im losing my son

[onlycrazygal]

yesterday an ICO was granted on the grounds that my sons specialist

had reviewed his position and and no longer felt my son had any ASDS ......

I was totally shocked....

the doctor approached me afterwards and claimed it wasnt because he didnt

think my son had the disorders he described. But it was because if he stuck to his guns,

the other docs would batt him down and eventually his dx would be discredited, he

would be discredited and he would be in no position to help my son at all.

Where as, if he agreed the other docs were right (incidentally these docs arnt trained in asds- he is)

and agreed with them that fostercare was appropriate, then my son would definately recieve the

support he needed re: SALT assessment, OT assessment, FULL STATUTORY ASSESSMENT and gradual re-integration into a SEN UNIT attached to a mainstream school...

All i will say is, I FOUGHT FOR 2 1/2 YEARS FOR THESE ASSESSMENTS AND PROVISIONS, WHY WASNT

THEY GIVEN TO US THEN ???

Now I find myself in a heartbreaking situation, as i try to prepare my son for his new family, of course besides all the benefits, they will recieve �400+ for looking after my son and the ss want me to train the fostercarers as to how to handle his behaviour...

I recently discovered that the fostercarers had been in the news in 2000 encouraging others to try fostercare, even back then, almost 8 years ago they had fostered 70 children....

the husband is a social worker and they comment in the paper that they dont get emotionally attached to them its just a job!!!

DONT THEY REALISE WHAT THEY ARE DOING ??? TO SEPERATE AN ASPIE CHILD FROM THEIR MUM AND BROTHER SURELY IS THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO ..........IS IT ME OR HAS THIS COUNTRY STOPPED CARING ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN........IM APPALLED AND DISGUSTED, MY HEART IS BREAKING....

MY SON IS MY LIFE, HOW DARE THEY DO THIS TO US.........

HUGS,

OCG XXXXXXXX

[llisa32]

<'> You have my utmost sympathy, I cannot imagine how you are feeling and I cannot believe this sort of thing is going on - it's totally barbaric.

 

Have you tried taking this to the newspapers or having a relative/friend 'leak' it for you?

 

I don't know what else to say except I'm truely sorry you are in this awful situation <'>

 

Hows your son, does he know?

[Kathryn]

OCG

 

Words don't seem adequate at the moment.

 

I just pray that somehow you will get the strength you need to cope with this situation.

 

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

K x

[onlycrazygal]

<'> You have my utmost sympathy, I cannot imagine how you are feeling and I cannot believe this sort of thing is going on - it's totally barbaric.

 

Have you tried taking this to the newspapers or having a relative/friend 'leak' it for you?

 

I don't know what else to say except I'm truely sorry you are in this awful situation <'>

 

Hows your son, does he know?

 

YEAH.....I ER,...been trying to put it across slowly, i think hes worrying as hes getting bellyache an running to the loo which is what usually happens with our bean.......?

thanks lisa for your concern, and your right, it is barbaric....they are insisting that now i must accept his

non-diagnosis.....

im not a violent or aggresive person as a rule but their are a few people i could really smack in the mouth right now.....

papers is a good idea though i dont want to get in trouble with the courts.....

hugs,

OCG XXX

[wilson]

This is a terrible situation. Will you still have contact with your son? How long is the foster arrangement for? Is there an action plan or suggestion of what you have to do to get him back? How old is your son? You need to know exactly what you 'have to' do to get your son back where he belongs. Do you have an MP who might take up your cause.

 

I am sorry I can only ask questions, but this is a situation that should not happen.

 

My heart goes out to you.

[ellisisamazing]

OCG,

 

I also believe this so wrong, on so many levels.....This is going to break your heart and your childs, I think the fact that you are able to come here and share with us this awfully sad and cruel ordeal is test of your inner strength. I would have crumbled by now, this is heart rending. I think you are immensely strong and you have my support, I also think this is a story that the press should hear of, this needs highlighting.

 

I wish you both well and hope that this appalling decision is able to be turned around and that your dear child remains in the right place....with you.

 

You are incredibly brave, my heart breaks for you and your son.

 

<'>

 

Lisa xxx

[onlycrazygal]

SS have just paid a visit, basically if connah refuses to do anything they say, they will leave

and come back with the police to physically remove him........

what they fail to realise is that connah refusing school and refusing other things was the original

reason they were involved in the first place.........

i dont believe this,

hugs,

OCG

[Frangipani]

Oh OCG <'> <'>

 

Sweetie I am soooo sorry, I cant imagine what you are going through right now I am just so shocked. A very similar thing happened to a lady over here in Aussie too. I am so sorry OCG perhaps I can get you two together somehow to chat via PM I remember her on a forum only a couple of months ago, very similar story, so its not just you. I hope you can still visit surely. Sounds like the two of you have been through the mill.

