not getting out

[tracey]

I have posted before on this site with similar problems my daughter is fifteen and a half has been out of school now

for over a yeardue too different problems mainly anxiety peer problema work etc

am now teaching her myself too the best of my ability with work sent home from school

It seems now things are getting worse as she gets older going out is a big problem as things have to

be perfect make up clothes etc sometimes shell spend 2 hours getting ready then something will go wrong

too stop her going

she doesnt mix as the friend she had feels let down as my daughter doesnt go to school so they fall out

she worries all the time over everything and gets stressed and anxious regularly

cahms are no help as we cant get her to go out anywhere the doctor at cahms says medication wont help

as its not deppression and the asd is long term

i feel at a loss on how too help and it breaks my heart too think she never goes out as i know when she does

get out there shes fine more often than not

my gp is hopeless with no understanding not that shed go too see him anyway

any help or advice would be appriciated as i know shes becoming more and more dependant on me being there

as were together 24/7

Tracey

[jb1964]

Hi Tracey,

 

Sorry I can't help - my daughter is nearly 14 and although she has no social life during her evenings/weekends she does attend mainstream school. At the moment she has very little care in what she looks like so I haven't got that problem - more the reverse of getting her to look half decent.

 

I'm sure someone will post soon with some great advice.

 

Take care,

Jb

[Kathryn]

Hi tracey,

 

Sorry to hear you're still getting no help from the professionals in either health or education. It must be a big strain on you at the moment, feeling under pressure to teach your daughter and being with her 24 hours a day. I take it the LEA have still not offered any home tuition?

 

Your situation reminds me of ours a while ago. At the same age, and having suffered similar anxieties about school, my daughter didn't leave the house for well over a year, apart from the occasional medical appointment. She cut herself off from her two friends, refusing to see or speak to them at all. Very slowly, things began to turn around after 18 months, and although she will never be a social butterfly, she's now seeing the same friends regularly, going shopping with them sometimes, enjoying family outings with us again and going to college three days a week. I would never have thought any of this possible 3 years ago, so although it's not much consolation now, I hope that gives you hope that this situation won't last forever.

 

Medication helped my daughter over the worst of the anxiety to a certain extent, and having someone look after her two days a week while I went to work, helped me. The consultant psychiatrist from the CAMHS outreach team was a godsend, she visited us at home regularly, because, like your daughter, L wouldn't go anywhere. Although I was horrified at the restricted life she was leading, she was quite happy with her online friends and her x box games, so after trying to get her to come out with me, and both of us getting stressed and frustrated, after a while I just let her be. Sometimes I persuaded her to go for a walk round the park with me.

 

It sounds as though you need support yourself though, and someone to give you a break. Keep pestering the professionals at the LEA and at Camhs so that they don't forget you - I hope you get something definite in the way of help very soon.

 

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K x

[tracey]

thank you both for replies

kathryn just a question on medication was there anything specific that helped your daughter with worries and anxiety

tracey

[Kathryn]

Hi Tracey,

 

She was on about 5 different kinds of medication at different times over a period of about 18 months. Amytripteline helped her sleep (her anxieties were always worse at night) but completely zonked her out in the daytime too so she was going to bed at 5 pm and had no energy. Later on she was prescribed Risperdal - which seems to be the wonder drug of choice for ASD related anxiety.

 

I think the medication helped to get her through the really bad times when she was so agitated she could not sleep, relax or think clearly, or even walk down the street without being hypersensitive to noise, light and touch. It also helped with the obsessive behaviour which was a direct result of anxiety (I'm not talking about normal ASD related behaviour) It's not a long term solution, as your Camhs doc seems to be saying, but sometimes I think it can help provide a breathing space, a period of calm while some of the bigger issues, like education, are sorted out. In my daughter's case, when , finally, the right educational environment had been found for her, and she was less uncertain about her future, her anxiety began to lift.

 

She's now off all anti depressant medication - she suddenly decided she wasn't taking anything any more - that was nearly two years ago.

 

K x

[pearl]

Hi tracey

We are facing the same thing with JP as he leaves college, how to get a social life?

He has structured things he goes to like taekwondo.

