moira199 Report post Posted November 13, 2006 Dear All, I feel terribly guilty that I drank some wine during pregnancy and I feel to blame for DS' condition, I know guilt is natural but I can't get it out of my mind. I know that everyone in southern Europe would be ASD if my theory was true but no rational thought can change my mind. Also my brother is autistic so genetics is far more likely but why won't the guilt go away? I feel I was selfish and cruel and cannot forgive myself. Moira Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted November 13, 2006 <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> We all look for a reason why our kids have autism and we as mums tend to put the blame on ourselves. I spent years thinking i was the cause.But its not true.Id been on anti depressants for a short while before i conceived my son and i fealt sure that was the cause.But it wasnt.There is no cause it just is. Be kinder to yourself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
madmooch Report post Posted November 13, 2006 I was the same - you look for reasons and i thought amonst other things could it be because i downed lots of gaviscon whilst i was pregnant - i suffered heartburn terrible. You learn to just accept it just happens otherwise you would go round the twist. Clare Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheNeil Report post Posted November 13, 2006 Just as a hypothetical question, what would you do if it was because you drank while you were pregnant? You can't change the fact so I feel it's better to use your energy to deal with the here and now rather than 'What if...?'s Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mossgrove Report post Posted November 13, 2006 Moira There has been a lot of disucssion about Foetal Alchohol Syndrome and some people are saying the rise in Autism cases is connected too. The BBC didn't help the paranoia by using the increase in babies with this condition to kick-start a debate on whether expectant mothers should drink no more than a couple of glasses a week or not at all. We need to be clear about this. Foetal Alchohol Syndrome and related conditions are to do with extensive alchohol ABUSE during pregnancy, e.g. alchoholics who continue to drink a bottle of Vodka every day. The way the BBC presented the program was misleading and will have led to a lot of unneccessary worry. There is no research to suggest that a few glasses of wine will cause this condition or Autism, just a lot of unfounded and misleading speculation. There is no reason to believe that some wine while you were pregnant had any effect on whether your son has autism or not. Alchohol abuse is another matter, but I don't believe that is whhat we are talking about here. Simon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
moira199 Report post Posted November 13, 2006 I was definitely not on a bottle of vodka a day but at the time I believed the current advice that a small glass here or there was fine - I did have 2 small glasses while on holiday and this is what I cannot get out of my head but I will try to listen to your sweet reason. Moira Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted November 13, 2006 Hi Moira, yes I'm the same, I know what you mean. For every problem that my J has I can think of a 'reason' for it, something I did or did not do that caused it and it does eat away at you. The thing is, if our children were perfect we'd easily be able to forgive ourselves for our mistakes but because they have problems our guilt seems to hang over us like clouds and follow us around. All I can say is that, rationally, you KNOW you were not to blame, so you have to hold on tight to that knowledge, try saying it to yourself every day and writing it in big letters to reinforce it so that your belief grows stronger. I did try hypnotherapy for this a while ago, actually, and it did have some success. Just a thought. Be good to yourself. <'> ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Just Jo Report post Posted November 13, 2006 Dont feel guilty........... its not your fault..... my Aspergers son is a result of Rape....... but its not my fault.... It took my years to beleive this.... Keep positive babe.... <'> <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
moira199 Report post Posted November 13, 2006 Dont feel guilty........... its not your fault..... my Aspergers son is a result of Rape....... but its not my fault.... It took my years to beleive this.... Keep positive babe.... <'> <'> <'> <'> Jo - If even you can feel guilt, it just shows how useless the guilt tripping is. I am sorry to hear of your experience and I very much appreciate your contribution to the debate. I will try to see wine in perspective from now on. Moira Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Just Jo Report post Posted November 13, 2006 The best thing i have learnt is that we can change things. I truly beleive the hardest thing is to learn to understand our child, except the way they think and listen, love and cuddle them every day.. We cant change them..... (and if we could... would we really have them any other way) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted November 13, 2006 Moira, I was my "unhealthiest" during my first pregnancy, and son is NT, has never caused us a moments worry and has had few health problems. I smoked thru out the pregnancy and drank occasionally, lived off chocolate and sour dummies ...........by the time I was pregnant with my third child I had stopped smoking many years previously, did not drink at all and followed a really healthy diet due to developing gestational diabetes......my third child was born ASD and with Muscular Dystrophy. Don't beat yourself up.....concentrate on the here and now and don't dwell on the what if's...... <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfingersbimbo Report post Posted November 13, 2006 try to think about it like this......you have your child not because of something that you did / didnt do when you were pregnant....but because you are the best mother for your child and they chose you cos they knew you would love them so much! i am such a cosmic hippie sometimes...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
claire33 Report post Posted November 13, 2006 try to think about it like this......you have your child not because of something that you did / didnt do when you were pregnant....but because you are the best mother for your child and they chose you cos they knew you would love them so much! i am such a cosmic hippie sometimes...... Ahhhhh What a lovely way to think of it, really sweet Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfingersbimbo Report post Posted November 13, 2006 i keep telling myself this as she is kicking the coffee table in.....she's just had a mega strop...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loupin Report post Posted November 13, 2006 special children are given to special people! Thats what i was told and it keeps me smiling when times are hard. <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
