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joeboe

Playtime with Peers at School

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:robbie:

Hi There Everyone!

 

Being new to this group, I don't quite know where to start!

 

What I really need at the moment is some ideas and guidance to help my 7yr old son Joe (diagnosed AS) relate to and play better with his classmates at school. Yesterday, whilst walking home with him, when asked who he played with at playtime he answered "no-one", I just played by myself. When I tried to coax a little more info from him, he just said that no-one wanted to play with him.

 

He also confided in me that a child had been picking on him, the incident yesterday was having a deflated ball thrown at his face several times.

 

Now I know this is a common occurence for children on the spectrum, but that doesn't numb the pain of hearing him say it. I have spoken to the SENco at School today who says she will have a word with the class about including everyone, but I'm not convinced this will help as they've tried before.

 

What we really would like are some pointers (games, interests) on how to help Joe forge better relationships with more children at school, and how to explain to him what is going on.

I dreaded this happening and it's breaking my heart but I cannot just sit back and watch him lose out.

I would love to be there at school with him so I could see what's going on!!

 

Many Thanks,

Kerry & Joe

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Hiya Joeboe,

My son is now 8 but back when he was in the infants he was the same, playing by himself and it broke my heart. What we did was have a word with the teacher who suggested 2 boys that he must have sat with and who were really nice boys and she suggested that we try inviting them home to play. We did this and though now he has 2 other best friends, he still classes these lads as his best friends and we still have them over every now and then. Also in year 2 he stopped even playing with these 2 boys and went back to playing by himself and the way the school encouraged him to join in with their play a bit again was to give an organized task every week for him to do and he could choose someone to help (this was during dinnertime) and because he found a structured activity easier to socialise , it worked again and he started to play again and became much happier at school. Now he is in year 3 and plays all the time with his new best friends, has a lovely time and when I look back I never would have believed it.

Try not to worry, but it is a good idea to ask him if there is anyone he particularly likes and invite them to play. Hope everything goes okay >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

P.S As to the bullying, it happened for the first two years of infants school and each year I had to go in and they sorted it. It was a good school and in year 1 some older lads were tormenting him about his speech and the headmistress went ballistic ! She made the culprits stand up in the assembly (these lads had done it to numerous other pupils), gave a talk to the school and made the lads stay in at dinnertime and write a letter unaided to ME apologizing for making fun of my son........they never did it again :D

Edited by reuby2

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My son's class were taught traditional playground games to try and get organised games that they all knew the rules too. I don't think once the adult involvement stopped that the children continuted to play them though - it might help to get them started?

 

Also I found once my son found someone with a interest in his favourite thing (Star Wars!) it's helped him bond with the boys. Perhaps teaching your son 'Pokemon', 'Star Wars' or something similar that 7 yr old boys are into in his class might help? Might be tricky if he's simply not interested but maybe worth a try.

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Hi Reuby,

 

Good to hear the bullies were sorted out, and what an ingenious way to go about it!

 

Since Joe arrived home after school today, we have written a note to one of his "good friends" to invite him round to play at the weekend, so hope this goes well. They are both into Lego & Star Wars, so will have plenty to do! We are also planning on inviting 2 more of his friends round to play & lunch next weekend (apparently he has been asking children to come and play since our chat yesterday), maybe I have been worrying needlessly?! :dance:

 

Still, now the ball's rolling I will carry on and do all I can to help him with his friendships - as I recall my own parents weren't exactly forthcoming on this kind of idea when i was a kid and my partner had the same with his parents too.

 

Thanks for your advice!!

Kerry & Joe

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Hi JLP,

 

Oh he is interested in Star Wars alright!!! Lego and Transformers follow a close second.

I think at his school they organise traditional games during the summer, but not sure about this time of year - that is something I need to ask about.

 

Thanks for your ideas - everything helps!

Best wishes,

Kerry & Joe

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Hi Joeboe,

It could've been me writing your post!!

My son is also 7 and is also isolated in the playground. He is in a language unit but integrates into the mainstream part of the school daily, the boys tolerate him within the classroom but not outwith. I also asked him who he played with at lunch and he said no-one as the boys tell him to go away, it hurts me more than it hurts him but it broke my heart when he said "They're cool and i'm not" I did mention it to his teacher but they are brushing it under the carpet mainly becuse they want to kick him out of the unit and into our catchment mainstream, i'm so not convinced. Someone suggested to me that he could probably benefit from a play programme, she didn't say what it involves but he needs something. So, if you come up with anything let me know :(

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Hi Joeboe,

It could've been me writing your post!!

