101 Uses for a Screwdriver

[Mumble]

I got bored with one word association so I thought I'd start something new to fill my days. Canopus in another thread got me thinking - can we between us come up with 101 possible but unintended uses for a screwdriver? Reward for completion - lots of chocolate

 

I haven't got very far yet . . .

1. Paint tin lid lifter
2. Paint stirer
3. Tent peg
4. Weapon to protect chocolate supplies
5. Small archaeological trowel
6. Kebab skewer
7. Toast retriverer
8. Chistel
9. Ice-axe for not too steep mountains
10. Lightning conductor
11. Polyfiller pusherinner
12. Hole punch
13. Dibber
14. Coat peg (when jammed into door)

Edited August 1, 2007 by Mumble

[pearl]

Emergency TV aerial

Murder weapon

Emergency surgery tool thingy

Door stop

Book mark

Writing implement if dipped in ink

Curtain rail for dolls house (thin end)

Tea stirrer

 

Ummm, I'll get back to you with more later....

 

And make mine a Mars Bar

[pearl]

Fencing sword for small furry animal.

[pearl]

Walking stick for small furry animal

[Mumble]

25. Fire poker

26. Window holder-opener

27. Spare spare arm for Captain Hook

 

 

When we've finished this one, we can do the plastic cup, Pearl!!! :lol:

[TheNeil]

28. Plumb-bob

29. Hammer

30. GP nibble stick

31. Budgie perch

32. Toothpick for giants

33. Dumbell for midgets

34. Letterbox flap opener for people who have a fear of letterbox flaps

35. Pot Noodle scoop

36. Improv drumstick

37. Cheapskate presentation pointy thing

38. Anti-puncture-repair-kit tool

39. Nutcracker replacement

40. Snooker cue for cats

Edited August 1, 2007 by TheNeil

[badonkadonk]

41. A Conductor's baton for Handy Andy if he ever decides to forge a career in music

42. Tiny wallpaper scraper

43. Emergency fetch stick for playing with dogs (ever so slightly dangerous)

44. Shoe horn

45. Slug/worm/anything manky that you don't want to touch flick-er-away-er

46. Pretend microphone/indicator for who has the floor to talk at a heated (and possibly violent considering the number of tools they will be carrying) builders' convention.

47. Using the thick or thin end (depending on how talented a trainer you are) a balancing roller for tiny Sealions

48. Bogey picker

49. Head scratcher

50. Crown jewels scratcher for men

51. Bum scratcher

 

Alright, alright I ran out of ideas........Ok, I admit it, I didn't have any in the first place

 

Ooo oooo

 

52. Burger flipper

53. Life saving wedge upright in Crocodile's mouth so it can't bite you tool for when you are in Australia (Crikey!)

54. Random people prodder when on trains or tubes (might also be dangerous)

55. Mint polo or Hula Hoop holder

 

TADAAAAAAAAA!!!!

 

Emily

xxx

[pearl]

I can't compete with those

Loving the snooker cue for cats.

[Mumble]

56. Ear wax remover

57. anti-choking device

58. tool for performing an Tracheotomy (to idea about the spelling)

59. tool for saving an individual with a tension pneumothorax (again no idea about spelling - punctured lung to you and I)

60. Staple remover

61. lock picker

62. bamboo cane to support small plant

63. ruler

64. jamming rod to make a square block fit a round hole

65. oversized drawing pin

66. light sabre

67. knitting needle

68. crochet needle

69. pointy thing to keep receipts on

70. pointy thing to stop you ever having to pay and get receipts

71. arm extender to reach test button on a smoke alarm

72. coffee strength tester (if it stands up on its own its too strong)

73. spare chair leg (for a small chair)

74. firework creator if placed in microwave

75. steel for sharpening knives

76. light reflector for being rescued off desert island

77. chocolate cake thief warder-offer (Well who's going to take the cake with a rusty screwdriver sticking out of it?)

78. spare pendulum bob for grandfather clock

 

79. sugar spinner tool

80. cord winder-er-up-er

81. keyboard typer-er should fingers be too chocolatey

82. chocolate fondue bit pokerer

83. Brown sauce sachet opener

84. rolling pin

85. meat mallet

Edited August 1, 2007 by Mumble

[Mumble]

Ah ha . . .

