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oxgirl

"Rather just die than be an Aspie"!!!

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I'm so sad, not sure what to do to help my lad. He's 13 and obviously just starting to go through puberty. :o

 

Picked him up from school today and he'd got in a real tizzy in his last lesson and had to come out halfway through. Was in a shocking state all the way home and, by the time we'd got home, he was sobbing and saying how he wished he was just normal, if he was normal he'd be happier, he hated himself and he'd rather just be dead than be an Aspie. :tearful:

 

Took two hours to calm him down. I kept just telling him he wouldn't always feel like this and things would get better but he just wanted me to tell him exactly how long he'd feel like this for and how everyone else was happy except for him. Very, very sad now. THings just seem to go from bad to worse. :crying::crying:

 

~ Mel ~

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You said the right things to him Mel. It will get easier and puberty is hard for all kids - just that bit harder for him.

 

 

Just wanted to reiterate that bit Chriss said about it being hard for all kids. >:D<<'>

In no way does that detract from the very real additional 'problems' he has to face, but with all those hormones and things flying around he'd be due some really negative times anyway, and all you can really do is what you're doing - offer support, encouragement and love to reassure him of just how valued and unique he is.

 

L&P

 

BD >:D<<'>

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You said the right things to him Mel. It will get easier and puberty is hard for all kids - just that bit harder for him.

 

Thanks Chriss, it's never easy is it. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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Just wanted to reiterate that bit Chriss said about it being hard for all kids. >:D<<'>

In no way does that detract from the very real additional 'problems' he has to face, but with all those hormones and things flying around he'd be due some really negative times anyway, and all you can really do is what you're doing - offer support, encouragement and love to reassure him of just how valued and unique he is.

 

L&P

 

BD >:D<<'>

 

 

Thanks BD, for that. Yes, I kept telling him that as well, that it's more a question of him being 13 and that it's very normal for 13-year-olds to feel like that for many different reasons. Of course, now he just doesn't want to be 13 anymore!! Oh well, that one's easy to solve, just a matter of time for that one. :P>:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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My son had his share of times like this, and its hard when they talk like that, I did just what you did, sat down with him and told him how awesome he was and how much I loved him, In the mornings when he would wake up I started saying good morning sunshine, and he really liked that, it put a sort of twinkle in his eye.

 

Like Baddad said the teenage hormones, oh boy my NT daughter and all their friends went through these too. I dont know how many kids run away to our place to get away from their parents because their parents were just so demanding and wouldnt listen, one girl wanted to move in with us. :( I think there is far too much pressure on teens, and their expectations of themselves to be as good as all the other kids and be part of the 'peer' popular group. :wallbash:

 

I think every parent that survives the teens deserves a medal of the highest honour. :notworthy::notworthy:

 

There are some great parenting courses for teens, Aspie or otherwise, I highly recommend them. I call it a course of survival. :devil::lol::lol:

 

Take care >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

F :)

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Mel >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Our lads seem to be very similar in many ways. I have this same problem with my son , he can get very depressed and anxious because he doesn't want to be an Aspie.

 

You are doing a great job. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Curra

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I want to share a group hug with you and your J as it is so hard at times where our children are soo down and express with words that cut deeper than a knife, its so heart rendering to hear such destructive words said by our young children, I think you are doing a wonderful Job and working in a situation with little support so its all back on you, its so hard to know what to say as our jaw is still on the floor, but you have managed to sweep him up and be there for him, that is the best support ever.

 

I will be thinking about you both and sending you positive vibes, and tell him people here do care about him so somewhere here someone is thinking about him.

