Homework

[Karen A]

Ben is in year 4.He gets homework but we have an ongoing battle to get him to do it.The level of frustration and stress that results in both him and me impacts on the whole household and I am starting to dread the weekends as a result.We used to enjoy the time we had as a family at the weekend.Ben's brother is in year 6 an important year for him and he is finding it difficult to do his homework because of Ben's frustration around homework.

I feel we spend a lot of time during the week on activities that help with Bens motor and Social Skills Eg swimming,Taekwondo.I also spend an afternoon a week taking Ben to psychotherapy,a morning a month at parent support group [ASD outreach] and an afternoon a month at supportive psychotherapy.I gave up work this year because I was unable to juggle work and all of the additional appointments.

Ben is in a mainstream school and most other parents only have the homework to do.Also their children have access to activities after school that Ben cannot manage due to his needs Eg choir,football,homework club.

I am considering saying that I will not do homework with Ben as I feel I am already doing more than most parents and feel it is one thing too many.

Ben is also working very hard and making progress in school-which is more stressful for him than most children.I think he deserves a break at the weekend.

However Ben can be very challenging.I am worried that if he thinks he has avoided homework by being difficult he will just be more argumentative with other things he wishes to avoid.

Ben's teacher is understanding but stands her ground with him and the strategy appears to be working.

I know others have talked about homework and I wonder if you have any advice to give.

Ben's teacher has said that she would be prepared to say he has to do homework at breaktime or lunch time if he will not do it at home.Another option could be to agree to work on homework during the week so we avoid the weekend when Ben is tired.

I wondered what others do about homework.Ben is very bright but has DCD,Social Communication Difficulties and as I say can exhibit CHallenging behaviour.Thanks Karen

[KarenT]

Hi Karen

 

J (8 tomorrow - hurrah!) has always had difficulties with doing homework. Unless it's something that really interests him he can't settle to it, and even then it takes careful use of strategies to get him to cooperate. He tends to avoid as much as he can, with rolling on the floor, needing to go to the toilet, starting off unrelated discussions etc, anything to get out of the task in hand. Like you, I've got sick of the amount of time we lose just trying to get him to cooperate with stuff he has to do, it's so disheartening.

 

It sounds as though your son gets his homework on a weekend, which is the same for us. Here's what we tried. Just before the summer break we started a new strategy which so far appears to be working well. Friday night is now Homework Night and Movie Night. J gets a half hour break when he gets in from school to read comics, play on the computer or bounce on the bed, whatever he needs to de-stress. Then it's homework time. The rule is that homework must be done on Friday nights because I won't spend time over the weekend with it - we have to have a break some time. The reward is that we rent a dvd (we take turns at choosing, with a chart on the wall saying who's next and what we've picked, so we know what it will be each week) and eat in front of the tv, and this is the only time it ever happens - I think that's important so that the reward doesn't get devalued by overuse. DH and I get a curry and J gets his favourite meal of sausages and chips, plus he gets a late night.

 

So far this is a good enough incentive to encourage J with his homework, but I anticipate that it will have a limited shelf life, like every other flippin' strategy I've ever used.

 

Karen

x

[LittleRae]

Don't have much to add.

 

First thing is I think it's crazy to have homework on weekends. Our school (not UK) gives homework Monday to Thursday, but none on Fridays - thank God!

 

Guidelines are laid down by the school for how long each class must spend on homework (my DS almost 11 spends 45 minutes MAXIMUM per night). This is still Primary school.

 

I have recently started a timetable at home to cover tasks. I don't use time limits, but he can see that he comes in, begins homework immediately (literally from the door to kitchen table and start!) so he doesn't get distracted. In the meantime I start his lunch, so he takes a break for that, then straight back to homework.

 

I try to prevent problems from occurring, such as, if I see that he has more than 5 Maths problem, I will write them into his exercise book for him, so he's not frustrated before he begins. When he was younger I would put a sweet/grape at the end of each line of writing he had to do. Once 45 minutes is up, we stop. His teacher agrees with this. On his timetable he can see that he has an activity which follows homework, which sometimes spurs him on.

