pearl Report post Posted May 16, 2007 I care for my mum, who is developing dementia. Its been a steep learning curve this last 2 years. Been reading a library book on caring for dementia sufferers at home & was reading the negotiating techniques to gain co-operation & prevent catastrophic reactions. (Or meltdowns, as we would call them) Then it dawned on me..... the techniques described are identical to what I have been using for years with JP. Stuff like: pick your battles use simple sentences do not give too many choices low tone of voice spot a meltdown approaching & avert it before full-blown warn what is going to happen before it does etc. Suddenly I feel more confident. How ironic though, just as he needs less of this approach as he's maturing, I have to transfer it all to my mum! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ellisisamazing Report post Posted May 16, 2007 Odd one that, Pearl!! My Dad always says, " You start your life as a baby, and sadly sometimes, old age is very similar"!!! He thinks he is profound! I tell him, he is soooo unPC! Lisa xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bambi Report post Posted May 16, 2007 I too think a lot of what applies to T applies to my dad, my brother is his carer and we believe he has very ASD behaviour (he didnt speak until he was 8 and has very poor understanding). So many things about him are so much like T and he has a lot of medication for depression and bipolar yet he is undiagnosed with any sort of condition (age 65). We are in the process of finding out why dad is on such medication if he doesnt have a mental health condition (when we, his family know & see clearly that he has). All very frustrating but he had what i would call a siezure (hosp being vague) 2 weeks ago (my bro found him unconcious yet dad said next day he knew my bro was trying to wake him but dad couldnt move or speak) he satyed in overnight and then they just sent him off with all his medication (6 different types of meds a day!) and dad being dad cant even tell us what is wrong coz he doesnt know himself, he will just take what the docs give him no questions asked (his poor understanding). Bambi x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted May 16, 2007 Same here Pearl <'> Alot of how i am with my mum (schizophrenia) is very similar to how i am with M. I suppose, ultimately - as a carer, that's how i would behave, regardless of the persons difficulty/disability iyswim. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted May 16, 2007 I suppose its the role reversal thing I hadnt come to terms with. I was treating her like she was, not as she is. She has been so independent its hard for her to give that up, & very hard for me & my brother to persuade her to let us do things for her. Especially when she thinks there's absolutely nothing wrong with her! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted May 17, 2007 <'> <'> It is very difficult <'> <'> I have often felt more of the 'mum' figure, i can remember when things flipped from her being the strong person to me being the strong one (day before my finals! ). It's very hard to wrap your head around and equally as hard to take on the role of carer for someone who is so close to you and who has previously been the strong one <'> . I have found that it's essential to have some support for both you/your brother and your mum. The carers site is good (http://www.carers.org/). Does your mum have any support other than family? If she's not come to terms with things, that might be difficult, but i found my mum several carers who go in throughout the week - to either clean/cook/get shopping or just sit and have a cuppa n fag with her! It takes some of the weight off your shoulders iyswim. I have spotted lots of book around recently about caring for a parent - not sure if there any good I tend to just muddle through! (Gotta say though 'The Selfish Pigs Guide to Caring is fantastic!! ). <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted May 17, 2007 (edited) Thanks Smiley. Yes I go on carers.org, & also the carersunited forum (a forum for every problem lol) so I dont post much about her here. At the mo we are doing everything ourselves, but have just started phoning preferred providers as SS have given me free vouchers for domiciliary care & by god I intend to use them. She will not be a happy bunny though as her illness means she honestly thinks she is doing all her housework! So far, the ones which will clean dont operate in my mums area, & the ones that operate in my mums area dont clean Starting now ready for August as JP starts his job then. At the mo he's doing her cleaning on his day off from college bless im, she pays him but pretends its pocket money so the illusion is maintained that she's coping just fine! And yes, I have read Selfish Pig, my kinda book! I have felt a lot better about myself since realising I only have to be "good enough" at this, not Superwoman! The one I'm reading at the mo is The 36 hour day, its old but v good, if you are looking after someone with dementia. Edited May 17, 2007 by pearl Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
