Kept him off school today

[cmuir]

Unfortunately, Caroline, I didn't get a sympathetic response. They gave me a good dressing down and made me feel like I was in the wrong and being unreasonable and that they were saints. They manipulated me into feeling guilty and I'm still seething about it. It's this or nothing though, there's nowhere else for him but here.

 

~ Mel ~

 

Oh dear. That's terrible.

 

Hang in there. Don't let them grind you down. Let them know you mean business and you're not going to drop this.

 

In Edinburgh there's a parent and pupil support coordinator who is part of the education department. This person is supposed to resolve issues like this. Is there such a person/post where you live?

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[puffin]

Don't let them grind you down.

 

The staff are allowing your child to be bullied - as this is what is going on - the other child is deliberately picking on an aspect of your childs disability (sudden unpredictable noise) as a way of upsetting him. It is upsetting your child, creating stress and therafore affecting hi sability to learn. The fact that the school does not choose to take this seriously does not mean that it is not serious. Even if the other child has their own SEN problems does not mean that the school should do nothing.

 

I am fighting a very similar battle with Ms school - and I think that the very smug HT is in for a big shock in the not to distant future.

 

I would be inclined to e-mail back (now that you are feeling better):

- explain that you are very disappointed in their response and that they are not aware of how serious the situation is for your son - and that you feel that this bullying is having a serious effect on your some owing to the nature of his disability.

- Have you looked at a copy of the school's policy on SEN and bullying - have the staff being following the correct procedures - if not request a copy (lets the head know you mean business).

- I have used this approach myself a couple of times and - usually write that I am sorry that the school don't realise the seriousness of the problem and that we have not been able to settle the problem internally - and could the school please give me information about the complaint procedures so that you can make a complaint to the governors/LEA ( in many cases I never actually have to send the complaint as the HT suddently becomes much more interested in resolving the problem)

 

However I think that you should consider a complaint if you don't get a better response.

[oxgirl]

Thanks puffin <'>

Today this lad didn't actually boo him, but did snatch a ball off him and throw it on the roof. I think everyone was surprised by Jay's reaction, he totaly flipped his wig!! I think he'd just taken more than he could tolerate and went absolutely balistic! He's a very tiny, fragile child and couldn't hurt anyone, but he was screaming and shouting at the top of his voice and then ran inside and was kicking tables and chairs and pacing up and down screaming, probably shocked everyone, including the lad himself!! If Jay had been a larger kid, I'm sure he would have turned on this lad and given him a clobbering, he said he wanted to, it's only 'cos he's so tiny that he didn't.

In a way, it might have done some good for this lad to see him so furious. He certainly didn't bother him for the rest of today anyway!

 

~ Mel ~

[hev]

is jay back to school monday mel?if so,i hope he has a good day <'> its funnt aint it but ive never met you and him and i think every day i wonder how jay is at school!! HOPE ALL GOES OK THOUGH

[oxgirl]

is jay back to school monday mel?if so,i hope he has a good day <'> its funnt aint it but ive never met you and him and i think every day i wonder how jay is at school!! HOPE ALL GOES OK THOUGH

 

 

Oh hev, thanks so much, that means so much to me. <'> <'> <'>

Yep, unfortunately, he's back tomorrow and he's getting in a state worrying about it. Last night he couldn't settle at all, he was getting really obsessional and anxious and kept saying he wasn't safe and he won't be safe on Monday. It's such a shame to see him like this because he's actually be very chilled all this week, which is rare at the mo. I'm dreading tomorrow too.

How're things going with you?

 

Take care. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Bard]

You're not alone dreading tomorrow. B is fine, not bothered and he'll amble into school with no trouble. But I'm waiting for it all to go wrong again. He lives in the moment, doesn't worry, doesn't remember why people are annoyed with him or which children he should avoid in order to prevent combustion. One minute he's happily in a class, then he has to line up for a minute and someone pokes/pushes/swears at him and it's Krakatoa again.

When he's in a meltdown, he doesn't hear teachers giving verbal instructions or anything else. He's totally focused on rage.

It's hard for me to concentrate at work when every phonecall or adult entering the room has me bracing myself for bad news. 9/10 times everything is fine. it's the other times that I'm stressed about.

