Amelia Report post Posted January 1, 2007 Sorry but have to get this off my chest. Christmas has been awful. I have 2 boys (L age 10 ADHD and ASD) (W age 4 ASD). The older one winds the younger one up all the time. They both have to be 1st in everything. W keeps attacking us, hitting, pinching, biting. We feel desparate and feel abused. W starts school this week but is only being allowed to go for 21/2 hours each morning. I invited 1 sister and her family on Christmas Eve. I tried to limit the number of visitors on Christmas Day to my parents and my other sister later in the day but still had a few uninvited guests. Since then none of our family has rang. No one has returned our entertaining. Next year I don't think we are having Christmas. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elun1 Report post Posted January 1, 2007 <'> <'> Big big hugs to you Amelia. I really do know how rotten it feels. My youngest ds (aged 5) is autistic and often hits kicks and punches if things don't go his way. This morning I got a lovely bruise on my leg from intervening when he was having a tantrum. Got pretty desperate a few weeks ago and school have referred us to a Positive Behavioural team but we've not heard a peep from them yet! Had fantastic support from this forum though. I too have elder boy and you can't leave them alone for even a second! Wish I could be of more help, I know it's so tough. Have to run now as ds is yelling! Take care Elun xxxx <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pumpkinpie Report post Posted January 1, 2007 How come he is only going to school for 2 and a half hours per day? Dont mean to be nosy just wondered if there was a problem with cover etc? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfingersbimbo Report post Posted January 2, 2007 oh no! sorry to hear that you are having a nightmare <'> el has been very violent in the past, its really difficult isnt it. the only thing that has calmed her down is risperdal.....so am not sure what to suggest. have you tried social stories? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathrynh Report post Posted January 2, 2007 B (5) is constantly pinching and scratching me and seems to do it even when he is in a good mood although it is worse when he is upset. Then he also does head buts and thumps. I cant work out why he does it other than he enjoys the sensation. I haven't found any way of stopping it. I have tried completely ignoring it (difficult when he is drawing blood), shouting (which makes me feel I've failed), and even giving his fingers a light smack (which I hate doing). Nothing has worked. It isn't too much of a problem at the moment because he is only little and cant do too much damage but it does worry me about what he will do when he is bigger and stronger. THe good thing is that he does it more to me than to anybody else and I'm used to it. It makes me feel awful if he does it to anyone else. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jill Report post Posted January 2, 2007 (edited) I'm with Kathryn - The Boy is 5 at the end of this month & at the moment we can cope with it. We are trying so hard to stop this type of behaviour tho, cos as he gets bigger it's gonna get horrendous (it flipping hurts now - he hit me with a belt buckle the other day & I've lost count of the number of split lips and ###### noses I've had). It's really process of elimination I guess, keep trying different things until (hopefully) something works. We've tried: Saying "no" in a firm voice (altho this quite often now makes him worse) Distraction Walking away Ignoring him Trying to direct his thumping / smacking to a cushion or punch bag we bought. Getting hold of his hands if he is hitting (tho this can be counter productive as he just moves onto head butting then) All with varying degrees of success. It's worse to control when well meaning relatives are in the room saying "no, stop hitting, don't do that, oh dear poor mummy" etc etc etc which TOTALLY winds him up so much more (I think because he gets confused with all the different instructions). It is horrible and depressing tho isn't it? I'm sitting here today with such a sore booby - it's been painful for the last week & is getting worse so I may end up at the docs. How do you tell a doctor you think your 4 year old child has hurt you so badly? Edited January 2, 2007 by Jill Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loupin Report post Posted January 2, 2007 <'> <'> Gosh really know how you all feel!!!! I get sick of being my sons punch bag!! I have gone through reasons why and various stratedgies but all to no avail!! Today I am sitting here with a really sore neck I hurt my back last week and then had a pinched nerve in my neck this morning caused by carrying my son upstairs last night because he was attacking me for turning the tv over!!! Today the little love has kicked me in the neck! Just what I needed!!! Later on when I couldn't carry him he said why what have you done? I said you kicked my neck and it hurts! Oh he said what does this switch do on my car, so I tried again!! "did u hear what mummy said you hurt me!:" yeah ok but what does it do mum!!! No remorse because he doesn't recognise what he does in fact i dont think he even remembers! I do choose my battles very carefully but I cant bear him hurting my other 2 little boys as they are too little to understand or excuse the behaviour, so where they get hurt I will always address the behaviour which usually puts me in the firing line as I remove the ps2 or similar as a punnishment after several warnings! <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amelia Report post Posted January 2, 2007 Thanks for your replies. W(4) is starting school Thursday, he was going to start after Easter but the school has changed its intake rules and now only has Sept & Jan. All the children start off for 2 weeks mornings finishing at noon but I have to collect W at 11.30 as he wont cope with assembly apparently. After 2 weeks the other children stay for school lunch with their parent then start school full time. W will carry on with me having to get him at 11.30 until they review the situation at half term towards end Feb. I can't complain as he wasn't originally going until after Easter anyway. He is going to get about 5 to 10 hours support a week. I think they will be calling me all the time anyway. He is also still in nappies. