Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
JJ's mum

Anyone notice this with their kids?

Recommended Posts

These are some of the things ive noticed about my son that dont seem to have relevance according to what Ive read

 

1) my son runs in a weird way ( doesnt seem to move legs or arms a lot)

 

2) Wipes his mouth a lot ( 5+ times a minute)

 

3) takes ages to eat ( eats noisily with mouth open and stuffs loads in like a hamster)

 

4) doesnt attempt to catch just kind of thows his arms in air

 

5) checks his privates are there ( various methods of doing this eg pulling trousers really high, but frequent esp when nervous)

 

6) if you ask where something is he will either shove it in your face or give you an accurate description eg where is the sink? reply: its on the side above the cupboard and next to the microwave and below the window. He could show me the same thing by pointing.

 

7) he quotes films at me totally randomly or not so randomly for example if he is upset with me he will quote magic roundabout "Creep, tell me about the diamonds"

 

But then Id never have guessed that red ears had any significance until I read about it being assosiated with stress/tiredness/food intolerances. Im new to this so trying to identify as many relevant behaviours before assessment as poss.

Any examples of other quirks around 4-5 yrs also appreciated. There are many obvious things I hadnt noticed like hand flapping when excited. I was blissfully ignorant of just how different he was until last week when I realised he hasnt moved on a great deal since he was 2. I feel bad because wonder if he hadnt have been parked with a childminder full time whether it would have been picked up earlier. Nursery noticed within 2 weeks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

>:D<<'> Dont beat yourself up over it - even when your living with that child 24/7 you cant always notice things until they are pointed out to you, to you he's just your quirky little boy, thats how i felt anyway :D

sorry i cant really help with the behaviours - my sons severe asd so his behaviours are different but from what you have said they all sound like typical aspergers to me.

 

Clare

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know but I should have noticed

 

8) when he gets hurt he doesnt run to me he runs away from me crying.

 

9) never ever has got upset when ive left him. Sometimes opposite, if he has planned to play something with childminder he gets upset when I arrive. ( I was happy he was so "secure")

 

10) throws up over food if doesnt like it esp when eating up table

 

Excuse me everyone for adding, I might use this thread to build up a list of things, I will have lots of appointments coming up so will need a comprehensive picture. What were the early things people noticed?

This is one Ive just realised...

 

11) never pointed and said "juice" "cat" "mum" etc

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

But if you dont know anything about asd's/aspergers you think your childs just quirky, i did and as i said i lived with him 24/7 and he never cried when i left him with other poeple but when he was in my company he was, still is very clingy and if he hurts himself he runs away not to me - he never cuddled me - i cuddled him or pointed to anything and i didnt notice that until it was pointed out.

dont feel giulty >:D<<'> i bet most of us on here didnt see it coming, if you dont know what your looking for you just think thats the way your child is.

 

Clare >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

12) never pretended an object is something else. Just pushes trains around, acts out very limited scenarios from videos etc

 

13) speaks like a robot

 

14) always looks serious and speaks seriously

 

15) asks at least 10 times every day what day it is today/yesterday/tommorow

 

16) asks if he can open the gate the second I mention we are going home ( tantrums if someone else does one of "his" jobs

 

17) only responds to my discipline if the behaviour was on the list of "rules" he has in his mind. If not he cannot see that stabbing the cat with a fork is wrong in fact he usually find it funny. If he does something on his list then he is saying sorry long before I find out what he has done.

Edited by JJ's mum

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
>:D<<'> i bet most of us on here didnt see it coming, if you dont know what your looking for you just think thats the way your child is.

Clare >:D<<'>

I knew he was different and people have been hinting for a few weeks/ maybe months but Ive just said he is unique.

The weird thing is only a few weeks ago I was mocking honeys response to her baby in Eastenders thinking how can someone be so pathetic. Ok my reaction isnt nearly as pathetic but I wont say im not anxious for his future. I bonded with him 4 years ago so not facing any of the feelings she did but I do wonder how I will cope as a single mum when he is 10 and having tantrums. I cant exactly pick him up and drag him out then. People are already making comments about his volume especially and his behaviour.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please remember he is still the same little boy he has always been. Nothing has changed as far as he is concerned and please dont start panicking about the future and things that probably wont happen, you will only stress yourself out.

Lorainexx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi JJ's mum, my lad is 13 now and has AS and dyspraxia and, over the years, there have been so many little oddities, many the same as those you mentioned, and I put them all down to the package that is 'him'.

 

Two years ago, on his 11th birthday, he fell and banged his nose and for the first time in his life he ran straight to me crying. I was so overwhelmed, it was amazing. Just like you say, whenever he has hurt himself in the past he has always just run around in panic and I've had to chase him down in order to comfort him.

