Adults on the Spectrum

[Bagpuss]

Good luck Bid <'>

[Aeolienne]

I was diagnosed aged 26 in 2001, too late to claim any perks at university. At the time I felt some relief, but it was only temporary. I genuinely (naïvely) hoped that at last my problems with socialising would be taken seriously, and not just fobbed off with the same old same old "just join a club". No such luck. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

 

My parents, for their part, insist I'm borderline, notwithstanding that I *still* haven't had a relationship at the age of 36 and have been fired from three jobs.

[dm2010]

Position on the Spectrum ?

 

Sounds like Colonel White at Cloudbase on the TV show 'Captain Scarlet' ?

[aspire]

My son was diagnosed with Aspergers, dyslexia and dyspraxia about 5 years ago having struggled at school, and gone down with CFS. He is doing well now, though his challenge in the next few months is transition to University.

 

I feel intensely that I have a role as his advocate and often spend time trying to mediate for him between aspie planet and weird planet. However, I have often heard myself in the past insist 'he's alright, he's just like me'. In the past year the penny has dropped and as I've done more and more reading I now realise that I have aspergers too.

 

This has really hit me much harder than I thought, and in the past month or so I keep finding myself crying and feeling bereft. All of this would be ok if I felt supported by anyone, but I actually find myself more and more upset by my son's aspie idiosyncracies, particularly when he gets into arguments with other people when they find his aspie thoughts/opinions irritating. I can see my past behaviours in his and I feel guilty and shameful and then more and more upset.

 

I always knew I was different, but now I feel I've lost the good aspects of what I thought was being unique. I feel I'm now a 'type' whose thoughts and behaviours fit another pattern, have lost my uniqueness and now have become a 'problem' to everyone. I recall all the times when people have said to me 'I don't know why you think that' or 'I don't know where you get that from'.

 

I'm sure this is something that everyone who comes to a late realisation of aspergers struggles with. I am in my late 40s and have been very successful in my career though the recession has meant that I'm currently in a very difficult position with no work.

 

One of the things I am struggling with at the moment is that I now realise that I don't know who I am. To be successful I have consistently modelled my thinking and behaviours on successful people and adopted these as my own. I am now a conglomerate of them with no sense of who I am.

 

I think I want to seek a diagnosis, but would be interested to hear whether other people have found this useful or not. I realise I will face an up hill struggle to get a diagnosis.

[Aeolienne]

I'm sure this is something that everyone who comes to a late realisation of aspergers struggles with. I am in my late 40s and have been very successful in my career

What's your secret?

[smiley1590]

even with me having an 'official diagnosis of A.S' i feel have 'no sense of who i am' - no sense of real identity! seems common theme/feeling with us aspies! don't know why maybe because our AS world surrounds confusion,frustration etc struggle make sense of 'everything' around us our life 'norm' world

 

XKLX

[smiley1590]

i feel identity crisis is can be made worse fueled by MH issues such as depression,anxiety or low self - esteem/confidence anyone else agree - feels this way too?

 

XKLX

[aspire]

There are good and bad sides to any 'success' I've had.

 

For a start the success is largely due to the way work has been all consuming to me, which has affected the relationships around me and my anxiety and stress levels. I've also worked at, for, organisations whose visions and values I could identify with and feel passionate about. I've studied and copied the behaviours of people who I've admired and who have been super successful. The main downside is that I'm not able to articulate about how or why I am successful, so having reached a certain level I can't get any further because I now seem to fail in interviews. At my level interviews now typically involve large panels of people firing questions at you and I find it extremely difficult to find and articulate what I perceive as the 'right' answer 'quickly'.

[aspire]

i feel identity crisis is can be made worse fueled by MH issues such as depression,anxiety or low self - esteem/confidence anyone else agree - feels this way too?

 

XKLX

 

A problem I find is the multi layered levels of meaning I attach to things which other people can't 'get' and which I find it difficult to explain to them. When I do they are amazed and say 'oh its just a book to me' or whatever. I also make links between things which other people also can't see until I point it out.

