Multiagency meeting

[curra]

Hi,

It's all been going downhill for M lately. He refuses to go to school because he has to go to mainstream lessons and he says that his peers tease and reject him. Until half term he had been hiding in the unit and dreading being seen by the NTs because he feels (or imagines?) that they will attack him and call him a "retard". He never goes to the playground but he says that he has evidence that that's what happens to children with SEN in the playground. He has bitten his toes so much that he can' t walk without limping and he scratched his blind eye until he got it infected- all to avoid going to school. Last night he said that he was not going to school anymore because he can't stand the "horrible pain" of his peers 'rejection and "subtle teasing". As he can't have lessons in the ASD unit (there's not a teacher for him) it's a catch 22 situation because he WANTS to learn but says that he can't. His TA's forced him to go to the mainstream lessons and her last incredible "professional" strategy was to tell him in front of the NT peers, "Hi M, I didn't see you in the ASD unit yesterday!", then when he whispered something to her about keeping it a secret because he's afraid of his peers, she said aloud "Don't be silly, nobody is teasing you!" Now he's more paranoid than ever because he says that he can't trust her anymore .

My key worker wants to have a multi agency meeting with the school; the psychologist said that he can co-ordinate it but he's so busy (or laid back) that it can take long before he can do it; the school is flexible but it's all a question of money and they don't have funding for a specialist teacher for M. What can I expect to get from this meeting? Has anyone any experience with something similar! Would it be a good idea to ask that the LEA send someone too? I'm so tired of fighting for my son- don't these people ever really apply what they ought to know about Aspergers or is it all just about money?? Sorry for another rant about things I have been posting for years, I can't help getting myself worked up as to how I'm going to tackle the professionals now and at the same time help my son.

 

Curra

[pearl]

<'> Curra <'>

[oxgirl]

Oh, Curra, I wish I had something useful to say, your lad sounds so unhappy. When do they suggest that the meeting will take place? Would it help to go in and meet with the staff at the Unit and let them know how much your lad is suffering, if they don't know already? What do they say about how he's coping and what are their suggestions for helping him on a day to day basis?

So sorry, don't know what else to say, but I really hope something is done soon. <'> <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[curra]

Thanks Pearl <'> <'> <'>

 

Mel, Thanks for your kind words as ever <'> <'> <'> I'm glad that Jay seems to be having a not-too-bad start of the week. I'm keeping everything crossed for him so that it gets even better!

I don't have yet a date for the meeting, which I think should be urgent, but as everyone involved is so busy I guess it won't be until next week. In the meantime I must speak to the staff at the unit, as you say. They are doing their best, I can't complain because they are very flexible with his timetable, but it's not enough to help my son. Something else will have to be done soon!! I don't think they realise how badly affected M is because they see that he has good behaviour and his work is usually good. I've explained his difficulties so many times to different people, it's like a deja-vu in a nightmare They always interpret his difficulties as "manipulation", I hope the psychologist gives them a clear picture of his problems.

M says that he'll go to school tomorrow, we'll see...

 

Take care

 

Curra

[bid]

So sorry things are so rough for you both at the moment

 

Bid <'>

[oxgirl]

<'> <'> Curra, good luck. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[curra]

Thanks Bid and Mel <'> <'> <'>

 

I really need a bit of good luck

 

 

Curra

[curra]

M is still refusing to go to school and harming himself out of stress or to avoid school (or both). In the meantime I googled multi agency meeting and I found out that it's meant to coordinate assessments and see what other needs a child has and how to meet those needs.

 

It may be useful to have a look at this link - I think it?s very similar in other counties:

http://www.sheffield.gov.uk/safe--sound/sh...agency-meetings

 

M has complained these last days more than ever that he has stress and that no one understands him (me included). He?s a very bright boy and just took a GCSE with success ( I'm very proud ) since he was too advanced in a subject and the school offered him the option. So now he has 2 free hours instead of that subject in which he can relax. Apart from it, the school now allows him to stay in the unit for as long as he likes, but it?s not enough for him. He says that his peers know that he?s in the unit because they can see him through the windows! The fact is that he?s not coping with social contacts of any kind. The problem is, if he had any outside interests eg football, I'd have something to work with, he doesn't even have friends round or call for them.! He?s showing signs of enormous stress at home everyday (behaving like a toddler, tantrums, non-stop talking about how miserable he is over and over) saying that he's not being recognised, no one loves him, he?s surrounded by incompetent people etc.... :crying: I did manage to get him to school this morning under threat of taking his PC and he tried to push me down the stairs on the way out. I would have left him at home if it wasn't for the fact that his education is at stake.