 

One afternoon each week he also has OT. I have agreed on that day with the teacher that he does no homework. This work is more important and he is frustrated if he does not have time for TV, computer, etc. We find it works well. If there is something 'vitally important' we've agreed he will do it in class either that day or the day after, but so far there's been nothing

 

Hope that helps. Good luck

 

A

Edited November 14, 2006 by D's Mum

[tmf]

<'> hi Karen

 

My son is in year 2, so a little bit younger than yours, however he still gets a fair amount of homework!

 

Basically i set up a routine that he is so in2 that it makes homework easy to achieve. What we do is when we get home from school he has to get changed from his uniform then come down to do his homework. He normally has a book to read, spellings and a worksheet to do. I agree that 1 piece of homework can wait until daddy gets home as likes doing it with his dad but we must do the other bits there and then.

 

Alongside this i run a reward chart, if he earns his homework sticker then as a reward he is allowed playtime on the playstation whilst i prepare and cook t.

 

This is really working well, no meltdowns and freee weekends without having to worry about homework.

 

Not for every1, but works well here!

 

tmf

xx

[Emum]

Hi Karen

 

No direct experience of this because E doesn't get homework yet. However having had the privilege to meet Ben once, he was clearly a very bright child, who liked to have some control over his surroundings. I therefore wondered whether he might respond well to being allowed to choose in advance when he would do the homework, whether this is during the week or over the weekend, with the timetabled slot marked up on a wall calender, along with all his other activities. He might then feel he was being given more choice about the matter. You could also agree with the teacher a cut off point - eg if he has worked hard for 20 minutes but not finished the whole assignment, that is sufficient, and gradually build up the amount of time he is expected to spend until the work gets finished. Again, he is a bright boy so if he knew the basis on which the rules were being altered (eg by 2 mins each month older he gets, with the change being implemented on the same day as his birthdate), he might comply.

 

The second thing which occurred to me, after seeing how he and my son interacted in a quasi-educational setting, was whether he might like to have a homework buddy (even if this was just one of the family) so he could share his achievements with another party.

 

So far as releasing him from homework, I know he is doing well at school and so doesn't need it so much from an educational point of view, but it is a very valuable life skill to learn how to knuckle down and get on with something which you would really rather not do (one I wish I could learn if you have seen my ironing pile! ) Ben has got so much potential, and life will be so much easier for him in terms of empoyment opportunities and independent life skills when he is an adult if he has learned this.

 

Maybe someone from the Outreach Team could give you some tips about how to minimise the stress of actually getting down and doing the homework at home. It may be that something simple such as changing the time or environment in which he does it might make a difference.

 

I've only met him once, so don't profess at all to be an expert on what makes him tick or otherwise, but thought I would throw these up as suggestions as even if not suitable for Ben may work for someone else seeking the answer to the same question.

 

Best wishes

[butterfingersbimbo]

well homework has always been a bit of a non starter here.....and el has very often ended up getting very violent over it, so now its a bit of a banned word......i think the problem was getting ellie to understand why she would need to do school work at home in the first place.....she has never been keen to have the two worlds meet!

 

she is in yr six now and they try to get el to do homework at school, sometimes she will and sometimes she wont. if she does any at home its not because i have asked her too...have been burned too many times tbh! so any she does i really praise her for it.

 

the school have agreed that this is probably the best way to deal with it so far. i am not prepared to be attacked over it, el feels terrible afterwards, and hates school more than ever. there's no point in me doing the work......

 

not sure what's going to happen next year tho with senior school

[MichelleW]

It is a struggle to get J to do his homework - he is only six, but gets homework every night. It can take about an hour to get him to write 5 sentences, and he gets very stressed by it. I find that it is much easier to get him to do the homework as soon as he gets in from school. If I let him go on the playstation, computer or watch TV first, I can't get him to do his homework. Today, he asked me to make a list of what we are doing this afternoon. But he got distressed when I made one item too long! But he calmed down when I rubbed it out and made the sentence shorter!!!! Then he wanted me to remove dinner from the list as it "made the list too long" but coincidentally it came before play ! We came to a compromise and dinner stayed on the list. And it worked, and he did a whole maths sheet, and wrote his 5 spelling words. Then he knew he could play whilst I cooked dinner! Friday's are our evening out to the local Autistic support group for parents and children, so Friday's homework has to be done as soon as we get home. Saturdays and Sundays are "play days" so homework isn't easy to fit in over the weekend

Edited November 14, 2006 by MichelleW

[jools]

homework has always been a battle ground here too.

