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oxgirl

Am I just jealous??!!

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I love reading your posts too Pearl, they're a real light at the end of the tunnel. I don't think for a second that your life is easier than ours, just that you give those of us with younger children hope for the future.

We never know what might be possible, and how our children may turn out, but you and J give us strength.

And how are your kitchen cupboards?

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I love reading your posts too Pearl, they're a real light at the end of the tunnel. I don't think for a second that your life is easier than ours, just that you give those of us with younger children hope for the future.

We never know what might be possible, and how our children may turn out, but you and J give us strength.

And how are your kitchen cupboards?

 

>:D<<'> Bard >:D<<'>

I think my life probably IS easier these days.... what ages are your children?

My kitchen cupboards are in pristine condition, thanks... but I'm still finding stuff missing at vital points in the cooking process..... aaagh!!!

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>:D<<'> Bard >:D<<'>

I think my life probably IS easier these days.... what ages are your children?

My kitchen cupboards are in pristine condition, thanks... but I'm still finding stuff missing at vital points in the cooking process..... aaagh!!!

 

 

Daughter is 16 and facing GCSEs, Boy is 12 and facing the world!

Becoming an archaeologist would be perfect, digging in a hole, recording everything and not having to deal with people other than to monologue about his findings.

Edited by Bard

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Daughter is 16 and facing GCSEs, Boy is 12 and facing the world!

 

Aah, just a little further down the road than you.... daughter 22 & working as a TA prior to PGCE, JP 17, but you know all about him....

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Pearl!!!

 

Just wanted to say hi, and you know I get exactly the same comfort from your posts as do others here! I know I've said it before, but you are bluddy fantastic and you have been a total gem for me (geddit? :lol: ) on here and BBGF where we first "met" in what seems a like a long time ago now. You never fail to make me smile, and in the time I've known you, you have always managed to lift my spirits and make me laugh even when I've felt low, You are so positive and full of good advice and inspirational hope rearding JP and his fabulous achievements.....You really give good vibes about what the future can hold for all of our kids and if I could just be half as cool, funny and practical as you are and have your amazing SHERRY drinking abilities, I will be one happy gal! :lol:>:D<<'>

 

 

Thanks, with lots of love

 

Lisa xxx :notworthy:

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Aw :wub: Isn't this place great :thumbs: I began reading this thread with tears in my eyes and ended up laughing :notworthy::notworthy:>:D<<'>

 

I've lost count of the times i've had to bit my tongue when confronted by similar comments >:D<<'>

 

I had a horrid experience lat Friday - I'd taken M to the park, as I was sitting on the bench, watching all the children playing and all the mums with their faces in a book, or laying down and vegging out - it hit :tearful: . I have to keep my eyes on M, so i can't 'veg'. He's becoming more and more 'different' from his peers - only a couple of children allowed him to approach them - most just stared at him and walked off, or ignored him :tearful: . As i was watching him it was very hard to not compare him to the other children :tearful: . Ended up hiding under my sunnies and having a good blub in the middle of the park.

 

Thing is - that afternoon gave me a cracking migraine - and i've been struggling with it all weekend.

 

It's not just the children that need support and understanding - it's the carers too. :wallbash:

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go on then pearl,i will have a sherry with ya :wine::wine::drunk::lol:

 

Hev, I'm afraid Pearl doesn't drink it by the glass, she has a permanent drip attached!!! :lol:

 

Wen shee iz druncc, shee iz veree funknee and spelz lyk thiz! :lol:

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Oh Smiley, time was that would have been me.

Oddly enough, we were in the park on Thursday, and no I don't veg either! We had 2 small cousins visiting, and they were using B as a climbing frame and pushing him over. He kept his cool, realising how much smaller than him they were. then 2 other littlies joined in, about 5 years old. He managed really well, I was so proud of him!

:wub:

They were all over him for about 15 minutes, then he got up and climbed on top of the climbing frame for a break, and they went on the toy train instead.

No one got hurt and no one got stressed. It was a great moment! :groupwave:

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Aw :wub: Isn't this place great :thumbs: I began reading this thread with tears in my eyes and ended up laughing :notworthy::notworthy:>:D<<'>

 

I've lost count of the times i've had to bit my tongue when confronted by similar comments >:D<<'>

 

I had a horrid experience lat Friday - I'd taken M to the park, as I was sitting on the bench, watching all the children playing and all the mums with their faces in a book, or laying down and vegging out - it hit :tearful: . I have to keep my eyes on M, so i can't 'veg'. He's becoming more and more 'different' from his peers - only a couple of children allowed him to approach them - most just stared at him and walked off, or ignored him :tearful: . As i was watching him it was very hard to not compare him to the other children :tearful: . Ended up hiding under my sunnies and having a good blub in the middle of the park.

