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Kathryn

Young people at FE college or in 6th form

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I'm asking this question because I'm really struggling to get L's college to communicate with me about anything and I don't know what I should be expecting.

 

She's nearly 18, at local mainstream FE college in a programme for students with all kinds and levels of difficulties and disabilities. There are a few on the spectrum. The programme offers courses in various life skills and the chance to take mainstream vocational and academic courses with support as needed, so students can choose the package that's appropriate for them. The college offers a lot more than many mainstream FE colleges, so we're very lucky.

 

The problem is that as some of the students have quite severe learning difficulties, L is one of the most able students in the whole group, and she and I both feel her difficulties are glossed over. The tutors tend to treat her as more adult and responsible than she is. She's happy there but finds it hard to make choices, is afraid of risks and failure and so she is continually changing her mind about what she wants to do. She doesn't get much help in this from the tutors who are expecting her to take the lead, and they are now beginning to lose patience with her. I heard via the Connexions advisor that they are beginning to feel at a loss with her and there's a possibility that there won't be a place for her in September if she doesn't get her act together. :o

 

I feel that where L is having problems it's been because they haven't taken her ASD into account, and I've made suggestions - when they've been followed, things have improved. I feel however, they don't really want to discuss anything with us at all - all information gets communicated orally via L who forgets to tell us things. A lot of misinterpretation is going on; sometimes L has said things about us to the college, and vice versa, which are not strictly accurate. The tutors tell me she has decided something and I then get a different version from L. I feel all this could be avoided if we were all talking to each other, and I've said this! The last review (if I can call it that) was in December, since when we have had no information of any kind. I feel we always have to ask for meetings - there is no formal system for reviewing progress with parents as there is at school. I also feel they would rather keep all communication and decision making between themselves and L, assuming that she'l tell us what she wants us to know. I don't actually know much about what she's doing there at all.

 

Is this right? Anyone with children in post 16 education, FE or school whether on the spectrum or not:

 

- how much involvement do you have in decisions about your child's choices?

- does the school or college keep you informed (how?) about your child's progress and how often?

- how do they communicate information to you?

- how much responsibility is the student expected to take?

 

I have nothing to compare our experience with as this is our first child in further education. So I just want to know what is normal and usual at this level before I start getting pushy. (in fact I think I already have this reputation!) If I ask for an update on her progress at the end of each term, is that too much, for example?

 

Sorry for the ramble: hope it's vaguely coherent. I'm feeling a bit confused and helpless at the moment. I don't want to upset L's good relationship with her tutors but I feel frustrated with the way they are letting things drift - sooner or later we will be in crisis if this continues. :(

 

Insights and advice welcome whether you're a student yourself, or a parent.

 

K x

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Hi Kathryn

 

I don't have any experience in this myself, but what if L wrote them a letter asking that you be kept informed and consulted. You could perhaps do out a letter including:

 

- a written account (probably by you, but written from L's point of view and with her permission) detailing the difficulties she has. You could take this opportunity to reiterate the problems she has with decision-making, etc.

- requesting an e-mail contact with if she says she wants to change course or if there have been problems at college, just so you can confirm everything with her at home.

- a regular review every 2-3 months put in the diary so you can keep an eye on her progress.

 

You could put it to them that although she is 18 and technically an adult, she would prefer to work towards independence rather than having it foisted on her because of her age. If they are teaching her life skills, they should be amenable to this happening over an extended period of time.

 

Hopefully someone will come along who can help.

 

A

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Hi Littlerae,

 

Thanks for your response. I think I have tried raising all of the points you mention over the last few months, and we discussed everything at our last face to face meeting. I've asked them to copy me in to any important emails- where decisions are being made, but this hasn't happened. We often get into a they said... she said situation this could easily be avoided if more written information passed between everybody.

 

I think I will have to put something in writing, as you suggest, over the holidays, but it will up the stakes with the staff, who will take it as a personal criticism.

 

I'd still like to hear what other parents' experiences are of the FE system.

 

K x

Edited by Kathryn

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As you know, Auriel goes to a residential special college, and has link provision with the local mainstream FE college.

 

So far we have had a termly Individual Learning Plan from the special college. His support worker is meant to ring every week, but to be honest doesn't...I don't really mind, as the staff will talk to me anytime I need to about anything.

 

So far I haven't had anything from the mainstream college apart from an unfortunate phone call from his personal tutor, which resulted in him being given a different personal tutor! :o:ph34r: The special college staff give me verbal updates on his college work.

 

He has his Review next month, so it will be interesting to see what paperwork comes in from the mainstream college...

 

To be honest, the difficulties we have been having with the transition to college have precluded me from worrying too much about his actual college work, IYKWIM :(

 

Hope that helps.

 

Bidx

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Hi Kathryn,

 

You may remember the problems I had with the Heads in Special Ed at my sons college. I basically left my son out of the loop and rang his head teacher and the Head of Special Ed and explained that I was totally fed up with the way my sons needs were being swept under the carpet. I requested I put all my grievances in an email and later we all get together with or without my son to make sure they had a better understanding of the problems he had with his ASD and all the things I needed them to do to help him through. I made sure I did this without my sons knowledge as the teachers were totally oblivious when it came to ASD.

