offended by teachers comment in home/school diary

[loulou]

Hi,

 

I'm feeling a bit annoyed with a comment Kai's teacher wrote in his home/school diary today. This is what she wrote:

 

"KAI SAID THAT HE HAD CHIPS AND SAUSAGES FOR BREAKFAST. HE WAS UNABLE TO RUN AROUND IN P.E AND I WOULD SUGGEST THAT A LIGHT HEALTHY BREAKFAST WOULD HELP HIM GET THE ENERGY FOR P.E. WE ALSO HAD CHIPS FOR LUNCH."

 

I feel really offended because Kai usually has NOTHING for breakfast, or if i can persuade him he'll have cereal, banana or yogurt (pretty healthy!). I felt like she was implying i stuff him full of junk every day which i don't! What he had today was ONE lean grilled sausage and 100g of low-fat chips. Not exactly "healthy", but better than an empty stomach i think. He is a little bit overweight since being on Respiridone, but he doesn't have any trouble running around unless his asthma is bad.

 

What also annoys me is that she's not exactly a size 10 herself! And it seems like double standards, as it's ok for them to have chips for lunch at school but not breakfast?

 

Am i over-reacting or do you think iam justified in being offended?

 

I think i'll write a reply back to her.

 

loulou xx

[col]

Just write, what you wrote here!!

The teacher needs to be told. I wonder if the teacher from DD7 old school has moved to your sons. As i had something similar writen in the annual review report. That i don't feed her and that they had to??????

DD7 is such a little liar!!!

[oracle]

Matthew starts every day the Kit Kat way I wonder what she would make of that? If he can't have a Kit Kat then he does not bother. Today we had ran out and so far he has eaten nothing all day.

 

I have a friend whose son eats fish fingers for every meal including breakfast - wonder what she would make of that too?

 

It just shows how little she knows about ASD.

 

Oracle

[jlp]

I think there come a point where you're desperate for them to eat anything at all and healthy options have to take a back seat.

 

We've spoke about G's restricted eating at the child and family unit and were advised that there's not much to do but to give them what they will eat. I'd point out to the teacher that autistic children frequently have very restricted diets and this is an asd issue. I think I'd mention that one of the medications side effects is to put on a bit of weight.

 

I'd be cross too - G's diet is very restricted but he isn't on medication and could probably do with putting a little weight on (he'll eat some veg but not most chips or other carbohydrates!)

[barefoot wend]

Who is this woman - the food police!

 

It's none of her blooming business what you give your child to eat! I'd be hopping mad.

 

Further, I thought all schools were no longer allowed to serve chips after the Jamie Oliver campaign - they've been banned at all the schools I know.

 

Barefoot

[keyholekate]

A little while ago I was getting up earlier to make fairy cakes from scratch because I was so grateful that Sean wanted to eat something. He would only eat them warm from the oven.

 

We have had icecream in the morning when he was younger. He's nearly 15.

 

But I agree we're so grateful that the children are eating anything!

 

Regards KHK

[Kathrynh]

She was just showing her ignorance. I would definitely write back.

[Karen A]

Hi,

 

I'm feeling a bit annoyed with a comment Kai's teacher wrote in his home/school diary today. This is what she wrote:

 

"KAI SAID THAT HE HAD CHIPS AND SAUSAGES FOR BREAKFAST. HE WAS UNABLE TO RUN AROUND IN P.E AND I WOULD SUGGEST THAT A LIGHT HEALTHY BREAKFAST WOULD HELP HIM GET THE ENERGY FOR P.E. WE ALSO HAD CHIPS FOR LUNCH."

 

I feel really offended because Kai usually has NOTHING for breakfast, or if i can persuade him he'll have cereal, banana or yogurt (pretty healthy!). I felt like she was implying i stuff him full of junk every day which i don't! What he had today was ONE lean grilled sausage and 100g of low-fat chips. Not exactly "healthy", but better than an empty stomach i think. He is a little bit overweight since being on Respiridone, but he doesn't have any trouble running around unless his asthma is bad.

 

What also annoys me is that she's not exactly a size 10 herself! And it seems like double standards, as it's ok for them to have chips for lunch at school but not breakfast?

 

Am i over-reacting or do you think iam justified in being offended?

 

I think i'll write a reply back to her.

 

loulou xx

 

Don't take it personaly.This is the hot topic of the momment.Jamie Oliver has set schools off on the bandwagon.Teachers and LSA's do not understand that what is good as ageneral policy does not work for all children so well.

Give it a few weeks-When Jamie's book has been out a bit-and the fashionable government issue of the day changes-and everyone will move on to a new issue.

See if you can find the post from last week on packed lunches-similar topic.Regards Karen

[Bullet]

I'd just politely explain the situation to her.