 

86. A tooth jabber-out-er-er . . . Does this mean I don't need to go to the dentist tomorrow?

[Bard]

Did anyone add anti-snoring device?

First you poke 'em with it...

then you jam it up their nose.

[lisa35]

a bit strange, 101 uses 4 a screwdriver!!?? bit of a laugh!

[Alyth_mum]

88 sock getter outerer (from the back of the radiator)

 

 

(only another 13 to go )

[oxgirl]

88. Bicycle tyre lever.

89. Remote control button pusher.

90. Tool for poking down the back of radiator to retrieve lost items.

91. Tool for twirling round in pond to wind up and remove blanket weed.

 

~ Mel ~

[Siadwell]

92 Door lifter for fitting doors

93 Retreiving lost screws ( the screwdrivers with the magnetic heads)

[oxgirl]

94. Book mark.

95. Spider stabber.

96. Lego prizer-aparter.

 

~ Mel ~

[lisa35]

hey, mumble, how about a false leg 4 a gnome!

joe lisas son

[Mumble]

98. Donut snatcherer

99. (Small) flag pole

100. Twistly baton that those twisly baton dancers use

101. New mast for the burnt out wreck of the Cutty Sark!

 

 

Yippee!!!! <'> <'> <'> Well that proved quiet easy with a little help from my friends (and yes, if anyone mentions the repetitions, they will see how good a screwdriver is as a fencing foil ).

 

Next . . . (thanks to Pearl)

 

101 uses for a plastic cup - off you go!!!!

Edited August 1, 2007 by Mumble

[pearl]

OK *deep breath*

1. hat

2. chair for squirrel

3. fake spider if you cut it up the sides

4. emergency toilet

5. seedling pot

6. false nose

7. mobile (lots of them)

8. bird scarer (lots of them over plants)

9. thingy to stop squirrels climbing up bird feeders

10. bird feeder, filled with fat

 

Having a rest now, back later.

[Mumble]

11. Ice lolly mold

12. swimming pool for imps

13. stilts

14. circle drawer

 

Hmmm, this is tricky . . .

[pearl]

15. Emergency goldfish holder

16. Phone (2 of them & a string)

17. Megaphone

18. Sand castle maker

19. Rattle (seal the top)

20. Shaker for dice

 

We got LOADS at the team building thingy, its harder to bounce ideas off peeps in cyberspace.

Edited August 1, 2007 by pearl

[llisa32]

Ear protectors

Pen holder (short ones)

Pencil holder (short ones)

Mini aero holder

Choccy buttons holder!

[Clare63]

26 Fake beard

27 left overs holder

28 Scoop

29 pastry cutter

30 jelly mould

[baddad]

Jimmy Durante impressionist kit: Sitting my piano, de udder day... (see morcambe and wise xmas specials, 1977 - 1983)

Sandcastle moulds for spider monkeys.

'Ah, grasshopper' eyes for Colin Hunt...

Maraccas (fill with rice and tape two together before gluing to a small length of dowling) as per 4S music lessons.

Specimen jars

fez's for spider monkeys (just paint them red)

Flowerpots for people too tight to pay for flowerpots.

Finger burning kits (just fill with hot coffee and carry from machine to your desk)

Bongos for spider monkeys

Walk in baths/shower cubicles for elderly spider monkeys (cut door in side and seal with blu-tack)

Devo style headwear for punk spider monkeys who wouldn't be seen dead in a fez...

Ra-Ra skirts for new romantic gurly spider monkeys (just cut hole in top to correct waist size)

Flamenco shirt sleeves for spanish spider monkeys

Shuttlecocks

Model Bill and Ben kits

High-rise shells for inner city turtles.

hot air balloon (well, helium) baskets for guinea pigs.

Mouth/earpiece assemblies for people who want to make a string telephone system but are allergic to tin.

A receptacle for the heads of spider monkeys guillotined during the french revolution

Chemi-loo for camping spider monkeys...

 

Sorry ...

 

Tired again...

