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phoebe

physical restraint

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We are having a right royal time of it at the moment. DS is oppositional to everything it seems. Everything is a battle of wills, it is so draining. We are also getting a lot of swearing and an increase in meltdowns.

 

Today, I was called into school because Ds had totally lost it. His classmates had been removed for their safety and he had been escorted to the EBD room, not of his own choice. (often he will go there and use it for calming down or venting off. He had thrown around furniture and was intent on causing damage. Each time we thought we had got past the anger, it flared up again. He got out of the EBD room and went to his classroom (by now it was after school hours) and he was off on one again, trying to break stuff in the class. I didn't want anything else to get broken and so I physically restrained him on the floor until he was exhausted. This in front of two of the staff.

 

This is only the second time I have ever done this and never before in school. I feel really miserable.

 

Anyone help?

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What else could you do, with the teachers just standing there as well, sounds like they where really helpful, but yes I think you have done the right thing as it was becoming very dangerous and he could of ended up really harming himself.

 

I have researched restraint and only ever restraint in extreame situations, at home if it looks like he will become to harm I will restrain him, its really difficult to get into this subject because you do have to be very careful that by you restraining them you dont harm them, and you need to ensure they are restrained properly.

 

its a very shadie subject and its very difficult to gage to know when restraint should and shouldnt be used but I think as long as its done without harming them then there isnt much else you can do if you have tried all the things you have described until the anger is under control and they learn effective anger management techneques which is mostly effective with J now.

 

why did the teachers just stand there and just let you deal with this on your own? did they want to let him destroy the classroom?

 

JsMum

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Dont know, maybe I jumped in more quick because I know him better and I could see where it was going. Maybe I was too quick. I wasn't angry in myself, it wasn't about that, it was about preventing him from causing more damage. I never know what to do in school and where they expect their discipline to end and for mine to take over.

 

They did ask me if I was allright after (of course I was ready to cry and full of the emotions of it) and they thanked me for "coming in and for my help."

 

It is just so bl****y difficult!!

 

I will talk to them because I think it would be better if when I get there, they would explain to me what has happened and what they expect of DS before he goes (tidy up/ whatever) and then leave me to deal with it rather than having 3 adults on to him.

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>:D<<'> >:D<<'> Phoebe >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

Poor you, that's a horrible situation to find yourself in but you had no choice at all but to restrain your son. Sometimes with my ds all fails - he's totally lost the plot and needs physically restraining to protect himself, others and the things around him. It doesn't make it any easier though - particularly when there are onlookers. I wish I could help more - have the school mentioned why they think his behavior's worsened? Sometimes I think my ds tantrums to get himself out of situations and other times I think it's totally beyond his control. Have to goas ds yelling

Take care lots >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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The ONLY thing I would worry about in this situation is that they dont get the idea they can do it lol

 

You know your child, he is your child, you wouldnt do anything to harm him so dont ever question your own judgement, there are plenty of people that will do that for you! lol

 

If AT THAT TIME you had felt there was another option then you would have used it.

 

You managed to calm the situation so therefore it was a success :)

 

Imagine if you hadn't and he'd managed to smash something and it had then cuts his wrist by accident?

 

I back you 100%, and if they say anything about it send them to this forum LOL

 

Nicke

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I've had to restrain my son in the past too and it is an awful feeling but he was a danger to himself and others. I was always surprised how quickly he calmed down as I held him. A psychologist later told me this was because he was kicking off because everything felt so out of his control and frightening to hiim, so when I took control of the situation by holding him tight and close he suddenly felt much safer.

 

So in a way you taking charge of your son by restraining him might not be as negative for him as you think.

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Hi Phoebe

 

This is a difficult one ... If you hadn't restrained him, you may have been accused of not doing anything. At least the staff will have seen what a difficult situation this was and that you were doing what you thought best.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself!

 

Caroline.

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i think as parents we are very hard on ourselves and think we should have done things differently,i think you made sure your son was safe if you hadent restrained him he could have gone on to hurt him self or others,i can understand you feeling sad because its very draining and upsetting,we love our kids loads and no one wants to have to restrain their children.

 

i hope you are feeling ok tonight,dont be hard on yourself,take care love hev xx

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I think you did the right thing too - 100%. >:D<<'> . I've had to do it with C, five times in the run up to Xmas, and countless times when he was 4/5 years old. It feels horrible, but you have no other option. I've developed a way to restrain C that means neither of us get hurt. It's a bit hard to describe - but I approach him from behind and loop my arms through his just above his elbow, then if I gently pull back, he can't lash out. When he starts kicking, I wrap my legs around him and pull him down into a sitting position on my lap. It works a treat. I've had to do this in shopping malls and in the street - it means you gain control really quickly and easily.

