niki Report post Posted March 7, 2007 have had huge tiff with hubby the other day in which he confessed he finds it hard to love our son. he says he has trouble dealing with trickys "aspieness" and is finding it hrd to accept his difficulties, the thing is a few years ago i could have understood, but since ds's dx my hubby has lived in a bubble of ignorance he cant even tell you what aspergers syndrome is! ive tried to help him understand but dh doesnt want to even try. any suggestions cos im on the verge...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peppa Report post Posted March 7, 2007 have had huge tiff with hubby the other day in which he confessed he finds it hard to love our son. he says he has trouble dealing with trickys "aspieness" and is finding it hrd to accept his difficulties, the thing is a few years ago i could have understood, but since ds's dx my hubby has lived in a bubble of ignorance he cant even tell you what aspergers syndrome is! ive tried to help him understand but dh doesnt want to even try. any suggestions cos im on the verge...... Oh hun really feel for you, sending you loadsa <'> <'> <'> , weve just got diagnosis this week but dp has denied it all along, yesterday he said "Oh dd might just grow out of it" he also refusing to actually find out what it is, DD dx is HFA, its so frustrating ain't it!! You hang in there hun, were all here when you need to let off steam. Soz no suggestions, just wanted to offer some support. xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bambi Report post Posted March 7, 2007 Awww hun im so sorry <'> <'> <'> no advice im afraid, im a single mum and when i have found it hard getting Ts dad to realise the extent of Ts difficulties i bombard him with facts and how T feels is not like how we would feel or any other 'normal' child so to spk. I have never been able to force him to accept and understand i can give all the info i can and point him in all the right directions but they need to be interested themselves. Have u both been on any early years courses or similar? maybe this would help him accept because he needs to really, it wont go away and the sooner he gets to grips with it the better all round. Take care. Bambi x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JJ's mum Report post Posted March 8, 2007 My husband doesnt understand at all. But then again, if son is on the spectrum ( which im pretty sure he is) then husband is more on the spectrum IFKWIM and therefore wouldnt know that his behaviour wasnt 'normal'. In fact compared to husband, my son is very normal. Know how you feel though, its pretty hard when you are trying to talk about your concerns and people just dont get it. I have a friend who Ive sat down with many a time and explained J's difficulties. Her daughter has a habit of opening our gate on her way past( which is my sons "job") and every time my son breaks down she proceeds to tell me how his tantrums "need sorting" and then to her daughter that it wasnt her fault she deliberately opened our gate and J is "in a bad mood". My husband finds it difficult to love full stop. He has said several times he doesnt know what love is and if someone was removed from his life he would carry on as normal. This has been demonstrated to be true since our break up, he rarely calls the kids and shows no emotion when his rare visits end. Im not suggesting he is. My husband is struggling to love our son ( and daughter for that matter) but he finds it hard to show love because he lacks empathy. I love my son more because of his "aspieness" because he is such a beautiful person and full of character. Its not easy <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
louxx Report post Posted March 8, 2007 Hello Niki, Im new on ere but its really helped me. I know what your goin thru, my hubby is the same. Hes at work all week and i can guarantee we are never speaking monday morning, and he goes fishing every saturday too. As soon as he steps into the house my asd son is onto him, knowing he can wind him up, my hubby instead of ignoring him which is best ,he will end up in conflict with him, me in the middle as usual. Ive tried to explain to my hubby about asd but he still dosnt understand,he thinks he should just growup and behave.I just find it more stressful when hes in the house, as much as i love him. Well ive got a family support worker next week, through autism west midlands, im hoping they can help us and maybe explain abit more to my hubby. Sorry i havn't been much help but i just wanted you to know you are not on your own. Luv Louxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frazzled Report post Posted March 8, 2007 That's so like what I have to put up with! I feel like screaming in his face "aren't you the lucky one to be able to run away from this while I've got to cope with all of it myself without even a sympathetic hug". The only way I've found to achieve a slight breakthrough is for him to see other children around dd's age when perhaps the light begins to dawn. I know other people have dragged hubby along for meetings with professionals to hear it from a third party but I found mine just copped out of this too! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elun1 Report post Posted March 8, 2007 <'> Niki <'> Really feel for you - I know what you mean and it's very hard to deal with. ds2 diagnosed 2 and a half years ago with severe autism and SLD and STILL my dh hasn't told a soul at work or anywhere else for that matter. I go to all appointments alone etc. If we are out as a family (which isn't often!!) if we see anyone from his work he will walk away from us. It's head in the sand syndrome. Very hard for you I know Tale care, sorry cant be of more help love Elun xxx <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
niki Report post Posted March 9, 2007 thanks for your support guys it means a lot.... im grateful that you understand hugs to you all xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