 

off to bed

 

L&P

 

BD

[pearl]

A somewhat disturbing insight into the workings of your mind there, BD

[Mumble]

51. Spider trap-er-er

52. Tooth holder

53. Anti-dentist attack mask

54. Palm trees (stacked up, top one fluffed up, and painted)

55. Ear trumpet

56. TV raise-er-er

57. Screwdriver storage

58. Thimble for giants

[Alyth_mum]

59 A Daffodil (when mounted on card) for Mother's day - still got DD's version somewhere.

Edited August 3, 2007 by Alyth_mum

[Mumble]

60. A muzzle for my mentor

[something vague]

61 Posing pouch (add glitter for maximum discomfort )

61 use two for miniature bra

62 use 2 for dog fancy dress (as camel of course )

63 use 200 for dog fancy dress (as stegasaurus of course )

64 tie peice of wool to two and thread through coat as mittens

65 Dog wellingtons

66 cut holes in the bottom and make binoculars.

 

SV

[pearl]

Horrible mental picture of posing pouch

[TheNeil]

67. Emergency drought-conditions bath

68. Spider-trap!!!!!!!

69. Last-gasp-sinking-ship-rescue-bail-bucket-thing

70. Emergency lifeboat for mice

71. Bowling pins for weaklings

72. Plastic cup storage holder

73. Plastic cup storage holder holder

74. Cable-car car for shrews

75. 'Futuristic' miniature tee-pee

76. World's smallest rubbish bin

Edited August 3, 2007 by TheNeil

[Mumble]

77. Several tied together to make noose for mentor's hanging

78. Step for mentor to be stood on to be kicked away on hanging

79. Vessel to contain lethal injection implements for mentor

80. Blinding goggles for mentor to wear when facing shooting squad

81. Practice small creature trap (dug into ground and covered with sticks) to prepare for for making bigger trap for mentor

82. Vessel to contain treats to place on other side of ultra large mouse trap to tempt in mentor

83. Leg extension to balance out mentor after she 'finds' the hidden mine

[pearl]

77. Several tied together to make noose for mentor's hanging

78. Step for mentor to be stood on to be kicked away on hanging

79. Vessel to contain lethal injection implements for mentor

80. Blinding goggles for mentor to wear when facing shooting squad

81. Practice small creature trap (dug into ground and covered with sticks) to prepare for for making bigger trap for mentor

82. Vessel to contain treats to place on other side of ultra large mouse trap to tempt in mentor

83. Leg extension to balance out mentor after she 'finds' the hidden mine

 

the best way of dealing with these idiots is to laugh at them.

[Mumble]

84. Miniture coffins to bury each bit of mentor in when she stands on bigger mine

85. Finger receptible for each of mentor's fingers I accidentally yank off

86. Water containing vessel to be worn as muzzle to drown mentor

87. Vessel to contain lots of creepy crawlies to accidentally tip over at next meeting and introduce her to a new obsession I'm thinking of dreaming up

88. Empty cup to offer mentor a drink - "but there's nothing in there Mumble." "Yes there is" "No there isn't" "Yes there is, I just filled it myself" "REally?" "Absolutely" . . . continued until she thinks she's going mad

89. Giant ice cube maker to stick mentor's lips to so she can't speak and I can make my escape

90. Sick bucket for me if none of these plans work

91. Disguise for me if they do. "What's that officer? A dead mentor? No, sorry no idea - I'm a bishop (placing cup on head) wouldn't know anything about murder"

[Mumble]

92. Squashed down should make a good frisbee to lodge in mentor's mouth

93. Swimming pool - tell mentor it's a normal 25m pool and make her think she's put on lots of weight

94. Frog-sized tunnel lining so my favvy frogs can escape from mentor

95. Fill with treats and leave in a Hansel and Gretel style trail to the witch's house for mentor to follow

96. Slice into rings and give to mentor to replace her noisy jangly bangles with quiet plastic ones

97. Give smallest cup slices to mentor as new jangly ear-ring things to replace horrid light catching ones

98. Use set of three to 'entertain' mentor with Real Hustle style proposition bet and get all the money she's earning to 'mentor' me back

99. Place upside down in the holes on a golf course, play a round with mentor and get her to realise what it feels like when you can't get anything right

100. Wear a pair as ear defenders when mentor rabbits on about nonsense

101. Write a big 'D' on it and give to mentor to make her the dunce rather than me

[Mumble]

That was fun. Next . . .