 

Take some deep breaths, gently and slowly, take a minute just try and relax really slow deep breath in, and deep breathe out. <'> <'> try and relax........ just focus on your breathing, you need to stay focused and relax for the moment, just try and get your boy to do the same. You need to be strong for your boy. Gosh OCG I <'> keep breathing it will help you relax. Can you make yourselves some tea or hot chocolate. <'>

 

<'> <'>

You are going to get through this. I believe in you <'>

 

Frangipani <'>

[summertime]

OMG this is awful

 

I can't believe they can do this, they spend so much time saying they are there to supportt families yet when push comes to shove they are splitting you up, this almost seems criminal :angry: :angry: :angry:

 

My thoughts are with you both and I hope they see sense very soon and you both have the strength to get through this <'> ><

[JenRose]

i dont know what to say Paula my heart is breaking for you.

 

Have they told you about visiting rights and what are your legal team doing to get him back to you?

 

Im so so sorry.

 

jen

x

[madme]

Paula. Im so sorry. My thoughts are with you. You have my number if you want to call at any time. I wish I could help.Take care of yourself. Txx

[baddad]

So sorry...words are inadequate.

 

L&P

 

BD

[JsMum]

I would be contacting a solisiter and all the commissioning bodies for childrens rights and special needs.

 

Who Diagnosed your son with AS? I would be contacting them, am I right to understand that the ASD Doc is only agreeing so he can keep his job?

 

That also needs investigating to your local Ombusman, and for him to admitt to you the only reason he is aggreeing to the fosterplacement so he can access sen provisions,

 

what are they all going to do if someone in these provisions start to raise the red flag to a possible AS are they going to be threatened with there jobs too, or that if the fostercarers themselves feel that he indeed does have AS.

 

I would go to the press the tv everyone I could get my hands on to highlight that SS are taking a child away from its family and for why at the end of the day? have they actually given you a reason he has a ICO and what are the long term plans?

 

I wouldnt simply keep quiet at all, I would be shouting and banging on doors of the goverment very very loudly.

 

JsMum

[mrs fussy]

Just so sorry dont know what else to say, i do see how this happens as i myself have been made to feel inadequate for doing the right thing by my child, i do see how it happens what i dont understand is why!!! Be strong you have done what you have felt is right and i am sure that it was the best thing but somehow this is allowed to happen. Keep fighting you certainly have MY full support look after yourself Mrs F x <'> ><

[JsMum]

Here is some reading on what a ICO is and if you feel that the SS are in their powers to do what they are doing to your family, also some more links to possible commissions that may help you get your son back.

 

http://www.fnf.org.uk/chact/chact4.htm

 

http://www.yourrights.org.uk/cgi-bin/ubb/u...c;f=19;t=004475

 

http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/English/Publicat...cass01Feb06.pdf

 

http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/English/Adults/C...ltsCareFAQs.htm

 

I would also contact the mentalhealth support for children too.

 

 

http://www.youngminds.org.uk/

 

I hope it helps.

 

JsMum

 

 

 

J's mum... Two of the links you included needed editing as they were direct connections to commercial law practices. I have passed them on to paula via the PM system, so please do not worry that she has not received them.

L&P

 

BD (on behalf of the mod/admin team)

Edited August 8, 2007 by baddad

[supermum]

I do not know you but have read the post's tonight and all i can say is i am soooo very sorry and my thoughts are with you and your son don't give up keep fighting i know it's hard when you feel the world is against you but fight on for your son lots of love and luck xx Kelly

[barefoot wend]

Paula

 

Can't believe it! Gutted.

[Clare63]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

I am so sorry, I just can't seem to put into words how I feel about this, I read the post earlier but could not reply because I was crying too much, my heart bleds for you. Please stay strong and stay fighting. I wish there was something I could do or say.

 

Thinking of you and your dear child, praying hard for justice.

 

Clare x x x

[tsmom]

Paula

Im gutted for you and yr bean.

I truly wish with all my heart that someone can help you. <'> <'> <'>

[pearl]

<'> OCG <'>

I'm so very sorry. I don't have the words.

[forbsay]

I am really sorry to hear this. I don't have the words either.........

