Advice please - TA troubles!

[oxgirl]

Some of you may remember the probs I've been having with school and the TAs that have been working with Jay.

This morning a lad in the Unit threw a bit of a wobbly and attacked Jay and he was terrified. His TA took him to a room on the other side of the school for safety and he was obviously very upset and shaken. On the way, they bumped into a couple of boys who have been coming to visit the Unit to eat their lunch. They kindly asked him if he was okay and, unfortunately, Jay yelled at them to leave him alone (obviously not what I'd want ). Apparently, Jay said that the TA turned to him and said, 'no wonder you haven't got any friends'!

 

Now, perhaps you can help me to get a bit of perspective on this. I feel furious and very upset that she should say such a thing, it was not only unkind, imo, but totally inappropriate and unhelpful and it really made him feel bad about himself. I'd already spoken to her last week about how depressed he is at the moment and how lonely he is and how he feels that nobody likes him and then she goes and says something like that to him!

 

The question is, what should I do?? We've had horrendous probs with the school in the past and have already complained about a TA and the Unit then stopped her working with him and now this. If I complain I know they're going to think I'm over-reacting and complaining unfairly, but do you think it's right that she should speak to a vulnerable child like this?? Hub wants a quiet life and is making excuses for her and wants us not to rock the boat, but I want to request he has a different TA for next year, but I'm very wary of how I'm going to be viewed if I do this. I'm sure she'll just deny it or play it down and make out she said it in ever such a kind voice or something, but I know how harsh she can be and she doesn't fool me one bit.

 

Help! What should I do??!!

 

~ Mel ~

[Elisa]

Hi Mel,

 

Sorry to hear you are having troubles with the TA. I myself am a part time TA and a RDI Program Consultant. If you are worried about 'rocking the boat', why dont you suggest that you have a meeting with your SENCO and TA to create a document that states the agreed way upon which to work with your child. It would also be an opportunity for you to express (in a non argumentative way) your childs personality and emotional states and how best works to deal with them (that way you could get to say how he has low self esteem etc).

 

Elisa

Think Autism

[pearl]

Oh dear. It would have been more helpful for her to have spoken quietly to the lads saying, thanks for being so nice, he's upset right now & doesnt mean it, but we cant all think that fast on the spot can we? Not a nice thing to say at all, I think I'd be having a quiet word mel. xx

[oxgirl]

Hi Mel,

 

Sorry to hear you are having troubles with the TA. I myself am a part time TA and a RDI Program Consultant. If you are worried about 'rocking the boat', why dont you suggest that you have a meeting with your SENCO and TA to create a document that states the agreed way upon which to work with your child. It would also be an opportunity for you to express (in a non argumentative way) your childs personality and emotional states and how best works to deal with them (that way you could get to say how he has low self esteem etc).

 

Elisa

Think Autism

 

Thanks for the response, Elisa.

We don't have any contact with the SENCO at the school as the Unit Teacher and Unit Head run the show independent of the school so we just have contact with them. They already know how depressed he is and so does the TA, which is why I'm so upset about how harshly she speaks to him quite a lot of the time. I feel quite powerless to complain though about her.

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Oh dear. It would have been more helpful for her to have spoken quietly to the lads saying, thanks for being so nice, he's upset right now & doesnt mean it, but we cant all think that fast on the spot can we? Not a nice thing to say at all, I think I'd be having a quiet word mel. xx

 

Thanks pearl,

What should I say though and who should I say it to??!! I'm at a loss as to how to approach this without them getting defensive and turning it round to be all Jay's fault.

 

~ Mel ~

[pearl]

Perhaps with her initially, making it clear you understand it was probably a knee-jerk reaction from her in the midst of a stressful situation, but nevertheless unacceptable. It probably seems like quite a minor thing to her, but we know its not. If she has anything about her at all she'll apologise.

 

If you are not happy with her response, talk to her supervisor, I'd say. Good luck hun, its horrible having to screw yourself up to do these things isnt it?

[pumpkinpie]

Me thinks you are too worried about what they think?

They arent your friends, they will never invite you over for dinner, buy you presents etc. So maybe you need to remeber this when you are dealing with them! I dont mean to sound funny but for years I wanted to be liked until I realised this basic human desire to be liked was clouding my judgement and my ability to put my point of view forward regarding little ps needs.

These people keeping messing your son and it isnt something that will change easily without persistance on your part. So what is its a unit teacher! The senco of the school should be working with them , it seems to me things are cosy drifting along and the right hand doesnt know what the left is doing in respect of organistion.

 

I think you need to think of sept as a new start, hopefully there will be more parents to work with you. Maybe you need some kind of pta/parental group for the unit? Tackle to TA because this is a clear training issue and frankly ridiculous!