I'm waiting for the multi agency meeting to take place, I feel this is an urgent matter, but as usual these things take too long . Home edding is something I cannot afford. I feel like I'm going round in circles, the stress and worry of it all is making me feel irritable, depressed, ill, my self confidence is completely gone and I don't know what to do for the best of my son. I have to stay strong but there's not much where I can get strength from. There?s no father or father figure around, no family members who could help. Should I be firmer with him or should I just back off for a while and hope he comes round without worrying about his education and wait and see what this multiagency meeting is about? Should I leave him at home next week if he continues to refuse?

 

Curra

[JsMum]

M is still refusing to go to school and harming himself out of stress or to avoid school (or both). In the meantime I googled multi agency meeting and I found out that it's meant to coordinate assessments and see what other needs a child has and how to meet those needs.

 

It may be useful to have a look at this link - I think it?s very similar in other counties:

http://www.sheffield.gov.uk/safe--sound/sh...agency-meetings

 

M has complained these last days more than ever that he has stress and that no one understands him (me included). He?s a very bright boy and just took a GCSE with success ( I'm very proud ) since he was too advanced in a subject and the school offered him the option. So now he has 2 free hours instead of that subject in which he can relax. Apart from it, the school now allows him to stay in the unit for as long as he likes, but it?s not enough for him. He says that his peers know that he?s in the unit because they can see him through the windows! The fact is that he?s not coping with social contacts of any kind. The problem is, if he had any outside interests eg football, I'd have something to work with, he doesn't even have friends round or call for them.! He?s showing signs of enormous stress at home everyday (behaving like a toddler, tantrums, non-stop talking about how miserable he is over and over) saying that he's not being recognised, no one loves him, he?s surrounded by incompetent people etc.... :crying: I did manage to get him to school this morning under threat of taking his PC and he tried to push me down the stairs on the way out. I would have left him at home if it wasn't for the fact that his education is at stake.

I'm waiting for the multi agency meeting to take place, I feel this is an urgent matter, but as usual these things take too long . Home edding is something I cannot afford. I feel like I'm going round in circles, the stress and worry of it all is making me feel irritable, depressed, ill, my self confidence is completely gone and I don't know what to do for the best of my son. I have to stay strong but there's not much where I can get strength from. There?s no father or father figure around, no family members who could help. Should I be firmer with him or should I just back off for a while and hope he comes round without worrying about his education and wait and see what this multiagency meeting is about? Should I leave him at home next week if he continues to refuse?

 

Curra

 

I am in a very similair situation and also awaiting for a multie agency meeting, and like you it takes time and then they have arrange a day and time where all the proffessionals and parents can attend.

 

I too have had severe difficulties getting him to school, J doesnt participate in any activities after school as well, I feel there should be spercific groups for those with impaired social skills and behaviour issues, so supervision and trained staff.

 

I have been in talks today with the manager of children services for our area and have been promised that they will make sure J gets some support within the home but its going to take time, sometimes I dont feel I have time on our side.

 

I honestly feel now that if we dont get something practical from the various Services, I dont know how else we could continue as a family and that is a scarey feeling which is why I just deal with as much as I can do on a daily basis and just take one day at a time.

 

Its what is called surviving, life is for living not surviving!

 

JsMum

[curra]

JsMum,

 

I'm sorry that you're going through something so similar <'> <'> <'> There seems to be no sense of urgency in SS when it comes to our children (or maybe that's how they act with everyone?) M won't go to any group at all so he desperately needs someone to come and give him support at home and take him out. I've been asking for this for the last 3 years but first I was fobbed off with incredible excuses, even that I "depend on him for emotional support". This was something that I wasn't told, but I knew of recently because I asked to see their first report and I just couldn't believe it! I have rejected this report and I asked for a reassessment, instead they offered the multiagency meeting which nobody knows when it's going to take place. If nothing is done quickly M's mental health can deteriorate - he's already too paranoid and depressed and that is very scarey!

