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oxgirl

Jay got called 'weird' again today.

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He was stressing out in his science lesson and someone told him he was weird. :crying: What his TA is supposed to be doing during this time is beyond me, isn't the reason she's there in the first place to help him remain calm, etc., she's so useless :blink:

 

What he's learnt at this school is that he's weird, that he doesn't fit in and that nobody likes him or wants to be his friend. He didn't know that before, but he knows it now. I won't sit by and watch this place destroy him, I'm just so upset I can't even say any more. :crying::crying:

 

~ Mel ~

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Mel, Jay sounds like he's had a really bad time. You sound so upset, and rightly so. Don't know what to say, but sending hugs to you and Jay. Take care.

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Mel

 

It sounds so much like my son's nightmare at his previous school. These things have long lasting effects on our children and you are right to be upset. Our children are vulnerable and they don't take such words as banter ( and it probably wasn't said as a joke). What is the school going to do about it? Don't let them minimize it with the usual "all kids say such things", as they said to me. Something has to be done to make things right and restore Jay's self esteem.

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Curra

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Hi all

 

My k said something to me the other day that really upset me.

There was some kids in the garden and they had smashed the milk bottles that were on the step. so when we were going out i told him what had happened and told him to watch the broken glass incase he hurt himself and he said they are only throwing them at you mam because they dont like me!!!! :tearful:

That was'nt what i said but it just goes to show how the things people do affect him, thats the first time he has said anything like that.

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Thanks everyone, I feel so down with school and don't see them bothering to make changes anytime soon. Sending him there was the worst decision we ever made, but it really is that or nothing for us, that or move I suppose. :(

 

Sorry to hear about your upset Claire33, it breaks your heart when they say things like this, doesn't it. >:D<<'>

 

 

What is the school going to do about it? Don't let them minimize it with the usual "all kids say such things", as they said to me. Something has to be done to make things right and restore Jay's self esteem.

 

Curra, they really don't give a damn about his feelings! Jay told his TA what the kids had called him and she told him that they probably thought that his behaviour WAS a bit weird! They defend the other kids' behaviour and more or less make it seem like it's Jay's own fault if he hasn't got any friends and people don't like him, serves him right! I wouldn't mind, but he's the most gentle, sweet kid, he isn't aggressive or violent and he'd never hurt a hair on anyone's head, he doesn't deserve this. :(

 

I'm at my wits end. :crying::crying::crying:

 

~ Mel ~

Edited by oxgirl

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Can't you put a complaint in to the SENCO about the lack of support that the TA is giving him? Comments like the one that she made really aren't helpful.

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Mel,

Can't you ask for a meeting with the Senco, the TA and the Head to discuss this? The TA is reinforcing the problem and not being helpful because she's handling it as a behavioural issue, as if the problem was caused by Jay's choosing. If she doesn't understand what ASD is about, then she shouldn't be giving support to your son in the first place. She needs to remember that your son's behaviour is part of his ASD which he can't help. Stick to your guns and don't let them treat your son like that.

 

My lad went through very similar experiences at his previous school and it makes me want to cry to see that other children go through the same. There were other kids who laughed at him during the lessons and called him names ("weird" among them) but when he told the teachers they said he was "too sensitive" and even that he imagined things. The school also told me many times that my son provoked the teasing with his behaviour. My son is still suffering from agarophobia as a result from those experiences which left him terrified of meeting anyone from his old school on the street. The only way out for my son was for me to give the school facts about ASD (which obviously they didn't know) and to tell them exactly what I expected them to do. They ignored me for a long time but I kept nagging and sending letters until they heard me. I'm not saying this is the best thing to do, it really depends on the relationship you have with the school, but sometimes there is no other alternative.

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Curra

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J has been called names and I think it should be dealt with the same as physical bulling, J retaliates if kids call him names so no one does and if they do they certainly dont do it again, the teachers are quick to deal with the children calling names because J hasnt learnt to cope with his temper yet and so kids are punished the same as if they where hitting, as names can be emotionally damaging, I think the LSA should be intervening a lot earli8er and the teacher should be the one in control of all his pupils.

 

Defo write a letter of complaint and get the senco to disguss this incedent and see if your LSA does have any training in supporting ASD but the kind of treatment been given here should not be tolerated wether ASD or otherwise.

 

If your Jay had of hit out and injured one of the pupils who would of been in the most trouble, Jay, and no one would of been wondering why he hit out.

 

JsMum

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Defo write a letter of complaint and get the senco to disguss this incedent and see if your LSA does have any training in supporting ASD but the kind of treatment been given here should not be tolerated wether ASD or otherwise.

 

This LSA appears to lack understanding of AS and an investigation is required to find out whether they really understand AS or not.

 

If your Jay had of hit out and injured one of the pupils who would of been in the most trouble, Jay, and no one would of been wondering why he hit out.

