Enough

[Mumble]

I saw my mentor this afternoon. I knew it was potentially going to be difficult but nothing has prepared me for the state I am now in. Typing on here is about the only thing I can do to give some form of distraction.

 

My mentoring has not been going well (see other threads). She hasn't been treating me as an individual and has applied her textbook version of what to be autistic means and has expected very little from me. I have beenn treated like a nuscience to society; like something that has no right to exist.

 

With a little help from my forum friends I put together a letter explaining exactly what the issues were and how I expected her to be treating me. I emailed this to her yesterday but she hadn't read it, so I gave it to her at the start of our meeting and she skimmed it in two minutes then said:

"Right, what would you like to do now?"

Me - "I'd like you to read the letter properly"

Her (grugingly) "Well ok"

At which point she went through and took apart everything in there. And totally contradicted herself. "Of course I treat you like an individual Mumble". "Well I don't understand this issue - I speak to you in exactly the same way as all my other clients"

 

She went on getting more and more personal about my faults, then got to a bit where I'd explained how I felt about her devaluing my work. Her response? Well no other students do that much work to do that much you need to question your writing. I mean for ###### sake, has she listened to nothing? My PhD is one of my special interests - it's what I do all the time and writing is one thing I am very good at (except when it comes to jumbled threads written in anger). She managed to take away in 5 minutes all the work my supervisor/tutor have done this year to make me realise that I can be successful.

 

She was by this point raising her voice quite substantially. Given that I have such a high hypersensitivity to sound I find any raised voices really difficult so this with me and her alone in a room was too difficult and I was getting really stressed and trying to calm myself down. Unfortunately I have a tendency to claw at my hands and arms and I now have a couple of large sores on my hand which are stinging like hell.

 

She didn't stop there though but went into abusing by supervisor saying that he was unhelpful, critical, argumentative, talking down to her and lots of other nasty things beside. This was all totally untrue. My supervisor has done nothing but support me through what has been a really difficult year what with getting a diagnosis and trying to put support in place. He has never been negative about my aspergers and has done everything he can to make sure I am happy. The mentor rasing her voice about how awful he is was the last straw. I raised my voice at the time and told her what she was saying was totally unacceptable, ran out and had a huge meltdown.

 

I've totally had enough now. I feel like I am being punished for being Aspergers. I've emailed by supervisor to tell him what happened as I'm seeing him tomorrow and think he needs to be filled in. I just don't know where to go from here. It was such hard work getting some support and now it all seems wasted as the support is useless. She's made me feel worthless and totally helpless and that there's no point me continuing with anything.

[bid]

Oh Mumbles <'>

 

I would think very carefully about seeing this woman again, certainly if you are alone.

 

Can you write an account of the meeting while it is still fresh in your memory, and then you have some evidence to set along side your original letter?

 

Have you thought about contacting the Disability Rights Commission? When I talked to them , albeit a few years ago now, they were extremely helpful and supportive.

 

I don't know what else to suggest...I'm sure some people will be along with better advice, but sending loads of <'> <'> <'>

 

Bidx

[llisa32]

Hiya <'> I am sorry the teapot lived up to her name today an then some!

 

She went on the defensive...obviously knew she was in the wrong, guilty as charged!

 

It was almost like bullying today, if she knew anything at all about you, or understood anything at all about Aspergers she would have taken a much different approach - she's quite frankly a disgrace to the profession she's supposed to be in!

 

Please please don't let this miserable excuse for a person ruin your confidence, and make you doubt yourself.

 

She's a no brain witch...you are a very intelligent young woman, maybe she's threatened by you - who knows!

 

Either way please please do not see her again...her role is to provide support, she probably can't even spell the word let alone provide it, and it's doing you no good at all. If I was you I would send that email again (incase she didn't get it on email , but this time cc her superiors. We can then only hope they are not as useless as her and would expect her to have done something about it.

 

I'd definately also complain about her knocking your supervisor...HUGELY un professional!

 

I'll Pm you in a little while - u take care in the meantime and I think we now need 101 uses for a pin!