[danielsmum]

yes hun id be offended

when we lived in suffolk the school got social services onto us becuz daniel would tell the school he was hungry

be cuz theyd give him more toaste , then they tried to offer us money 4 food!!!

so i know where ure coming from xx

[Jericho]

I would definitely write back. It sounds soooo patronising.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I'd be a little offended too. If Kai ate junk day in day out and was obese then perhaps expressing concern wouldn't be a bad thing. However, that's not the case. Even if he had ate that for breakfast, some ASD can be very picky indeed. Surely it's better than he eats something rather than nothing. We all have off days and if Kai didn't have much energy, one should not assume that the contents of his breakfast were necessarily to blame. Teachers should stick to educating and if making suggestions ensure that they are warranted and tactful. I'd thank her for her concern but explain the aforementioned.

 

C.

[madmooch]

I'd be really offended!

Hayden has to have a bottle of strawberry milk ( warmed ) on a morning and occasionally a couple of chocolate bisciuts - i wonder what she would say to that - " Milkshakes For Breakfast! " probably pass out!

 

 

He's been coming in from school starving - yet they say he's eating ok, i was thinking about sending extra food in with him for his breaks ( at the mo the school provides bisciuts, crisps or friut for breaks ) but i'm not sure whether they'll let him have it, it might upset the other bairns if he's sitting there stuffing his face.

 

Clare

[Emum]

I understand that some children do have problems eating a healthy diet and there are some cases where anything is better than nothing, but isn't it fair enough for a teacher to report back on the effect of a meal on a child? Otherwise you would never know. In this case, it isn't as I understand it that Kai will eat nothing but sausages and chips for breakfast, just that his mum decided to give him this as a one-off for a treat (and for the record I don't see anything wrong with this as a one off).

 

I think there are lots of parents, on this forum included, who would be very grateful if a teacher took them aside and told them for example that their child was always hyperactive for an hour after drinking coke, lethargic after eating gluten. Not seeing the child during the school day, it might otherwise take the parent quite some time to spot this kind of pattern.

 

I personally would not have taken offence at this note. It was brief and informative and it gave some advice about what the teacher thought would help the child perform better at school, and what the child was eating at school. It didn't contain any overt criticism of the parent. OK maybe she could have spend half an hour agonising over exactly how to phrase it to make sure there was no chance of it causing any offence, but I'd rather she spent that half an hour teaching the class and thinking of ways to help my child. If you ask teachers, or anyone else working with your child, to impose this level of self-censorship to make sure you don't feel a bit miffed now and again, I think you will soon see that the amount and quality of information coming to you about your child rapidly falls off.

[kirstie]

HOWEVER........

I feel you were right to feel miffed, i would've been.

so many of us know how difficult it is to get food into iur kids and i have no idea how Lewis does it. It is only now he will eat some toast for breakfast but he never had anything before. His packed lunch contains ham sandwiches on white bread crusts off cut into triangular quarters, animal shapes, fromage frais, crisps (shoot me now!!) and a carton of juice. He has always had the same lunch and at least i know he will eat it, brown or wholegrain bread is out because it has 'bits' fruit is out because he hates the feel and taste. I had to be very careful because he was verging on phobic about his lunch and that is not something i want him to be afraid of, eating his food so if i can get him to eat this crappy food then fine i'll do it and sod anyone who has anything to say about it. They want to try cooking for a child with ASD, they'll soon realise it's not laziness on our parts or bad habits on the childs. I know every one of us would rather serve our kids up plenty fruit and veg but the reality is something different entirely. I don't think the teacher hada right to critisize so i would be writing her a little note back.........

[Kathryn]

To me, the comment does come across as slightly judgemental. She is generalising from a one off occasion using information provided by the child and for all she knew, Kai could have been fantasising or misremembering what he had for breakfast (not suggesting he was).

 

I agree with Emum that it's good for a teacher to monitor a child's well being closely and to report what is happening at school, but rather than jumping to conclusions I think it's better for a teacher to raise her concerns face to face at the next parent consultation, or over the telephone, when she can get the parent's side of the story, and there is opportiunity for a constriuctive conversation. Notes like this can appear patronising and critical - and this one did not invite any feedback or discussion.

 

I think it would be a good idea to talk about it next time you see her, or you might find you spend the rest of the term writing acid little notes to each other.

 

K x

[noogsy]

hi.this makes me angry not so much the hinting about food,behavioural problems,having a proper breakfast its the fact thet teachers think they can dictate what our kids eat.and i hate the messages put in homework jotters.it drives me mad...i have so much fury in me im sure one day i will explode.love noogsy

[gladysmay]

school staff - dont you just love em some days!?

 

I've had this, kids pulled into the heads office and asked if they had breakfast, along with questions implying some kind of physical abuse, locking in cupboards remarks, near drownings, oh and 'having a chip on your shoulder for being black'????? sad isnt it, but we know these folk are ignorant and we get on and have a life.