 

Thing is - that afternoon gave me a cracking migraine - and i've been struggling with it all weekend.

 

It's not just the children that need support and understanding - it's the carers too. :wallbash:

 

 

Yep, Smiley, I get like that often too. Mostly when I'm sitting in the school playground waiting for him and I see all the other kids coming out, I often sit in the car with tears in my eyes for the life he hasn't got. :tearful:>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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I'll have to whisper cos I'm at work.....

didnt log on again yesterday, & just popped in to find all these lovely posts.

 

You are all fantastic (especially you Lis, lol you know me so well) & I'm glad I can give you all a bit of encouragement from time to time. Thank JP cos its all down to him.

 

And you have all been great when I've needed propping up - it felt like the entire autistic community was behind us when we were going through the apprenticeship rollercoaster, you were fantastic.

 

Just be thankful I'm posting this in the morning & not after my 3rd sherry of the evening else I would get v maudlin & like Lis says my spelling would be something to behold! :lol::cheers:

 

Sorry for hijacking the thread!

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Same here re: the park :tearful: I took dd last week up to our local country park and she ran me ragged! She stole a toddlers scooter, then she stole a ball, then she stole a remote control dragonfly thing, I spent half the time chasing her to retrieve other peoples stuff and apologising to them :rolleyes: Fortunately this time it was fine but I have had pretty horrid reactions from some people before now :( Oh and I bought her a little tub of bubbles and was happily blowing them to entertain her, but she wanted it so she snatched it off me, opened the lid and ran, with the inevitable result of the whole tub spilling out :wallbash: Good job it was only 40p and not one of the litre bottles I buy! :rolleyes:

 

I often wonder why I bother, but there are so many reasons why we need to do it, there's no avoiding is there? :rolleyes:

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Sorry for hijacking the thread!

dont worry about it,makes a change from bighead taking over threads :lol:

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I just wanted to let you know, having a 7 going on 8 yr old son with ASD, I sympathize

with your pain over your mother in law.

 

Last weekend my mother in law started crying (um, I thought we were the ones who

should be doing that!!) and saying how we must discipline our son more and teach him to conform.

 

Last week I did discipline my son and sent him to bed early where he screamed and scratched

his face in frustration. I then had to face all the questions the next day, calls from heads, e-mailing teachers

etc.

 

I will never DISCIPLINE my son again. What he needs is understanding not chastizing.

 

I could write a book on the nastiness of comments made by family members over the past

years.

 

THEY DON'T HAVE A CLUE.

 

Philly

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Aw, so sorry Philly. :tearful:>:D<<'> It hurts all the more when it comes from people we so much want understanding from, doesn't it. Maybe the reality of the situation was just hitting your MIL and she was feeling desperate to DO something. Obviously, punishing him for being autistic isn't the way, but sometimes I guess they feel helpless and just want to fix it instead of doing what we want them to do, which is listening and accepting them for who they are. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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thanks for your understanding oxgirl. I do think she wants to do something about it but she won't accept

he is autistic - she says he has a watered down version of Aspergers. On Sunday she said if she had

my son he'd be playing the cello by now. When my son stated he hated the sound of fireworks she

said oh but you loved it when you were with us! That's because the fireworks were about 100 metres

away!

 

Now the other night she rings my 7 yr old son and said if he doesn't start ringing her she will stop calling him.

How is that for emotional blackmail.

 

My husband wants me to ask her to not come back here again but I can't do it and neither can he!

 

Philly

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She sounds like a really tough cookie, Philly. Maybe your DH could have a word with her and ask her to soften her comments a bit, although I expect he's so used to it, having grown up with her! My hub finds it difficult to stand up to his mum as well, he'll sit and nod and agree with everything she says, even though he knows she's wrong, just for a quiet life really I think. What does your little boy say about her? Maybe some of the things she says go over his head at the moment so he's not hurt by them, hopefully. It's hard to hear people talking like that though, isn't it, when you just want to scream at them. :wallbash:>:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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It's sad to have so little support from the people we need it from the most our family! :wallbash:

 

Thanks for starting this tread Oxgirl. >:D<<'>

 

My older son says he feels invisible when we go to family gartherings.