[witsend]

Just wanted to echo what the others have said, your mentor sounds like an unprofessional bully.

Don't let her attitude ruin things for you and definately don't see her on your own anymore you could do with a witness next time you have to see her. <'> <'> to you mumble

Luv Witsend.

[barefoot wend]

Mumble

 

Have faith in yourself.

 

How dare she!

[Clare63]

Hiya <'> I am sorry the teapot lived up to her name today an then some!

 

She went on the defensive...obviously knew she was in the wrong, guilty as charged!

 

It was almost like bullying today, if she knew anything at all about you, or understood anything at all about Aspergers she would have taken a much different approach - she's quite frankly a disgrace to the profession she's supposed to be in!

 

Please please don't let this miserable excuse for a person ruin your confidence, and make you doubt yourself.

 

She's a no brain witch...you are a very intelligent young woman, maybe she's threatened by you - who knows!

 

Either way please please do not see her again...her role is to provide support, she probably can't even spell the word let alone provide it, and it's doing you no good at all. If I was you I would send that email again (incase she didn't get it on email , but this time cc her superiors. We can then only hope they are not as useless as her and would expect her to have done something about it.

 

I'd definately also complain about her knocking your supervisor...HUGELY un professional!

 

I'll Pm you in a little while - u take care in the meantime and I think we now need 101 uses for a pin!

 

Mumble,

I could not agree with Lisa more.

Don't let jealous ###### of a mentor beat you down, YOU ARE who you YOU ARE and I, like probably many other people on this forum, think you are a wonderfully intelligent, funny, caring, supportive, knowledgable, sensitive and articulate person, and love you just the way you are.

Clare x x x

[Kathryn]

Oh Mumble <'>

 

It sounds as though this person has an incredibly fragile ego and has taken everything personally - why on earth is she in this job?! And it was extremely unprofessional of her to criticise your supervisor so openly like that.

 

I can only echo Clare's comments - and hope that this person, (who sounds as though she has a few problems of her own she's dumping on you) doesn't succeed in making you feel permanently down on yourself.

 

<'> <'>

 

K x

[pearl]

<'> Mumble <'>

So sorry it went badly. I can only agree with what the others said.

Keep telling yourself, its not me its HER.... because it is.

[hev]

She's a no brain witch...you are a very intelligent young woman, maybe she's threatened by you - who knows!

 

.

mumble i completely agree with llisa,

 

do not let this useless woman make you forget how far you have come,when i met you at greenwich i thought of you as a lovely,clever person,i do mean that,donot let the battleaxe grind you down <'> <'> <'>

[Frangipani]

Oh Mumble <'>

 

It sounds as though this person has an incredibly fragile ego and has taken everything personally -

 

I can only echo Clare's comments - and hope that this person, (who sounds as though she has a few problems of her own she's dumping on you) doesn't succeed in making you feel permanently down on yourself.

 

<'> <'>

 

K x

 

That was my take on it too.

 

If you feel you have been backed into a corner Mumble please re read Bid's post. That is what we were advised to do if ever we felt discriminated against.

 

But deep down I think she was having a bad day, and took it out on you. I would say she is feeling very guilty right now. Or just plain ignorant.

 

I think you are lovely and very courageous, you hang in there, it was just a bad day alround. Dont take anything she said to heart. <'>

 

Love

Frangpani

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

it is not u hun

she is ignorant and feels she knows it all!!!

u have the support of others use it get them to help u change your mentor

thinking of u

x

[Mumble]

Thank you everyone

 

I got a little sleep last night - I think sheer exhaustion knocking me out more than anything - I'm thinking a little more clearly today.

 

I'm going to see my supervisor (the one the mentor criticised) and tutor this afternoon (I wonder now if they suspected things might go badly because they arranged this follow up meeting last week before knowing what happened yesterday). I'm going to make it very clear to them that I am not going to see the mentor again on my own. If they want me to see her again I'm going to insist one of them comes with me as a witness. Hopefully they will understand from this that this is serious.