 

Forbsay

[Bullet]

[Flora]

Can only imagine your grief. <'>

 

Flora <'> <'>

[smiley]

Thinking of you Paula

 

<'>

[mrs.ddh]

I too am shocked by your story and cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling. To have a child taken away is barbaric, and one who is disabled highly shameful. What are they thinking? I agree with those who said bang on doors and make some noise! If you feel unable to leak the story yourself, then get a relative or trusted friend to do it for you. Try the local paper (they usually run their numbers in their papers if you have a story to tell), or try the local BBC. (They should have a number on the website for your area and they will put you in touch with whom you need to speak to - either the news team or perhaps the InsideOut team who do current affair programmes which are not aired immediately, though). If you do ring any news team, you will have to speak to them personally as they need to verify the story from the source. It would be illegal of them to run a story based on what someone else had said about you or your son. I would especially get a news team (camera crews) there for when they are planning on taking your son - crass as it may sound, but it would make good pictures for a good story - and sorry, I know this sounds dreadful - but that's how the news works, that's how and why stories get told. If you cannot get a news team there, or you feel uncomfortable with this, then get someone else to film it for you. It is evidence of the distress unduly caused to you and your son.

 

Good luck to you. I wish you all the best. Stay strong, sugar.

 

ddh

[ASue67]

Don't know what to say but want to send you some hugs xxxx

 

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[dooday24]

thinking about u paula <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

love donnaxxxxxxxx

[onlycrazygal]

bless ya xxxxxxxx <'> <'> <'> were ok, so far so good,

a couple of wonderful friends, saved the day, C wasnt ment to

be going into care till 30th, so they were wrong to

try and force the issue so early......(trying it on)

c told sw today he didnt want to go with fc, he told me she totally

blanked his comments out.

later fc came to door con said he didnt want to go....

she kept asking why dont you want to come c ?

after a few exchanges my friend (who has 5 children on

the spectrum herself) had words with fc, trying to explain how this approach of forced compliance from c, just wasnt going to work.....and forced removal of c was nothing short of informed abuse.

and fc went to ring sw...

chrissy spoke to sol.....negotiations of how they do

move forward without traumatising my son will hopefully

be underway soon....tomorrow is another day, but one

thing is for sure, they have gone very quiet....

there is a difficulty to find anyone that understands

aspergers/asd s within the legal arena, it is

extremely hard. Because no-one understands it, the

sols barristers and judges havent a clue, so go down

the very same route as they would usually, when

there should be major considerations and re-structuring

of vital evidence is needed.....

unless this is addressed, this kind of persecution will become

a much more common occurrence, im not out of the woods yet. This experience begs the question ,of how many families have been treated in this manner? Cases rarely reach the general public because of the secrecy in these proceedings.........

As we know there is nothing more damaging

than a child on the spectrum, being treated in this way with his needs

being ignored and his rights violated.

for now all is quiet,....

we will see what tomorrow brings,

hugs all.....

paula xxxxx

[Frangipani]

Paula <'> <'> <'>

 

Be strong, keep well, be gentle with yourself.

 

love

Frang

[becci]

oh my good god.what the hell is wrong with these people???????

i am currently awaiting approval to become a foster carer of under two`s but in all the training i have recieved i was told that children with special needs have to have a very different approach to their removal and care as a "normal" child would. i cannot believe they are doing this.i strongly suggest you get some legal advice.who else heard the doctors comments?have any paperwork with you stating that you tried to get help previously.i am so angry at the system.

 

on a more personal note...even though i dont know you you have my thoughts with you at this most distressing time.stay stong for your little ones sake,show him its ok that you ARE his mum and that you love him no matter what happens.make sure he also knows that its not his fault,just some jumped up snotty nosed faceless and heartless b from ss.

 

take care. <'>

[Cariad]

Mirroring everyones replies here, I'm disgusted that this is happening to you. The whole SEN system has gone nuts is all I can say. Can you write to your local MP and highlight what is happening to you? Also get in contact with the N.A.S. http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=113

 

Also try IPSEA http://www.ipsea.org.uk/contact.htm

 

Try them all..

[annie]

 

Thinking of you Paula. I'm speechless

 

Annie xx

<'>

[fiorelli]

What do I say? There is absolutely nothing I can say that will bring any comfort to you, not matter how much I try. You are such an admirable person, and what is happening to you and your son is totally wrong.

 

Is there any right of appeal? Can you see a different solicitor to get their views? Can you get another Doctor's opinion? Just to try and add more weight to what your original Dr said.

 

Others have mentioned going to the papers/MP, but I know that childcare proceedings are to be kept 'private' and that there are serious consequences if found not to be. However, you may be wise to try and find out if that is still the case now that the outcome is 'certain' (i,.e. if there is no right of appeal), that way you can find out whether you can talk about the case without getting into any problems yourself.

 

 

Keep stong. There will be a way through this, and we will be with you every step of the way.

 

Fi xx

[Cat]

Simon Baron Cohen stepped into the arena for Debbie Storey when she was reaching the point that you are now at Paula. Has anyone tried to contact Simon for you or you can do so yourself. This is one guy whom they could not ignore.

 

 

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Cat

[onlycrazygal]

thanks to everyone for your replies, really, you have given me a real boost knowing that

you are there and care..... <'>

today their hasnt been much progress as the relavent people that are meant to be dealing with this

within the ss arnt in today.

