reuby2 Report post Posted January 24, 2007 (edited) Hiya, Thought I would just post what happened to my ds yesterday.He goes in 15 mins early every day to do O.t exercises and SPRINT activities. Anyway ,yesterday the TA gave him the key to go and get the balls out of this walk in cupboard......the caretaker (who teases a lot) thought it would be funny to close the door on him and pretend to lock it ! The teaching assistant saw what was happening and told him No, don't do that......Unfortunatly as he realised and tried to open the door my son was screaming and trying to open the door from the other side so it took a few seconds, he was shaking and ashen faced,The caretaker didn't realise that this "prank " would upset him and then picked him up to hug him and reaasure him, which my son would have hated.The T.a intervened and told him to just leave him and took my ds off to calm down, talk about it and have a drink etc. The T.a was upset about it all day as she says it is pitch black in that cupboard and they did it on her when she first started work (she is claustrophobic and it really upset her). All day, she was keeping an eye on my son and kept encouraging him to tell her about it and not to keep it in, explained that the caretaker was playing a joke and knew never to do anything like that again. Because everyone dealt with it well and made sure he was okay, it didn't play on his mind and he was more angry than anything and says he's not going to do the exercises with the ball again!! When my son told me about it last night it was a bit jumbled and so i thought it was just a cupbaord but apparently it is a little room (pitch black) and he was shut in (although it was only for a few seconds) but now i feel terrible for him. I do know that the caretaker wouldn't have meant to upset or hurt him, but sometimes men think it's funny to tease in that way. Edited January 24, 2007 by reuby2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted January 24, 2007 Oh reuby2, that's just horrible, I would have laid awake all night in a sweat if that had been my lad!! What a terribly insensitive thing for the bloke to have done, even in jest, it's just not on! It sounds like the TA is really sensitive to your son's feelings though, that must be a great comfort to you, it sounds like she handled the situation really well and was very concerned for your son's feelings. I must admit, if it were me, I would be writing to the Head to make a formal complaint. <'> <'> ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
caren Report post Posted January 24, 2007 Oh reuby2, that's just horrible, I would have laid awake all night in a sweat if that had been my lad!! What a terribly insensitive thing for the bloke to have done, even in jest, it's just not on! It sounds like the TA is really sensitive to your son's feelings though, that must be a great comfort to you, it sounds like she handled the situation really well and was very concerned for your son's feelings. I must admit, if it were me, I would be writing to the Head to make a formal complaint. <'> <'> ~ Mel ~ Aw your poor son hope he's ok <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted January 24, 2007 Hi Reuby, Poor little man, hope he's over it now <'> . I would be inclined to speak/write to the Head about this too. I'm sure the caretaker didn't mean any harm, but he must be made aware that this is not an acceptable form of "teasing" for ANY child. At least he has such a caring TA . Can she be cloned? Loulou xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Emum Report post Posted January 24, 2007 I'd also be concerned that the caretaker wanted to hug your child. That is inappropriate behaviour for an adult with no close bond to the child in question and raises Child Protection issues which the school should be considering. Strictly speaking teachers and TAs shouldn't be hugging children either, though I must confess I am always very glad when one does do this with one of my small children when they are upset! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
reuby2 Report post Posted January 24, 2007 I didn't want to make a complaint as it was dealt with and the caretaker just didn't realize, the T.A was nearby and when he picked him up to comfort him the T.A was there. The T.A said the caretaker was really upset that he had upset my son and just wanted to reassure him that he wouldn't have locked him in (my son was shaking, he was that frightened). I think it is pretty traumatic when our kids get upset , it frightens me sometimes.the caretaker knows never to do anything like that again (the T.a said this and had told my ds the same thing). I think it was all very innocent, just in bad taste.The hugging was as a reaction towards my son's anxiety as he felt bad at what his "bad taste Prank had done". If my son was still upset or frightened about it or if the guys reaction had of been unfazed, then i would have made a complaint. But because the guy was gutted, and my ds is okay, i know it wont happen again.Do you think I am wrong? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
curra Report post Posted January 25, 2007 That was a really bad experience! Your poor boy! I think even adult NTs would be upset. I understand your not wanting to complain to the Head, but perhaps you could write to the Senco explaining what happened and say that you are concerned that staff at school are not fully aware of your son's needs. Your son was shaking and frightened after the experience and that would be enough for me to send a letter, even if he seems to be OK now. If you don't say anything, something similar may happen again since the caretaker is not supervised by the TA. You should get reassurance from the Head or Senco that it will not happen again. Just my opinion from experience. Curra <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
curra Report post Posted January 25, 2007 If you don't say anything, something similar may happen again since the caretaker is not supervised by the TA. I mean that it should be dealt with by a responsible person who is in charge, which according to my books, is not the TA. Curra Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa Report post Posted January 26, 2007 If it was me, I think I wouldn't be inclined to complain. It sounds as if the TA did a fantastic job reassuring him and explaining to the caretaker. I doubt very much the caretaker will ever do this again to anyone after your son's reaction. Maybe have a word with the TA and see if she could let the senco know that it would be helpful if ALL staff could be aware of your son's difficulties, including caretaker, dinner ladies, anyone else who may come into contact with him. Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jill Report post Posted January 26, 2007 I think I'd go along with Lisa's suggestion - a quiet word rather than a more formal letter. Just because I agree with you reuby, I don't think the caretaker meant anything by it. Yes it was a poor joke & what a pillock for doing that with any child, but he does seem truly sorry for doing it. He's tried to make amends albeit inappropriately with a hug and probably feels terrible about it. I doubt he's going to be daft enough to do anything like it again. However, a quiet word to ask that people in the school generally are made aware of your lad's difficulties wouldn't go amiss. At the end of the day, something positive has come out of this. The relationship between your son & the TA will have been strengthened, you know that the TA can deal with a difficult situation & turn it into a positive (instead of being scared your son has been helped to handle it well) and the daft caretaker will think twice before being such a pillock with ANY child. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
reuby2 Report post Posted January 26, 2007 Thanks everyone, This morning I asked to have a word with the head and explained that I wasn't making a formal complaint and that I definitly didn't want anyone to get into trouble but I explained what had happened. I said that it was just a joke but that my son had had the door closed on him and it was pitch black and that he had been upset.The head was very attentive and wanted to make sure my ds was okay, and he did admit that it was probably something that he would do on his own kids (my hubby said Men think that kind of teasing is funny ) but that it wasn't appropriate for anything like that to be happening at school.I stressed I didn't want him to get into trouble and he said it was a case of staff being made more aware.He said he would bide his time and then perhaps stress to all staff about this kind of thing. I actually feel quite sorry for the caretaker as he has looked so down since, even this morning (before I went into see the head) he looked really down in the mouth. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted January 26, 2007 I think you did the right thing, reuby2. <'> I don't think you should feel bad about the caretaker, you have acted very sensitively towards him, you haven't done anything wrong or made a formal complaint against him personally, you're just looking out for the welfare of your child. I expect the Head will just have a quiet word and that will be the end of the matter. Try not to feel too responsible, it was the caretaker's actions that caused the problem not your discussion with the Head nor your son's reaction. I'm sure he does feel bad about it, but that isn't your fault. <'> <'> ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