As for the teachers, unless they have been trained how to restrain, they cannot do it, they are not allowed.

>:D<<'> to you.

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I too think you did the right thing. And that the teachers were standing around because they weren't allowed to do anything, not even so much as touch them these days. Let's hope that this episode will help them back you up for the right provision on his statement, as he is obviously not coping.

 

I too have had to restrain my son on loads of occasions, to stop him from hurting himself, and to stop him from hurting his younger brother. Unfortunately, at 13 he is heavier than I am and MUCH stronger and as I have lost partial use of my left arm due to his violence, there isn't much I can do anymore. I just wish that training on restraining techniques would be made readily available to all us parents who need it, as that would ensure we do it in a safe way. However, the only response to that request I have ever had is that it is too dangerous and one should only ever restrain with two people, etc etc. So what does one do as a single parent? And how does one stop them from jumping out of an upstairs window, or beating up a sibling?

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I think you did the right thing for your Son. As you can see most of us have been there too and sometimes there's nothing else for it, they need to be kept safe when they're in meltdown mode.

I remember being at Nursery with my boy and he kicked off inside and it spilled out into the playground with the staff safely inside watching froma distance, they really had no idea what to do. I in the end had to do exactly what krystaltyps said and get my arms round him from behind and wrapping my legs round him and getting him into the sitting position and just hanging onto him for dear life untill he calmed down, took a while and when he did eventually calm down he was frightened by the intensity of it all, i felt shaken and very close to tears myself but it had to be done as he was heading for the gate and a nearby road. :o

It is an awful feeling but needs must sometimes so don't beat yourself up, we are afterall only human and our first reaction is to keep our kids safe and if that's how it has to be done so be it.

Up here in Scotland the teachers (in special schools) are taught to use CALMS to restrain (can't remember what the CALMS stands for) but one of them is quite subtle where the teacher will see the pupil becoming uptight or whatever and stand at the side of them with one arm around them holding their arm (not too tightly) and the other hand on theirs it's meant to be comforting and almost feels like the teacher is putting an reassuring arm around them to calm them and deflate a possibly volatile situation, it is meant to be very effective though (My Auntie works ina special high school with kids on the spectrum, and she told me this)

Anyway, just wanted to let you know you're not alone!

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I think you did a fantastic job - to restrain a child when they have completely lost it is a big feat in itself.

 

As my daughter got older it became much harder to restrain her especially in public - and usually end up battered and bruised and just trying to get away from the situation as fast as I can take her from there.

 

There is nothing to feel awful about - you done well.

 

Take care,

Jb

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I think you handled a difficult situation well. None of us want to restrain our children and it's especially hard when you're called into school as you always think how you deal with your child is being scrutinised.

 

I hope you're ok today as it does leave you absolutely shaken and emotional afterwards. x

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Thanks for all your replies folks.

 

We had an inset day following the restraint and now have a week off for half term, so ......if the school does have anything to say, it will be after half term now. We are going away, so I will be just trying to make the most of it and hope that DS' oppositional behaviour lately has been because he has been stressed about the holiday, and that when he gets there, he will enjoy it!

 

During half term, the appointment with the LEA to discuss our proposed statement (10 hours) should arrive, so we will have plenty to say at that meeting!!

 

Onwards and upwards!!

 

Thanks again

Phoebe

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>:D<<'> you did what was best for u and yr son at the time. Dont beat yourself up about it. :wub:

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At the beginning of the holidays (thank God they've just gone back to school now!) I had to seriously restrain my AS son in public (while bowling). It took a whole half hour before he was calm enough so I could let him go. If I hadn't done this, he would have run out into a busy road, and apart from the risk of being hit by a car, he would have gotten lost as he was in a city he didn't know.

 

Surprisingly I didn't have a single reaction from the (plentiful) public, though I think the fact that I constantly stroked him (when I could free one hand for a moment) and kissed him while restraining him, and talked to him calmly non-stop, will have made people realise I wasn't trying to hurt him.

 

I was there with my ex and my three boys. My ex completely ignored the situation and did absolutely nothing to help, he was only upset because the bowling was being interrupted and he had payed for it (a very rare happening). My eldest did try to help at times and hurt both his wrists in the process. I struggled on by myself, and hurt my already bad arm so much it still hasn't fully recovered now a week later.

 

What I would like to know is, does anyone know how/where one can learn restraining techniques properly? I have asked CAHMS, school, social services, but all they ever say is that one should not do it at all, or at least with two people. Fat chance of that....