He's been invited to an adult social group for Aspies run by NAS but we are holding that in reserve as he's a bit young yet & its in the next city.

And we are going to explore the NAS befriending scheme.

[tracey]

hi pearl

ive looked on the NAS website theres nothing in our area

there are so many problems regarding getting out its soo difficult but once shes

out there more often than not things go ok

am going to get a couple of cog therapy sessions in home through cahms after lots of letters to them

saying they should be helping more

also have a lady coming round friday (homeopath) who may have help or advice

we keep trying

Tracey

[lynyona]

Sorry not to be able to offer any advice but kieran is 21 and he never leaves the house on the odd occasion when he gets paid and he goes to town with dh but thats getting less and less frequent>its a worry and yes people keep telling me he s got to get out there but its easier said than done

[KMC]

As an adult with Aspergers, the only advice I can give you is from my own experiences so here goes...

 

I spent most of my time outside of school by myself. I read books, I played with computers and I was fine. (Obsessions still=computers and reading). I read the encyclopedia britanica from cover to cover at 11 years old. NOT joking!

 

Aspergers was unheard of back then so there was no diagnosis.

 

Ultimately I was for all intensive purposes a shy, withdrawn kid. I didnt know that I had problems socially. I thought everyone was like me and some kids liked being around people all the time and I didnt.

 

My point here is that I was content with my own company. I dont know how I would have taken it if my parents had involved Social Services or some other support group. It's possible I would have withdrawn further. I do realise that times have changed.

 

Please dont take this as me critising your parenting skills or your motives, as thats not what I am doing. My point is that SOME kids and adults with Aspergers like to have much more time alone than an NT person would. We arent social beings and yes, we do need to learn how to get on in society BUT be aware that it is very hard for us to do that.

 

I guess the question is, what is your daughter doing in the time that she doesnt leave the house? Is it constructive?

 

Tracey I dont know how badly your daughter is affected by Aspergers. If it isnt too severe, at her age, can you teach her how to cook? Give her responsibility for cooking dinner once or twice a week? Invite someone over for dinner with her cooking. Let her build up some confidence and there is nothing better for that than praise!

 

There are probably other things you can do as well, along the same sort of line but I would suggest that you dont do it too frequently.

 

Just trying to think of ideas...

[babymithel]

Hi, i'm new on here, My Daughter has Aspergers, she is almost 17yrs. Whilst growing up, she never had a best friend, a few friends here and there, who would usually end up not really being true friends!

 

When she was 13 i encouranged her to join the local air cadets, to get her out of the house for a few hours. She really enjoyed it, although the friend thing didnt improve, at least she was socialising to a degree. She got a paper-round too.

 

She goes to a club fortnightly for young people with aspergers, which is great, she can be herself without being mocked.

 

She now also is a volunteer at a Saturday club for young autistic children, and gets a bit of pocket money as expenses, which goes down well. Also volunteers at a local mother and toddler group on her college rest day!

 

These experiences have helped her confidence soar, and she thinks nothing of getting on a bus to go shopping (by herself ) occasionally!

 

I would love for her to have a circle of mates to hang out with, but its just not gonna happen overnight, it definately gets better with age though.

 

maybe you could look into any local groups in your area?

[tracey]

having read all posts seems advice is not too worry too much as she may be content with own company

thing is shes constantly bored but anything i suggest is boring also getting ready can take a very long time

due to perfection so it all takes lots of time and if something goes wrong thats it she'll not go

im trying too get her too do sporty activities too no avail

I think she wants too be out there and its drivin her up the wall bein with me 24/7

Tracey

[lynyona]

Id love kieran to go out sometimes but it seems to me that some have the ability to and others dont.His one and only friend as got AS and he goes to college and goes all over he s got friends and does allsorts of interests and he even he cant understand why kieran wont. He comes and stays over some weekends and kieran as been asked over there and he ll say yes he ll go untill time for the arrangements to be made then no.As long as he s got his own favourites his dvds his xbox 360 the computer and his music and other things he is fine on his own but it still bothers me.

 

 

 

 

 

lynn

[tracey]

true people say dont worry but when its your child stuck in 24/7 its easier said than done

tracey