I'm also beginning to worry about how much teaching time he's missing out on. If he enters Y8 with only 2/3 of what he needs to know, life isn't going to be any easier.

I'll be hovering this next week, and the one after, hoping that Jay and Steve and all of our children have an easy ride this term. I love the holidays and hate them ending. I'd rather teach him myself, but that isn't an option.

[Bagpuss]

Oh hev, thanks so much, that means so much to me. <'> <'> <'>

Yep, unfortunately, he's back tomorrow and he's getting in a state worrying about it. Last night he couldn't settle at all, he was getting really obsessional and anxious and kept saying he wasn't safe and he won't be safe on Monday. It's such a shame to see him like this because he's actually be very chilled all this week, which is rare at the mo. I'm dreading tomorrow too.

How're things going with you?

 

Take care. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

 

Hope it goes ok tomorrow Mel <'> We are fortunate that all 3 of ours enjoy school, but I'm not convinced it will always be that way. Feel so worried about when secondary school rears it's ugly head for the girls. Will be thinking about you.....I've got to take youngest dd to hospital first thing, there is some concern over her eyes, so gawd only knows how that will go...don't think she'll tolerate any prodding and poking

[pearl]

I've not checked this thread for a while but I do feel for you all & keeping everything crossed for all of you anxious about tomorrow.

 

Me, I'm dreading the end of next week when JP will have finished his coursework & can leave college if he wants. We are never satisfied are we? I've arranged for him to go in part-time to do fun stuff & stay plugged into life till end of June, otherwise its 10 weeks till he starts work which is a long time to be isolated. He said to me at end of last summer hols, I think I keep myself to myself too much, first time he's expressed this, made me sad but at the same time pleased his self-awareness growing.

 

We loathed high school years, but have been truly blessed with his sixth form college. I hope yours find the same oasis.

[oxgirl]

Yes, I feel the same as you, Bard. It's either terrible or I'm worrying about it being terrible and then it turns out to be okay and then the next day it really IS terrible, so I spend the rest of the week worrying about it being terrible whether it is or not, the worry and strain are never ending, aren't they.

Good luck to you for the next seven weeks, hope they go well. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Hope it goes ok tomorrow Mel <'> We are fortunate that all 3 of ours enjoy school, but I'm not convinced it will always be that way. Feel so worried about when secondary school rears it's ugly head for the girls. Will be thinking about you.....I've got to take youngest dd to hospital first thing, there is some concern over her eyes, so gawd only knows how that will go...don't think she'll tolerate any prodding and poking

 

Thanks, Bagpuss. <'> <'>

Hope your appointment at the hospital goes well and that the outcome is positive for you. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

I've not checked this thread for a while but I do feel for you all & keeping everything crossed for all of you anxious about tomorrow.

 

Me, I'm dreading the end of next week when JP will have finished his coursework & can leave college if he wants. We are never satisfied are we? I've arranged for him to go in part-time to do fun stuff & stay plugged into life till end of June, otherwise its 10 weeks till he starts work which is a long time to be isolated. He said to me at end of last summer hols, I think I keep myself to myself too much, first time he's expressed this, made me sad but at the same time pleased his self-awareness growing.

 

We loathed high school years, but have been truly blessed with his sixth form college. I hope yours find the same oasis.

 

 

Yes, it's funny, isn't it, pearl, these school years are such a strain and a worry, but goodness knows what we'll do when he actually leaves school. If he has no college placement or job to go to, I don't know what we'll do with him all day or if he'll just be stuck in his room on his own or what! I'm not sure what's worst really.

 

Hope you manage to find things to fill the next 10 weeks. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

well mine is keen to go

but her mate is "irritated!" with her dd words

and she just dont fit, she has been off cos she is stressed with girlies and bullying ect

and i cant make it right for her and i soo need to

i want to scream soo loud but i cant

x

[oxgirl]

Lya <'> <'> <'>

How about running very fast on the spot, that's almost as good as screaming. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[hev]

how did jays day go mel?

[oxgirl]

how did jays day go mel?

