ANYONE

[mel_jayne]

Hi,

 

We have a problem and i was woundering if anyone has had the same.

 

Kyle has always had a thing for ladies bums ,he will touch mine and my friends bum.I went in school yesterday where my youngest teacher said "thanks for that kyle" when i asked her what he had done she said felt my bum .

 

I mentiond to my support worker last week that i was concerned about his thing for bums,she said not to worry that he will not go to far and egnore it. .

 

What am i going to do he has crossed the line and the teacher thinks it's funny .I have had a talk to her,asking her to tell him off but i don't think it sunk in.

 

Anyone any ideas PLEASE

[Cat]

The best thing to do is to have a 'no touch' rule and apply it to everyone including yourself. Children with ASD can have problems if you say well it's OK to do that with me but not anyone else - so the easiest way round that is to say that you do not touch anyones bum. This might sound radical but after I attended a workshop about this I realised that sometimes you have to be radical to keep your vunerable children safe. We were told stories of kids who liked to stroke hair. Now that might be cool when they are 6 and 7 but when a 17 year old stood and stroked the hair of a checkout girl he ended up in trouble.

 

I think that the teacher has to be made to understand that it's not funny. You could try and ignore it but if it's something he likes to do it may not go away. I do not know how old your son is - mine is 9 - and he loved kissing girls. I was not comfortable with this and so even before I went to the workshop I stopped him from doing this and I am really pleased that I have now. We had the talk about how certain parts of our body belonged to us and how we did not touch other people in those areas and although I had to keep telling him it worked and I feel better now that he has stopped.

 

When you think about it it's a mine field and our children are very much at risk.

 

Cat

[butterfingersbimbo]

my friend's asperger's son has a thing about boobs....he is 8.....not sure what to advise, sorry.

[Jill]

I think Cat's right & you need to do something now.

 

The Boy has a thing about ladies bums too. He's nearly 5 so not an issue now, but we've nipped it in the bud so it doesn't become habit forming. Besides which, DH used to be so embarrassed when women in queues in front of him whipped round wondering what was going off, when they felt a gentle stroking! Of course they smile when they realise it's The Boy and not this hulking bloke but that's why we stopped him - he's gonna be that hulking bloke one day!

 

We did it by taking his hands away when he reached out and saying "no" in a firm way. We also avoid standing too close to people in queues. We also have some distraction techniques that work for The Boy. Beyond that, no megga advice I'm afraid.

[Valiant_Skylark]

I must have gone to a similar talk to Cat!

 

My eldest was also "inappropriate" and we were told to explain exactly what touching was appropriate and what was not, right from the word go.

 

These kids do not pick up the social taboos instinctively (well, they don't if they are anything like my son) and need to be explicitly TAUGHT every tiny bit. It is certainly not "funny" or "cute", but rather a liability as the child gets older (it was one of the main reasons we insisted on diagnosis - for his safety and that of ourselves and other people).

 

I believe you are right to be concerned and to show such a responsible attitude to educating your son correctly for his ASD. The teacher's comment might have been taken literally by your son (ie that she really WAS thanking him for touching her) and so probably wasn't ideal?!

 

I'd suggest that "ignoring" won't help your son and nor will "telling off" - just EXPLAIN in a matter of fact manner what bits of a body different people are allowed to touch (books on social skills often cover this using diagrams etc) and the encourage him to stick to these rules? Use pictures to make the concepts clear to him, and share your "rules" and pictures with his teaching staff. If they are worth their salt they will support you in school as you are supporting them, effectively, outside school.

 

All the best. Hope you find some suggestions that work for you.

 

VS xx

[stressedmumto2]

I will paste some info a ASD professional who advises us has given us with regards to inappropiate touching.

 

Affection

**** has expressed that ****sometimes cuddles inappropriately. It is important that he is stopped from doing this behaviour and consistently told by everyone that it is not appropriate. Most importantly, an appropriate cuddle needs to be modelled and **** needs to be verbally and affectionately reinforced for displaying the appropriate behaviour.

 

 

Hope that helps <'>

[mel_jayne]

Thank you all for a advice.Whenhe does it i ignore him then when at home i tell him that he can't do that.

 

My support worker called me today,she told me in no other term that it's my fault .Because he started doing it at about 4 years old.I have tried everything.It has took me 9 years for them(doctors) to admitt there was something wrong and now there telling me i'm a bad mother

[Cat]

You are not a bad mother - who the dickens is your support worker? How can you deal with a problem until you know what it is?

 

I would now begin to tell him whenever he does this that he must stop it. The problem with leaving it until he comes home is that the event has past then and our children can't back track. It has to be done there and when - even if you just put it in his ear. I am forever doing this - and my Gran always told me that it was rude to whisper

 

 

Cat

[Amanda32]

Hi Mel_jayne

Not sure what to say to that.....lol

My son used to like looking under mine and any other females tops to see what was in there. All I can say is they DO NOT grow out of it like father like son....lol sorry just talking about my other half that is lol but it is embarrassing especially if you are out and they do it to someone you dont know.

 

Hope he does stop doing it.....DONT EVER listen to someone that tells you your a bad mother we all do the best we can, all the odd and silly things comes with the problems our kids have and people out there dont understand our children

Take care

Amandaxxxx

Edited November 29, 2006 by Amanda32

[Elanor]

Hi

 

I don't think you're a 'bad' mother (although you might have a 'bad' support worker), and I don't think your son is bad either - but other people won't understand that he doesn't mean to do something wrong, and so you do have to stop it. I've always found that my son finds it easist to follow clear and specific rules - no touching bottoms, at all, in the home or out. I'd try to avoid using sanctions if he does touch - but I'm not sure how you can positively reinforce this. You can't be congratulating him for not touching every lady's bottom!

 

Elanor

[bugbug]

Hiya

 

My son does innapropriate touching constantly and the school and I seem to have made this number 1 issue at present to tackle. They are being very helpful although the other children don't help in the class as they sort of giggle etc when he does these things which is giving him a positive reaction. A no touch rule is the best way I think across the board for this type of touching. It's kissing also and stroking and he doesn't understand at all why he shouldn't do these things even when the person he is doing it to is telling him she doesn't like it. We shall have to wait and see if it works. The school have made a body board of a little girl with red areas representing where is naughty to touch. Don't know how well this will work but its just something else we will try. Just keep trying and good luck.

[lil_me]

My friends son (NT) is 6 and does this all the time, inc elderly women, makes me laugh sooooo much especially when he catches them by suprise.