 

last year (yr 4) became a nightmare when every week he had to do a literacy sheet. he had a complete mental block and would kick, fling and cry. it was suggested by his EP that we set a timer for 10 minutes and that is all he would work for. we gradually increased this and it seemed to work. he still stressed but not as much.

 

we also use the computer as a reward (bribe!)

 

this year has been a bit better because so far he has only had maths homework which he finds easier to understand. i haven't used the timer yet but try to get it done on a friday night so we can all relax over the weekend

[Karen A]

Thankyou all.I have some very good ideas to work with.I chatted at length about how Ben is doing generally at parent consultation evening this evening.It appears that with a very firm but structured approach in class he has been making great progress.I am much more inclined to work on sticking with homework rather than deciding not to do it.It helps so much to have advice from others who understand the difficulties.Thanks again Karen

[stressedmumto2]

Argh, don't get me started on homework.

 

Personally I do not think that children should do it. They have enough with schoolwork let alone having to do it in evenings and weekends, however I admit that I performed better work that I would do at home than that of what I would do in school, but having a child who hates it has made me feel that children shouldn't have to do it.

 

I play games with my two which are focussed on learning, in a way that they don't realise is teaching them, lol. We count up tiddly winks and use them to do fractions, add up coins for maths, make a mess for science, the list goes on.

 

My daugfhter who's 6 will come home from school still thinking she is at school and I need to give her spellings, sums etc but my son gets frustrated and angry and if it's pushed like it used to be in the past he would become violent, disruptive.

 

Could you have a word with the school. I know as they get older there is much more focus on it so god know's what will happen when daughter is older.

[nellie]

Karen,

 

This topic has been discussed many times on the forum. There's some useful advice from professionals on this topic.

 

Homework, Is this too much?

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...amp;hl=homework

 

Hope it helps.

 

Nellie xx

[Canopus]

Does the school use a deadline homework system where it is submitted a week after it has been set?

[oxgirl]

Ben is in year 4.He gets homework but we have an ongoing battle to get him to do it.The level of frustration and stress that results in both him and me impacts on the whole household and I am starting to dread the weekends as a result.We used to enjoy the time we had as a family at the weekend.Ben's brother is in year 6 an important year for him and he is finding it difficult to do his homework because of Ben's frustration around homework.

I feel we spend a lot of time during the week on activities that help with Bens motor and Social Skills Eg swimming,Taekwondo.I also spend an afternoon a week taking Ben to psychotherapy,a morning a month at parent support group [ASD outreach] and an afternoon a month at supportive psychotherapy.I gave up work this year because I was unable to juggle work and all of the additional appointments.

Ben is in a mainstream school and most other parents only have the homework to do.Also their children have access to activities after school that Ben cannot manage due to his needs Eg choir,football,homework club.

I am considering saying that I will not do homework with Ben as I feel I am already doing more than most parents and feel it is one thing too many.

Ben is also working very hard and making progress in school-which is more stressful for him than most children.I think he deserves a break at the weekend.

However Ben can be very challenging.I am worried that if he thinks he has avoided homework by being difficult he will just be more argumentative with other things he wishes to avoid.

Ben's teacher is understanding but stands her ground with him and the strategy appears to be working.

I know others have talked about homework and I wonder if you have any advice to give.

Ben's teacher has said that she would be prepared to say he has to do homework at breaktime or lunch time if he will not do it at home.Another option could be to agree to work on homework during the week so we avoid the weekend when Ben is tired.

I wondered what others do about homework.Ben is very bright but has DCD,Social Communication Difficulties and as I say can exhibit CHallenging behaviour.Thanks Karen

 

 

Does he do his own writing? Is it the writing that's the problem? I know with my son, he has terrible difficulty with writing. His TA is with him in class and usually does some or all of the writing for him, depending on how he is feeling. The school needs to let you know what their priority is, is it the LEARNING of the information or is it the WRITING practice that is needed. If it is the learning that's improtant in a particular task, what I do is share the writing with him. If a lot of writing is required, I might ask him to do a bit of it and then he'll dictate to me what I should write for him to finish. Tonight for instance, he had to answer lots of questions for science in complete sentances, it would have taken him over an hour at least. In this instance, it was the learning and conveying of the information that was important, so he dictated to me the answers and I typed them for him, took us five mins!

