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witsend

He hates his school

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Hi - as some of you prob know, I spent an agonising time during this summer trying to find the right high school for my son (11yrs old AS). That's all a bit of a long storyI won't go back over now, but basically at eleventh hour I found what I thought was a suitable special school for my son and then had to battle like hell witrh the LEA to get him in there. I was so pleased when they agreed to send him, :D I was walking on air for a while! I did anticipate the usual 'settling in' adjusting to the change type problems and sure enough I got them!

But the thing is my son is still vehemently insisting he hates this school! :(

He never stops going on about how awful it is and it's really wearing me down now. He says the other kids are horrible to him, they all shout and swear and constantly disrupt lessons, the work is too easy etc etc....

I did go in to the school for a chat and his teacher who is lovely reassured me that my son is doing very well, that he is well liked and that he seems to be far from miserable when he is actually at school. :blink:

Now I know that obviously that other kids at the school have their own 'problems' but what worries me is that this schools OFSTED report did highlight bad behaviour and poor management of it as a problem :( bt as the report is quite old and to be honest for lack of any alternative I hoped that it woldn,t be so bad in reality. Plus I don't know if my son is exaggerating things in the hope I'll take him out of this school.

The other thing of course is that whilst my so is quick to point out everyone elses bad behaviour at this school at the mainstream school he was at previously he remained oblivious to his own! :D But his behviour isn't the shouting swearing kind like he says the other kids is, so maybe he doesn't fit in there? I don't know wnymore am really confused and down about it, I can see the day coming when he just refuses to go.

I have told him that he has to stick it out until his next review (summer next year) and then we will consider transffering him to mainstream, he say this is really really what he wants.

Actually dread the thought of telling LEA I've got it wrong after having to battle them to get him in in the first place and don't honestly know if he could cope in mainstream. Can't keep changing schools forever!!

Dread him going back to school tomorrow 'cos don't know what he'll be like when he gets in, in between moans he has had meltdowns saying that he wants to die he hates it so much :( and to top it all he noiw refuses to go to CAMHS thought ot be honest I don't think that ever made too much differance.

Do you think I should take what he's saying with a pinch of salt or do you think he is genuinely unhappy? Maybe I'm over reacting because he has only been at this school a since September, but at the moment I don't see it getting any better.

Any advice appreciated, Thanks.

Luv Witsend.

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K was like this when he started MS. Hes now in his second year and doing well. He told me the work was to hard he had no freands and so on. He likes it now but it took a few monthes so it may be worthe waiting a bit

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K its still very early days. It takes my son several months to settle down. Could you offer to go into school and help out in another class.

 

Jen

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Hi - as some of you prob know, I spent an agonising time during this summer trying to find the right high school for my son (11yrs old AS). That's all a bit of a long storyI won't go back over now, but basically at eleventh hour I found what I thought was a suitable special school for my son and then had to battle like hell witrh the LEA to get him in there. I was so pleased when they agreed to send him, :D I was walking on air for a while! I did anticipate the usual 'settling in' adjusting to the change type problems and sure enough I got them!

But the thing is my son is still vehemently insisting he hates this school! :(

He never stops going on about how awful it is and it's really wearing me down now. He says the other kids are horrible to him, they all shout and swear and constantly disrupt lessons, the work is too easy etc etc....

I did go in to the school for a chat and his teacher who is lovely reassured me that my son is doing very well, that he is well liked and that he seems to be far from miserable when he is actually at school. :blink:

Now I know that obviously that other kids at the school have their own 'problems' but what worries me is that this schools OFSTED report did highlight bad behaviour and poor management of it as a problem :( bt as the report is quite old and to be honest for lack of any alternative I hoped that it woldn,t be so bad in reality. Plus I don't know if my son is exaggerating things in the hope I'll take him out of this school.

The other thing of course is that whilst my so is quick to point out everyone elses bad behaviour at this school at the mainstream school he was at previously he remained oblivious to his own! :D But his behviour isn't the shouting swearing kind like he says the other kids is, so maybe he doesn't fit in there? I don't know wnymore am really confused and down about it, I can see the day coming when he just refuses to go.

I have told him that he has to stick it out until his next review (summer next year) and then we will consider transffering him to mainstream, he say this is really really what he wants.

Actually dread the thought of telling LEA I've got it wrong after having to battle them to get him in in the first place and don't honestly know if he could cope in mainstream. Can't keep changing schools forever!!

Dread him going back to school tomorrow 'cos don't know what he'll be like when he gets in, in between moans he has had meltdowns saying that he wants to die he hates it so much :( and to top it all he noiw refuses to go to CAMHS thought ot be honest I don't think that ever made too much differance.

