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Finding love with aspergers ?

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i got aspergers as you all know my question is how do i chat girls up and how do i go about getting a girlfrend

 

i dont dance as im rubbish at it and i dont sing as i go beat red when singing so clubbing is out the window i think ?

 

my last relationship dident go well at all we argued all the time she had a panic disorder and i just whanted to keep her smiling all the time i took the saying "i will do anything for love"(from the song) way to litrally and almost ended in jail her familey hates me and she hates me but in recent months i have relised im happier with out her on my mind all the time

but im 19 and i need to move on

 

i therefor wish to have another go at finding a girlfrend

 

i dont know how to chat girls up and i tend to blab but nowa days i have developed away to figure out if im blabbing if i been talking for a while i will just randomly put in the middle of a sentence the phrase "and now im just blabbing arnt i ?" and smile when i say it

 

but as for chatting girls up half the time i dont know what to talk about

 

in the past people have told me to just go up to the girl i wanna chat up and introduce myself and start chatting but this has offten resulted in the girl just getting up and walking off

 

i try to look good more nowadays and i were jeans now in stead of tracky bottoms recently started shaving as well

 

any tips ? i really wanna be able to chat girls up like robbie williams or edie muphy

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This is a tricky one.

 

I'd say it might be an idea to think of some questions to ask in advance. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Remember that they're probably pretty nervous as well.

 

Good questions usually start with words like 'How', 'Why', 'What', etc. This means they can'y just give a straight 'Yes/No' answer. Try to ask a question that follows on from what they're saying, e.g.

 

You: Hello, what sort of things do you like doing?

 

Girl: Dancing and singing.

 

You: What sort of music do you listen to?

 

Girl: Arctic Monkeys

 

You: They're good. Have you heard their new album/ been to see them live/ etc.

 

It is hard but it's usually a good idea to say virtually anything at all as the girl is probably sittting there really nervous wondering what on earth to say and will be very pleased if you break the silence however silly it may seem to you.

 

If you can find a subject they like you'll probably have trouble shutting them up!

 

Good luck.

 

Barefoot

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Hiya,

 

I'm not a bloke myself so I can't offer much advice really about chatting up girls but I think maybe it might help if you try not to see it as this big thing that people do. 'Chatting up' very rarely happens I don't think and if it does it's usually blokes who are drunk out in a club trying to do their very best to get the girl and go home. Rather what happens is people get to know one another, so maybe have a think about what kind of things you would like to know about someone new. You could then ask questions based on these things, but I wouldn't approach any situation of this type with a list of questions as it would be enough to intimidate a lot of people, instead just keep a general idea in your head of what sort of areas of interest you want to find out about this particular person. How many family members does she have? What kind of music is she into? Does she work/study? Where? Why that particular course or place? It's not about interrogating the person to get all these details but about making conversation that enables you to get to know each other better. There is no exact science to it, it neve 100% feels comfortable, trust me it always feels awkward getting to know someone new and asking lots of cheesy questions but it's how we come to understand one another.

 

The other thing you could try is reading a book on body language. I've read this book Definitive Book of Body Language and have found it helpful to interpret people's expressions. I know that there is a section in this book though that deals with the signals women generally give out when they are interested in someone. By reading about these signals it might help you at least only approach people who might be interested. It also tells you about the signals men give out when they are interested so you might be able to adapt these signals to use when you are out to let the woman that you see giving you positive signals the signal back that you're interested too. I know it sounds rather complicated but flirting and getting to know someone else never starts when an approach is made, it starts well before that with looks in each other's direction, glances, smiles etc.

 

Allan Pease and his wife have written loads of books on this subject, including Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes

 

I'd give them a go, see how you do, it can't hurt to try a different approach to things and there is nothing wrong with reading how to do this stuff. Far too often people assume that everyone else must just know how to do this stuff but they're wrong, we're all thinking the same thing and we all try, fail and learn from our mistakes enough times that we eventually know what works and what doesn't. Why go through the hardship if reading a few books can eliminate the number of times we don't succeed?

 

Good Luck!

 

Emily

xxx

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I would never attempt to chat someone up. I think you stand far more chance with someone you can get to know slowly. It also is more likely to last. I would look for someone with whom you share a common interest. This way if you take it slowly you can become friends. You can talk about what you and they do as work/study, the place you live in and the challenges you both face. This way you establish a degree of common ground upon which a friendship can then be built. I believe for a relationship to last it takes a long while to build it. Once you are good friends and understand each other (that way also they will be more sympathetic towards your difficulties) you can discuss whether they would like to take the relationship further. Your certainly know when this is the case as others will probably drop hints about doing so.

 

This is the situation I am in at the moment. I have been good friends with someone since University. As time has progressed we have seen each other more regularly. I also have reason to believe that she would like to advance our relationship.

 

Hence if I was you would I worry about if I can dance or chat people up. No not really. I think the best way to find love is to take things slowly and find someone you share a common interest with.

Edited by Elefan

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WOW thanks all wasent expecting replys so soon lol offten i will try out all your idea's see wich one works wish me luck :D

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