 

It was the best thing I did, everything on the list I requested especially in the areas of Sensory problems they facilitated. They realised they really didnt know anything about Autism until I spelt it out in black and white, what he needed to cope, to feel okay, the Special Ed were educated by me. This was often the same at school. I often had to take in literature about Autism and get the Paediatrician to call or write letters to the Board of Education to give him extra time in tests, time out in a room by himself for tests. A room to chill out in if overloaded, the use of ipod and headphones helped him relax. Situated away from distractions fans bright lights.

 

I actually found the addition of adding 1 Fish Oil Capsule and 1 Evening Primrose Capsule seemed to calm him down, there has been alot of stuff here about how it helps them relax. I believe these basically helped him put one foot in front of the other. He appeared more confident to give college a go again after not attending for over a year.

 

Doing some ground work making phone calls and insisting on saying 'it just isnt working' they sat up and listened and were happy to meet to come up with a plan, then we arranged another meeting with B. but this time the Head Teacher, Special Ed teacher and myself were present, and they led B through the meeting and virtually offered him everything on a platter, anything he felt he needed to help him come to college and stay at college, they would provide and did provide for him, he could even go into a room by himself and watch a dvd or listen to music if he felt overloaded. This worked for about six months and now I am back to square one, with school refusal again. :rolleyes:

 

The doctor and teachers advised me at this stage to just take my hands off the stearing wheel for a while and just let him chill for a while and see where he goes.

 

Hopefully you can make waves like I did. I often communicated with the Head teacher as she was very caring and concerned that B keep trying.

 

Hope this helps. Persistance is the key, dont back down dont take no for an answer. I believe if you sit down with them by yourself they will listen and start to accomodate L's needs, they are obviously under a cloud, as often ASD is a hidden disability. Perhaps you could get some letters from her Specialist to support things or suggest that to them.

 

Hope this helps. All the best

 

:)>:D<<'>

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how much involvement do you have in decisions about your child's choices?

- does the school or college keep you informed (how?) about your child's progress and how often?

- how do they communicate information to you?

- how much responsibility is the student expected to take?

 

Hi Kathryn

I dont think its at all unreasonable for the parents of "normal" children to be kept informed of their progress at FE stage, let alone those with additional needs!

 

Our experience has been v different, J is nearing the end of college now & I will feel bereft when he leaves as they have been so supportive throughout.

 

Besides the regular parents evenings which all parents have, we have been kept in touch by Study Support who have been a lifeline. At the beginning the phone calls & emails were almost daily as he settled in & we ironed problems out together.

 

Our main source of communication is Dave one of J's ESWs, who emails regularly & sends written notes home with details of work to be completed etc. It has worked very well.

 

Secondary to that is Dave's line manager, who doesnt get in touch that often but is always available to talk on the phone, in person or by email. It has certainly helped that his own daughter has Aspergers. I havent had to explain a thing to him.

 

We have had v little contact with tutors etc as it simply hasnt been necessary.

 

The aim throughout is to foster J's independence, so this year Dave has been gradually backing off in the amount of help he gives J. But he is there when he is needed. They have also provided extras for him when necessary such as counselling, anger management, time management & interview skills.

 

As you can see I cant praise them highly enough, & if you caught my thread where J went for his apprenticeship test it was a real eye opener to see how backwards some colleges can be.

 

I hope this is of some help xx

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Just another thought Kathryn - my daughter also attended the same college a few years ago, no special needs whatsoever & though we were less heavily involved than we were with J, we STILL had a lot more communication than you seem to be getting with L's college.

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Thanks Bid, Frangipani and Pearl. It's really helpful to know what others are experiencing. It sounds as though you're all getting more regular information than me! I can't believe nothing has been set out in writing. L is taking a bit more control and starting to communicate directly with the Connexions advisor and form a clearer idea of what she wants to do so we'll see if this translates into action. I gather there is to be some kind of official review next term. I think I will drop a friendly email to the tutor and ask when this is going to be.

 

I always feel I'm not doing enough - L thinks I'm too pushy - boy is this hard to get right!

 

K x

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Hello Kathryn, your post is interesting and relates to my situation. my son has AS is at a local FE college. The communication has been a real problem forus too. I want to foster independence but also to be informed, trouble is they say I do not have any right to this becuase he is over 18. I dont want to go down the 'but he cannot manage' route because that would not be strictly true, however, I feel sure they do not see that many issues could be cleared up if they had a better understanding of his AS. he has been leaping along and they have forgotten, I feel, about the hidden disability.

 

I came here today because I am so cross about a problem we are having re timekeeping. my son is very disorganised, forgets to take things in, cannot prepare what to wear in advance and has trouble sleeping, etc. he has been late a lot but only five minutes or so. It seems he is being pressured to clean up his timekeeping record. Obviously it is vital he does not miss essential work but it was suggested he 'walk' to college in order to be their on time. the bus service is not good and he does not ride his bike because the traffic is intimidating. however, it is walk or ride as their suggestion. we could leave on time if he was ready but sometimes we have to go back to the house, I cant be in his room, checking his bag etc, he is an adult and would not want that either. I am frustrated about this. I feel this is just the kind of AS difficulty that tutors have difficulty understanding, they see laziness or stubborness, rather than being prepared to accommodate the disability which forgive me, I thought they had a duty to do.

 

'says thing that are not strictly accurate' yes, been there! they absolutely suck it up at the college though, I hasten to add I do not mean lying.

Edited by gladysmay

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