 

I know I wasn't restraining properly and I had to hold my eldest back from kicking the hell out of him. both of us got hurt (though not my AS son). There's got to be something..........I've looked on the net, and also tried to google for the CALMS method mentioned above, but cannot find actual techniques.

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Hi i was told there are tips on posotive handling and de-escalation on this site but don't know how relevant they are as haven't had chance to look yet.

Hope it helps you though.

Hope your arm is feeling better xx

 

www.team-teach.co.uk

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MIN >:D<<'> >:D<<'> I've been in that situation before. Thankfully, i had the same response from others around me. One lovely lady even put a 'wall' of her and her friends - facing away from me, totally non-threatening, so that we were a little shielded from view. As you said - people can tell the difference between, holding your child securely for your child/you/other peoples safety, and grabbing a child to make them 'tow the line'. >:D<<'> I always feel utterly exhausted afterwards - goodness know what M must be feeling :(>:D<<'>

 

I have been trained in positive (physical) restraint - it was through work, with the Area Senco i think. Not really sure how you'd go about finding out about it :unsure: . Charities maybe??? Sorry - i'm not much help - i suspect the 'big bods' don't want to train people incase something happens and then they may be found accountable....... :wallbash: .

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Hello

my husband went on a 1/2 day course teaching physical resraint for AS kids. It was over a year ago & I dont have the details now, but I'm pretty sure it was arranged through the local Autism support org.

The NAS would probably have details.

Kitty

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It sounds like your son did need restraining and you did the best you could with what knowledge you have. The main query with your restraint was having him on the ground. I was told on the team teach course to avoid such things because there have been problems with suffication in the past. Most of the holds I was taught require two people. However there is one that can be done by a single person.

 

 

 

 

They also taught me 3 different holds to do from the side but they all require a couple of people. There is also methods with all the holds for taking the child to a soft chair to sit down (the soft chair has to be up against the wall with another soft chair beside it).

 

EDIT: Just checked my team teach work book. Unfortunatally it doesn't include the practical methods. See if there is a course in your area. If your son is at a special school you could always try and get them to bring a trainer in as it would probably be useful. It also helps you understand the law and what you can and can't do.

 

 

After due consideration and in consultation with the forum administrators, the moderating team agreed that the detailed descriptions of restraint techniques provided in this post could be potentially dangerous if undertaken by those without formal training. As a consequence the decision was taken to remove these elements from the post. This is not an 'editorial' decision, and implies no bias negative or positive regarding restraint procedures. We thank all who have posted in this thread for their valuable input, and trust members will appreciate the safety issue that has prompted this action.

 

 

 

Many thanks,

 

 

 

The mod/admin team

Edited by baddad

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I have been trained in Team Teach for my work.

 

I don't think it's a good idea to describe restraint techniques on a forum like this :(

 

I spent two days doing my training with an accredited Team Teach trainer, and I have to do a refresher course every year.

 

You need to be shown how to do positive handling techniques properly. I am very concerned that parents might try to follow the things described here :(

 

Bid

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You need to be shown how to do positive handling techniques properly. I am very concerned that parents might try to follow the things described here

 

Bid

 

I agree Bid :(

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Thanks for trying David. Unfortunately I do fully understand the reasons for not being allowed to put these techniques up on the forum. And I think it is those same reasons that stops anyone from passing them on, incl organisations etc... I'd love to be trained and shown them properly, but I have only met brick walls to that request.

 

I did not, by the way, have my son on the ground. He is 13, nearly my size, heavier than me and much stronger. There is no way I could wrestle him to the ground even if I wanted to... I used a wall, a table and sheer desperation to keep him more or less in one spot, and I am still hurting... The psychiatrist was considering increasing his respiridone, but because of his weight (and he is diabetic as well, so extra concern there) he decided against it.

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JsMum, thanks for the link, it looks interesting though I couldn't find a specific course for physical restraint, but anyway, I couldn't get there and back while my son is at school (from Cornwall), and there is no-one willing and able to have him at any other time so courses are out of the question really... though it is what I need...

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Thanks for trying David. Unfortunately I do fully understand the reasons for not being allowed to put these techniques up on the forum. And I think it is those same reasons that stops anyone from passing them on, incl organisations etc... I'd love to be trained and shown them properly, but I have only met brick walls to that request.

 

 

 

Hi 'MIN' -

 

If you feel you need to know about such stratgegies to enable you to appropriately support and safeguard your son then nobody should be able to block you without at least making an assessment of the situation(?)

