Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
curra

Verbal aggression

Recommended Posts

M is on a daily basis using horrible language to insult me whenever something doesn't go the way he wants. He has such a good vocabulary but he seems to use it lately only to find the meanest words and phrases in order to hurt me, even if I have nothing to do with his frustration. In his eyes I seem to be despicable :( This is getting like a really bad habit and I don't think I'm managing it very well because when he gets offensive I avoid him. Arguing with him is out of the question, it can escalate to something a lot worse so I don't answer him and tell him at a later time (when he's calmed down) that he hurt me. It used to work but it's not having any effect anymore. I fear for his future because if he carries on like this he'll never have a job or relationship. :tearful: I wish so much he'd grow up soon! Is anyone having similar problems with their teen?

 

Curra

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yesterday my son exploded in the session with the psychologist who paled somewhat and actually told him off.... so yes, you're not the only one. To be honest, I totally ignore it, but then I ignore him often as he always talks non-stop and i have a hearing problem and couldn't get anything done otherwise as listening takes too much concentration.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So sorry Curra that you're having to put up with this, it must be so demoralizing and hurtful for you. :(>:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

If it's any consolation, I'm sure it's a teenage thing to take everything out on your parents and blame them for everything that goes wrong, it could well pass as he matures. Doesn't make you feel any better now, I know. Try not to take it too personally, he knows you're always there for him when it matters and we're always here for YOU. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Yesterday my son exploded in the session with the psychologist who paled somewhat and actually told him off.... so yes, you're not the only one. To be honest, I totally ignore it, but then I ignore him often as he always talks non-stop and i have a hearing problem and couldn't get anything done otherwise as listening takes too much concentration.

 

 

Thanks for your reply, MiN. >:D<<'>

My sister just phoned and my DS sat next to the phone saying how stupid all his relatives are! :o so it looks like he just wants to lash out at everyone, not just me. My sister will be shocked for ages now! :tearful: There are times when I just can't bear it any more!

 

Curra

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Mel,

 

Yep it could well take some 10 years still until he matures :( .

I guess I'll just have to live with it and try not to take it too personally. When it's too much I'll go out for a walk.

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Curra

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

steve is 13 and the way he talks to me makes me feel like dirt,i try to ignore it but in the end i explode which makes it all worse i know,when he is like this he is not very likeable,today ive been a s**g and a fat s**t,how you meant to ignore that,he also talks to me like it in front of people and i want the ground to swallow me up,other times he gives me cuddles,forever telling me he loves me :wub::wub:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Curra,

 

Know exactly what you mean - my daughter's 13 and she's pretty much the same - I think she's never going to be able to withstand any sort of relationship - female friend/male or otherwise! and foresee her future as bleak and lonely - it is a neverending worry.

 

The thing is you have the 'normal' teen hormones and all the behaviour on top and add aspergers or asd and it's pretty explosive. My daughter can get extremely aggressive, verbal and violent - sometimes it can last just half an hour or so - other times it's not so easy - but I do have to say this past couple of months (she'll be 14 in the summer) the massive all day long kind of outbursts seem less - still having loads of smaller periods though - (although I'm so reluctant to say it because I know it'll come back to haunt me). She's been like this for probably around nearly 2yrs now - with it peaking around a year or so ago (I think boys tend to be a little later for puberty etc).

 

Hang on in there - I've been told (fingers and toes crossed) - it does get better - that's all I keep hoping.

 

Take care,

Jb

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hev, >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

I'm sorry that you're going through a similar thing with Steve. He sounds a lot like my son. It's so hard to ignore it when they start offending you on your face. M follows me from room to room and then he says" All right, ignore your own son, let him starve to death, you stupid old fat brainless hag, hope you die a slow and painful death " , or something worse which fortunately I forgot. He doesn't swear but his words can hurt even more than a 4 letter word. He does say sometimes that he loves me and gives me a very brief hug. Exploding make things worse, but it's really hard not to. We're also human :tearful:

 

Curra

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks, Jb >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

I see that Im not alone in this struggle . It's a consolation to know that Im' not the only one going through this and that it's not because I'm a bad mother.

Your daughter is very likely to mature soon and go on to improve her social skills because women seem to be better at socialising than men anyway. Hope it gets better soon! I'm also keeping my fingers crossed for you!

 

Curra XX

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
M follows me from room to room and then he says" All right, ignore your own son

oh my god,thats what steve says to me :o he follows me till he gets a reaction,ive heard it gets better,hope so in any case :o

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well it got better for us. My son is now 19 and he does have friends and he does manage a social life. He was verbally abusive towards everyone for 5 years and then when he turned 16 it stared to calm down and tone down.

 

It was hard to live through and I was often a nervous wreck but we made it through. I was actually telling some parents all about this the other evening at a local parents group. They all had teenagers and are having a hard time to.

 

From a lad who hated any form of social interaction he can now be the life and sole of the party and this is without a word of a lie. My friend is delighted when he decides to join us as he has her rolling around in fits of laughter, which is much better than me rolling around on the floor crying my eyes out because of him like I used to.

