not sure if i should be happy or sad

[keepingmesane]

hi all and sorry to not post very often, never sem to get time.

my son kieran was dx asd last year and in dec i was made aware that his twin sister is also very likely to be asd, she is undergoing all the assessments now.

as i learned more about asd it became quite obvious that dh is most likely aspergers and that i myself have always struggled with things, its almost like seeing myself watching and hearing what my children are doing.

i am in the process of going to see a professional to talk about me possibly being on the spectrum.

my mum has always said i was incredibly difficult as a child, always in my own world (the doctors thought i had a severe hearing loss but this was proved wrong when my dad rattled some sweet papers, i have a high frequency hearing loss but nothing that really affects me, i just tend to shut off) i always played in the corner on my own, have always been difficult with eating, especially to this day. horrendous tantrums and so much more. i was said to be incredibly shy and would never come out from behind my dads legs. as i got a bit older i was generally ok through primary but found high school incredibly difficult and would do anything to stay off.

anyway, my mum has always told me not to be daft even thinking about being on the spectrum, i was just difficult (lots of other people refused to look after me and the professionals didnt know what to do so blamed it all on my mum)

 

my dh and i go to a webster stratton group with an asd element in it, on sat morns. it has been really hitting a raw nerve with me listening to the other mums talking about their children as it sounds so familiar. i have alway known i was odd compared to others but didnt think nothing of it so to hear others describing the same really is quite difficult. dh and i were discussing things in the car on the way back to see my mum who had the children, we were still discussing it when we got home and dh said it was very likely that im on the spectrum and my mum said yes definately.

im very surprised that my mum has now said this, feeling a little confused about it all as ive been trying to fight myself and ignore what i thought.

i am so desperate to talk to someone about evrything that has gone on in my life, my thoughts and my feelings and not to be told im just an oddball and to get used to it

 

im sorry, doubt this post makes sense, im just feeling confused and all over the place.

[ameretto]

hi all and sorry to not post very often, never sem to get time.

my son kieran was dx asd last year and in dec i was made aware that his twin sister is also very likely to be asd, she is undergoing all the assessments now.

as i learned more about asd it became quite obvious that dh is most likely aspergers and that i myself have always struggled with things, its almost like seeing myself watching and hearing what my children are doing.

i am in the process of going to see a professional to talk about me possibly being on the spectrum.

my mum has always said i was incredibly difficult as a child, always in my own world (the doctors thought i had a severe hearing loss but this was proved wrong when my dad rattled some sweet papers, i have a high frequency hearing loss but nothing that really affects me, i just tend to shut off) i always played in the corner on my own, have always been difficult with eating, especially to this day. horrendous tantrums and so much more. i was said to be incredibly shy and would never come out from behind my dads legs. as i got a bit older i was generally ok through primary but found high school incredibly difficult and would do anything to stay off.

anyway, my mum has always told me not to be daft even thinking about being on the spectrum, i was just difficult (lots of other people refused to look after me and the professionals didnt know what to do so blamed it all on my mum)

 

my dh and i go to a webster stratton group with an asd element in it, on sat morns. it has been really hitting a raw nerve with me listening to the other mums talking about their children as it sounds so familiar. i have alway known i was odd compared to others but didnt think nothing of it so to hear others describing the same really is quite difficult. dh and i were discussing things in the car on the way back to see my mum who had the children, we were still discussing it when we got home and dh said it was very likely that im on the spectrum and my mum said yes definately.

im very surprised that my mum has now said this, feeling a little confused about it all as ive been trying to fight myself and ignore what i thought.

i am so desperate to talk to someone about evrything that has gone on in my life, my thoughts and my feelings and not to be told im just an oddball and to get used to it

 

im sorry, doubt this post makes sense, im just feeling confused and all over the place.

 

 

I'm just on my way out, so don't have time to post properly; but wanted to say that what you have written makes perfect sense and i'm sure a lot of people here will have experienced something similar.

 

If you feel counselling or a diagnostic assessment would help you in any way, then go for it.

[pearl]

Hi kms

Have you read any of Liane Halliday Willey's books, you may relate to her & they are v encouraging, Pretending to be Normal is her 1st I think xx

[Karen A]

<'> <'> Keeping me sane your post made perfect sense.It is a confusing time for you.Give yourself plenty of time it is hard fitting the bits together.Karen.