 

JsMum

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Thanks so much everyone, your replies have brought a tear to my eye. >:D<<'> :D

 

So sorry, Curra, that you're going through the same, hope things improve for you soon as well. >:D<<'>

 

He was okay this morning, but now is suddenly very down and depressed again, no energy for life. We're going to take him out bowling, but when he gets like this nothing seems to cheer him up. :(

 

Thanks again for all the support everyone. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> :tearful:

 

~ Mel ~

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Thanks Mel >:D<<'> My son is going through a bad phase of denial and what I would also call obsessiveness. I can't get him out of his fixed ideas and if I try too much to he gets angry. His denial is such that he is refusing to participate in any team activity in the unit. I saw the group yesterday doing a social skills activity. All the kids had lots of fun while my son sat alone and didn't interact with anyone. It really broke my heart to see him because I feel that he's not happy that way :tearful:

 

I think that it can be a typical teenage phase of rebellion against what they think we expect of them. I hope that they grow out of it soon :pray:

 

Curra

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Thanks Mel >:D<<'> My son is going through a bad phase of denial and what I would also call obsessiveness. I can't get him out of his fixed ideas and if I try too much to he gets angry. His denial is such that he is refusing to participate in any team activity in the unit. I saw the group yesterday doing a social skills activity. All the kids had lots of fun while my son sat alone and didn't interact with anyone. It really broke my heart to see him because I feel that he's not happy that way :tearful:

 

I think that it can be a typical teenage phase of rebellion against what they think we expect of them. I hope that they grow out of it soon :pray:

 

Curra

 

 

Oh dear, sorry to hear that Curra, that must be so hard to see and deal with. >:D<<'> Yes, I know what it's like when they get an idea in their head, it's so hard to shift it and make them see things differently.

My Jay has started showing signs of OCD as well, he has to check and check things and line things up and stuff. He's talking about death a lot more now as well, which is unusual for him. If someone upsets him he says he wishes their car would crash and they would die and he wishes he was dead, it's very scary. :huh:

 

We didn't even manage to get to the bowling this afternoon in the end because he got so depressed and anxious and was in no fit state to go. We went to town instead but he threw a wobbly in WHS and started shouting that he knew he shouldn't have come out, he should have stayed at home and he buried his face in a magazine stand and cried and got quite loud. I think people were looking at us, but I didn't turn around to check. :tearful:

 

Yes, I hope they grow out of it very soon.

Take care of yourself. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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M's obsession is art, but only a certain type. It's the only think he talks about all day. I managed to take him today to a gallery but he thought all the pictures were rubbish and he began to shout that it had been a waste of time, so we had to leave before we were kicked out (I thought the pictures were marvellous).

 

I'm sorry that you couldn't go to the bowling. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you >:D<<'>

 

Take care

 

Curra

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>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

My son is 13 and going through puberty his emotions are all over the place too.

 

 

 

 

Id just like to say that some of the most fantastic young men and ladies ive met have been on the autistic spectrum...I love working with them in my capacity as a escort on school transport.Im always amazed at there knowledge,manners,kindness and unique insight into everything.I always finish my shift with a real glow in my heart and a smile on me face.So its upsetting to think your son hates being aspie coz aspies rock and then roll.I think the world would be a far greater happier place if everyone was aspie.

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>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

My son is 13 and going through puberty his emotions are all over the place too.

Id just like to say that some of the most fantastic young men and ladies ive met have been on the autistic spectrum...I love working with them in my capacity as a escort on school transport.Im always amazed at there knowledge,manners,kindness and unique insight into everything.I always finish my shift with a real glow in my heart and a smile on me face.So its upsetting to think your son hates being aspie coz aspies rock and then roll.I think the world would be a far greater happier place if everyone was aspie.

I think that your words are so uplifting and I really liked the description, very nice reply.

 

JsMum

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I remember being 13 and AS. I didn't know I was AS then but my experiences were the same. It was a horrible time. But I would like to say something.

I still have the same problems, to a large extent, at 31 that I had at 13. However, I also have something as an adult that has helped enormously. I have more choice. I still get stressed out and can't eat in crowded places. So I don't. I find somewhere quieter. I still have appalling handwriting. So I type. I still can't make eye contact. I explain to anybody who asks that I'd rather listen and reply to what they're saying than give the appearance of listening whilst not taking owt in. I still have no concept or wish to be part of peer pressure. At 31 anyone who bases a person's value based on what trainers they've got is a shallow so and so not worth my time.

