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KarenT

Getting up in the morning

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KarenT   

Hi all

 

Mornings are the bane of my life at the mo. It takes an absolute age to get J up and ready for school as he dawdles so much and everything takes forever.

 

I now wake him at 6.45 to allow him a bit of time to read before it's time to get up in an attempt to ease him gently into the day - this is 7am to 7.10 depending on whether or not he's having a shower, which he does on alternate days. He doesn't seem to have any qualms about this. However, he's fine about that but as soon as I go back in to get him out of bed the avoidance starts. I have checklists on the walls and I stay in the room with him to help keep him on track, but his distraction is massive and he just can't stay focused for more than a few seconds. Lately it's taking around 40 minutes just to get him out of his room, and it's beginning to wear both of us down.

 

Like I said, I've got the checklists to remind him, I have Good Choice and Bad Choice cards to remind him of the consequences of doing what's expected versus not cooperating, there are rewards in place ie big hug at the top of the stairs before breakfast which lasts longer if he's ready quicker. And I've removed toys and privileges on occasion as sometimes he responds best to that. It's all to no avail.

 

It's not the time issue I'm bothered about so much as J getting really distressed at the prospect of getting up. The main issue for him seems to be actually getting out of bed and sorting his room (making the bed, getting his underwear for school etc) and then having shower - once all that's done and he's downstairs he's fine. I've suggested that he leaves sorting his room till he gets ready for school but he can't cope with that, wants it done before breakfast but he's still upset about doing it. I'm really not happy about starting the day on such a negative note, especially as he's having such a rough time at school lately, but similarly I don't want to back down on the self-care and responsibility issues either because that could give him the message that if he plays up he doesn't have to do stuff for himself around the house.

 

I suspect he's tired, although he's in bed with lights out at 8.20 every night. School's hard just now and I think the stress is wearing him out. But I can't realistically put him to bed or get him up any earlier. He's OK on school holidays and weekends when he can wake up in his own time.

 

Any tips, all you experienced getting-up gurus out there?!

 

Karen

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Suze   

>:D<<'> Hi Karen, mornings have long been an issue for us too.It got particularly worse when he started to have a taxi at 8.00 every morning.This meant we HAD to be ready for when it came ......all adding to the pressure.At the moment though things are pretty good for us in the morning.My son is 11 and things have got better as he has got older as he does,nt need me to help dress him, anymore.

This is what we do at the moment, the night before I lay out his uniform on his chair, we do his school bag together and go through all the lessons he has for the next day.He has 2 alarm clocks that go off at 6.45, this means "they" wake him up not "me", so no confrontation comes from me waking him up.He gets up and dresses himself , because he has 30mins to watch telly or go on the computer before the taxi comes.The 30mins of telly seems to be the thing that motivates him.We do still have problems but the alarm clock really helps.Do you think if your son had a shower the night before it might be less to worry about in the morning.Also I know this sounds bad but my son does,nt make his bed or even open his curtains, he just gets up and gets dressed.....we did have an issue this week when I got angry that he had ,nt opened his curtains.........the next thing he,d pulled his blind off the wall (pulling the string too hard) and began trashing his room.So we,ve found to keep what is expected of him to the minimum.Best of luck Karen. >:D<<'> .suzex...

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JsMum   

I think your doing a fantastic job, and you are doing it really organised, I cant see how you can do it any better, your patience and dedication I am in orr.

 

If It is school that is increasing his anxieties could you talk to school and maybe look at what support school could provide, even maybe a break or shorter days?

 

JsMum

Edited by JsMum

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Deedee   

Wow I wish I was that organised in the mornings :lol:

A quick runthrough of ours...

After getting maybe 3hrs in if I'm lucky I grope out of bed (begrudgingly) at about 7am get the eldest 2 up and desperately try not to wake M or else WW3 ensues with Sky remote....Tiptoe downstairs and get eldest 2 breakfasted,organised for school and dress,wash and brace up DS2,make up all packed lunches and make sure they're ready for the Taxi at 7.45...