 

101 uses for an odd sock

 

(that's 'odd' as in having lost its pair, not odd as in the type of socks I have been spotted in )

[llisa32]

Give it to mentor as a present...tell her it's a 'Balaclava' omit to mention no holes for mouth, nose or eyes..

 

If she does have a brain in residence (evidence yet to be found) then it will become apparent to her this is Dangerous!..

 

If she does not have a brain........ah well

[Mumble]

1. Lisa's balaclava
2. stuff in my ears so can't hear mentor
3. stuff in mentor's ears and claim I'm communicating but she can't hear
4. stuff in my mentor's mouth to stop her saying nasty things
5. stuff in my mouth - well I'm supposed to have communication issues so I may as well make it obvious
6. give to mentor to allow her to help me dress - she seems to think that's the total of my skills
7. slice into strips to practice tying my laces with my mentor
8. put over my hand to avoid leaving finger prints when I attack mentor
9. sick bucket
10. turn into sock puppet - mentor may feel more confortable if I'm unbehaving as I ought
11. roll up and stuff into shoe to protect me from stubbing toes when I 'accidently' kick mentor
12. use as an alternative to the plastic cup noose
13. stuff into mentor's mouth to stop her shouting out when I attack her
14. use to tie up mentor's arms and legs so she can't escape sitting and reading my letter
15. tissue for when mentor upsets me
16. sit on several of them to give me a height advantage over mentor
17. use to cover up my eyes so she doesn't expect eye contact
18. use to cover up mentor's eyes for firing squad
19. use to cover up firing squad's eyes to make death more interesting
20. cut two holes and use as a teacosy for the chocolate teapot
21. use to mop up the melted teapot when she gets in a sweat over being found out
22. give to mentor's house elf so mentor has to understand what real work is
23. use as a wolly cap to wear in winter by which time mentor might have realised her faults
24. give to mentor as something to write her minutes on which haven't been done so far
25. use to wipe sweat drops off mentor's forehead
26. use to hide electrical shock probe to stun mentor
27. stuff up my nose to avoid smelling mentor's Eau-de-poop Number 23
28. hang off one of my ears to make her think I've gone dolarry and she can really help me
29. give to mentor to wear as a tie seeing as she likes to put on the smart act
30. use to tie up my hair so I look ready to fight mrs mentor
31. tie several round my hands as boxing gloves
32. tie several together as a rope to escape from mentor out of the window
33. tie several elastic ones together as a short bungee jump with a long rope for mentor
34. use to tie mentor into electric chair
35. use to block full charge on electric chair so torture is gradually increased and suffering is maximised
36. use as miniture coffins for each bit of mentor when she accidentally gets chopped up
37. use as hot air balloons and baskets to disperse mentor into the atmosphere in small bits
38. use as a string for a string telephone so my tutor can listen in to mentor being horrid
39. use to hide recorder in so I can secretely record the mentor as she is with me
40. tie up appropriately to make a voodoo doll of my mentor and jab it repeatedly with something very very sharp
41. use to stem blood flow when I accidentally chop off mentor's arm
42. cut into a long strip and give to mentor as a designer belt to add to her designer dresses and shopping bag
43. use to put mentor's watch in and hammer to pieces as in step one of the magic trick - well she's so bad at telling the time it wouldn't make any difference
44. give to mentor as a glass for her celebratory getting rid of mentor drink
45. tie round mentor's finger as a visual reminder to do something - check her emails more than once a week
46. tell mentor individual socks are my new obsession and bring it to the meeting
47. use as elastic in a catapult to aim objects at mentor
48. use as a bib to avoid getting blood on my clothes in attacking mentor
49. use elastic to shoot mentor's tubes forward a little faster seeing as she always catches the 'late one'
50. peel into string, roll round mentor and use mentor as a yo-yo
51. peel into bandage width strips and leave with attacked mentor to help her repair herself (see, I'm a nice Mumble really )
52. peel into bandage width strips and wrap mentor up as an egyptian mummy an leave her in the British museum
53. use as a well bucket and rope and lower mentor into nearest well and leave her there
54. use as climbing rope for mentor but forget to tie other end to anything
55. mentor lead to take her back to the dogs pound