 

 

Aw, thanks for asking, hev. <'> <'>

Well, on a Monday, most of the kids go to visit a farm and it's only Jay and one other lad who are left at the Unit because they have lessons to go to, so Monday is usually very quiet and relaxed for him. He was very scared, though, and when we got there this morning this lad was sitting in his taxi waiting to go in and Jay got very panicky and scared because the lad was staring at him menacingly and pointing at him in a I'm-gonna-get-ya kind of a way. I turned to the lad and smiled sweetly and gave him a friendly wave and tried to get Jay to do the same, but he was looking very wide-eyed by then!

He didn't actually see him for the rest of today though, so he was okay and he's fine now, but we'll see how tomorrow is when the lad will be around at breaktime and lunctime, fingies crossed.

Thanks again, hev. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

Edited June 4, 2007 by oxgirl

[hev]

thats ok,glad things went sort of ok ish for jay <'>

[Bard]

Yes, I feel the same as you, Bard. It's either terrible or I'm worrying about it being terrible and then it turns out to be okay and then the next day it really IS terrible, so I spend the rest of the week worrying about it being terrible whether it is or not, the worry and strain are never ending, aren't they.

Good luck to you for the next seven weeks, hope they go well. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

 

 

Well today went brilliantly, so we'll wait and see what tomorrow brings. Teachers are being wonderful and supportive, full of positive comments to B.

Let's hope he lives up to them!

[hev]

Well today went brilliantly, so we'll wait and see what tomorrow brings. Teachers are being wonderful and supportive, full of positive comments to B.

Let's hope he lives up to them!

[oxgirl]

Well today went brilliantly, so we'll wait and see what tomorrow brings. Teachers are being wonderful and supportive, full of positive comments to B.

Let's hope he lives up to them!

 

 

Long may it continue. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[hev]

Long may it continue. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

hope jays day went ok mel <'> <'>

[oxgirl]

hope jays day went ok mel <'> <'>

 

 

Thanks, hev. <'> He was pretty stressed out today but didn't say he'd had any probs with this lad at all, so that's great news!

We're taking each day one day at a time at the mo.

Hope all is okay with you too. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[smiley]

Hi Mel - So heartbreaking to read about whats been happening

 

I was wondering if your son has any contact with CAMHS? My son has monthly appointments with a psychiatrist, which helps him to manage his feelings a little better - she's also amazing at supporting M with school things - she's called school several times in the past..

 

I was just thinking if you had an 'outside' professional who could back up what you and your son are saying...............

 

<'> <'>

[oxgirl]

Hi Mel - So heartbreaking to read about whats been happening

 

I was wondering if your son has any contact with CAMHS? My son has monthly appointments with a psychiatrist, which helps him to manage his feelings a little better - she's also amazing at supporting M with school things - she's called school several times in the past..

 

I was just thinking if you had an 'outside' professional who could back up what you and your son are saying...............

 

<'> <'>

 

 

Hi, Smiley, thanks a lot for the support. <'>

No, he doesn't have any input at the mo, but we are waiting on a referral to a psychologist at the hospital who is supposed to help him with anxiety and the consequent migraines that he suffers with. Probably get an appointment in the autumn, but I don't know how many sessions he'll get after that or if it's just going to be a one-off.

 

Apart from that, nope, we're pretty much on our own with it really. It very much feels like 'us' against 'them' a lot of the time and I have come to feel very negative about it all and, probably they feel the same about me. I'm looking forward to the summer break from them and hopefully having a fresh start back in September. Keep hoping that things will improve, but we've been saying that for two years now.