If all goes well and I manage to get that done before M wakes up our morning is good!!

Mr M is then woken at around 8 any earlier and I'm in for it so gently wake him up and run out of the room before I get something thrown at me,get his brekkie done (always toast and tea but have to ask what shape soldiers etc or else.. :blink: )

If that goes well he might get dressed staying reasonably still for me (upside down normally but hey it works!!) Shoes and coat go on at exactly 8.40 to get to school at exactly 8.45...

I think I'll be taking tips from you all too!!!!!!

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KarenT   
If It is school that is increasing his anxieties could you talk to school and maybe look at what support school could provide, even maybe a break or shorter days?

I do think school is a very significant factor, tbh. However they're only just coming on board with appropriate IEP targets and very basic support, they have little understanding of ASDs and I know for sure that any such suggestion would be met with little interest.

 

I'm in the process of looking at another school for J, one with an ASD unit and a high level of awareness throughout the mainstream part, so hopefully things might settle a bit if I get him in there. The snag is that it's further away than his current school which will put added pressure on us in the mornings, but needs must.

 

Suze - we do most of the preparations before bed too, but I do think it's important for him to learn a little self-responsibility in the mornings as well. I know it would be far easier if I did some things for him but I know how long it takes him to learn these little skills and he needs a lot of practice before he'll be self sufficient! Can't imagine how he'd cope with residential school trips, for example.

 

Thanks for your replies. All other suggestions gratefully received!

 

Karen

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curra   

You are doing a great job and your lad seems to have taken responsibility for himself in the morning which is a big achievement! My son always had many problems getting ready for school in the mornings and I can understand how tiring it is for you. I "took" him to the bathroom until he was 12- like a zombie. He has always resisted making his bed and organising his school materials with signs of stress, so I have to do that for him to avoid stressing him with too many demands .

School stress is usually the cause behind a child's reluctance to get up. Once my son moved to a school where he gets more support, he also became more independent in the mornings. I still wake him up, but now he gets up quickly and goes to the bathroom without my guidance since he looks forward going to school.

Good luck X

Curra

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KarenT   

Interesting morning. He got out of bed with a fair bit of prompting, I left the room to do something else and when I came back he had got back into bed and was reading his comic again. I'm sorry to say that I lost patience with him and I took the comic away and tore it up - I know that sounds evil but sometimes J really does need to see negative consequences before he's spurred into action, and it seems to have worked this time. He was utterly mortified, of course. I explained to him that I could understand his distractibility and that he was tired, but I wouldn't accept him defying me out of naughtiness. Told him that in the real world he'd be punished for that type of behaviour so I'm teaching him now that it won't be accepted here either. Also had a bit of a chat about Roger The Dodger (J is a Beano obsessive) always getting his come-uppance in the end. He seems to have accepted this and was keen to talk about doing things differently and cooperating

 

So, I suggested that we change the routine for this morning and sort out his room later, when he comes back upstairs to get dressed for school, which he agreed to try. As usual, no problem once we got downstairs and had breakfast, and he was much more amenable to tidying up when we came back. He actually said "This is much better, I feel energised because I've had my breakfast", so maybe we're on to something here. It just means our morning routine needs to be restructured and I'll have to spend today retyping and laminating all his checklists!

 

Will keep you posted of further developments.

 

Karen

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jen   

Warm clothes help my child to relax when he wakes up. He also sits on the settee wrapped in a blanket to calm down prior to having breakfast.

 

 

Regards

Jen

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keep us posted on how it goes! i can see how you would rip the comic up, it can be frustrating cant it! el can be up for two hours and still not be ready in time to leave the house without stressing out....

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JsMum   
Warm clothes help my child to relax when he wakes up. He also sits on the settee wrapped in a blanket to calm down prior to having breakfast.

Regards

Jen

 

Thats very interesting as J loves his clothes going in the tumble dryer for 5 mins before he puts them on and loves the feeling, and much more co operative to dress, we keep it to a minimum but its made me understand the need of warm clothing now.

 

JsMum

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