Last Night was close to me giving up

[JsMum]

I just got so stressed out, the constant requests and the repatative behavioural issues that invaded my own space and quiet time, I was trying to settle down for the evening and normally I can cope with Js needs but last night it all got just too much and I did shout and try to explain to J that I was just so tired there was shouting from the both of us and looking back I didnt deal with it like an adult, but I am just so exhausted the holidays have ment I have done all this 24 - 7.

 

I wanted to ring Social services and say I couldnt take no more, but they would of done nothing, its duty officers and thtey dont understand the strain of specail needs care needs so I felt trapped, and I felt so isolated, its so hard at times like this the night was just horrible, J was crying and so was I.

 

I wanted him to go to a friends to stay the night to give us both a break but he saw it as a punishment and said he would be good if he could stay with me, I felt like a nasty person then, I told him that he had to go and stay in his room and give me some time to calm down.

 

I rang one of my guardian angels and we chatted about the strains and constant preassures we have when caring for children with complex needs and he re evaluated all the great work we do as parents and that as mums we do our best, apart from last night where I did loose it a bit with shoutie words.

 

Its just so hard, I really thought I wasnt going to get throw the night, I was beginning to have real daught in my abilties, that it was so hard to see that most of what I do I love and I adore been a mum, I love the challenges and the fast paced life we have with filling in the time to help and support J, but last night I was really stuck, I didnt have a clue what was best for J anymore.

 

After a really good chat with my friend I felt more optamistic and feeling more determined not to fail and went up and me and J had a really good talk and he seemed to of calmed down but his tears reamerged when he kept saying sorry, I gave him lots of squeezy cuddles and I said we have to start again and we are to work together because all we have is each other.

 

 

by its hard isnt it!

 

JsMum

[forbsay]

Oh poor you. Totally know where you are coming from. It is really really hard at times .

 

Come on here when you need to chat as people will totally know where you are coming from.

 

Take care and sending you both lots of cuddles and hugs

 

Forbsay

xx

[bikergal]

Yes, it is hard, but you did what I do...you rang your guardian angel and talked through it. You've come out the other end ready to start afresh. Sending some positive vibes and hugs...

 

<'> <'> <'>

[elun1]

<'> <'> <'> <'> J's mum <'> <'>

Really felt for you when I read your post. Life is always stressful but the holidays are so intense and very tiring - it's so easy for it to become overwhelming. From reading your posts on here it's clear you are a FANTASTIC mum to J. You always try and make time to give advice on here to everyone too which I always read and listen to. I hope you're feeling a bit better today - is J back at school tomorrow?

Love Elun <'>

[lynyona]

I know exactly where you are coming from it is hard i feel the same most days as the only respite i get from kieran is when i go to work, it was slightly easier when he was at school at leasthe was out for a while now he goes nowhere and isin 24/7.How lucky you are those of you with guadian angels no one i know reallyunderstands nor cares.

 

 

 

 

lynn

[Bagpuss]

JsMum <'> <'> <'>

 

Don't be too hard on yourself.......from reading your posts you sound like you are wonderful mum

 

You take good care of yourself hun x

[hev]

<'> <'> <'> js mum,yes it is hard isent it,glad you had someone to talk to on the phone,that helps to let it all out,how do you feel today?

 

i always read your posts you put things in a calm understandable way,holidays are hard but we have all got through it,we have reached the finish line steve goes back to school tomorrow,i feel like ive run a marathon

 

look after yourself,you doing a brilliant job,take care love hev xxx

[JsMum]

Thankyou all for your lovely kind compliments and adive, this morning I tuck TJ and J for a lovely three hour walk in a country park with a friend and then on the way another friend tagged along, it was sunny and gorgous it made everything loads better, J was happy and I was feeling better with the cool fresh air.

 

its important I think to defo have someone you can talk to and like you have said its important they do understand because if they dont they suggest lots of things that you have already tried, I already knew I hadnt dealt with it properly so I didnt need telling again, so you all here defo understand what I went throw last night, for a monent I just couldnt do it and I have got throw to the other end and like its been said I also feel like I have done a marathan as well.

 

J is BACK TO SCHOOL tomorrow and YES I can Not wait, hippy, it sounds self fish I know sorry if I have offended anyone but for me it is a break, he doesnt nessassarily do any better at school and struggles but for a few hours its someone else who has to deal with him.

 

I dont know how anyone copes 24 - 7 all the time when they home educate and thats why I dont I just wouldnt be able to cope with his needs all of the time with no break I would love to home educate J but I just wouldnt last more than a month, I would be going insane.