Thanks again, Smiley. <'> <'>

[brooke]

its only 7weeks till the summer so it wont be long, then he can get a good break. Im writing yet again to my sons teacher it can be so difficult knowing the right place for our children to learn. There really should be more intrest in our childrens education

<'>

[oxgirl]

its only 7weeks till the summer so it wont be long, then he can get a good break. Im writing yet again to my sons teacher it can be so difficult knowing the right place for our children to learn. There really should be more intrest in our childrens education

<'>

 

 

Yep, there's so little choice for us, if any! It's very much take it or leave it, but I guess it depends also on where we live. Good luck with your teacher, hope they are receptive to your concerns and give you the reassurance you need. <'> <'>

[Bagpuss]

Mel <'> <'>

[hev]

used to love summer holidays when steve was at school as it gave us both a break from the stresses of school,used to dread picking him up from schol,worried all day about what was happening at school

[oxgirl]

used to love summer holidays when steve was at school as it gave us both a break from the stresses of school,used to dread picking him up from schol,worried all day about what was happening at school

 

(*nods*) Yep, that's my life! <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[wishingwell]

used to love summer holidays when steve was at school as it gave us both a break from the stresses of school,used to dread picking him up from school,worried all day about what was happening at school

 

Bad day at school can't wait for the summer holidays to start. Our holidays start in 2 weeks.

I love it, 10 weeks off, other parents are complaining about them being off too long 'not me!'

 

'You are the voice of your child'

Best of luck 'mel' believe in yourself!

 

 

pick your self up and keep going.

[oxgirl]

Bad day at school can't wait for the summer holidays to start. Our holidays start in 2 weeks.

I love it, 10 weeks off, other parents are complaining about them being off too long 'not me!'

 

'You are the voice of your child'

Best of luck 'mel' believe in yourself!

pick your self up and keep going.

 

 

Aw, sorry school hasn't been good today. Wow, you get ten weeks??!! Boy, that is a long time to occupy. I bet it's really hard going back after all that time, though, isn't it?

Hope the next fortnight goes quickly for you. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Bard]

used to love summer holidays when steve was at school as it gave us both a break from the stresses of school,used to dread picking him up from schol,worried all day about what was happening at school

 

 

Oh yes, you're definitely on my wavelength!

32 school days to go for us, then holidays.

[wishingwell]

Another letter typed up and put in his school/home book. To find out why it all went wrong again. (same boy all year). I could sort him out!

As soon as I begin to believe things are going OK bang it goes wrong! I really felt for him going today and was very tempted to keep him at home, so many times I tell him 'go on things will be find, you'll have a good day' and deep down I am waiting on the next incident.

This is so hard to watch.

 

Yes 2 weeks to go and he will be off + it will soon be his birthday (new games). The summer will be spent exercising his thumbs with his PS2 games. And when he is pushed through the door to play outside he will have his Nintendo ds with him. At least he will be happy.

 

He watches the calender all summer and counts the days. The stress level rises coming near the end, unfortunately mine does too

and then I feel really guilty because I know he lives for the days he don't have to go to school.

 

Hope he has a better day.

[lisa]

I'd love for mine to have 10 weeks off, is this a private school? We love the school holidays, for us it's never long enough. We're all so much more relaxed and happy.

[hev]

Oh yes, you're definitely on my wavelength!

didnt think there was another person alive on my wavelength bard

[wishingwell]

It's not a private school he just gets less days off during the year.

 

He had a better day in school, yesterday he was attacked by the boy who has been annoying him all year, and he told the teacher. Then the rest of his class called him names for telling. TA says he give the teacher a very detailed explanation about every thing that had been done on him.

Class discussion today to try to resolve the problem, teacher explained the difference between bullying and telling tales, she told him he was right to tell because what the boy was doing was bullying and that it was a very brave thing to tell on a bully. This is a great step forward for him, the rest of the class where very impressed with him.

He won a prize for his art work! At the beginning of the week and forgot to tell me.

 

he's back on his feet again.

 

We've survived another day!

[oxgirl]

It's not a private school he just gets less days off during the year.

 

He had a better day in school, yesterday he was attacked by the boy who has been annoying him all year, and he told the teacher. Then the rest of his class called him names for telling. TA says he give the teacher a very detailed explanation about every thing that had been done on him.

Class discussion today to try to resolve the problem, teacher explained the difference between bullying and telling tales, she told him he was right to tell because what the boy was doing was bullying and that it was a very brave thing to tell on a bully. This is a great step forward for him, the rest of the class where very impressed with him.

He won a prize for his art work! At the beginning of the week and forgot to tell me.

 

he's back on his feet again.

 

We've survived another day!

 

 

That's great WW, glad he had a really good day, long may they continue. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~