Sleep

[brooke]

Hi

My little boy 6 over the last 2-3 months has started to say he is afriad of ghosts and we are now having to sit in his room with him untill he goes to sleep. I have no idea where this has come from as he only watches cartoons on tv so he hasnt seen anything that might scare him. And i have never spoken of them as i dont belive in them.

It is getting difficult as he insists we stay with him till he is asleep and if he wakes up when we are not there he either comes to our bed or shouts for me or my husband.

I have tried to explain that they arent real but he doesnt seem to understand. He used to go to sleep on his own fine and nothing has happened that i can think of except he has his new bed? Just wondered if anyone else has to sit with their child too? And if so how long did it last?

Brooke

[reuby2]

Hi Brooke,

We had to sit with my son constantly till he fell asleep until last year (he'd 8 now) and still now dad has to keep going up and sitting with him for about half an hour untill he drops off.I have heard loads of people say that it becomes a habit and I kerbed it a little by saying i had to do the dishes etc and I would come back in 10 mins etc. Dad now says I'll come to see you in about 10 mins mate and that's fine. I think it's something they will grow out of, don't worry <'> <'> <'>

[Kathrynh]

I have to sit with B for a little while just until he is relaxed. I used to have to wait till he was asleep but I started trying to sneak off when he was dozing off but not quite asleep. Sometimes he would notice and make a fuss and I would have to sit back with him but gradually it got better and I can usually leave him once he is just dozing. If he wakes in the night I have to get into bed with him again until he settles and then I can sneak off quietly and he usually accepts this.

[loupin]

could you distract him with a story tape and teach him to put it on in the night if he can't get back to sleep? What about a night light, my son has a light up snow man(xmas decoration!) his room is so light i don't know how he sleeps!!!

Good luck

[jlp]

We've had the same problem for the last 2 years. It started with G being scared of a Thomas the Tank film which had Diesel in it with a big grabber. Eventually the fear of Diesel went but the fear of being alone remained and is one of our biggest problems.

 

I used to have to lie in bed until G was asleep but we sort of eased the situation by making the bunk beds into 2 single beds pushed together. Unfortunately now he won't sleep in his own bed but needs to be in his brothers and sometimes L doesn't want G in bed so there's hysterics!

 

G is still very anxious and up and down with every noise and sometimes there's tears in the night and he wants me in his bed / in our bed etc but melatonin has helped him go over reasonably quickly before he gets the chance to get himself really worked up.

 

I try no to stay if possible so it doesn't become a set routine but say I'm popping down to make tea / do dishes etc and will be right back, sometimes the situation needs me to be putting clothes away in my bedroom etc (if he's really worried) but I really try to be downstairs if possible.

 

I've found trying to talk about the fears pretty useless, no amount of reassurance or talking things over ever worked. Distraction helps sometimes - we did have a DVD on to distract him but stopped that as he was staying awake longer and longer.

 

Sympathies though as it's hard.

 

 

ETA:

Talking to various psychologists lately (on Early Bird Plus) they have said that trying to get the child to face their anxiety a little may help the child to realise that there's nothing bad will happen and that the anxiety level they feel at being alone will go down and the child needs this to happen to learn this will happen if that makes sense. I've always dealt with it the other way (sat with him etc) and hoped it would go away by itself in time but that made me think - if not actually be brave enough to actually go through with insisting he be alone / go to the loo alone. Dp thinks I 'pander' and he should be made to go to the loo alone etc

Edited January 7, 2007 by jlp

[krystaltps]

Hi, I used to have to lie with C until he went to sleep, for about 2 years. He doesn't sleep well anyway, so it was getting to the stage when I was having no time to myself. He suffered very badly from night terrors as well. By the time he was 5 1/2 he was almost unable to sleep at all - he was petrified of death (his hamster died when he was 4, then his great gran followed suit about a year later). He was convinced he'd wake up and I'd be dead. Naturally explaining things to him didn't help, but we got through it. The "death" phase lasted about six months. He now "sleeps" (inverted commas because he doesn't really do sleep - waiting for melatonin) with a red bulb in his bedside lamp. It seems to help him relax. We tried other colours, but red is the best for him.

Perhaps you could try going down the road of "the red light keeps ghosts away - they're scared of it" or something like that. I was surprised by how soothing C finds coloured light.

[loupin]

daft as this may sound.......

my husband once dressed up in helmet and carried a light sabre(luke skywalker!!!!!) and went into our sons room with him outside the room and got rid of the monster that was under the bed and in the cupboard! He did great sound effects!! I can loan him out if anone needs a monster/ghost hunter..... comes with own lightsabre....battries not included!

[loulou]

Hi,

 

Kai went through a similar phase when he was about 5 (i think this is an age related thing, when they start to "worry" about things). He's 8 now and still does it occasionally.

 

He really thought a "black panther" was coming to get him, and telling him it didn't exist didn't seem to work.

 

He was worried about "things" coming up the side of the bed too.

 

These are the things i found helped:

 

Using his old "cot-bumper" around the head end of the bed, to stop any "beasties" getting through.

 

Putting "guards" on "duty" at the end of the bed and by the doors/window (a big cuddly lion and tiger!).

 

A night light.

 

Story tapes.

 

Hope this helps

 

Loulou xx

 

Ps jlp, i had to laugh about Diesel and the Grabber, Kai was absolutely petrified of that too!

[mum22boys]

Hi,

 

We've not had the ghost problem but have plenty of sleep issues

 

We have found several things that can help M who is also 6. When he is very worried and scared I told him to imagine he had a box (you could actually get a box). Then I asked him to tell me all the things he is scared of. He reeled off a list and we 'placed' them in the box. I then took a 'key' and locked the box for the bad things never to escape. Just a word of warning though, if you do this explain the box can be reopened to place any further bad thoughts in. we had a big problem with this because i told m I threw the key away! This did help for a while.

 

Also last night M was scared so i took out a few boxes of photos of when he was younger and gave him these to look at, so he could think happy things.

 

I hope something eventually works for you. We are going back tomorrow to the GP as M is not falling asleep until at least midnight every night. We are all exhausted!

 

mum22boys

[brooke]

Hi

Thanks for all your replys.

Just recently we were prescribed melatonin for him as it was getting to the stage where he wasnt going to sleep untill 12 (like you loulou) it was alful.

He does have a night light its just he wont let us leave his room after we have read his storeys saying we have to look after him. I will try some distractions like saying il be back in a few mins just going to do ......... Thanks for all the suggestions.

Brooke