 

My hand is a complete mess this morning - I haven't got stressed/angry to the extent of clawing away my skin for years and I'm very angry that she's set me back so far. There's actually someting very wrong with her in that she let me sit there rocking, shaking and crying and pulling off my skin whilst she carried on her barrage of insults.

 

I've written down what happened Bid, thanks, should it be necessary. I'm so loath to involve anyone like the DRC because academically, the university is fantastic and the support I get from the academic staff is excellent - and of course because my Aspergers isn't an issue to them it become less of an issue anyway because I feel safe - the difficulty is with the disability support office and the services they think is appropriate to buy in (like this mentor) - the very people whose job it is to ensure equality are the people being least equitous and causing most difficulty. Having a dignosis has really helped me to understand myself and it has helped my lecturers to understand me. Unfortunately I wonder if the price I'm now paying for that understanding is really worth all the pain it has and is causing me. If I am happy with my diagnosis and positive about who I am why can't others accept that I'm OK being Aspergers and that I don't want or need people to feel sorry for me or to treat me as they think every disabled person should be treated. I don't want pity; I want understanding.

 

Thank you for all the lovely things you've said. I have found it, particularly in the past pre-dx to understand myself and my reactions and difficulties and as a result I got into a very negative frame of mind - however much effort I put in things still seemed to go wrong and I couldn't work out what I was doing to cause these things. Post-dx I have been learning to understand why things happened and happen as they do and how to work with rather than against my difficulties whilst highlighting my strengths. I have started to get, with a lot of help from my supervisor, to a point of seeing that my work is OK and that I do have a right to be doing the level of study I am doing. But this is a very fragile state of mind as I'm still very much working through self-understanding. As the mentor managed to prove, it doesn't take a lot, at least at the moment, to set me back a very long way. My self doubt is huge and I don't need 'help' from people increasing this. I have to work now to get back to where I was pre-mentor so I can carry on moving forward. I'm quite tempted to try and put my work in order so I know where I am and what needs doing and then take a few days off and go away somewhere quiet where I can just spend some time with myself and try and get a more positive frame of mind back. That idea is scary in itself as I've never organised going away by myself (my sister's always been on holiday with me before but is rufussing now because I walk too far and too fast for her so she comes home shattered rather than getting a holiday!!). I think it's perhaps something I need to do though.

 

I'm listening to some of my favourite music now (on repeat of course) to try and get as calm as I can for the meeting this afternoon because I know trying to talk about what happened and explaining that I'm not going to see her again is going to be hard. I don't want it to come across that I give up at the first hurdle because that's not the sort of person I am at all. If I was that I would have left school at 15 when I was told education wasn't for me and I would get no GCSEs. I refussed to give up then and at many other times because I'm such a stubbon individual. I have to somehow use what got me through then to get through this. I'm finding it particularly hard because I'm dealing with unknowns. When I was told I wouldn't pass any exams I saw what was available to people who did and I wanted those opportunities. Now I can see the life of an academic which is what I want, but I can't see how it works alongside being Aspergers. I'm the first person who has been where I am on a scholarship and having a disability and I think I'm finding it so difficult because there is no role model for me to follow or to look up to. And similarly there is no one I can point out and say to my university look at Joe Blogs who has done and succeeded at what I am doing - it is possible. There is certainly no certainty in what I am doing and its very, very hard.

[pearl]

Good luck with the meeting Mumble - write everything down if talking is difficult (you could even copy & paste some of your post as it says it all) Show them the state of your hands if that would not embarrass you too much. Personally I wouldnt see her again even with a witness, what would be the point? Just make a formal complaint so she can't do this to anyone else.

 

Keep on believing in yourself, we all believe in you & have enormous respect & affection for you, you have come so far. I know what you mean about role models, we are the same with JP, its no fun being the trailblazer. Hopefully one day YOU will be able to mentor someone like yourself.

 

Let us know how you get on.