 

Cat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

]

 

Thanks for this reply, Cat! It's a consolation to know that your lad matured and changed so much. I hope it happens to mine too! :pray: Can't wait till he grows up. :tearful:

 

Curra

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I fear that M may not be able to keep a job or a relationship if he doesn't learn to relate to others in a socially acceptable way. But I'm also trying to feel positive about the future since he's still got a lot of years ahead to mature.

 

Hev, your boy seems to be just like mine ! - I'm sending you lots of cyber >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Curra

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kieran is 21 next month and doesnt change any he insults all and sub=ndry and if anything he gets worse not better.Id love him to make friends and socialise and leave the house and even get a job but im not holding out much hope for him bless

 

 

 

lynn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

we have the verbal abuse as well as physical directed towards us and tonight hasn't been too different. We now make him leave the room if he's swearing and he hopefully goes off to his room without damaging the house but it is horrible to hear someone you love and care for be so abusive towards you. It does wear you down. He usually comes back down and apologises eventually but can quickly start all over again should things not go his way. Some nights are better than other. Sounds just like the teenagers you have been mentioning. Good to read that some of you have come out the other end with such positive stories.

 

jessie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lyniona, Jessie >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Hang on in there. Our kids take longer to mature so don't lose your hopes.

 

Curra

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My son is 17 and is very verbally aggressive constantly critisizing swearing threatening everyone in the house. yesterday he physically attacked me has threatened to kill me thinks he has no problem except his wierd parents he is barely attending school and on the verge of being kicked out of school. He is so intelligent but he does no work. he refuses all help is overtly aggressive to any one who makes the smallest demand of him. I dont know if he should be living with us since he cannot seem to accept any boundaries he says he hates us He is quite paranoid and suspects everyones motives. He has a diagnosis of AS ADD ODD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
My son is 17 and is very verbally aggressive constantly critisizing swearing threatening everyone in the house. yesterday he physically attacked me has threatened to kill me thinks he has no problem except his wierd parents he is barely attending school and on the verge of being kicked out of school. He is so intelligent but he does no work. he refuses all help is overtly aggressive to any one who makes the smallest demand of him. I dont know if he should be living with us since he cannot seem to accept any boundaries he says he hates us He is quite paranoid and suspects everyones motives. He has a diagnosis of AS ADD ODD

alli,you could be talking about my steven :crying: its really hard to cope with isent it >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was hoping this would get better when ds got older!!! So i've got another 10 years or so to go HELP!!!

Feel a bit mean saying that as he is tidying up all the toys and organising the living room at the moment, everything in lines LOL Better than in a huge heap though!

Carrie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My son refuses to ever help says its our job. Bedroom so bad things growing in it worse than any thing I've seen on TV. Flies into rage if you ask him to clean it or offer to do it.

Alli

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Guys,

 

My son is 14 and waiting for his assessment (Im sure he will be diagnosed with a pile of things)

 

He is regularly aggressive to me- me probably more than the others in the family- if things are not going exactly the way he wants or expects them to go then he cops.

 

His language can be shocking and has been getting him into serious trouble at school.

 

He was recently picked to do a 20 week 'Fire-break' training course at the local fire station. It would mean attending the fire station every Friday for 20 weeks(during school time). They pick a handful of kids from all the local schools to go and they are meant to learn team-building skills, responsibility, they are put in challenging positions (such as going into very dark buildings and having to find your way around, climbing up high ladders etc) It's all meant to be good for raising self- esteem and confidence building.

 

Anyway they chose Tom because they thought he would benefit from it and hopefully learn a few things. Oh and at the end of the course there would be a passing out ceremony that friends and parents could go and watch. I was lead to believe that the staff and the whole package was geared up to coping with children who had behavioural problems of whatever sort.....How wrong was I!

 

I got really excited for Tom and tried to encourage him and tell how lucky he was to have been picked etc but as usual I got nothing back from him. Non- commital/ indifferent. He was obviously anxious on the first morning but my partner whizzed him across to the station and he did his first day. Came home and as usual didn't really tell me anything about how it went except that it was s... and c... etc.

He went for 4 more weeks before I got a call at work to say could someone come and get him(half way through the morning) as basically he had completely 'lost it' with the staff (I think you guys call it having a melt- down?)

 

My partner had to go for him as I couldn't leave work but they told him that Tom basically had decided to sit in an inappropriate area and not move when he was asked to. He was sitting somewhere which was putting himself and others in potential danger- but would he moved when asked to- oh no, not Tom.

He decided to start shouting and swearing at anyone who came near him, so he had to be lifted up (physically ) and moved. Oh also he was using threats of violence. He was put in an office to calm down which he trashed and didn't calm down when he was realeased.

 

So he was kicked out of Fire- break- he lasted 4 weeks. Apparently he was on his final warning there which I knew nothing about. When I had read up on the bumpf that they give you about the course it said that the progress of the boys(sorry, and girls) would be closely monitored and feedback would be given to parents- ha ha!

 

I was called into school with Tom and it was decided that Tom should be excluded from school for 5 days for his behaviour whilst on Fire-break. So not only was he put in a position that he couldn't cope with (going on the course- and he didn't ask to do it) but he was excluded as well. Not good.

 

It just leaves me wondering if he has already been diagnosed as having aspergers , ADHD and OCD would they have sent him along to begin with?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...