 

Exactly. I attacked another kid at my residential school with a weapon and the matter ended up in the hands of the police. The school, the police officer, and the other kid's parents considered the attack as unlawful retaliation plain and simple and I was close to being prosecuted and imprisoned.

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mel it is very upsetting,i took steve out of school when i found out they were giving him his ritalin in front of the class and the kids were calling him druggie :( it was beyond me why they didnt take him to another room.

 

some schools have no idea or care about our kids,i would def ask for a meeting with the school to discuss it all.

 

i do feel for you as its heartbreaking,our kids are our life,i just find it so upsetting >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Thanks again everyone for your support during this rotten time. :(>:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

We really don't have any direct contact with the mainstream school or SENCO. Jay is in the ASD unit which is attached to the secondary school and all our dealings are with them. They are independant from the school really, students just dip in and out of mainstream lessons as appropriate. The unit are responsible for their own staffing and, quite frankly, some of the staff there are woefully inadequate, but we have no say in who he has. At the moment he is with a TA who is close to retirement, lacks insight and understanding and is very stuck in her ways, as some older ladies can be (no offense to anyone intended :ph34r: ).

 

Me and hub had heart to heart last night and we are really at our wits end with it all and are considering taking him out and home educating again. :blink:

 

He has had a bit of a better day today, having said that, only had to be removed from one lesson out of the three he did today due to getting unbearably stressed. (*sigh*). :(

 

Cheers all. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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Really sorry to hear this. How can they be an ASD unit if they no real idea how to treat asd children, that's the kind of behaviour I'd fully expect in a mainstream school. I'm in despair of education in oxfordshire no one really seems to care about kids with SEN! I sincerely doubt AJ will ever get an adequate education and right now I don't feel like the LA really care. Sorry I can't offer any practical advice, but I understand how exactly how you feel.

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Really sorry to hear this. How can they be an ASD unit if they no real idea how to treat asd children, that's the kind of behaviour I'd fully expect in a mainstream school. I'm in despair of education in oxfordshire no one really seems to care about kids with SEN! I sincerely doubt AJ will ever get an adequate education and right now I don't feel like the LA really care. Sorry I can't offer any practical advice, but I understand how exactly how you feel.

 

Thanks Faithnomore. I agree with what you say, an ASD Unit attached to mainstream school sounds so ideal on paper, but the reality is so very different, and you're right, no-one seems to care at the LA, it's like it or lump it! :(

 

Good luck to you and yours, sorry you're going through the same. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Edited by oxgirl

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Oh Mel, it all sounds so awful, poor Jay, poor you. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better for you guys ! but you must keep fighting, have you got a copy of SEN code of practice, perhaps you could start quoting it to them to remind them what they should be doing. How do they sleep at night ???, surely just job satisfaction if nothing else would make these people want to get it right for your son. My heart goes out to you. Clare x

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How do they sleep at night ???,

 

Not sure how they sleep at night, but at the moment I'm certainly not doing much of it. Mostly tossing and turning all night! :wacko:

 

Cheers Clare. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Mel, sorry abit late replying to orginal post, been away for a few days.....how are things hun? >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Thought I hadn't seen you around for a few days, hope you had a nice few days away. :P>:D<<'>

 

Well, the Head of the Unit did the talk to the year group yesterday morning. We weren't expecting it, the first Jay knew of it was when people kept coming up to him in the maths lesson and asking him about Lego!! I'm glad he's finally gotten round to doing it (after a year and a half), but I do feel it's too little too late and that things won't improve for him. I probably sound very pessimistic, but that's how I feel at the mo. :(

 

Cheers Bagpuss. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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I'm not surprised at how you are feeling Mel :( Are you still considering HE again?

 

 

Well, I think me and hub are both pretty scared of the prospect of HE through secondary years, it seemed so much easier when it was primary. To be honest, when he came out of primary he couldn't even sit and write a sentance, so priority was to get him writing, which was pretty straightforward. Prospect of trying to tackle GCSE curriculum is a bit more daunting. :blink: But, yep, I said to hub I wasn't going to sit back and watch this place destroy him and I feel that if things go on as they are for another year or two then it will do terrible damage to his self-esteem, which could effect him for the rest of his life. We both wonder if it might be a better idea to help him concentrate on learning life skills and independence instead of struggling in a classroom and whether these skills will be of more help to him in the long term.

 

Sorry, that was the long, rambling answer. :P Short answer is we just can't decide what to do for the best!! :o:tearful:

 

Thanks for listening to my ramblings. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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sending you lots of >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

its horrible what our kids get called at school etc my son is now 16 but he still calls himself 'the devil' and is really convinced he is because his head teacher at his first junior school called him a little devil when she asked us to remove him before she perminantly excluded him (needless to say we imediatly removed him from the school but the damage was done :( )

 

people just dont realise the long term effects careless comments have on our kids

 

trace xx

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