 

Your lad is very young and this is all very new to you. Give yourself time and try not to fret too much about what could happen in the future. Many, many things will change. You will both grow and you will become more knowledgeable as you go along, you can't learn it all in a week. There are many of us on this forum who are, for want of a better term, old hands! We've lived with it for so many years and we've grown with it and learnt from it and you will too. Try and takes things as they come for now, make notes and lists and enjoy him for how he is now. Some things will become easier and there may be new challenges, but you will learn together as you go along.

 

All the best. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

one of the hardest things for me as a mum is when my son hurts himself, he gets angry and lashes out at whoever is nearest, then screams at us to leave him alone.Each time i tried to make sure he was okay he would sceam at the top of his voice to leave him alone. So now I have to Initially ask has he hurt himself (I can't help myself) then tell him to come to me when he is ready to tell me. It really hurts though when you are not allowed to comfort them :(

 

When we first found out about my son (just over a year ago) I did what you are doing now, all the worst case scenarios running through my brain about his future.Will he get married, have a job etc and people on the forum said to take each day at a time and it is sooooooooooooooo true. We can't predict what will happen, my boy has changed such a lot in just a year, we have been able this Christmas to go out together for a meal and all enjoy it, something that would have been a nightmare last year.Try to take it one day at a time and everyone is here >:D<<'> >:D<<'> for you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My boy likes affection just doesnt come to me when he is hurt. When he is hurt he runs around the place, I usually grab him but he fights me for a bit. Usually we are out so I have to really for his safety. Also he usually presses the button on pedestrian crossing. The other day I said to him "we are going to cross the road now" and he just ran straight out in the road. Also if I ask him to go to bed he gets in fully clothed. I usually ask them to get their PJ's on first. If I asked my daughter to go to bed she knows that means get changed and brush teeth etc.

I thought he knew what to do, but he obviously doesnt. It seems I never really knew my boy at all :-(

Edited by JJ's mum

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree that you should take it one day at a time. Sometimes things change over time, sometimes for the better and sometimes worse. With J I can never predict how he will react. He is 6 now and is very much like your son. A couple of years ago when he was upset, he would just stand silently with tears rolling down his face. Now if he gets hurt or upset, he tends to lash out. Over the last couple of years his speech has greatly improved, though he talks as if he is a computer or a play station game, but just recently his communication has started to deteriate to just using gestures (I'm hoping it's just a passing phase).

 

I think over the years I have just accepted the way J was - I didn't know any other children his age to compare him to, and as he was my first, I didn't know any different. I think my childminder first noticed he was possibly autistic when he was 2 and as soon as I looked into it, it was clear that he was.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Try to stop punishing yourself, JJ's mum, it's not fair, you don't deserve it. >:D<<'> None of us parents are psychic, we couldn't know something was wrong with our children until it comes to a certain point in each of their lives. It's easy then to say to ourselves, 'I should have seen it earlier', but it's just not possible sometimes. Whatever age we discover there are problems; 6 months, 2 years, 16 years! there will always be a period of time that's gone before when we didn't know, but that's not our fault, it's just a fact. You know NOW and you are doing all you can NOW, and sometimes that's all we CAN do. Be kind to yourself. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah you are right and I dont know for sure that he has it, after all its only a health visitor and myself who thinks so so far. I could be worrying myself about nothing anyway. I wasnt worried about him last week and he certainly hasnt changed.

Im in Kent too michelle. Do you happen to know of any local (im nr. folkestone) groups etc, if so then PM me. Also if you are in the same health authority, how long did diagnosis take for you?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Try to stop punishing yourself, JJ's mum, it's not fair, you don't deserve it.~ Mel ~

 

Im not trying but I know what you mean, I just cant help it. I thought I was doing the best thing going to uni when my husband left but it has meant sacrifices. One of those being I have seen him far less with other children. I cant help thinking I would have noticed.

I dont want to go back tommorrow now I know but I have to finish now Im so close and I keep telling myself it will help in the long term. I finish in May. I dont know how im going to focus with appointments and all this going through my head.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Yeah you are right and I dont know for sure that he has it, after all its only a health visitor and myself who thinks so so far. I could be worrying myself about nothing anyway. I wasnt worried about him last week and he certainly hasnt changed.

Im in Kent too michelle. Do you happen to know of any local (im nr. folkestone) groups etc, if so then PM me. Also if you are in the same health authority, how long did diagnosis take for you?