Remember your mantra:

Its not me, its her. <'>

[mrs.ddh]

Aww, Mumble, don't give up, sugar. I read this thread and agree with everything that has been said. And hun, you do write very well. I teach English and spend my days writing and reading (time allowing!) and I have always found your posts extremely well-written. Do not ever doubt your ability to write - you got it, girlfriend! <'>

 

ddh

[Mumble]

Show them the state of your hands if that would not embarrass you too much. Personally I wouldnt see her again even with a witness, what would be the point? Just make a formal complaint so she can't do this to anyone else.

Thanks - well they're going to see the state of my hands unless I wear gloves so they'll know something's up. I don't intend to see her again. I am really worried that she is doing this to others, particularly to others who don't have a support network to help them get out of it. I don't know who to complain to - she is the senior manager. She manages and trains other mentors - I don't think there is anyone above her. And given the thread on Prospects, I'd say by other people's experiences that this is something being repeated with others. Basically they seem to be using our commuication difficulties to get away with such appalling acts.

[Mumble]

I'm off for my meeting now. I'm scared and I don't know why because my supervisor and tutor have generally been a great support all the way through. I guess I just feel like I've let them down in failing to develop an appropriate relationship with my mentor and I'm scared that any one who replaces her might be the same.

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

hope it goes ok

you have not failed

she has

xxx

[pearl]

How did it go, chick?

 

Everyone has a line manager apart from God - if you want to make a complaint she must be answerable to someone.

 

And I hope by now you have been reassured that you havent let anyone down by failing to make a relationship with this Gorgon - the failure is hers.

 

They can't ALL be like that surely, look at DMB, he's trained as a befriender & you couldnt ask for a nicer person. Try not to let it put you off trying again. <'>

[Mumble]

It's not me it's her ... well maybe it's a bit me

 

The meeting was long (2 hours) and difficult, not because they made it difficult at all (in fact they were wonderful) but because my stress levels are about as high as they can go at present without being admitted to a padded cell. That's no exageration - I'm jittery, sick, not sleeping well, lost appetite, completely unsure of myself and feel like I'm kinda not quite on this planet like times going on and I'm drifting along beside it ... And that's all from having 'support'.

 

Anyway, they've agreed that I will not see the mentor again. They helped me word very short, to the point emails to her and to my disability officer saying I wouldn't be comtinuing ... now I just have to wait for the outfall of this.

 

But this does leave me in limbo - pretty much back where I was before this whole fiasco started. I now have a lot to think about about the support I need and how to get this. Rather than as before have the disability officer tell me what I need, we're (me, my supervisor and tutor) approaching it this time with me at the centre. I write about what I want and draw up a plan of the type of support I would be happy with. This is probably going to involve more than one person which is difficult but necessary. I think a lot of it will be much more along the befriending rather than mentoring line (someone who can go out with me and just chat to me when I'm stressed but who can accept me for who I am). I apologise in advance now because in putting this together I'm probably going to come up against all sorts of questions which I'll be bombarding you with.

 

My supervisor and tutor are off for the holidays now - I won't see them till September and having no family contact either, no friends and the other students gone home or off on holiday I feel very, very alone.

[llisa32]

Hiya... <'> , really glad your meeting went well and you have sent the mails telling the useless one her rubbish 'service' is no longer required

 

I'm really sorry though that you're feeling all lonely and on your own...please don't forget all us crazy ones on here are available for you <'> although I know it's not a real substitute - but hopefully a little helpful <'>

 

Because you've told me you quite like the sound of the new forest...an I think you'd enjoy the scenery etc, I'm going to start a new thread titled : 'who wants a new forest meet up!'

 

And we'll aim for end of August if there is any takers - hopefully that will give you a little something to look fwd to <'>

 

Can't promise any frogs, but there will be horses by the dozen, and shops selling nice choccy

[pearl]

No, it really IS her.. <'>

 

Glad its good news, & empowering for you that THIS time round you will be at the centre of deciding what your needs are.

 

And like llisa said, you've got us lot whether you want us or not most of us virtually but some of us in person.

[Clare63]

Awwwww Mumble, you've been through a lot the past few days its not surprising you feel the way you do, your mind must be doing over time processing all whats been going on. Try not to be too hard on yourself and perhaps try to obsorb yourself in something that is calming and give's you pleasure....oh I know how about a thread on 101 uses for chocolate, anything to take your mind off these meetings. As Lisa says you've got us lot on here so chat, rant, what ever you want on here.

 

Take care

 

Clare x x x <'> <'> <'>

[Frangipani]

Hi Mumble, <'> <'>

 

I was just reading another topic and it made me think of Hev first for parenting but later I thought about you Mumble when you mentioned what an affect this lady had on you. <'> In the post, they are recommending a book on CBT - I feel really positive about this CBT and the book they have recommended written by Tony Attwood. So just wanted to share it with you.

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=8969

 

I myself did a lot of CBT courses for Self Esteem when I was in an abusive marriage and again later to get my life on track and it worked wonders for me, and helped me regain my confidence.

 

I have never read Tony Attwoods book on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy; but to be honest, I can't wait to get a copy as I imagine it would be an excellent read, and worth every cent, I feel I know you like a friend, reading your posts and feel you will not be able to put it down, and I believe it will answer a lot of questions you are trying to get from these mentors but are not. Also, on the upside WHO knows Aspergers better than Tony Attwood. You could have Mr Attwood as your mentor at your fingertips with his book. <'>

 

Here is a link for the books, there are two one to help with 'anxiety' and another for 'anger'

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/1932565221...630#reader-link

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/193256521...4978740-8907630

 

Thinking of you, I can see you with that degree in your hands, I believe you can do it! <'>

 

love

Frang

Edited August 10, 2007 by Frangipani

[llisa32]

Just had to add this...fantastic insight into a 'Chocolate teapot'

 

'THE CHOCOLATE teapot remains popular as a general comparative standard for the failure of an object to perform in accordance with its intended function, rivalled only by its close relative (in terms of composition, if not morphology), the chocolate fireguard.

 

How very apt we are describing the woman pretending to be a mentor in this way

[pragmatic]

Thank you everyone

 

I got a little sleep last night - I think sheer exhaustion knocking me out more than anything - I'm thinking a little more clearly today.

 

I'm going to see my supervisor (the one the mentor criticised) and tutor this afternoon (I wonder now if they suspected things might go badly because they arranged this follow up meeting last week before knowing what happened yesterday). I'm going to make it very clear to them that I am not going to see the mentor again on my own. If they want me to see her again I'm going to insist one of them comes with me as a witness. Hopefully they will understand from this that this is serious.

 

My hand is a complete mess this morning - I haven't got stressed/angry to the extent of clawing away my skin for years and I'm very angry that she's set me back so far. There's actually someting very wrong with her in that she let me sit there rocking, shaking and crying and pulling off my skin whilst she carried on her barrage of insults.

 

I've written down what happened Bid, thanks, should it be necessary. I'm so loath to involve anyone like the DRC because academically, the university is fantastic and the support I get from the academic staff is excellent - and of course because my Aspergers isn't an issue to them it become less of an issue anyway because I feel safe - the difficulty is with the disability support office and the services they think is appropriate to buy in (like this mentor) - the very people whose job it is to ensure equality are the people being least equitous and causing most difficulty. Having a dignosis has really helped me to understand myself and it has helped my lecturers to understand me. Unfortunately I wonder if the price I'm now paying for that understanding is really worth all the pain it has and is causing me. If I am happy with my diagnosis and positive about who I am why can't others accept that I'm OK being Aspergers and that I don't want or need people to feel sorry for me or to treat me as they think every disabled person should be treated. I don't want pity; I want understanding.

