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Bagpuss

Favouring one parent

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We are experiencing difficulties at home due to youngest dd (6 ASD) favouring me over DH. We assumed it would be something she would grow out of, as it's been such a long standing issue, and has been going on as long as we can remember, but if anything it is intensifying. Does anyone else experience this, and if so, how do you deal with it?

 

Youngest dd won't allow my other two children near me either, and if DH and I are trying to have a conversation she screams "shut up, shut up, its noisy". Tried pink fluffy ear muffs, and apart from looking fantastically cute, they've not really been much help long term, once the novelty wore off. We had assumed it was connected to sensory sensitivities, as she does struggle with alot of different noises, but now I'm beginning to wonder if it's more about getting my attention. Eldest dd (9 AS) is now beginning to bicker constantly with youngest dd and says things along the lines of "shes my mummy too" :wacko:

 

She is happy for DH to take her out etc, but at home she wants me to do everything for her, and I'm beginning to feel alittle bit suffocated. She wants to sit on me or next to me, strokes me saying I'm cute, wants to stroke my eyelashes and eyebrows, and is like a little rottweiler if anyone else approaches :star: If I move to a different room, she follows and will even cry if I go for a wee, or will knock constantly on the door asking when I'll be finished :rolleyes: If I want to go out we have to prepare her, which can be difficult, although DH says once I've gone she is fine. Still, I always leave with a heavy heart, feeling weighed down with guilt :(

 

DH is also really struggling to come to terms with the fact that she will not listen to him at all.....which ends up with him becoming irritated and snappy, making the situation worse :wacko: As soon as the tension mounts, I feel I have to step in and try and calm everyone down, which can be tiring in itself. Sometimes feel like a referree :rolleyes:

 

Actually may invest in some nice shorts and a whistle and retire to the dug out near the fridge and alcohol till further notice :lol::lol:

 

 

Thanks for listening :D

Edited by Bagpuss

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Hi I have a similar problem My son is low functioning and non-verbal but he clearly prefers to be with me than with his dad. He is an only child so at least I dont have the problem of other children feeling pushed out but my partner certainly does. He gets jealous of B taking all my attention and sometimes I feel like piggy in the middle.If we are both in the room B will not have anything to do with his dad. We have come to an arrangement where on Sat and Sun afternoons I will come upstairs for a while and leave B and his dad alone together. Then B is happy to play with his dad for a while and they will play very nicely together. However if I leave the house then B will have full scale tantrums screaming and banging his head on the floor etc which his dad finds very difficult to cope with. This does make me very reluctant to go out without him and I avoid doing it if at all possible and I do feel really guilty if I have to. The Sat and Sun afternoon arrangement does give me a break though and B is happy as long as he knows where I am and that I will be coming downstairs again soon.

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Hi there. We have similar. Logan is 3.5, non-verbal and fairly low functioning and without a doubt prefers me to his Dad. Always has done and if he is upset, often only I can soothe him. He also likes to be in physical contact with me as much as possible and loves to sit and stroke my face etc. It can be fairly suffocating at times, but I'd far rather he be overly emotional than distant.

 

He will go to my husband though, and rarely plays up if I leave him with my hubby, he just prefers when I'm there. From time to time he will get really upset when I leave and not settle till I come back but usually my hubby can control it. We try and have me leave without him noticing - have his TV on or something as its much less upsetting for him than if he sees me leaving without him.

 

He does get jealous of my daughter though and will try and push her out of the way. I just make sure that she gets time on her own without Logan around, or if need be physcially move him away so that she can get cuddles too. That works now, not so sure how it'll work as he gets older.

 

She is a bit of a Daddies girl though so it sort of balances itself out.

 

It can be difficult though.