56. use to tie door handle to something strong so she can't escape whilst she reads my letter
57. use to leash mentor into room as double precaution against escape whilst reading letter
58. give to mentor as one of those little sacks people tie to sticks when they have to run away
59. use as guide rope to find my way quickly back to a place of safety tomorrow
60. throw several at mentor to confuse her enough to allow me to escape
61. stuff to make it look like a snake to scare mentor into running away
62. use as wind sock to indicate when mentor talking lots of nonsense is arriving
63. use several as a crash mat to demonstrate to mentor that jumping off a cliff is totally safe before removing for her turn
64. use several tied as a rope to create an arial zipwire as a quick getaway from mentor
65. use as symephor flags to send messages about what mentor is saying to my tutor
66. use as a purse to hold the money to show mentor what she won't get paid for her ineffectualness
67. use as computer cover to keep mentor's unused email checking computer dust free
68. use to avoid hyperventilating when mentor upsets me
69. use as mittens to stop me sctratching myself to pieces through stress caused by mentor
70. fill with flour, tie tightly and use as a stress ball in mentoring meeting
71. fill with flour, don't tie tightly and throw at mentor as a decoy
72. use to turn into a beanbag frog as company for me in meeting
73. bewitch and turn into invisability cloak so I can smuggle forum friends into meeting
74. give to mentor as a blanket to keep warm on the streets when no one wants her as a mentor
75. wear over my nose as a trunk to remind mentor that elephants never forget about the treatment given to them
76. wear over my head and pull hair through so she might understand what I see when I look at faces and stop suggesting she can cure me by looking at lots of photos
77. stuff several and use as cushions so at least I am semi comfortable sitting through my mentoring meeting
78. use as a fly swiper and claim ignorance when I hit mentor
79. use as an envelope to post mentor back to her employers and ask for a refund
80. give to mentor to use as a pencil case so she has access to tools to write some minutes
81. use to hid choccy rations to get me through the mentoring meeting
82. use as a sock puppet to give me someone with more brains than my mentor to talk to during my mentoring meeting
83. use to wipe blood off my weapons before storing them incase disability officer replaces her with someone equally hopeless
84. peel into wool and use to take up knitting to occupy myself during mentoring meeting
85. peel into wool and use to take up cochet during mentoring meeting
86. give to mentor and ask her to unpeel it and find how many sock worths of wool it takes to reach the moon - then shoot the moon out of orbit when she gets there and wave bye bye
87. give to mentor to use as a pillow in prison when Mr Plod finds out how nasty she is
88. give to Mr Plod to use as hand cuffs on mentor
89. give to mentor as a small stocking to hang for Father Christmas saying that's all she's worth
90. place over mentor's stiletto heels so she can't hurt me with these if she gets cross
91. give to mentor as a parachute and let her do a sponsored jump
92. give to mentor as a beach towel and make her think she's put on lots of weight
93. sew several together as wall paper and repaper room mentor is in whilst she's against the wall
94. take mentor camping and give sock to mentor as her tent
95. give to mentor to wave as flag so I can recognise her in a crowded room because obviously I'm not trying
96. sew several together as a suitcase should I have to escape from mentor and hide out in Scotland for a while
97. chop into tiny bits, recycle into paper, use to print my thesis on and present to mentor as proof I'm not stupid
98. give to mentor, tell her it's a paper clip and laugh at her struggling to make it work
99. make mentor wear a stripey one that doesn't coordinate her outfit to make her feel uncomfortable and perhaps know how she makes me feel
100. use to model a new mentor - well it'll listen as much as the current one
101. send to mentor when she's left as a thankyou pressie for all she's done for me

:devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:

 

Well I feel (a little) better now. Next: 101 uses for a paperclip

[llisa32]

Mumble I can't see for tears...you've made me laugh so much I'm crying!

 

 

I'll get round to paper clips in a minute when I can see!

[llisa32]

Seriously....I've only only got to number 56 again now and I'm sitting here laughing my SOCKS off! Ta daa"!"""

 

 

If you get bored with your PHD you definately have a career elsewhere!