So he no longer goes, they have been no help in delevoping his social skills

but they have found a way of making him feel inadequate in their company.

 

Glad to have found somewhere to get that out of my system. :angry::angry:

 

It's also good to know that things can get easier with time and I've lots of time.

Yes I am proud of my kids and we will succeed. It will just take a little longer!!! :whistle::whistle::whistle:

 

Thanks

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It's sad to have so little support from the people we need it from the most our family! :wallbash:

 

Thanks for starting this tread Oxgirl. >:D<<'>

 

My older son says he feels invisible when we go to family gartherings.

So he no longer goes, they have been no help in delevoping his social skills

but they have found a way of making him feel inadequate in their company.

 

Glad to have found somewhere to get that out of my system. :angry::angry:

 

It's also good to know that things can get easier with time and I've lots of time.

Yes I am proud of my kids and we will succeed. It will just take a little longer!!! :whistle::whistle::whistle:

 

Thanks

 

 

Wishingwell >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

It's amazing just how bad some family members can make us feel, isn't it. It hurts even more because they're the ones we really yearn for support from the most, like you say. I can just shrug off comments from people I don't know, I don't really care what they think, but I care too much about what family members think and when they don't hear what I'm saying it eats away at me all the more. :tearful:

At least we have each other here. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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At least we have each other here. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

would be lost without this place

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So much harder to walk away from family aswell, isn't it. Your right Mel, we hope they will support us, and it cuts so much deeper when they don't. Took me a long time, and alot of tears to come to terms with this particular part of our life. Now we rarely see family, other than my mum, including those we were particularly close to. Strange how we've sort of get used to it though. I think I'd feel abit claustrophobic if they started ringing and visiting now. We tried so hard to include them in our lives, and found their total lack of support and understanding so hurtful. I suppose you have to live your life the best way you know how, and let others live theirs.......they ultimately have to deal with the fallout of their actions, and you can't control that. Eventually it ate away at my self esteem, and I become too tolerant and accepting. Sorry, seem to gone on abit, but a big part of my counselling included this, as I was totally drained by it, and the counsellor made me realise that I or DH or our kiddies weren't the problem, which I had begun to believe, it was those around us. When we do move, I have to say, we will give alot of thought to who will get our change of address, and it's been a long hard road to reach this point.

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So much harder to walk away from family aswell, isn't it. Your right Mel, we hope they will support us, and it cuts so much deeper when they don't. Took me a long time, and alot of tears to come to terms with this particular part of our life. Now we rarely see family, other than my mum, including those we were particularly close to. Strange how we've sort of get used to it though. I think I'd feel abit claustrophobic if they started ringing and visiting now. We tried so hard to include them in our lives, and found their total lack of support and understanding so hurtful. I suppose you have to live your life the best way you know how, and let others live theirs.......they ultimately have to deal with the fallout of their actions, and you can't control that. Eventually it ate away at my self esteem, and I become too tolerant and accepting. Sorry, seem to gone on abit, but a big part of my counselling included this, as I was totally drained by it, and the counsellor made me realise that I or DH or our kiddies weren't the problem, which I had begun to believe, it was those around us. When we do move, I have to say, we will give alot of thought to who will get our change of address, and it's been a long hard road to reach this point.

 

 

It's horrid, isn't it really, Bagpuss. :tearful: Some family members we're stuck with, aren't we, like you say, and you just have to paste on a smile when you see them (which, hopefully, isn't too often) and then breathe a sigh of relief when they're gone. It's just such a shame that so many of us are experiencing this, it just shouldn't be like that, should it. :(

Sometimes I'd like to make a clean break of it and just run away to Australia or something and leave the whole lot of them behind, no Xmas cards, nothing, just a bye bye, have a nice life, nice knowin' ya, byeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! :lol:

 

~ Mel ~

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Sometimes I'd like to make a clean break of it and just run away to Australia

 

~ Mel ~

frangipani would put you up mel :lol:

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Come to Greenwich Mel, we'll hide you there :thumbs:

 

 

Haha, Greenwich is no good, they live about ten minutes from there!! :o:lol: Me and Hub both grew up in and around that area, when we were courting we used to walk to Greenwich Park most Sundays. If I could have worked up some energy I'd love to have come, but rather low in the energy department at the mo. :)

I want to hear all about it though. :lol:>:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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frangipani would put you up mel :lol:

 

 

Hehehe, sounds good. :thumbs: If I can't manage to get to Greenwich though, don't fancy my chances of getting to Oz much! :lol: Maybe I'll just hide under me duvet and refuse to open the door next time they come, that'll work! :lol:

 

~ Mel ~

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I just wanted to let you know, having a 7 going on 8 yr old son with ASD, I sympathize

with your pain over your mother in law.