[rannoch]

One of the things I am struggling with at the moment is that I now realise that I don't know who I am. To be successful I have consistently modelled my thinking and behaviours on successful people and adopted these as my own.

I'm sure this is a strategy used by many people. There's nothing wrong with having good role models to base your thinking and behaviour on. When I take on a thought or behaviour based on someone I admire, I am conscious that it is based on the other person. At this point, it's just role-playing. Once I have tried the thought or behaviour out and adapted it to suit my own circumstances, it can be assimilated into my life without compromising my sense of identity. Some things don't fit comfortably into my sense of self, but are still useful to keep for future use. I keep them in a mental 'toolbox' of behaviours and strategies that are not part of my self. I know that I can dip into this toolbox when required, but they are not part of me.

[smiley1590]

my pyschologist tells me i do who i am and i do have sense of identity but i feel i don't!

 

XKLX

[hsmum]

Hi,

 

This is an interesting thread. Although I do not have a diagnosis, I certainly have traits that would suggest ASD (severe difficulties making friends, obsessional traits (which resulted in treatment) and difficulties with face to face communication). Several members of my family also have traits and/or a diagnosis of ASD. However, I do not wish to pursue a diagnosis at the moment, particularly as my husband has recently received a diagnosis and he is still coming to terms with this.

 

I would say that the ability to focus narrowly has been a problem and a strength. Obviously, it was a problem when I became too obsessional, but it has enabled me to achieve very highly academically.

 

Although my husband finds it impossible to work with or for other people, I can do this, particularly because I work in a field that I am passionate about.

[Aeolienne]

Hi,

 

This is an interesting thread. Although I do not have a diagnosis, I certainly have traits that would suggest ASD (severe difficulties making friends, obsessional traits (which resulted in treatment) and difficulties with face to face communication)

How did you manage to get married if you find making friends difficult?

[hsmum]

How did you manage to get married if you find making friends difficult?

 

Hi,

 

A very good question. I will try not to go into too much personal detail, because this would take us completely off topic, but I was in my late thirties and quite lonely, so I decided to respond to adverts in the 'Lonely Hearts' column of the local newspaper. Perhaps due to the local connection, we found that we had quite a bit in common: knowledge of the community, mutual acquaintances and so on. I cannot say that we 'fell in love' but I felt very safe with my partner and we were married within three months of meeting.

 

Obviously meeting through adverts can be risky, but it worked for me. One thing that I will add, in conclusion, is that as adults, my husband and I are quite socially isolated, and whilst we can cope with this, we have to make a very determined effort to ensure our children have sufficient opportunities to mix with their friends.

 

 

I apologise for rambling on.

[darkshine]

my pyschologist tells me i do who i am and i do have sense of identity but i feel i don't!

 

XKLX

I struggle to determine my sense of identity too - and when I think I can it's nothing but a load of opposites that don't add up or make sense...

[trekster]

I got my diagnosis in 1996. It was a relief in a way to know that I had something that others also had to deal

with but disappointing because my additional diagnoses didn't arrive until recently.

My gift is that I can recognise some songs after hearing a few seconds of the song.

 

I am successful in the sense that I have an 2:1 autism degree (I mean any degree is successful).

I also have a volunteer job in particular the Bath Adult Autism Social group that I enjoy running.

I also have a home but I wish I could get on the career ladder, the housing scheme I'm in for learning

disabled people presumes that I wont wish to work. The idea is that you gain self confidence and self

esteem from running the house with some help, but this isn't motivating enough at the moment.

 

Currently studying for a postgrad diploma (might be a masters if I can afford it) in Autism.

 

I dont have children but wish I had been identified at school and support been put in place.

They missed the 'has very formal speech' as an ASD sign when I was little.

Edited October 30, 2011 by trekster

[Aeolienne]

I am glad they didn't look too closely at the collage and poem I wrote to deal with my godmother's death when I was seventeen though, as my inspiration at the time was Babylon Zoo and 1984 by George Orwell - if you don't know that, the whole thing comes off as rather paranoid and insane!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOvIekXahRY