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whitbywoof

Nervous reactions

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I have Aspergers, my partner is NT. He's getting used to me being nervous in strange and crowded places although he finds it funny when I sometimes walk around with my arms crossed defensively in front of me and jokingly calls me a Freak. Last weekend we went to an airshow. At first I was particularly bad because it was crowded, noisy and chaotic. I asked if we could have a drink and we sat away from the crowd which gave me chance to take it all in and calm down. Once I felt calm enough to walk normally we went back into the crowd, and once the flying began I was fine - because we'd gone there for the sole purpose of my photographing the planes - my favourite hobby at the moment.

 

But sometimes at home, my partner accidentally startles me and makes me jump. The intensity of my reaction is sometimes so great that he looks really hurt and thinks that I don't like him. It happened this morning - I wasn't sure which room he was in and I went into the kitchen to get my meds. He stuck his head round the door without me hearing him coming and he spoke - I jumped out of my skin! He looked so upset. And a night or two ago, I almost screamed in fear when he came to bed. What can I do to stop being so jumpy around the house? It is after all, my home and the one place that I should be able to relax. Any suggestions?

 

I seem to be getting worse at the moment, but then we do have a lot of stress going on with access to his children, the CSA on our case, my busiest time of year at work and my partner coping with chemotherapy. It's a lot and I think we're doing really well to cope with it all, but it's so sad when he scares me.

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Guest Lya of the Nox

cold u print this off and show him?

cos u have managed to put it all down soo well

of course all the stress will make u worse, but it is hard to remove all of that

>:D<<'> >:D<<'>

glad u enjoyed the plane show, we have done a few ourselves, but for the adults

tc

x

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I think it would help to explain this to your partner, so he knows it's just a reaction and not a reflection of how you feel about him.

 

He may be more sensitive at the moment because of all the other stresses in your lives.

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Hi,

 

I would first try not to think that it's somehow related to just your partner, can you think of times it happens with other people as well? The reason I say this is because I'm extremely jumpy as well and my reactions when I jump are really strong, I literally jump, usually scream and can be so jolted and shocked by it that it can sometimes make me cry.

 

I don't know why this happens but I have an inkling it's all down to sensory processing/spatial awareness in some way. When I used to work as a chambermaid I was especially affected because you would work in a hotel bedroom on your own with the door open. Other members of staff would often pop in and out while you were working to check if you were ok, to ask for something or to fill you in if more rooms became available. If I was working by the door or working facing the door I was ok, but if I was hoovering with my back to the door or just working with my back to the door (i.e. if I was working in the en-suite bathroom) whenever someone came into the room (or sometimes even just walked past) I would jump and be startled. Other members of staff were worried for me to begin with and we used to laugh it off and they would say things like 'I've never known anyone as jumpy as you!' and whatnot but it was really embarrassing if it happened to be a guest that startled me (often the case if I was bending down at the trolley in the corrider and they walked behind me).

 

I also hate sitting with my back to doors and prefer to sit in a particular place in rooms where I can see the whole room and know who is coming in and out. At home it's quite open plan which is working better for me and where I sit on the settee I can see the front door, into the kitchen and dining room. However when I'm in the study (and this used to happen when I lived with my parents also because they had a similar set-up in their study) I can spend a lot of the time when I'm on the computer whipping my head around to see if anything/anyone is behind me. Both doors are locked, so are all the windows and I don't necessarily have to hear a noise for it to happen but every 30 seconds or so I have to look behind me.

 

This is also true in restaurants, when I was at university in lecture theatres, on trains/buses etc. I prefer to sit against the wall in restaurants and absolutely hate it if people sit behind me, I can't explain it but it just feels so uncomfortable and unbearable. At university I always sat at the back (which always sent out the wrong message) but I hated it if people were sat behind me. Trains, buses, aeroplanes, I can't cope with an aisle seat and have to sit by the window. I can cope with the middle seat for an hour or so but then have to switch back.

 

I would try not to worry about it, like Lya said, print this off and show him it's nothing personal against him and that's just how we seem to be wired differently in this area (an interesting point though I'm pretty sure that Neil (my boyf and fellow Aspie) doesn't have this jumpy thing going on...I never seem to have startled him anyway).

 

I think if you let yourself become overly aware that you are doing it you can almost make it happen more, that make sense? I know if I start to think about the possibility of someone coming into a room behind me etc then I start to panic more about it (this thread really isn't helping :lol:) but you just have to push the thoughts to one side and try to laugh off the jumpy moments when they happen. One thing that does help with Neil is that he shouts 'hello' whenever he comes into the house or when he comes downstairs and I'm already down here or upstairs when I'm already up there. Perhaps you could to come up with something like this for your partner so that you know where he is in the house as much as poss. Me and Neil tend to inform each other of whatever we are doing anyway so we both know where each of us are at any given time, even if we are just chilling out doing our own thing we'll usually be like 'oh I'm going to do this and this now in here,', 'ok, I'm doing that and that in there,' which in a way is typical Aspie to plan everything, even chilling out time :lol::wacko: but that's just us and it works so :D

 

Anyway, rambling as usual!

 

Emily

xxx

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Hi Ww >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Do you drink alot of coffee or consume caffeine too much - as this can make you more jumpy than normal. Try limiting caffeine to two a day preferrably in the morning.

 

On a well respected health program over here they say drink tea as it contains an enzyme that counteracts the effects of caffeine, which can make you anxious - jumpy - suffer insomnia. So drink tea whenever you like as it is soothing and full of antioxidants and great before sleep as it will help you sleep. I tried it and its true - I sleep much better.

 

Are you getting a decent nights sleep? If not give it a try.

 

Just wondering if this might answer some questions for you.

 

All the best

 

Frang x :)

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Hi Ww >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Do you drink alot of coffee or consume caffeine too much - as this can make you more jumpy than normal. Try limiting caffeine to two a day preferrably in the morning.

 

On a well respected health program over here they say drink tea as it contains an enzyme that counteracts the effects of caffeine, which can make you anxious - jumpy - suffer insomnia. So drink tea whenever you like as it is soothing and full of antioxidants and great before sleep as it will help you sleep. I tried it and its true - I sleep much better.

 

Are you getting a decent nights sleep? If not give it a try.

 

Just wondering if this might answer some questions for you.

 

All the best

 

Frang x :)

 

 

Thanks everyone, I did print this thread off and show it to him - I think he was surprised that other people are as jumpy as I can be.

As for the caffiene thing, I don't drink coffee at all. I love tea and mainly drink it in the mornings. I don't drink any sugary/fizzy drinks at all and don't drink any stimulants in the evenings. If I do have tea in the afternoons, I don't drink it later than about 4pm.

 

I've had a few restless nights recently but on the whole I sleep well and have done ever since my doctor switched me from Prozac to Cipralex.

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