 

Lynne

Edited by Lynden

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Sorry to here that things aren't going well BP and,as per usual, can't offer any suggestions. Do you reckon the house move might improve things any? >:D<<'>

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Thanks for all the wonderful replies >:D<<'> It always helps to know we arn't the only ones :D

 

TN...I think the house move may be a big help....especially if youngest dd and I live in one house and DH and eldest dd and ds live in another :lol::lol::lol: Seriously though, thanks for your reply, and be afraid TN....babysitting duty awaits :D

Edited by Bagpuss

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Thanks for all the wonderful replies >:D<<'> It always helps to know we arn't the only ones :D

 

TN...I think the house move may be a big help....especially if youngest dd and I live in one house and DH and eldest dd and ds live in another :lol::lol::lol: Seriously though, thanks for your reply, and be afraid TN....babysitting duty awaits :D

 

Just remember, I am busy that day...whenever that day might be :lol:

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Hi

It was the other way round for us. My boys worship there dad and sometimes i used to think what the hell is wrong with me?!!! But they have grown out of it and i think it was just because they were used to seeing me all the time so werent too bothered if i went anywhere :lol::lol:

Sorry i dont have any advice for you but i hope things improve soon

Brooke

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Oh, this must be so tough and demanding on you, Bagpuss. Must admit I'd hate to have that level of in-your-face attention all the time, I'd feel like screaming!! :blink:

 

Sorry, no advice, it's the other way with our Jay really, he's never really been that bothered who looks after him as long as SOMEONE is there. I used to feel quite rejected really, I felt he was supposed to WANT his mummy, but I don't take it personally now. :P

 

Hope the move helps with the situation. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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I'm in the same boat as you. My Ds loves me to bits but says he hates his dad or being with Dad or Nanna or anybody who isn't me!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I find it exhausting, I often feel like a prisoner as I aren't "allowed" to go out without him etc. I do go out (once in a blue moon) but I have to wrench myself away from a hysterical child and feel sooooo guilty that it spoils it. I really hope this stage passes quickly for you (and me ). Till then...................

>:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Hi

It was the other way round for us. My boys worship there dad and sometimes i used to think what the hell is wrong with me?!!! But they have grown out of it and i think it was just because they were used to seeing me all the time so werent too bothered if i went anywhere :lol::lol:

Sorry i dont have any advice for you but i hope things improve soon

Brooke

 

 

My lad is the same, he pushes his MUM away and hangs onto me all the time even at age 11... it's no spoiling on my part, he just goes out of his way to not let Mum take up my time, I'd welcome him pestering MUM for a few hours so I can get some rest ! He'll want to go out for walks or something but when I say Mum is coming as well, he throws a wobbly or makes an outing a nightmare of 3 of us go together. If MUM goes down the shops he puts the chain on the door so she can't use her key to get bank in ! If me and Mum sit together he sits in between us too, poor old Mum feels guilty, despite me re-assuring her... I've stayed well back and organised 'Mum and son' time and gone elsewhere so they can 'bond' she tells me (Mum), he just plays up all the time it's a real battle, while he is out with me, he is relatively well behaved. I'm accused of spoling the lad and everything, but I never have, I didn't want to make a rod for my own back I can assure everyone ! There is some light at the end of the tunnel he wants to sit on Mum's lap and occasionaly plays with her now, so perhaps he is growing out of it....

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My asd is very very close to me.When we go shopping, he always wants to hold my hand as oppose to his daddys (mind you that could be because i usually buy him something)..

 

However, when i came home tonight from work, the kids were choosing their daddy over me so who knows!

 

Forbsay

xx

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Thanks again for all your replies, really appreciate it >:D<<'>

 

We've just got back from a few days in a cottage in the Lake District, and feeling really relaxed and chilled. For the first time ever we had a really calm ish break......even managed a trip to the Chocolate House in Kendal....bliss :wub:

 

Youngest dd is now worried because she was laying in bed with me this morning and noticed I now have grey hair appearing :ph34r: She pointed out that I had "white bits" in my hair, and then went onto to say I was getting old and turning into a grandma.....then became really upset because she thinks I won't be her mummy anymore :tearful::wub:

 

Told her I'll always be her mummy, no matter what colour my hair is, bless her.........on a more positive note, DH has grown a beard while off work and she's told him to shave it off because she wants him to look like her daddy again.......so he's feeling really touched :wub:

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