 

The holiday was hard this term he didnt want to go shopping, wouldnt go into Town centre and wasnt willing to do suggested ideas, he has been really hard work with comprimises all the way throw he has set his own agenda and its been a nightmare to be honest, routines are great for children but holidays are harder as that slightly goes out the window, however I have made sure he has had a similair routine but still its been hard to re in force it.

 

He hasnt really mixed that much either as he has finished all his activities and most of the things we had been done have been 1-1 with me increasing that reliance and interaction which in turns increases the preassure and no space or time to myself, so today has been a real nice time spending it with others and helping J be with others too as he doesnt share my time very well but he was happy been with Tj and running ahead.

 

so all in all its been a success today after you think what I was thinking of doing last night, which was giving up, so glad I didnt.

 

JsMum

[UltraMum]

<'> <'> <'>

[oxgirl]

So sorry you had a rotten time the other night, JsMum, but glad you had a good day afterwards.

 

It's really hard isn't it, when they go on and on and on and there is just no break from them. I get like that, I feel like if J says one more word, just one, I'll explode. On Thursday we were expecting some people to come and visit and J was really excited about it. They had to cancel at the last minute and he was really upset and I was very sympathetic, knowing that he was disappointed, but after about four hours of listening to him my patience was well and truly at an end, I'd just had enough of hearing his voice! I'm like you though, I always feel terrible afterwards and beat myself up endlessly that I hadn't been more patient and understanding, but it's just impossible sometimes, isn't it.

 

Hope you're feeling a lot better now. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[smiley]

Pleased to hear todays looking better <'>

 

I can certainly identify with the feelings you were having. It' very, very tough sometimes - i don't have a 'guardian angel' to talk to unfortunately. There's only one mum i'm friends with who has children with SN - and she's usually as frazzled as me, if not more so! - so i don't feel i can offload onto her.

It's been crisis point here with M's finalised stat - i, quite literally, cannot go to tribunal on my own - i've made myself very poorly these last few months, and frightened myself, and i know i wouldn't be able to get through it alone. At the end of the day - i need to be physically and mentally well to care for M.

Walking is great for the soul though isn't it always makes me feel better .

 

Scuse the ramblings - my 'bad day' today...........i'll go find some chocolate.......

 

<'> <'>

[oxgirl]

Smiley <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[curra]

J'sMum <'> <'> <'> <'>

I can understand you and all who go through this. M doesn't give me a break, now he's got a cold and he gave it to me, he just wants to talk about his obsessions or nonsense talk and he gets angry with me for anything. He had a nosebleed today and he let all the blood fall on the carpet while I was on the phone, so I spent about an hour cleaning it afterwards, feeling miserable with the cold. I asked him why he's done that when he could have gone to the toilet and he said, "I didn't notice it". There are times when I also think I can't go on anymore, without anyone here to help, but there's always a better day like you've had.

Take care

 

Curra

[krystaltps]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

I've been there too, and it's an awful feeling. But you got through it, and you love your boy and you do your very best for him. That's all we can do.

[allsetuk]

your post brought tears to my eyes as thats how i have felt this past week, my son was off school for a full week ill before half term and then last week it was half term , being one to one with them is so exhausting and especially when its just you and no help , im in the same boat ...and many a night last week i burst into tears, i couldnt get him into bed on an evening and he spent the whole week physcially sat on me , my shadow i think someone described it as on here ....if i told him i needed some space he took it so personally and got really upset even if i just said i didnt want a hug for the 100 time that hour ...over and over and over ...its so hard to keep your sanity and i was so glad to see him go into school today .....it doesnt mean you love them any less, its just realistic that we all need our space and time to regroup

xxx hope it gets better this week

[allsetuk]

just out of interest have you had any behaviour throwback from him trying hard at school all day , mines been hiding naked on the sofa in a den all evening since school finished

[JsMum]

He is happy and high as a kite, play fighting with his freind he has invited for tea, he is spitting at the moment, cant cope very well with excitement,

 

The kitchen sink was blocked up!

 

The washer has been leaking!

 

I am cooking tea, in the middle of mopping up water!

 

As I type this they are spinning my chair playing tig,

 

Its CAOS!!!!!

 

but the joys of life and nine year old boys!!!

 

JsMum

[dooday24]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> you r doing a gr8 job love donnaxx

[forbsay]

Hi

 

Glad today was better for you.

 

Take care

 

Forbsay

xxx

[hev]

glad you had a better day js mum,theres always a better day round the corner <'> <'>

[reuby2]

<'> <'> <'> Try not to be too hard on yourself, you are a great Mum but guess what? You have needs too. So the time when he is at school gives you that little bit of space that you can't get later on. I'm also so grateful when my son is at school, I think he needs that bit of space too. <'> <'>

[forbsay]

Hiya

 

How are you feeling now?

 

Forbsay

xx