 

I would politely mention your concerns and nip it in the bud or write a fairly informal note explaining about asds and diet then there is no excuse.

[baddad]

school staff - dont you just love em some days!?

 

I've had this, kids pulled into the heads office and asked if they had breakfast, along with questions implying some kind of physical abuse, locking in cupboards remarks, near drownings, oh and 'having a chip on your shoulder for being black'????? sad isnt it, but we know these folk are ignorant and we get on and have a life.

 

I would politely mention your concerns and nip it in the bud or write a fairly informal note explaining about asds and diet then there is no excuse.

 

 

Whooooaaaaaaaaaaaa there!!! Sausage and chips for breakfast is one thing, but physical abuse? locking in cupboards? near drownings? Sorry, hen, but IMHO if a teacher feels these things COULD be going on, I for one would WANT them to be asking some questions, even if their suspicions are wrong!

Every time we hear of some poor kid who's suffered years of abuse the papers AND 'we' cry: "What were social services doing?" "Didn't the school notice anything?" That's not 'ignorance', it's social responsibilty!

Fact is child abuse IS real, and if the people entrusted with the care/protection of our kids aren't allowed to voice any concerns they might have because they might be wrong it leaves us with......(?)

 

On the sausage and chips thing, I can understand you being a bit miffed that a one off has been highlighted in this way, but FWIW he DID have sausage and chips for breakfast and unless he volunteered that it's a one off how would the teacher know? A quiet word makes sense, but given the circumstances I think 'quiet' should be the operative word....

 

Right: Tomatoes ready... aim... FIRE!! (and I'm gone!! )

 

L&P

 

BD

Edited October 15, 2006 by baddad

[stressedmumto2]

Oh yes, we've had ice-cream for breakfasts and pancakes.

 

My son is a bit fussy and for his lunchbox I just pach the standard, everyday he wants me to take half of it out, due to dinner ladies trying to encourage him to eat. I try telling him not to worry as they do it with all children but he wont listen. The mediaction he is on suppresses his appetite. I've told the school I will send him in with just a youghurt, cheese string and sandwich now because he get's more anxious from being encouraged to eat, i've also said please donot think I am starving him.

 

I would just write a letter to the school, say how you appreciate their comments and then describe your childs eating habbit, not in full but just a little bit of information.

 

It seems silly that a school has taken on your child's every word, she should of approached the subject with a bit more sensativity. Write them a letter and see how it goes from there <'>

[loulou]

Hi everyone,

 

Well, i decided to add a little note in Kai's diary today. I wrote,

 

"Thank you for your concern regarding Kai. However...................."

 

I just wrote about his restricted diet and that he doesn't USUALLY have sausage and chips for breakfast. Hopefully that will be the end of it. Like Kathryn said, i don't want this to end up into an exchange of acid notes between us (i actually think she is a good teacher).

 

Loulou xx

[oxgirl]

YIKES!! Just found out today that J has to do a diary of all the food he eats for two weeks!!

I can already hear the 'tut-tutting' and see the shaking heads when they get a load of his diary!

 

~ Mel ~

[dooday24]

alot of kids goto school without eating anything i would just be glad hes eaten and i also dont see anything wrong with wat hed had reece either has nothing 2 weetabix or biscuits they make u so mad

[Kathryn]

My son eats only dry frosted flakes for breakfast. I bow my head in shame... .

 

One advantage though - any leftovers can be recycled and served up again next day - good as new.

 

I'll get my coat...

 

K x

[bramblebrae]

My son rarely has breakfast maybe a carton of OJ in the car enroute. The last day of school before the holidays he had nothing for breakfast a packet of yogurt fruit flakes and a OJ for snack and we didn't have time to fix packed lunch so he went for school dinners as he soemtimes does where usually he'll eat 2 rich tea biscuits or cream crackers soem milk and yet more OJ. This day was a lunchbox cold meal day of a hotdog (even I think ugh to cold hotdog) in roll a carton of apple juice and a choc ice. So basically he ate the choc ice and that was it didn't even get a drink! School didn't tell me anything about this DS actually did and I'm gonna be having serious words when school goes back.

They keep encouraging me to send him for dinners and I've just being doing it occasionally to show them he won't change not yet at least but there still persisting even though there not actually doing anything proactive to help him try new foods, they think he'll just conform on seeing his peers..it aint going to happen he'll starve himself first. A guy from the AWARES conference has contacted a solicitor to see if we have a case for disability dscrimination against the school catering service for not providing a lunch which my son will eat. So fingers crossed I can get some rules changed with it and we can benefit from the free school meals we should have been getting for the last 2yrs+.

 

Lorraine

[Bagpuss]

My son eats only dry frosted flakes for breakfast. I bow my head in shame... .

 

One advantage though - any leftovers can be recycled and served up again next day - good as new.

 

I'll get my coat...

 

K x

 

 

Kathryn, you are a lady after my own heart