 

Is it possible you are being stone-walled for financial reasons? I think probably the best way of approaching this is to ask SS to organise a carer's assessment to assess your needs, and if you are physically unable to defend/protect yourself or your son from his emotional responses that arise as a consequence of his condition then you should be trained accordingly.

 

Another (possibly quicker?) route might be to ask local care homes if they have any in house staff training courses coming up and buy a place on that course? It would undoubtedly be cheaper than 1-1 training and could possibly highlight other training course you might be able to access?

 

I think the biggest GREY area in this situation is that for a child living with parents there are no rules, guidelines or policies, and under those circumstances monitoring the appropriateness of restraint is completely impossible. Certainly in the past - and even with the protection of such policies - I have seen care homes where there appears to be a 'culture' of restraint that benefits no one but the staff, and while one hopes such practices in domestic situations would be rare, I suppose the fact that the possibility exists provides another legitimate reason for caution outside of the very real health and safety considerations.

 

 

 

Hope thats helpful

 

L&P

 

BD :D

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It's a very difficult situation :(

 

BD...I would be very surprised if any care home or school would allow anyone outside of their organisation to join in a training day. I know that my place of work was unable to provide training for parents because of the huge legal liabilities involved.

 

Very best to everyone struggling with this >:D<<'>

 

Bid

Edited by bid

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Thanks both.

 

SS is totally non-responsive, they must have a huge (and I mean huge) pile of letters from professionals asking them to support us, but they just don't react, or when they do, they simply still do nothing at all. I have tried all sorts, but to no avail (and that includes their official complaints procedure, and threatening with court). I dare say it is financial; as long as they don't acknowledge someone has a problem, they don't have to help...

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I was in two minds when I posted that information I must admit. Mainly for the reasons mentioned by Bid. Only reason I did in the end was I decided it might be better for them to use a proper technique and make a mistake than no technique at all. Still I think in retrospect that it was risky. I guess that is also why they don't include the instructions for practical stuff in the hand book so people can't do it without the training. There is a person on the team teach website who has given a testimonial about its use who is from Cornwall's LEA:

 

[details removed]

 

It might be worth trying him to see if it would be possible for you to get a place on a course. Or if you know a group of interested people just to organise for the trainers to come and visit. About half your time on team teach is spent in practical sessions with the other 50% making sure you understand the legal position of when restraint can be used.

 

 

I've removed the name and phone number of the official: too much personal information here, and the person concerned hasn't given permission for thier details to be posted. If anyone wants the contact details, please can they pm David.

 

Kathryn

Edited by Kathryn

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JsMum, thanks for the link, it looks interesting though I couldn't find a specific course for physical restraint, but anyway, I couldn't get there and back while my son is at school (from Cornwall), and there is no-one willing and able to have him at any other time so courses are out of the question really... though it is what I need...

I understand about the sitter situation, in the same boat, but the bild do have courses mainly on de esulation methods.

 

I did put a link in but it wont work, if anyone is interested I can try and get it but there is more courses under the behaviour link in bild they also are available to discuss the courses in more detail and may know how to get something in your area.

 

JsMum

Edited by JsMum

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I have been trained in Team Teach for my work.

 

I don't think it's a good idea to describe restraint techniques on a forum like this :(

 

I spent two days doing my training with an accredited Team Teach trainer, and I have to do a refresher course every year.

 

You need to be shown how to do positive handling techniques properly. I am very concerned that parents might try to follow the things described here :(

 

Bid

As part of the training for this, the legal situation regarding restraint in schools is explained. Under Section 550A of the Education Act 1996, schools must have avoidance and de-escalation strategies in place to minimise the need for restraining children with a history of this sort of challenging behaviour.

 

If it becomes necessary to restrain a child to prevent injury to self or others, or to prevent damage to property (and teachers have a legal duty to do this, not a right) then the most important questions are whether or not the avoidance and de-escalation strategies were in place, and whether or not they were followed.

 

The most important thing to do now, then, is work with the school to ensure that their behaviour management strategies are in place.

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Absolutely, Cynical.

 

We are trained in de-escalation methods and that any positive handling technique is an absolute last resort, and is only ever used to ensure the child's safety and/or the safety of others. It is not a punishment. The child is verbally reassured all the time that they are being kept safe.

 

With advanced holds to ground, there is always a member of staff present (at my place of work, it is a the nurse) who is not involved in the hold and acts as the child's advocate, and can say that the hold must be stopped at any moment.

 

No hold is allowed to continue for longer than 15 minutes.

 

After any instance of Team Teach being used, there are debriefings and reviews to see how the situation arose, how it was handled, and what strategies need to be put in place to try and avoid it in future.

 

Bid

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