Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
JenRose

Bad news

Recommended Posts

JenRose   

Hello,

Some of you may know that my DH has been off work for 6 weeks suffering from anxiety/depression, well he went back to work and they tried to force him to work a whole weekend which he refused as i cannot manage both kids (M has AS and R has CP and suspected ASD) so they tried to issue him with a final warning but the union rep said they had no grounds.

 

This week he had to take 2 emergency leave days as R had tonsilitis and i had a virus and i was unable to look after both children, so he,s got back into work today and has been given a letter telling him that there will be a discliplinary hearing on Tuesday.

 

Now this company is not known for being sympathetic towards parents of SN kids and has been known to fire people without even issuing a final warning, union rep has told DH to prepare himself, he will go with him to the meeting but ultimately if they want to get rid of him then they will, the last written warning was for being 5 mins late so they are looking for excuses.

 

So we are in a dilemma, DH could go back to docs and get signed off then they cant do anything but obviously it doesnt help our money situation which is dire anyway due to him being off 6 weeks.

 

Sorry for rambling. i just feel a bit desperate :( and wondered if anyone else had been in this situation.

 

Thanks

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tabz2711   
Hello,

Some of you may know that my DH has been off work for 6 weeks suffering from anxiety/depression, well he went back to work and they tried to force him to work a whole weekend which he refused as i cannot manage both kids (M has AS and R has CP and suspected ASD) so they tried to issue him with a final warning but the union rep said they had no grounds.

 

This week he had to take 2 emergency leave days as R had tonsilitis and i had a virus and i was unable to look after both children, so he,s got back into work today and has been given a letter telling him that there will be a discliplinary hearing on Tuesday.

 

Now this company is not known for being sympathetic towards parents of SN kids and has been known to fire people without even issuing a final warning, union rep has told DH to prepare himself, he will go with him to the meeting but ultimately if they want to get rid of him then they will, the last written warning was for being 5 mins late so they are looking for excuses.

 

So we are in a dilemma, DH could go back to docs and get signed off then they cant do anything but obviously it doesnt help our money situation which is dire anyway due to him being off 6 weeks.

 

Sorry for rambling. i just feel a bit desperate :( and wondered if anyone else had been in this situation.

 

Thanks

 

Sorry JenRose that you are having such a difficult tiime at the moment. Could you involve anyone else i.e citizens advice or talk to the Doctor about it as it must be causing your DH more anxiety with all these problems. Try and get as much help as you can because surely this is bullying in the work force.

here are some >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> that you must need at the moment don't let them win.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
carrieq   

I thought that as parents you are entitled to a certain number of days off for things connected with kids. Don't know details of the act but its the one that metions about flexible working hours etc and it covers children with special needs up to the age of 18yrs. Don't think it is just a Scottish thing!

I hope you get it sorted, you certainly don't need the extra stress

Carrie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
opheila   

I think it is time these employers were named and shamed. What are parents to do when they are in this situation. Maybe you should check the Citizens advice to see if they have any ideas as to help. I hope things work out ok. Money worries are all you need on top of everything else. Thinking of you hope all goes well >:D<<'>

Edited by opheila

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jlp   

My dp has just had a disciplinary hearing for taking 5 days off when I was in hospital - he hasn't got the most sympathetic employers either. They complained that he doesn't do overtime (I need him more and financially it isn't worth it as if he does loads of overtime we end up losing tax credits the next year so he'd have to do even more to make it up)

 

I know there's laws and things but sometimes the employers don't seem to acknowedge them!

 

Hope his hearing goes ok.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
zaman   

Your husband's union rep is wrong on this, and he should get someone from the union who knows what they are talking about to advise him, and represent him at the hearing. Parents of disabled children do have the right to take more time off work than those of NT children. Has his disciplinary proceedure been follow (oral warnings followed by written warnings, etc)? If so, what is it that they are disciplining him about? If he hasn't phoned in on time,etc that is one thing, but just taking the time shouldn't be sackable. So far as I know they should be offering him redeployment if his is the sort of job that must be done by him.