 

Thank you for all the lovely things you've said. I have found it, particularly in the past pre-dx to understand myself and my reactions and difficulties and as a result I got into a very negative frame of mind - however much effort I put in things still seemed to go wrong and I couldn't work out what I was doing to cause these things. Post-dx I have been learning to understand why things happened and happen as they do and how to work with rather than against my difficulties whilst highlighting my strengths. I have started to get, with a lot of help from my supervisor, to a point of seeing that my work is OK and that I do have a right to be doing the level of study I am doing. But this is a very fragile state of mind as I'm still very much working through self-understanding. As the mentor managed to prove, it doesn't take a lot, at least at the moment, to set me back a very long way. My self doubt is huge and I don't need 'help' from people increasing this. I have to work now to get back to where I was pre-mentor so I can carry on moving forward. I'm quite tempted to try and put my work in order so I know where I am and what needs doing and then take a few days off and go away somewhere quiet where I can just spend some time with myself and try and get a more positive frame of mind back. That idea is scary in itself as I've never organised going away by myself (my sister's always been on holiday with me before but is rufussing now because I walk too far and too fast for her so she comes home shattered rather than getting a holiday!!). I think it's perhaps something I need to do though.

 

I'm listening to some of my favourite music now (on repeat of course) to try and get as calm as I can for the meeting this afternoon because I know trying to talk about what happened and explaining that I'm not going to see her again is going to be hard. I don't want it to come across that I give up at the first hurdle because that's not the sort of person I am at all. If I was that I would have left school at 15 when I was told education wasn't for me and I would get no GCSEs. I refussed to give up then and at many other times because I'm such a stubbon individual. I have to somehow use what got me through then to get through this. I'm finding it particularly hard because I'm dealing with unknowns. When I was told I wouldn't pass any exams I saw what was available to people who did and I wanted those opportunities. Now I can see the life of an academic which is what I want, but I can't see how it works alongside being Aspergers. I'm the first person who has been where I am on a scholarship and having a disability and I think I'm finding it so difficult because there is no role model for me to follow or to look up to. And similarly there is no one I can point out and say to my university look at Joe Blogs who has done and succeeded at what I am doing - it is possible. There is certainly no certainty in what I am doing and its very, very hard.

<'> >< <'> >< <'>

 

Mumble dear,

 

First sorry I did not respond earlier- I only saw this.

 

First of all this is extremely stressful for you but it is also a very good learning curve and the most important thing is too try hard and not lose faith in yourself.

 

Being Aspergier and a very good academic do not contradict but the sometimes the opposite and I am talking from very personal experience. You have got what is needed and more and I am positive that your work is immaculate simply because you are specialised in the thing you love doing and therefore you will go into the deepest depth to understand it. this is how you are being intellectual asperger.

 

This women need punishment but you don't need to take this on your shoulder all the way through, you just have to write everything to your supervisor and the the head of the equality department and REFUSE to see her again what ever the circumstances the damage she is causing to great to risk.

 

I have so much to tell you but the one thing that I will keep repeating is you have to keep remembering that you are really good at what you are doing otherwise you would have never got your scholarship- organisations never throw away money and they only give to the best- Actually you are the BEST of the BEST (really not MIB way).

 

I will carry on reading your thread to see what happened with your supervisor but just wanted to highlight to you that I as many other members of this forum and I am sure your supervisor, tutor and the people who believed on you and granted you fund all believe that you are a very capable intellectual and intelligence person.

 

Keep strong and keep faith

[Alyth_mum]

Mumble where did you get the idea that being an Acaedmic and Aspergers don't mix???

 

They are made for each other - if your special interest is in an academic field ... surely having someone who is prepared to spend their whole time studying/teacher others about their favourite subject so that others may find it intesesting...

 

You can only be a good teacher if you enjoy your subject and know it well - and going by my ES that is how he with his 'favourite' subject.

 

Through choice when you are tudying can you be bothered to stop for meals/sleep/anything? I bet the answer is 'No'....or at least 'In 5 more minutes'

 

Keep away from that woman - she is making you ill .

 

By thew way she is not a 'chocolate teapot' because they do have a use - as my YS told us when he was about 5yrs - 'you can eat a chocolate teapot'.

Sounds as though she's more like 'an ashtray on a motorbike' ' full of yuck that won't stay where it should but gets into your eyes and mouth instead.

 

Try and organise a day out without stress - which is probably a contradiction in terms I know - go somewhere quiet and just soak in the fresh air and peace .... and drift away to 'Planet Zog'.