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I remember being 13 and AS. I didn't know I was AS then but my experiences were the same. It was a horrible time. But I would like to say something.

I still have the same problems, to a large extent, at 31 that I had at 13. However, I also have something as an adult that has helped enormously. I have more choice. I still get stressed out and can't eat in crowded places. So I don't. I find somewhere quieter. I still have appalling handwriting. So I type. I still can't make eye contact. I explain to anybody who asks that I'd rather listen and reply to what they're saying than give the appearance of listening whilst not taking owt in. I still have no concept or wish to be part of peer pressure. At 31 anyone who bases a person's value based on what trainers they've got is a shallow so and so not worth my time.

 

 

Thanks for that, Bullet, that is encouraging. >:D<<'>

The school say that when he's in year 10 things get easier, and I'm sure they will (maybe) but it's so hard to sit and watch NOW when your kid is suffering, I'm sure it was hard for your parents too. I just feel so helpless and I don't want him to have to go through two or three more years of this, I feel like it's destroying him. :(

It is still good to know that things work themselves out though, gives some hope for the future. :D

Cheers, all the best. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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The school say that when he's in year 10 things get easier, and I'm sure they will (maybe) but it's so hard to sit and watch NOW when your kid is suffering, I'm sure it was hard for your parents too.

 

This is complete and utter rubbish intended to trick you into keeping Jay at school. My headmaster said the same thing along with false promises of what would happen in Y10 when I was in Y9. All that happened in Y10 was that I dropped some subjects I didn't like and wasn't good at. If the head had any decency he would have let me drop the subjects in Y9 because the school was exempt from the National Curriculum. Nothing else changed and I had to endure the same obnoxious routine as in Y9.

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This is complete and utter rubbish intended to trick you into keeping Jay at school. My headmaster said the same thing along with false promises of what would happen in Y10 when I was in Y9. All that happened in Y10 was that I dropped some subjects I didn't like and wasn't good at. If the head had any decency he would have let me drop the subjects in Y9 because the school was exempt from the National Curriculum. Nothing else changed and I had to endure the same obnoxious routine as in Y9.

 

 

That's rotten. The school assure me that the attitude of the kids towards SEN kids improves no end once they get to year 10. Apparently, he'll have no problems with teasing and will have lots of friends when he gets there. Not sure what we're expected to do up until then though. :(:huh:

 

Cheers. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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The school assure me that the attitude of the kids towards SEN kids improves no end once they get to year 10. Apparently, he'll have no problems with teasing and will have lots of friends when he gets there.

 

This is exactly what my headmaster said. If you believe that then believe anything. Is Jay's school run by a head teacher or a career politician?

 

Not sure what we're expected to do up until then though.

 

Ask the head to explain in detail why things will get better for Jay in Y10. Then ask him why he can't put measures in place today and has to wait until Jay starts Y10.

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Ask the head to explain in detail why things will get better for Jay in Y10. Then ask him why he can't put measures in place today and has to wait until Jay starts Y10.

 

 

Well, they say that at 13 it isn't considered 'cool' to hang out with the weird kid, it's just an age thing and that as the kids get older they get more understanding and tolerant, but I'm not holding my breath! :(

 

~ Mel ~

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Well, they say that at 13 it isn't considered 'cool' to hang out with the weird kid, it's just an age thing and that as the kids get older they get more understanding and tolerant, but I'm not holding my breath!

 

I'm starting to wonder whether the head of Jay's school was the head of my school. My parents were told exactly the same thing at a meeting in Y9 after I complained that most of the kids were incompatible with me. I can assure you that kids get less tolerant as they get older.

 

You probably dread to think what will happen in Y11 when Jay's classmates will be going out with people of the opposite sex and all Jay wants to do is play with small pieces of plastic.

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You probably dread to think what will happen in Y11 when Jay's classmates will be going out with people of the opposite sex and all Jay wants to do is play with small pieces of plastic.

 

 

:( Yep, you got that right. :(

 

~ Mel ~

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