 

Hang in on there, hun, I hope that your multiagency meeting is soon. There should be one professional who coordinates it, perhaps you could contact him/her to insist on the urgency? Keep chasing them (that's what my keyworker said). I hope that you stay strong <'> <'>

Take care

 

Curra

[Mother in Need]

Curra, your situation and mine sound like they have a lot of similarities, with both my 10 year old and 13 (nearly 14) year old. Multi agency meetings are never quite what they are supposed to be, and in the end you need to keep a close eye out on who promised to do what, or it still won't happen (and make sure to take notes during the meeting and ask for a copy of their notes as they will not be the same). My 10 year old is out of school altogether at the moment, totally not coping, not having had an education this whole term. Urgency? Forget it, it all goes at snail's pace and no-one seems to care one bit. It is very demoralising and exhausting.... Saying that, in the end I got somewhere with my 13 year old, so hopefully you too will get there with yours!

And I think between us we could write a very damning report of how Social Services ahs treated us and ignored us and in general not done one thing that was supposedly done after the girl Climbie's death. Every Child Matters? Only those that are cheap and boost their public image up, not all the ones that really should matter....

[curra]

Hi MiN, Thanks for the advice, I'll remember to take notes and ask for copies of the other notes.

My DS is like your 10 year old, not coping at all. He gets up, is ready to go to school and breaks down saying he's too stressed to go. Im glad that you got somewhere with your 13 year old. I don't know what the solution is for my son, he's such a bright boy but he can't move forward because his needs are not understood. As to social services, maybe someone here who knows how they function could say why they need so much time, paper work and different departments to see whether a child is in need, and then they still refuse to help and pass the bucket to other agencies or the family.

We really should send the Govrn'mt a petition asking for real support for our children.

Curra

[JsMum]

He gets up, is ready to go to school and breaks down saying he's too stressed to go.

 

Or bless, thats got me crying now, that so sad and I am so sorry that he feels so unable to cope with school, he obvously needs some time out and some support in place in an alternative education system, its not easy and I just want to pass on to him as a forum user that we care about him and hope that he gets sorted out very soon <'>

 

JsMum

[curra]

JsMum <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Curra

[Mother in Need]

Hi MiN, Thanks for the advice, I'll remember to take notes and ask for copies of the other notes.

My DS is like your 10 year old, not coping at all. He gets up, is ready to go to school and breaks down saying he's too stressed to go. Im glad that you got somewhere with your 13 year old. I don't know what the solution is for my son, he's such a bright boy but he can't move forward because his needs are not understood. As to social services, maybe someone here who knows how they function could say why they need so much time, paper work and different departments to see whether a child is in need, and then they still refuse to help and pass the bucket to other agencies or the family.

We really should send the Govrn'mt a petition asking for real support for our children.

Curra

Two peas in a pod, so similar in their situations at the moment (your son and my 10 year old, DS3). Took DS3 past the school building this morning, and he had a real panic attack, went really pale, fast shallow breathing, not responding to me, had to drag him past quite a way before a recovered somewhat.

School hasn't still even acknowledged that he HAS needs, despite that he has not been in the classroom since Easter and not in school since 2 weeks before half term. School won't even acknowledge my letters....... Clinical psychologist has dragged them into a meeting coming Thursday though, so hopefully I'll get something useful out of them then..............

 

As for Social services.....

 

My story is obviously not helping you one bit, just letting you know you're definitely not alone <'>

[curra]

School hasn't still even acknowledged that he HAS needs, despite that he has not been in the classroom since Easter and not in school since 2 weeks before half term. School won't even acknowledge my letters.......

 

 

Thanks, MiN <'> <'> <'>

 

As to your son's school, their attitude is just awful! Haven't they even involved the EWO (Educational Welfare Officer)? They are supposed to help to arrange alternative education for pupils who are unable to attend due to different reasons. Before my DS received a statement the EWO came to talk to me about why he was being absent from school for so long ( he refused to ). Her imput was helpul to make the school acknowledge his needs. You can ask to see the EWO. If the school is not replying to your letters, you can also ask for an appointment with the head or the senco to get your point across.

 

Sending you good vibes <'> <'>

 

Good luck !