Just done a Help2 course

[JenRose]

on Anger and Adolescence with Asperger Syndrome.

 

It was excellent and ive picked up a lot of ideas.

One of the ways the NAS suggested communicating with your adolescent was by writing letters,using sticky notes and email, she said lots of kids have their own internet in their bedroom and communicate with their parents this way, it made me feel 2 things, firstly relieved cos its not just M that wants to sit in his bedroom all day and 2 ive never thought of letting him have the internet in his room.

 

Im in 2 minds really, i know he wont go on chat rooms and talk to anyone cos thats not his thing but i dont want him looking at anything sinister either and i dont know how i,d stop that.

 

But having said that he,s not in school and he loves the internet but because he has to come downstairs to use it, he gets moody.

 

Does anyone else let their AS child have their own internet?

[JJ's mum]

My children aged 7 and 5 both have the internet in their bedroom though I do have child safety software on there. If you have windows XP you can also change the ratings that the computer can display from the internet, by going to Contol Panel --> internet options --->content --> enable then set the content you would like your son to see.

 

In addition, I use Net Nanny, and set up the email account for my daughter, and I have to admit I do have the odd peek in there to check up that no dodgy emails have been sent to her.

So far we have had no problems and its been there 6 months, apart from the first software being over zealous and not allowing words like Sussex.

If you dont give him an administrator account then you can also monitor which software is installed etc eg file sharing if you are concerned he may get you in trouble by downloading copyright movies etc.

 

My daughter uses mainly sites that I have chosen for her and added to her favourites but I know you can block access to certain sites with net nanny and also restrict the sites to ones you are happy with.

I would say go for it if your son is trustworthy. If he is a rigid follower of rules then write him a list such as "do not open emails unless you know who sent it", " never give out your name and address online".

I know there is an ASD chat room, the address was published on here and it looked quite good though I am too old to join!

 

You can always check the history of addresses visited from time to time when you manage to get a look. I dont really watch over my kids shoulders though, I just trust my daughter will be sensible and they have strict orders to call me if they see something rude.

 

Frequently getting a virus is a sign something isnt quite right about the sites someone is using or the emails they are getting, but personally I like to trust my kids until proven otherwise despite many peoples negative reaction to my kids having the internet in their room.I dont however trust a lot of sites to protect their innocent eyes so thats the bit I watch out for.

[JJ's mum]

Forgot to say, I email my daughter and send her messages on Yahoo messenger and she loves it! I even ask her sometimes to tidy her room and she does!

Might not work for an adolescent but you could always try.

[CarerQuie]

I think this might well work.My 17yo DD (undx'x)nearly always texts or leaves a note if she wants something.xx

[Valiant_Skylark]

Oooh, I've just e-mailed my two to see if it cheers them up.

 

I couldn't make the Help2 courses (they would need to be closer to home) - What else did they recommend?

 

My eldest is currently very up and down, with a dodgey school placement fanning the flames, and I'm quite worried about him and us, to be honest. Any tips on dealing with anger/depression, however small, greatfully received.

 

VS xx

[JenRose]

Thanks Js mum i think i will let DS have internet.

 

Valiantskylark, the course was focused a lot on communication as its lack of this that usually results in a meltdown.

 

They recommended, internet, emailing, sticky notes, wipe board, a book to leave messages, texting,phoning your childs mobils phone as they can see your number coming up.

 

With regards to anger it was recognising what they called the "rumbling stage" where if its not caught early enough leads to a meltdown.

 

Ive got some notes, when the kids are in bed later ill dig them out and post some more tips.

[KarenT]

The Help2 seminars are excellent! I did the Anger and Sensory Issues ones last year, and have a place on the Social Stories one coming up in March. If you get the chance and they're near enough to where you are, GO! They're well worth the effort.

 

Karen

x

[Valiant_Skylark]

Many thanks, JenRose.

 

A large part of our problem is the school's lack of pro-active strategies in the first place (to avoid the rumbling stage completely) and then lack of empathy in picking up the rumbling that they induce - so the anger escalates, esp once son is "out" of school, either in Homework Club or at home. We are left to deal with a very uptight pre-teen and I can't see a solution unless I can get a change of school etc, which my supporter and I are working on! And yes, the school have been given literature on the "Rage Cycle" and training on the "Alert Programme", which, in theory, should have given them at least some tools to cope; I'm not convinced they "get it" in real life, though, as they blunder on making howlers of mistakes.

 

Eldest son was thrilled with his e-mail and sent me one right back. I think I will try to encourage him to communicate with the suggestions you list, but I think eldest son is now "giving up" trying to tell people what he needs, as the said school just says, "Tough - you have to do it our way" and ignores what he says anyway. Aspie hell.

 

It is taking time to sort anything, despite meetings and letters galore, so your Help2 tips might provide some Emotional Sticky-tape for the horrible, horrible "in-the-meantime".

 

Thanks again for digging out those tips ffor us,

 

VS xx

[helenl53]

Hi VS - we had this problem down south of the courses not being close enough. Contact NAS and ask them to put you in touch with the HELP! training office that is closest to you. I did this for our area and as a result, we have had lots of HELP! courses and more on the way - trouble is, there is never enough spaces for the parents that want to attend.

 

If NAS know that there is a need for these courses in your area, then provided there was enough signing up, I am sure they would run them more locally to you.

 

Hope this helps

 

HelenL