 

Good luck with this, I know it is a very stressful issue. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[julieann]

Hi Karen A,

Only just read your post.

I am mum to A/S son 17 and LSA to two mainstream statemented yr8 girls with A/S. One of the girls has become very anxious and stressed since starting yr8. I believe it is due to the larger workload of schoolwork and homework in yr8. I discussed it with SENCO and showed her one of my many helpful laminates. SENCO discussed it with girls mum and the school have agreed that if mum feels that the stress of doing a piece of homework is greater than any benefit x will recieve from it she writes in x's planner homework not done and no questions will be asked. All x's teachers have had notes to this effect.

 

Julieann

[JsMum]

Homework oh just the word can cause cracks here, especially my stress lines on my forehead and we havent even mentioned the ones on the walls when J goes on one throw frustration, we have had many years of tantrums and arguments, its certainly the last thing you want to be going throw after a hectic day.

 

However since J has been at his present school the teachers have come up with a routine that at the present is actually working, and he gets a lot of pride and feels really satisfied with his efforts, he does it on a monday around 8pm after he has had tea and football and a rest and sits down with his care worker and they do ten mins, then after he is rewarded with a game, ps2 or anything he chooses, and then ends the eveing with a bath and supper.

 

Its been much easier having the CW doing it with J as there isnt the arguements and difficult behaviours as much though he does have his moments with the homework but he knows there is no games after if he doesnt do it and it is only 10 mins once a week.

 

The teachers have set him a math worksheet at his level with some knowledge he will probably be able to do it with the hope that when he realises he can do it it raises his self esteem and maths he is working at a level 2 as he is better at this subject.

 

The English, the dreaded spellings and writing are done at school with an LSA and just ten mins before a lesson he is taken out and they go into the quiet room and do it together so their isnt any distractions.

Working on English J hates it but with this set up he is doing it if he doesnt then its tried at a later date until he does attempt it.

 

He gets stickers for certain tasks and one of them is completing homework, and from the chart it looks like its half and half.

 

J doesnt miss breaks for no homework and he is rewarded and praised on attempts and he is slowly starting to aproach it with less behavioural challenges and once he is into his work he surprises both the teachers and the CW and me because he is very bright in certain areas of the work, but English is a big problem still but Maths he is a lot more confident and so he brings the worksheets home.

 

We use practical objects for counting so ig lego, playmobil people, or stickers, but mostly he can just do it in his head, but its their to gain his interest though sometimes he plays with them instead of the homework so its explaining to him why they are there.

 

I think in some way homework is a good thing as its something that is going to be required in the future when he studies for his GCSEs or similair but if he is anything like he was, theres going to be no chance but with the achievements he has made lately its more hopeful and I know he will produce some good ideas and then be able to share it.

 

The school can talor it to meet the level and attainment of the child, especially if they are really insistant on homework been handed in, J didnt hand in any HW before this was set up, now he is handing something in every Tuesday.

 

Or wednesday if he hasnt done it, but it gets done.

 

I think he is starting to actually enjoy it now as well!

 

 

JsMum

[moncs]

Hi Karen , don't know about the English system but in Scotland it is not compulsory. I'm a teacher and if a parent explained to me why it was too difficult it would be fine with me. With my son we have a visual time table for home time so he can see he has h/w to do and how long. I use a time timer. if the work is not completed it gets left but I make sure that when he is working on his H/w he gives it his full attention. no t.v no interruptions. I remind him if he finishes he can go onto his next activity what ever it is . i usually put the things he likes to do next eg watch pokemon. I don't do it straight away when he comes home from school as he needs that time to calm down. If he is asked to write the words 3 times we negotiated with the teacher that he writes it twice . He had a project to do on the weather and he would not have been able to write it or read it so made a video . things like that . Remeber the h/w may be differentiated for the group he/ she many be working in but it will not be necessarily differentiated for your child . This is what you can do.hope this helps. monica