C is doing ok , theirs a sense of relief all round even if we know its temporary. My fibromyalgia has been

at a chronic level the past couple of days,functioning is a struggle.

They know that the more stress they put me under, the more tension i feel and my body reacts by elevating the existing pain......without feeling sorry for myself, they are ruddy crucifying me.....

I am ment to be the mother/carer/provider/ my capacity to care for my son, has been greatly reduced by there own barbaric threats and actions......

They have done this for the past 2 1/2 years.....if the idiots were to perhaps down weapons for a while my

condition would improve.....

But the advantage of their harrasment, is serving their purpose, as i am reaching a point where i am hindered almost to a standstill.

we are safe at least until monday, bless you guys, i am really touched by your posts.....

hugs,

OCG

Cat, thank you , will do....x

[smallworld]

Hi,

I think Cat's suggestion is probably a very good one, do you have someone who could make contact with him initially ?

I really wish you all the best with this, I read the outcome on another site the other night when someone who is supporting you posted on there.

All the best,stay strong,

w.

[onlycrazygal]

quick update,

as you know our bean refused to go with fc, couldnt blame him he had never seen her before..........

i was all set for a meeting with everyone monday morning. i needed to tell them there methods just werent going to work....

mon came sw told me the meeting was cancelled, hadnt a clue why, id worked hard too listing all kinds of suggestions for them....

for the next 2 days they didnt even reply to sol, then wed night a knock at the door,

it was sw with three female police officers, they came into my home with sw and line manager , our bean ran upstairs and burst into tears.....thats when i lost it.....told them there is no need for this no need for an EPO , he was scared to death.....how could they do this to him.....i was told to stop getting upset and keep my voice down as i would make him worse.....

i said hang on a minute, you come into my home to forcefully remove my son , hes scared out of his wits and your asking me to keep it down. My son will know im mighty miffed and so i should be....

 

so there i was with three police in my home two male officers outside , one sw and one manager.

i dont mind admitting i talked my sox off , cried, begged, you name it, as i new the trauma forced removal would inflict on my son..

 

The police left after about an hour and the ss after another hour......everytime i went to open my mouth the sw kept cutting right across me....i was trying to give them the empirical evidence that was needed to lay this to rest, but just like the way it was in court they had no idea.... IQ lacking i expect as the bad parenting card was played yet again....

 

i stopped them from enforcing the EPO

 

now they are trying to befriend my son, he tells them over and over , i dont want to go, want to stay with my mum....its breaking my heart. the advice is that he complys or will have to be removed and be placed in a secure unit , given high doses of tranquilisers over a few days until he comes around to the idea, and accepts his position.........

SO THIS IS HOW THIS COUNTRY DEALS WITH OUR CHILDREN WHEN THEY WONT CONFORM TO

THERE RULES........I FEEL PHYSICALLY SICK....

HUGS,

OCG

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[darky]

This is barbaric, how could they do that to a child? Im so sorry for you and your family, I find it very disturbing that they can do this to anyone and it seems, all this has happened because they just have not been able to get through to your son, and rather than spend the money on support, they want to force him out of your arms and drug him. I am appauled. Is there a petition, or anything that we can help you with? Knowing this can happen to any one of us is terrifying beyond belief, and I wish I could do SOMETHING to help you. You should not have to feel alone. <'> <'> <'> <'> OCG I am thinking of you and praying these people see sense soon.

[mrs fussy]

now they are trying to befriend my son, he tells them over and over , i dont want to go, want to stay with my mum....its breaking my heart. the advice is that he complys or will have to be removed and be placed in a secure unit , given high doses of tranquilisers over a few days until he comes around to the idea, and accepts his position.........

SO THIS IS HOW THIS COUNTRY DEALS WITH OUR CHILDREN WHEN THEY WONT CONFORM TO

THERE RULES........I FEEL PHYSICALLY SICK....

HUGS,

OCG

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

This is totally UNBELIEVABLE, how can this happen this really could be anyone of us i just cant understand why, if you try and get help for your children your accused of having muncheuassens if you dont your accused of neglect you just cant win.Just remind me who started all this the LEA?? because you de-registered him? I am on the verge of doing this to as i cant keep sending my son in to an enviroment that effects him so badly, wil i be accused of the same? totaly UNBELEIVABLE. I just dont know what to say other than keep doing what you know is best dont give in, thinking of you Mrs F x.

[loulou]

Hi OCG,

 

Hope you are holding in there <'> <'> . I've only just read your news and i can't believe it. It's obsolutely shocking.

 

I can't imagine what it would feel like if I were in your shoes. Your poor little man .

 

I agree with others that this should be "leaked" to the press. I think people should know what is happening.

 

Sending lots of <'> and for you and C,

 

Loulou xx