 

Hs he keep a written record of everthing that has happened to date? If not, it would help him to be writing it down over the weekend. And then on Monday he needs to get legal advise, which he can get by pestering his union' HQ, or a CAB that knows about employment rights, or even one of the disability charities.

 

Good luck, and if he does get sacked, take them to Employment Tribunal and get the press on board.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tally   

6 weeks off must have been covered with a Dr's note. If that's what they're planning on disciplining him for, they cannot touch him if he has a sick note. If they dispute his sickness, they need to contact the GMC, not your husband.

 

I would suggest your husband contact his trade union direct, because the rep's advice is not really very helpful.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Emum   
union rep has told DH to prepare himself, he will go with him to the meeting but ultimately if they want to get rid of him then they will, the last written warning was for being 5 mins late so they are looking for excuses.

 

This is true to an extent - an employer can get rid of any employee he doesn't want to keep on at any time, but if he has no legal grounds to do so, or he does not want to follow the correct legal procedure, then he must pay an appropriate amount to do so! If your husband ends up being unfairly dismissed, and his employer does not offer him an acceptable severance package, then he can bring proceedings to an Employment Tribunal for compensation. The downside is that the awards which are given are not huge, but will amount to a few months salary (the exact amount will depend on how long your husband was employed). It is better to try to negotiate a "redundancy deal" if you can though as this payment will be largely tax free.

 

This is an area where it really pays to take good and qualified legal advice. It doesn't sound like the union rep really knows what he is talking about so ask around until you find someone you feel confident in. If necessary instruct a solicitor to act on your husband's behalf - if he is unfairly dismissed and wins his claim against his employers (or reaches a settlement with them) they will have to pay most of the costs of this. You can set a cap on how much you are prepared to pay for your legal advice, and once the lawyer reaches that cap, he can come off the record and you can continue to represent yourself, with the benefit of the initial advice received from the lawyer about the strengths and weaknesses of your case, and the amount of compensation you should be looking for. In your circumstances I would consider money spent in this way, a good investment.

 

Good luck for Tuesday!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JenRose   

Hello,

Thanks so much for all your advice it has really helped.

 

This weekend we have been to Legoland but DH didnt really enjoy himself.

He is very depressed again and last night was tearful so i told him to go go bed and that i would speak to his work this morning which i am about to do.

 

I think he is suffering from a breakdown of some sorts and im going to go with him to the doctors this morning as he cant cope with talking about his problems atm.

 

Then im getting on the law centre which is run by the CAB and am making an appointment to see an advisor.

 

It is bullying in the workplace, theres no two ways about it, when DH asked what he was being disclipined for they said for 3 lots of absence in the last 6 weeks, well 1, was covered by a sick note 2, they put down to unauthorised leave as they tried to force him to work a full weekend which is impossible and 3, they are tryng to disclipline him for emergency leave which they cant do.

 

At least if he is covered by a sick note then they cant touch him until he goes back and that gives him time to get his legal rights together as he just cannot cope with the stress of what they are doing.

 

Will let you know how we get on.

 

Once again thanks everyone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you are doing the right thing by taking him to the doctors and getting a sick note. These are important issues and you need a breather . Use the time to do your research and get as much advice as possible!

My understanding is that parents of sen children are allowed extra time off until the child is 19 to deal with emergency matters the downside is its unpaid.

Good luck1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
loulou   

Hi Jenrose,

 

Sorry your family is having such a tough time. It's hard enough coping with anxiety and stress, but your husband's employers are just making things worse for you all.

 

The time you take off when your children are ill is called PARENTAL LEAVE. For NT children, the time off is 13 weks leave (usually unpaid) per parent, per child up until the child's fifth birthday. For disabled children, the time off allowed is 18 weeks up until the child's 18th birthday. Hope this helps.

 

Sending best wishes and >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Loulou xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
loulou   

Hi Bid,

 

No, it's 13/18 weeks in total. I think i've used all mine up already as Kai's been in hospital so many times!

 

Loulou x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×