llisa32 Report post Posted May 12, 2007 Phew.......I can see why J's behaviour may be 'standing him out' in the playground. His classmate came over at 2pm today and I've already cringed about 10 times! Friend starts telling him about new lego guy he got...J said 'which one, my tooth fell out' all in one breath They are struggling to find anything to play with indoors as J is dictating everything..For damage limitation I'm going to take them out to the adventure playground in 10 mins time and then onto Macdonalds for some tea He's been counting down the minutes from this morning till he came so we started at 300 minutes! - but now he's here he's acting like a little egomaniac!.... Ahh, well hopefully it will improve when we get to playground .... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Eva Report post Posted May 13, 2007 Hi llisa32, hard work isn't it! I know exactly what you're going through, my son's the same, he has to dictate everthing. I've found - like you - the best thing to do is to have an activity, such as swimming or go to a playground. Actually what's made things quite good at the moment is that my son's best friend is a boy who doesn't speak/understand much English, so there's not much talking going on but a lot of chasy . Hope the playdate gets better, let us know! Cheers, Eva Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
llisa32 Report post Posted May 13, 2007 Hiya...Playdate was not great and I have to confess to being very glad when it was all over! I'm starting to feel like I'm conducting science experiments J completely ignored any wishes of his friend all afternoon but because he'd let him use his toys/xbox etc he merrily thinks he's been sharing etc. At one point J went off into another room in a huff cos the boy was not playing a game how he had 'told' him it should be done - basically his friend ended up pretty confused... I was really surprised how dictating my son was and completely demanding...same as he is with us. even when we went to the playground it was all 'follow me' 'do it this way' 'look at me' 'go round it this way' ! I had to have several quiet words with him yesterday to remind him that with friends you need to do a bit of give and take etc...but bless after a second he was oblivious again! The last few play dates have been with more 'passive' boys, but unfortunatly because they won't pass the football to him in breaktimes he's now not speaking to them Much. Apparently they do not stick to the 'rules', but even yesterday him and his friend had a little kick around with my hubby and the boy wouldn't pass to my son then even... I've asked J about it and he says he sometimes passes to the wrong team at school cos they were going to 'charge' him - so hence why they keep not letting him play that one.. It's all very frustrating both for me and J...esp as we're currently in limbo land waiting for specialist referral Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KarenT Report post Posted May 13, 2007 Sorry it didn't go as well as you'd hoped. You might want to try a social story about playdates for future visits. I spent years going through 'the chat' before visits but like you said it went straight over his head. I used to make the mistake of assuming that because J was verbally and intellectually very able he'd be able to accept advice at that level. Things have improved a lot since we've used personalised social stories, with lots of photographs of things around the house etc. Turns out he's much more of a visual learner than I ever realised. Mind you, it's been several months since we had another child in the house for a proper play date (other than people just stopping by for half an hour or so) and I wouldn't attempt it just yet! Good luck with the next one, if you can muster the energy! Karen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted May 13, 2007 Hi llisa It used to make me laugh when well meaning friends used to say, just ask someone round to play..... I'd always end up entertaining a bored child while JP did his own thing! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
llisa32 Report post Posted May 13, 2007 I can see I need to conserve all the energy I can get Thats exactly what happened yesterday...I had to call hubby in to help the friend on the Xbox as J got completly fed up cos his friend didn't know what he was going on about and expected him to know the story back to front and just 'keep up' like he did Hubby ended up playing xbox with the friend whilst I had another 'chat' with J I think I'll tell the teachers where they can out this idea soon....I've been perservering cos they kept insinuating that cos he's an only child he don't mix enough etc and that play dates were the answer! - so hence I've now got it into my head that I need to be able to say 'actually...we've done loads of playdates etc now' plus he's with a class full of kids all day and nothings changed ! - bah humbug to the teachers! They also said thats why he uses grown up and long words....cos he's an only child! - I'm as cockney as you like so we def don't speak like that at home Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted May 13, 2007 I used to feel such a failure at this llisa. It never really worked. He's 17 now so we dont have to bother any more. To this day though I wish he'd find a real, sensible friend on the same wavelength as himself. I know it happens but I think its down to luck more than anything. He does have a high functioning autistic friend we go out with regularly - but what I'd really like is someone more mature than JP who he could do ordinary stuff with. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted May 13, 2007 I think I'll tell the teachers where they can out this idea soon....I've been perservering cos they kept insinuating that cos he's an only child he don't mix enough etc and that play dates were the answer! - Well you can imagine how I used to feel! My God, I've got degrees in how to manage children! I have years of experience as a teacher. I know what to do... I used to stand there bewildered as B's playdates all ended in disaster! The most we ever managed was parallel play, with them ignoring each other, and me playing/talking/entertaining the friend. The worst memories are buried under several bottles of rum, at the back of my mind! The only ones that sort of worked was when he was about 10, and we would go somewhere linked to the current topic at school, or a castle. It was still mostly parallel play though. How did J feel? My boy doesn't really care, and is mostly indifferent to the idea of having friends over. He's perfectly content and happy, and I've come to realise that he needs to learn how to co-exist with his peers rather than have in-depth relationships. I think you were wonderful and brave to try it out, but I bet you're more bothered about the outcome than he is! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
llisa32 Report post Posted May 13, 2007 Thanks all for the comments and suggestions...good to know I'm not the only one. And yes....I do seem to be more bothered about the outcome of these playdates than J - It's a shame as he does ask me to have friends over but once they've been here a short while he really can't be bothered with them ....almost like too much effort. He said the best thing about yesterday was going to the playground. Unfortunately today I got the end result of him getting too tired...major tantrum this afternoon..he hasn't had one of these for a couple of months..complete paddy over nothing. He put himself in his bedroom and trashed it...luckily nothing breakable in there but complete tip - he then baracaded me out by putting all the duvets/blankets and soft doors behind the door.. Came out after out an hour...still in a huff..then was going to run away from home! - he put his trainers on so I locked the front and back doors and hid the keys..so much for reading the papers .. Waited some time and then managed to entice him with a game of who could cut the chicken up into the smallest pieces before throwing into the frying pan. Lovin it! Pearl...side note to you..Perhaps your son might make son friends once he starts his job. My ex (suspect Asp) has been lucky in that he's known the same circle of friends via work for a long time now. One in particular he shares a passion for watching football with , another american football. They all acknowledge his 'has his ways' but it's just been accepted..even when he choses not to speak to them for a couple of weeks !. So I'm hopeful for your son and mine...same as with husbands I think we all find the right friend/s eventually Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted May 13, 2007 awww, thanks for that encouragement llisa - its going to be a whole new world out there for jp, you are right, who knows what will happen? Maybe even a GIRLFRIEND Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zaman Report post Posted May 13, 2007 Friend starts telling him about new lego guy he got...J said 'which one, my tooth fell out' all in one breath My son does this when he speaks as well. I find that I am pretty much the only person that can unpick what he is saying, but I find it exhausting. Does anyone know if this is an autistic trait, or a part of the communication disorder part of autism? (Sorry, couldn't think how to phrase that). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