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfingersbimbo Report post Posted January 2, 2007 yeah i have a funny feeling you might get the odd phone call.... i think that he will probably struggle with assemblies, although could they not use this time for some one to one teaching rather than not having him there? hmm they probably wouldnt be up for that........ does he have a statement? is this support official? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amelia Report post Posted January 2, 2007 He doesn't have a statement. The support is 5 hours through the additional family (of school) needs fund and extra hours through the school's special needs budget. He seems to be getting more agressive and my biggest problem is having 2 boys with additional needs. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted January 2, 2007 (edited) When J was younger and phsically aggressive the main reasons where an inability to express his feelings that led to frustration, aggression can be a very effective tool in getting a responce or a reaction as well. J use to be so aggressive the police had to come and intervene as he was a danger to himself, personally I dont recommend this as it can be very scarey and at the time the police didnt understand he had a disabilty just a little boy kicking off, but they did revisit and referred him for support which we didnt get as the core assessment said he wasnt bad enough, but we do have our own help in so I do get that support now. I would say that as soon as J got support at home and at school and we worked on anger management he became less agressive. J gets understanding now and so doesnt get physical as much now, in fact its almost depleated but there is a lot in place to support his frustrations and J doesnt have brothers to wind him up so I do understand it will be very difficult. I use to have to restrain J when he was around 4,5,6,7 because he was such a danger to me and I had to learn effective moves so not to restrict his breathing, there is courses out there but you have to look for them and you have to attend the right one as well but I dont restrain anymore unless he did go violent then I would have no choice. personally looking back I wished I had of employed a carer a lot earlier as I know this is what has helped the most as I can keep calmer myself, as before the stress just caused me to let down my guard as I was just so exhausted, now I dont get as tired as before and I look after myself as well, eating regularly and doing things for me, like my yoga, running, and relaxing when he is at school. I know it is part of his disabilty but he has to know that he cant hit you, hurt you like this, and explain to him throw drawing or puppets something that could get his attention. I recommend a good quality punch bag and punch gloves as well, have these in the living room if possible and when is really angry and he kicks out just encourage him to take it out on the punch bag instead, and then when he has finished sit together and talk about what happened, go back if nessasary and he will tire out in the end. J has relaxtion cds too and has a lot of activity in the day to help him burn off all that restless anxiety. J has got better, and yes he is bigger, and very strong, but I an mentally strong too. JsMum Edited January 2, 2007 by JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amelia Report post Posted January 10, 2007 Update We are now on day 5 of school, 1st 3 days he went willingly then yesterday decided he didn't want to go. I have been pinched, punched & kicked before he shuts down, I put him in his buggy and eventually take him to school. The school said he had settled for the first few days better than expected. The home/school diary shows he is becoming more difficult. I am hoping for an IEP meeting soon, so we can discuss things going forward. I think I will cope better when he is full time. Thinking about booking some massages to chill out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted January 10, 2007 Update We are now on day 5 of school, 1st 3 days he went willingly then yesterday decided he didn't want to go. I have been pinched, punched & kicked before he shuts down, I put him in his buggy and eventually take him to school. The school said he had settled for the first few days better than expected. The home/school diary shows he is becoming more difficult. I am hoping for an IEP meeting soon, so we can discuss things going forward. I think I will cope better when he is full time. Thinking about booking some massages to chill out. Aw, Amelia, I feel for you, it's a difficult time when they're just starting out and it's all new. I well remember when my lad was first starting out at school. Hopefully your lad will get the support he needs and he will begin to settle soon once he gets into the routine of it and knows what to expect. Do they have a timetable for him so that he knows what will come next? Wishing you all the best for the rest of the week. Go and book those massages! <'> <'> ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted January 10, 2007 Hi Amelia, <'> I really feel for you. I went through this sort of thing four years ago with my son and i remember vividly how stressful it was. Hope you get your meeting soon. Loulou xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