(Don't know if you know 'Planet Zog' apparently it's nice there you can talk and think about YOUR subject without any hassle - ES visits the place very regularly.)

 

 

Take Care (((HUGS)))

 

Louise

[Mumble]

Thanks everyone I'm either feeling a little better or very much worse, I can't decide which - I bought fruit instead of chocolate today

 

Mumble where did you get the idea that being an Academic and Aspergers don't mix???

From the mentor, who else? Actually when I saw my supervisor and tutor they said pretty much what you've said - that they can't think of a much better place for me than academia because I can focus on what interests me (yes I do, much to the concern of my tutor, forget to eat when I'm studying) and have people around me who a) are interested in listening to me and b ) are far more tolerant of my AS traits than the majority of the population.

 

Knowing that I will never have to see this woman again (well my disability officer hasn't replied to the email, but I won't be seeing the mentor again whatever she says) makes a huge difference, but I am worried about finding alternative support. I think I'm going to insist that some of you train up as mentors as you all have a heck of a lot more knowledge and common sense than the people who are supposed to 'know'.

 

I'm trying now to get myself back into a daily routine - I haven't had it since I was moved because previously I had a day structured around meals and silent hours - I think this will really help me feel more settled until mid-September when I get my usual daily routine back.

[Bard]

Knowing that I will never have to see this woman again (well my disability officer hasn't replied to the email, but I won't be seeing the mentor again whatever she says) makes a huge difference, but I am worried about finding alternative support.

 

You are an adult, so you're correct. No one can make you see this ignorant, harmful and self-absorbed woman ever again. You never had support from her, and she has done so much more harm than good, you are better off without her. Having finally caught up with all the posts since I left on Tuesday, I can't understand how someone so insensitive and arrogant ever got further than basic training. All you can hope is that your letter, and the backing of the academics in your life, will force her to accept that there are other perspectives than her own that are valid. And more relevant.

 

 

 

I'm trying now to get myself back into a daily routine - I haven't had it since I was moved because previously I had a day structured around meals and silent hours - I think this will really help me feel more settled until mid-September when I get my usual daily routine back.

 

Make sure that your routine includes food and some sort of exercise. Walking, or a punchbag!

Are you still planning on a break somewhere quiet with the YHA?

Edited August 11, 2007 by Bard

[Bard]

By thew way she is not a 'chocolate teapot' because they do have a use - as my YS told us when he was about 5yrs - 'you can eat a chocolate teapot'.

Sounds as though she's more like 'an ashtray on a motorbike' ' full of yuck that won't stay where it should but gets into your eyes and mouth instead.

 

My Gran used to say that useless people were as much good as a chocolate fireguard, but I like your ashtray image!

[pragmatic]

Dear Mumble,

 

Really glad that you don't believe this woman's rubbish- You ARE great at what you are doing.

 

allocating time for eating and walking is a great idea to.

 

You can start with a simple structure of the day - breakfast- 20 min walk (even around the block in a rainy day) and do add some peaceful time in the evening and of course visiting planet Zog a couple of times a day is great.

 

 

Focus on relaxing you need it- and remember no body should force you to see anybody that toxicating and harmful as this women (what a disgrace to the profession she is).

 

 

 

RELAX

 

<'> >< <'>

[Bagpuss]

Thanks everyone I'm either feeling a little better or very much worse, I can't decide which - I bought fruit instead of chocolate today

 

Buy some choccy raisins Mumble, you can get your 5 a day plus a bit of choccy thrown in for good measure Sorry to read what's been happening, how are your hands? I hope your ok <'>

[Mumble]

Sorry to read what's been happening, how are your hands? I hope your ok <'>

Thanks Baggy - I'm trying very hard to resist pulling at the scabs . . .

 

Choccy raisins - why on earth have I not thought of that solution to the 'must eat fruit and veg' speech before

[Bullet]

Going with the chocolate analogy, that mentor sounds about as much support as a chocolate shelf on a hot day. Pleased you don't have to see her again.