Do you think I should take what he's saying with a pinch of salt or do you think he is genuinely unhappy? Maybe I'm over reacting because he has only been at this school a since September, but at the moment I don't see it getting any better.

Any advice appreciated, Thanks.

Luv Witsend.

 

 

Hi Witsend, so sorry your lad is unhappy with his school, it's very difficult to know the best thing to do, isn't it. I know how horrible it is when they're saying one thing to you and then the school says everything is fine, it's hard to know what's going on. :crying:

It could be that this school just isn't right for him. Is he the most able there? I know my son struggled when he was the most able in his unit and he had no-one to talk to or relate to and he still finds the behaviour of some of the other children quite upsetting.

Not much help I know, but I wish you all the best with making the decision that's right for you all. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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Witsend,

 

Sorry to hear this, it must be very demoralising for you after all you've had to do. :( He hasn't been there that long and perhaps still needs some time to adjust but it must be tough seeing him get stressed about school.

 

K x

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not sure what to advise chic but want to send you a big hug, >:D<<'> the worst thing about being a parent is sometimes you just dont know what to do for the best for your child......hopefully he will settle down soon. is there anyway he could do a dual placement with his current school and mainstream?

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I feel for you! We've had similar although my son is younger. He transferred last January to a different mainstream school under the advice of the asd liasion teacher as he was having problems at his old school.. At the time he said he hated this school again and again (for months) and the asd teacher was sure he'd thrive in a more supportive atmosphere.

 

But....almost a year on, yes the school are trying their best but G is now begging to go back to his old school (I couldn't, really couldn't - not after the head teacher went off it when we phoned - nicely - to remove him, then rang absolutely every professional involved with us!)

 

I thought he'd find it tricky at first and settle in but it's as though he's determined not to like it no matter what. They could do all lessons on a bouncy castle and he'd still find fault! His behaviour is appalling and it looks as though we'll end up down the special school route. This school has 2 weeks half term while the old school was only off last week for one week - I mentioned this casually to G (desperate promotion!) and he replied that this is because the teachers at his current school are so stupid they need the extra week to learn how to teach properly.

 

So it's hard - I think no matter what settling in is particularly difficult for our children, but then once they're aware that there are other schools out there then unless the new school is 100% perfect they're constantly thinking the next place will be 'perfect' where in reality that's rare. (Eg the explaination we gave our son when moving was that he has special ears and doesn't like noise, that's why he keeps getting so cross at school, so he's moving to a school with a smaller class which won't be so noisy - however he came back and reported 'it's still noisy' even though it is quieter, it's not silent.

 

And once they decide they dislike something it's hard to get that changed.

 

We've done everything possible in promoting the new school - in our case it's near the swimming baths so we go swimming with me saying how nice this is and how we couldn't do this as often at the old school, anything we can think of but I bet you've tried that. We also stopped discussion of the old school as it was going round and round in circles that lasted hours. Even meeting old friends is a difficult situation as on one hand you want them to realise that they still have their friends but in G's case it reminds him again on how much he's missing them.

 

Sorry - I don't think I've helped very constructively but do know how you feel (especially about having to crawl back to professionals gulp). I think what you've decided - waiting until the summer review - is a good idea and it's reassuring that the teacher says he's happy. In our case it's made very obvious that G isn't happy by his behaviour and his regular announcements that he's going to 'blow the new school up' (occasionally he'll add 'and I'll make sure you're in it' to the teacher)

Edited by jlp

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Its a really hard dilemma when you take into the sircumstances of how and why he is in their, but what is clear he is demonstrating clearly he doesnt like it, however the bad language and poor behaviour could mirror mainstream school across the country that dont have an effective disapline plan.

 

I would be very tempted to maybe try and get a meeting with the school and your son and try and get it across just how it is in your sons opinion, that he is having difficulties finding friends, he cant cope with the disruption in class, and see if they can look at some other way of meeting your childs needs.

 

Is the school a EBD school rather than a spersific school for AS/ASD because it does sound to me their maybe some behavioural issues here with the other children and that could place a child with AS in considerable ammount of stress.

 

I personally would look around some educational establishments that cater for the child with AS and see how they teach the children/young people.

 

It could be your son needs extra support with sensory issues, like noise, crowds ect and in some schools they have partitioners on tables to give space and block out distractions.

 

J was very reluctant at the beginning of his new school and the areas he has had difficulties we have put in place things to decrease the difficulties.

 

Could nas educational team be another place to talk things throw and maybe liase with the school and yourself and maybe suggest some specific schools that can look at what it is in school that distresses your son.

 

Personally I wouldnt ignore this as your son has verbally said he cant cope and the threats of wanting to be dead are alarming.

 

JsMum

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Hi just wanted to say a quick thanks for the replies - can't stay have to go and bath little one, but hopefully will get to post again later.

Luv Witsend.

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