 

Last weekend my mother in law started crying (um, I thought we were the ones who

should be doing that!!) and saying how we must discipline our son more and teach him to conform.

 

Last week I did discipline my son and sent him to bed early where he screamed and scratched

his face in frustration. I then had to face all the questions the next day, calls from heads, e-mailing teachers

etc.

 

I will never DISCIPLINE my son again. What he needs is understanding not chastizing.

 

I could write a book on the nastiness of comments made by family members over the past

years.

 

THEY DON'T HAVE A CLUE.

 

Philly

 

 

In laws just make me aaaaaaaaarrrrrrgh! :wallbash:

 

Mine have told various family members that I, YES I!!!!!, caused El's Autism by poisoning him with MMR!!!!!!! :angry::lol:

 

How bluddy ridiculous!! :sick:

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Have y'all heard the phrase "autistic cousins" - ie, people who have autistic traits but not the full blown thing?

 

Well I think this thread has demonstrated that lots of our relatives fall into that category.

 

Sometimes its better to think "they can't help it" than "how ****** rude & unsupportive" - or is that just letting them off the hook?

 

I know I've felt much better about my own mum since I accepted she probably has autistic traits. I've stopped hoping for what I know she can never give me.

Edited by pearl

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Have y'all heard the phrase "autistic cousins" - ie, people who have autistic traits but not the full blown thing?

 

Well I think this thread has demonstrated that lots of our relatives fall into that category.

 

Sometimes its better to think "they can't help it" than "how ****** rude & unsupportive" - or is that just letting them off the hook?

 

I know I've felt much better about my own mum since I accepted she probably has autistic traits. I've stopped hoping for what I know she can never give me.

 

 

This could be true, there are times when I say to myself "they can't help it" but then i think I'm just making excuses for them.

There rudeness disappears when they want something, and reemerges when I need them.

 

I just don't know and I wish I didn't care!

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Hi Oxgirl,

 

if you came to Australia then you'd have to put up with MY awful family :lol: One of my brother's has 5 year old twins who, no kidding, are exactly like the twins on Fireman Sam - the really annoying dobbers who don't do anything naughty. They even look like them them. So I have to put up with the constant comparisons, such as, O and R just love imaginative play, J doesn't does he...and so on and on. My mum recently decided the difference is because my brother and his wife have an "intellectual style of parenting" - I haven't asked her what style of parenting DH and I have!

 

Cheers,

Eva

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Neither JP nor Jay will be completely "normal", but that doesnt stop us & them having hopes & dreams. In an ideal world, JP would have done exactly as all his cousins did - he would be leaving home this September & starting university. Instead he is starting his apprenticeship in August & will be living at home. But that is FANTASTIC & right for him. He's already working out how much he can save over the next couple of years, & is v keen to buy his own flat. And you know what, it suddenly seems achievable. He might just do it. Its also looking like he will pass his driving test.

 

Ten years ago we had no idea of what we might hope for him. Jay too will find a path that suits him. It wont be the same as JPs or anyone else's but will be right for him, & with a great mum like you behind him he will do just fine. >:D<<'>

 

 

Thats it.... I was well and truly welling up reading this thread but now my eyes seem to be leaking!!!!

 

Thankyou so much Pearl :tearful: My boy is 9 now and you are so right sometimes we get so caught up in the daily 'fight' just to get through the day we don't take time to look at the positives.When my boy was younger I really felt there was no hope but as he has grown older yes he has achieved so much I never thought he would :thumbs:

 

My family is much the same as everyone elses apart from my dear old mum...she didn't really 'get it' at first BUT in recent years she has made such a huge effort to read as much as she can about ASD and finally now understands.The only problem with this is she now worries about M as much as me!!!

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Oooh, I also find it hard with 'friends'.

 

Choose between the 'friend' I once knew who kindly told me that when she felt depressed she just thought about my life, and then she felt better...

