it to him )& hot chocolate in a flask to).i don't blame him for being how he is, its just to much with everything else at the mo.

I realised tonight how much calmer it is at home, we are even having family chore charts & my others are gladly helping out, its so much calmer & better for us all.The time with my other lads if of a better qaulity to. They have done so much, also if we can work together & get the house better I hope Dan will feel calmer here to, so he will fit better once he does come back. I am glad of the break, but at the mo, there wasn't really any other option. I will keep on fighting for support for him. Its so hard as i love them all so much, I do feel bad for Dan., but we needed this break so much, its hard to try & keep a bit of distance to. His little face was all red & tear stained underneath the camouflage cream he had covering him. I sat & removed it with cleanser & toner, he was lovely & clean, he needs my love & i won't stop giving it to him. :crying: Yes I told him I loved him to. I hope we have another lovely time this weekend, at least now when we are together I can make a little more effort for it to go right.

Edited by Platefull of Love

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Glad to here the meeting went well in that they've agreed he needs a statement. You never know hopefully with more support in school his overall stress levels will go down and things at home will get easier all round. Hope it all gets put in place asap.

 

take care

Lorraine

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