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Hoarding/not wanting to let things go or give things up.

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I'm getting quite concerned about my lad's increasing need to hoard and hold onto things and I can see it becoming a big problem in the future. :unsure:

 

He is terrified of letting things go, even what appears to be worthless little bits of paper. If he gets a magazine and it has a bit of plastic tat attached, he adds it to the enormous display of stuff on his floor and plans to keep it forever, it's getting ridiculous. :wallbash:

 

He used to draw pictures and send them to his grandma and grandad, but now if he draws a picture for them he can't bear to part with it and needs to keep it for himself instead, even though he just stashes it in a drawer. Today I tried to get him to draw a picture for his dad to take to his office, but he got really upset and he didn't feel he could draw a picture and then give it up to his dad because then he wouldn't be able to look at it himself. It's like he's terrified of giving up anything of himself. He was very upset and felt bad about himself and disgusted but the thought of giving up a picture he'd drawn was too much for him to bear. :tearful:

 

Anyone else have this? How can I help him to learn to face parting with things?? :unsure:

 

~ Mel ~

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How about suggesting that he keeps a special file, maybe a big lever-arch one if he has loads of papers, and he could file them in categories in poly folders to keep them neat. He still gets to hoard them but in a way that's more acceptable. You could suggest he keeps current pictures on display (limit the number) and the rest get filed away. You may end up with two or three files but it's better than papers scattered all over the house.

 

J's not so bad with papers now and will part with those that aren't important enough to keep. But he does hoard comics and magazines, but I'm not too bothered about that because he does read them over and over. We're coming to the point where the allocated stack box is almost full so it'll be interesting when I tell him we'll have to have a clear out soon!

 

However, J used to be the same with everything, all kinds of toys. When we have a clear out now I group similar items together eg jigsaws and say "OK, there's eight jigsaws you don't play with, we need to give (eg) four to some children who don't have any and we can keep the others". He's usually quite amenable to this now, although I admit he did put up a fight when we first started doing it this way - it used to take us hours getting the point across. We also sort things into a 'one last play' pile and work through them before putting them in the charity bag. It works for us but I know it won't be the same for everyone.

 

Karen

x

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Con finds it very difficult if not impossible to give things up no matter how old or tatty they have got. When ever I suggest either getting rid off, giving to others who don't have such things etc., he always seems to come up with some wonderful memory linked to the particular item and how heart broken he'd be if he had to give it up as he may not be able to remember the memory. have not found a solution yet, so will be interested to see what others have to say. Mel, do you have a photocopier with your PC printer maybe he could take a copy of his picture to keep and give to orginal to his Dad, grandparents etc., ?

Clare x

Edited by Clare63

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Oh yes!!

That's our boy!

He has bits of paper, wrappings from mags, broken items, and CEREAL BOXES AARRGGHH!!!!!!

I'm afraid we have tried and tried to help/encourage/teach him to throw things away but to no avail.

He is now 13 and a half and has one wall floor to ceiling built-in cupboard and large storage boxes under his bunk bed.

We now say that as long as his room is tidy and his floor clear that's all we are bothered about. we are assuming he will grow out of it eventually.

I have to say though a documentary shown on telly a few years back about a certain Mr Trebus does spring to mind occasionally, but i dismiss it as a 'it won't happen to us' thought!

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Thanks Karen,

 

J is terrible with toys as well. He just can't let them go, even things he's not played with or touched for many, many years. The other day I tried to clear out a few old toys that he has stashed in his drawers. Managed to get him to agree to letting a few baby soft toys go and we put them in a bag for charity. Then about an hour later I heard him pacing up and down and he was fretting and crying and panicking about the prospect of letting them go and kept saying he'd changed his mind, he couldn't face letting them go, etc. etc. We kept them in the bag though and told him they weren't going anywhere, hopefully he'll forget about them or agree to let them go in a few weeks, but it's quite overwhelming for him, it's like a comfort thing I think. :tearful:

 

~ Mel ~

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Thanks Clare, Jay is the same with toys as well.

Yes, I thought of taking copies to send, it'll probably be the grandparents who get the copy not the original, but it's almost as good. I'll suggest that to him tomorrow. :rolleyes:>:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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I have to say though a documentary shown on telly a few years back about a certain Mr Trebus does spring to mind occasionally, but i dismiss it as a 'it won't happen to us' thought!

 

 

Yes, yes, that's exactly what I'm worrying about!! :whistle:

My lad has gotten worse as he's got older, he's definitely going through a bad patch of it at the moment. When he was little, he had this terror of bins and he wouldn't let us throw away yoghurt pots after he'd eaten them, he used to go nuts if he heard the bin being touched and come running in in a panic, but he did get over it. Now though, he has a big wardrobe full of stuff he doesn't touch, plus drawers under his bed stuffed with things and he never opens them and half of his floor is layed out with things that he has to carefully arrange in lines and display, you can hardly walk in there!! :unsure: I'm worried that this obsession is going to get out of control!! :crying:

 

~ Mel ~

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J has improved with age. Moving bedrooms when his sister went to uni helped, I quietly disposed of quite a few things including 5 pairs of worn out slippers from under his cabin bed! :lol:

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We have this problem too. My daughter (9) describes herself as an 'avid collector'!! She wants to keep all manner of old tat. If we change anything in the house she has to keep a bit, we're doing the bathroom at the moment and she wants to keep a bit of old tile, a bit of the mirror and some old wallpaper. She gathers so many sticks (more like logs at times!!), shells and leaves which she insists on keeping. I think she spends the whole playtime at school 'gathering'. She comes home with bits of shiny paper, paper clips, bottle tops, stones, bits of plastic the list is endless and it all goes in her bedroom. On the rare occasion she was invited to a party she came home with a black bin liner filled with ripped wrapping paper from her friends presents, the bashed up pinata which she patched up and took to bed for a week and the empty birthday cake box! She told the mum she was an 'arts and crafts girl'. I swear that girl will grow up to be a bag lady!!! She says she feels comfortable when her bedroom is messy. She's even put a sign on the door saying 'I like my room messy so don't clean it, STAY AWAY'.

 

We pretty much leave her to it and try to ciphen off bits and pieces where we can. I go in there twice a week and clean it but just put all the tat in stacker boxes under her bed or in her cupboard so it's not all over the floor, I can't stand it, and she's pretty much accepted that this is going to happen every Monday and Thursday. Although I must admit sometimes I wonder why I bothered when by the end of the day she's dragged it all out of the cupboard again but at least I know the floor is clean underneath! Normally, once a year or when it gets too much I go in when she's at school, give it a real good blitz and get rid of loads of stuff, blame it on our cleaner (who she doesn't normally see because she comes when L's at school) and feign innocent surprise. I reassure her I'll speak to the cleaner and tell her not to do it again, then wait for the fall out. I find it's better to get one huge meltdown and maybe a couple of cross days than everyday over a sweet wrapper or bit of plastic. I know this wouldn't work for everyone, she's only 9 at the moment, not sure I'll get away with it when she's 14.

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QUOTE(mummy @ Apr 11 2007, 05:43 PM)

I have to say though a documentary shown on telly a few years back about a certain Mr Trebus does spring to mind occasionally, but i dismiss it as a 'it won't happen to us' thought!

 

Yes, yes, that's exactly what I'm worrying about!!

 

Yes I am worried about that too everytime I see the repeat! :crying: My son will NOT throw anything away, shiny paper, stones, cable ties, shiny bits from the art room floor, buttons, cardboard boxes - mostly cereal - and all the snippings from the bedroom floor ...EVERYTHING! :wallbash:

 

I have to wait until he's at school to clear it up but he still knows and goes mad. I threw away an old magic set :robbie: the other day as there were bits missing and you know what happened, he asked where it had gone because he had to learn a magic trick for school, it was only the day before it went off to the black sack in the sky!

 

His latest obssession is Pokemon... FOR 2 YEARS! I am desperate for him to discover something different, he makes Pokeballs out of cereal boxes, they are very good and he has them perfected now, but please just throw things in the bin!!! :(

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Thanks for the replies, guys.

It seems that I'm not alone with this problem then! :unsure:

 

Cheers, let's hope they grow out of it!! >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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Bit late to this thread but this is an enormous problem for us. DS1 is almost 12 and I see no end in sight to his excessive possesiveness of anything that happens to come into his possesion, even when he outgrows his clothes he will not give them up!! We recently had a skip in the garden and he kept taking stuff back out(stuff that wasn't his) and having temper tantrums when told to put them back. He has major tantrums over the attempted removal of anything he sees as his, even bits of paper or stones, he has quite a thing for shoe boxes. I have often told him he will end up like Mr Trebus, he reckons he won't!!

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It's a worry, isn't it, Faithnomore. My lad thinks everything he has is 'nice', even old torn bits of picture, he considers throwing them and then hastily changes his mind and decides they'd be better off stuffed in his drawer for three years, it makes no sense to me. :rolleyes:

 

~ Mel ~

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Wow, I can't believe this is so common. My son wont let me part with anything (i do it when he's not looking and he doesn't usually remember about it).

We had a new shower fitted the other day because the other one was broken and it caused a huge upset, he didn't want a new shower and please can we keep the old one?So when it was changed he insisted we keep the old ( ruined) one , so i told him i'd put it in the loft and he accepted that.(it's in the bin really). I have to be sooooooooo sneaky about throwing things away ( even wrappers etc) as it upsets him.He says they are memories and can't bear to have them thrown away. I just have to do it when he's not looking .He still has toddler toys in the garden playhouse ( pull along toys !!!) he's 8 now but will he get rid of them?Will he boot!!!!

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I brought new cushion covers the other day and had to keep one of the old ones, he wanted them all but we finally agree on just one. Think its washed and folded neatly in the airing cupboard.....he 's never mentioned it again, I must chuck it out !

Clare x

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Hi

 

Kieran doesnt part with thing either and as he s only got a small bedroom it doesnt help. Hes got this thing about celebritys so when he s got the money he buys all the ok hello mags etc and keeps everyone.He s got photos in frames from his different obsessions at the time from only fools and horses holby city coronation street the bill dinner ladies his current ones life on mars but ive persuaded him now if he s going to buy photos ive bought him a folder with sleeves then at least that doesnt take any room up as he s got not much wall left.he also buys things that he really wants then doesnt use them but again wont part with the them.he s got numeorus football shirts of different teams as well but i can live with them as they just go in his cupboard.

 

 

 

lynn

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