 

..or the 'friend' with perfectly healthy kids, a huge house, plenty of money, who does absolutely nothing all day...and then just b!tched about her DH when I used to see her!!

 

I prefer my own company these days, and get all the socialising I need from here and my job :thumbs:

 

Bid (AKA Witchy McTrout :devil: )

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Hiya

 

I think I would feel both angry for someone being so insensitive and jealous because there are times when I look at other women with their teenage daughters and think ''why can't I have a relationship, with my daughter, like that''. Then I feel guilty for thinking like that because I love her so much!!! Can't win eh? :rolleyes:

 

Gail

Mother in law is here and she's been telling me with glee all about how her other grandchild (10) is going out to the shop on his own and going to shops with a friend and how it's 'all part of growing up' and how he'll be off to secondary school next year so he'll have to get used to it, etc. etc. :tearful:

 

Jay is sitting right there and he's nearly 14 and I'm terrified that he'll never have these things and I feel so hurt. She doesn't seem to understand how upsetting it is for me to have it rubbed in my face like that. Is she being insensitive or am I being over-sensitive or am I just jealous of this cousin and wish we had that for our lad? I felt so upset by her lack of understanding for my feelings that I almost cried. :tearful:

 

~ Mel ~

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Thats it.... I was well and truly welling up reading this thread but now my eyes seem to be leaking!!!!

 

Thankyou so much Pearl :tearful: My boy is 9 now and you are so right sometimes we get so caught up in the daily 'fight' just to get through the day we don't take time to look at the positives.When my boy was younger I really felt there was no hope but as he has grown older yes he has achieved so much I never thought he would :thumbs:

 

My family is much the same as everyone elses apart from my dear old mum...she didn't really 'get it' at first BUT in recent years she has made such a huge effort to read as much as she can about ASD and finally now understands.The only problem with this is she now worries about M as much as me!!!

 

>:D<<'> deedee >:D<<'> onwards & upwards eh?

I've been meaning to add to this thread, despite all the family problems we have had, I had a real healing moment with mother in law recently. She's thrilled about JP's apprenticeship, & was saying how well he'd done & what good parents we are. I was like :o as that was a first from her, & just couldnt let it go without comment

 

So I said, well thats nice to hear as you blamed us when he was little, you said it was our fault cos we'd babied him. Well, I didnt know then, she said. Thats as close to an apology as I'm ever likely to have & its good enough for me, I feel I can move on now.

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Hi Oxgirl,

 

if you came to Australia then you'd have to put up with MY awful family :lol: One of my brother's has 5 year old twins who, no kidding, are exactly like the twins on Fireman Sam - the really annoying dobbers who don't do anything naughty. They even look like them them. So I have to put up with the constant comparisons, such as, O and R just love imaginative play, J doesn't does he...and so on and on. My mum recently decided the difference is because my brother and his wife have an "intellectual style of parenting" - I haven't asked her what style of parenting DH and I have!

 

Cheers,

Eva

 

 

That's it Eva, I'm going to have to cancel my one-way ticket now and I was sooooooooo looking forward to the 24 hour flight with DS too! :whistle:

How infuriating are some peoples' comments, eh? There's nothing like a comparison with a darling, angelic little cousin to get us gnashing our teeth is there!! :wallbash:

>:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Edited by oxgirl

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Hiya

 

I think I would feel both angry for someone being so insensitive and jealous because there are times when I look at other women with their teenage daughters and think ''why can't I have a relationship, with my daughter, like that''. Then I feel guilty for thinking like that because I love her so much!!! Can't win eh? :rolleyes:

 

Gail

 

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> It does feel like that sometimes, doesn't it Gail. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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>:D<<'> deedee >:D<<'> onwards & upwards eh?

I've been meaning to add to this thread, despite all the family problems we have had, I had a real healing moment with mother in law recently. She's thrilled about JP's apprenticeship, & was saying how well he'd done & what good parents we are. I was like :o as that was a first from her, & just couldnt let it go without comment

 

So I said, well thats nice to hear as you blamed us when he was little, you said it was our fault cos we'd babied him. Well, I didnt know then, she said. Thats as close to an apology as I'm ever likely to have & its good enough for me, I feel I can move on now.

 

 

Wow, Pearl, that's a momentous moment for you and MIL, isn't it. :o They can be very proud, can't they, some of these old bids, but it sounds like she's been thinking a lot about it and that that was her way of saying sorry. :thumbs:>:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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