My son is also 7 and is also isolated in the playground. He is in a language unit but integrates into the mainstream part of the school daily, the boys tolerate him within the classroom but not outwith. I also asked him who he played with at lunch and he said no-one as the boys tell him to go away, it hurts me more than it hurts him but it broke my heart when he said "They're cool and i'm not" I did mention it to his teacher but they are brushing it under the carpet mainly becuse they want to kick him out of the unit and into our catchment mainstream, i'm so not convinced. Someone suggested to me that he could probably benefit from a play programme, she didn't say what it involves but he needs something. So, if you come up with anything let me know :(

 

Hi Kirstie,

It's so hard trying to find the right way to go about things for the kids isn't it?

I agree with what was suggested to me earlier today though, ask him who he does play with, or who he feels is his nicest friend at school.....maybe he would like to ask them round to play (I know it's sometimes a worry & hassle with an AS child, but it MUST be worth it). This, I am convinced will have a knock-on effect with the other kids at school.........My son yesterday asked his friend to come and play soon, now today after his Cookery Club two more of them would like to come round.

 

I have found that by "listening" to him, empathising and putting my past experiences at School and my present knowledge of the condition and differences it brings into one pool of thought, I can then find a solution and he seems to really appreciate that. In a sense, I try to become "Joe". As a result, he has paid me more compliments and been more loving in the past 24 hours than since the beginning of the year! :P

Well sorry for rabbling on so much, but my lovely AS son has just gone to bed and I am now quite happy (for a while!).

Best wishes and good luck to you all!

Kerry & Joe

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I think the school should be doing more to help him - maybe a structured play, inside at first, with a carefully selected classmate (a buddy). Your son should not be getting bullied, the school have an obligation to deal with it. C's in a composite P4/5 (year 3/4 down south) and there is a girl in P5 who has taken it upon herself to look out for him, she even gets him "organised" in class, bless her. So, It will get better - his classmates will come to realise he sometimes needs some help or support as they get older. I teach a P5 class, and almost all the kids are very caring and protective of our child with dyspraxia.

C has a TA supervising him at playtime and lunchtime, mainly to intervene before he turns violent, but she is supposed to also try to help integrate him with his peers, explain the rules of games, etc (doesn't always work like this though).

Does the school let children bring in toys? C takes his Nintendo DS in with him everyday, and there is a boy in his class who sometimes stays in with him at play to link-up. Taking in a toy is a great way to make the first steps.

C is lucky in that his wee brother is only a tear younger, so he copies him, and knows if R is playing it then it must be cool. Therefore his obsessions have all revolved around kid's things: beyblades in P1 & 2, and since then - Pokemon. Other kids will bring in their pokemon nintendo games to get C to do the bits they are stuck at - it makes him feel so useful, and valued.

Star Wars was a brief phase, C got a light sabre so that the boys would play with him, but because the games were made up as they went along, C just didn't get the rules, and ended up having meltdowns. So something like a nintendo, or pokemon cards is a better option as there is no query over rules, and it doesn't involve running around (C just can't run like tthe other kids, and it over-stimulates him, so he ends up running and hitting and pushing, etc).

Hope this is of some help.

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I would ask the senco if there is a socail groups session, these should be available for children with socail difficulties, shy, bullied, communication difficulties and help to build up self esteem and confidence, J attends the lunchtime club and its games and support to help them understand rules and friendships.

 

also do the school have playtime buddies, these are trained children who will be a buddy to anyone feeling left out or not got anyone to play with.

 

schools here also have mentors and these are year 6 children who go into the infants playground and play and bond with them and help them understand how games are played as some maybe dont know.

 

Nas do have a booklet on playtimes and dinner times, and its got good suggestions in the back that could be easily adapted, it maybe that your son just finds the breaks too unsettling a maybe a quiet area in the school maybe the library or a classroom be available where he could just relax with a book and a friend.

 

Breaks bring so many problems, unstructured, lots of noise, interaction, and so many rules from the kids playing their game.

 

the bulling needs to stop as well, the boy with the deflated ball needs reporting and a letter straight to the headteacher this boy is provoking him and if your reacts it could be fireworks.

 

J also has extra supervision just to ensure no one provokes him and that things are sorted out if he flares.

 

Sounds like the school could be doing a lot more to support him and letter requesting this maybe needed as well as talking to your local areas Specail Needs Department to see if there is any further services that can come into the school to support your son.

 

The ideas of the friends coming for tea is a great start, and J has a regular friend, though he does need lots of support and guiding it is worth it in the end,

 

welcome to the forum as well.

 

JsMum

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