 

Try noticing and noting the positives, so far you are listing the negatives. We are very close to our kids and perhaps notice too much and draw attention to them, other people's children (Non-aspie), have traits as well, we are tending to compare all the time, that, was I learnt, my first mistake at day one. It's how our childen ARE, it's them.... My lad for all his 'non-standard' behaviour I wouldn't change for any 'normality', he wouldn't be him if he did. Yep we could all do with a break or a week long scream at times... :crying::D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

These arent the negative things about him. There are some things about him that I can see can be linked with aspergers like my mum and health visitor have said. These are things like he rambles about trains and doesnt listen to what other people have to say. The things listed are the ones im not sure if they are conected with autism. Ive never had a boy before so Im not sure. Most of his traits are what I see in my sexist mind as typical "male" traits but maybe Ive just been with my husband too long.

 

The only negative things about my son is he is prone to talk too much sometimes to the point of exhausting me and he also can have big tantrums on buses and other times in public often lasting for 1/2 hour or more.

Apart from that my son is the cutest funniest most affectionate boy in the world and he constantly makes me laugh with his cute not-so-little phrases. In fact Id gladly trade my daughter in for another one like him, he never answers back, never rude, never tells me he hates me and never threatens to leave home!

 

There isnt much negative in my son, I just cant help thinking ive let him down by parking him with a childminder for 3 years of his life.

Edited by JJ's mum

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You shouldn't feel guilty about having a childminder for him. J was with a childminder since he was four months old. I didn't choose to be a single parent, but a a result had to do the best for my child. I still feel guilty working 5 hours a day now though I still get to pick J up from school at 3. I think it is natural to feel guilty about one thing another, and I'm often thinking about giving up work - but I know in the long run none of us would be happy if I was at home all day! I can just about cope with 2 weeks holiday - then go back to work for a bit of peace!

Edited by MichelleW

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
You shouldn't feel guilty about having a childminder for him. J was with a childminder since he was four months old. I didn't choose to be a single parent, but a a result had to do the best for my child. I still feel guilty working 5 hours a day now though I still get to pick J up from school at 3. I think it is natural to feel guilty about one thing another, and I'm often thinking about giving up work - but I know in the long run none of us would be happy if I was at home all day! I can just about cope with 2 weeks holiday - then go back to work for a bit of peace!

Yeah I know I shouldnt feel guilty, it wouldnt have changed much if I hadve noticed. I might have told him off less especially for things he cant help but im sure he wont be scarred for life at least I can make changes now.

Thanks everyone for all your encouragement >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
>:D<<'> my son has lots of ism,s that don,t/do fit the autism list ,it,s hard m y son is 11 now and has changed so much from the little `lad who was dx,d at 6/7yrs.Humour gigures alot with my son and his autism he uses phrases from his fave sitcoms as everyday conversation so we laugh alot together.I think you just get used to their autism though and it becomes very normal.At christmas I took my son to tesco for the first time in ages , he ran about laughing and squealing behaving realy oddly , it was only then I`realised that he may appear strange to other people .We live with him all the time so the level of noise he makes etc seems quite normal to us.You will find your son will go through many changes, no book you read will give a definite answer to how things go up and down is the best guess, that goes for parents too :rolleyes: , Suzex >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just a note. I don't think you should feel guilty for working and to you MichelleW too. I gave my job up this last April because I thought it was best for my son, for him to have the routine of me being there for him. He hated being picked up by mum (even though it was only for an hour and a half) and I couldn't get it out of my mind that I had to give it a go, to see if me being there all the time helped ..........................the result..... I nearly had a nervous breakdown this year, panic attacks the lot, I needed those 3 days a week at work to not think about anyone else but just get on with my job, I miss it dearly and have had a real struggle this year , it hasn't helped my family in the long run because I am so anxious, being in the house all the time and during the holidays etc . I wanted to be the perfect Mum giving everything for my son, but it wasn't a realistic goal and I'm learning (through counselling) that you have to look after yourself too, in fact that's the best thing you can do for your family. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi JJ's mum,

 

Firstly, don't beat yourself up about not noticing your sons behaviours. I'm sure I can speak for most when i say I am still discovering my sons behaviours.

 

Unfortunately until diagnosis (I assume from your post your son is not diagnosed) you will probably do as i do and look and question everything. I look at M (who is 6 and been awaiting assessment for a year and a half) and I see things all the time. Not so long ago i realised the jumping up and down, panting and flapping his arms were part of what we are trying to figure out is 'wrong'. I too realise that unless I give M a detailed breakdown of for example 'go and have a wash' he will probably not do what is expected and brushing teeth needs to be explained. It has taken me a long time to realise this. We also can't give M more than one instruction because he can't retain the info. If he doesn't speak as soon as the thought comes into his head it has gone, making us teaching him turn taking in conversation very difficult. he actually sits and shouts 'gap' now where he thinks he can speak. Yo have to be careful in our house if you breath mid sentence otherwise he thinks a gap has occured :lol:

 

Only last week did i realise his speech has become strange, when I say strange I mean he has started talking as if he is reading a script, taking long pauses as he thinks. Almost robotic. Not all the time just every now and then. He talks at you, not to you. He very rarely answers questions in the correct way e.g 'What would you like for dinner?' he may respond ' Six cards in a pack' (with ref to his current obsession, football cards) If I continue to ask, could take a dozen times I will eventually get the right answer.

 

I think we as parents get very used to it very quickly and forget how different our kids can appear. i don't take m to shops that often unless I have to. He shouts and makes loud noises and runs around touching everything, and on a bad day he has a tantrum.

 

Through all this he is the most affectionate lovely child ever. Unfortunatley he also takes his problems communicating out on me and I am usually the punchbag when he is frustrated.

 

I wish you luck finding your answers, but remember as someone else said he is still the same little boy even if you are discovering different things everyday.

 

mum22boys >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi JJ's mum,

Unfortunately until diagnosis (I assume from your post your son is not diagnosed) you will probably do as i do and look and question everything. I look at M (who is 6 and been awaiting assessment for a year and a half) and I see things all the time. Not so long ago i realised the jumping up and down, panting and flapping his arms were part of what we are trying to figure out is 'wrong'. I too realise that unless I give M a detailed breakdown of for example 'go and have a wash' he will probably not do what is expected and brushing teeth needs to be explained. It has taken me a long time to realise this. We also can't give M more than one instruction because he can't retain the info.

 

They sound similar in a lot of ways. I see now why the health visitor said dont hold breath for diagnosis by September then if you been waiting a year and a half.

No, I havent been diagnosed. Ive had a lengthy chat with the health visitor who said she is pretty sure he is on "the spectrum". My mum is working as a TA and has been for 15 years so she has worked with few autistic kids and so she knows a lot of what to look out for. She too has been hinting for months, ive just been too stubborn to see it.

 

Im also pretty sure now I know about it. I dont think id be able to wait that long, i definitely think im going to have to forget driving lessons and go private. Im terribly impatient person. I need help and advice with how to help, discipline etc as well as how to help with social iinteraction. Its a long while to go without helping now I know whats wrong.A lot of help and support groups need a dagnosis. Realistically I need to know by April/May even if its just a rough idea from someone knowledgable on aspergers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I couldn't wait for a diagnosis either! Once you have an inckling you need to know. I contacted the NAS who have a list of diagnostitians. We saw a child psychiatrist within 2 weeks who told us exactly what she thought and then we waited for the rest of the referrals to get going!! It gave me a starting point and then i read my socks off!!

I look back at my sons first years and cant believe that i didn't see what now is glarringly obvious. I had reasons and excuses for everything he did and anyone who questioned me.......! He used to hurt himself and never cry but i just thought he was brave and wasn't one of these fussy whingy toddlers! He would only eat certain foods but that was... due to his constipation and me letting him eat chocolate when he was in hospital!!! The list is endless!!!

Good luck with your studying keep going as you havent got long to go, now you have an idea what the problem is you can work to make life a little easier.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My boy cries when he gets hurt but he just runs away. In fact he probably cries more than the "average" boy of his age. I read somewhere that a high pain threshold is a sign of autism. I have 2 different lists of symptoms. The autism list around half of the things apply to Jo. On the aspergers list everything applies to varying degrees except a noticable heightened sense of smell. Though he may have one and just not express it.

I spoke in length with someone from my local toddler group today and in length with all the people from his nursery ( 4 people were present) and all agreed that they have observed everything I hilighted with the exception of hand flapping ( this happens quite infrequently when he is very excited). They agree with me in thinking that Jo has mild autism/aspergers.

So I guess I should relax I mean it isnt the end of the world. I didnt dream of my son living in fear or being misunderstood but Im not going to help by winging about it and getting stressed.

 

Thanks for everyones help especially those who have basically said "get a grip" in a nice way. You are right, he is still my baby and he is the cutest boy in the world.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

my son was diagnosed at 3 and was showing exactly the same symptoms as yours.it doesnt really matter if you didnt notice it.not a lot of people do.i noticed straigght away,but that was because i expected my child to do everything by the book.some kids are diagnosed a lot quicker.flynn was diaggnosed after a month.hhaving aspergers myself,i know wat my sons going through and its not all doom and gloom.my sons great and i wouldnt change him for the world.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...