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Millymoo

What is Meltdown?

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This Thread should help.

 

I don't think meltdowns are like tantrums, only worse - because a toddler has control in a tantrum - a tantrum is about controlling others and manipulation. A meltdown is uncontrollable (by the individual in meltdown and often by outsiders). They may look very similar, hence 'bad parenting' being flung around by those who don't know and people 'tutting', bu what underlies them is very different.

 

Meltdown for me occurs when I can simply no longer keep in everything that is difficult - normally it occurs when I have been supressing my 'normal' in favour of acting NT 'normal' perticuarly over a period of time. The last meltdown I had about 3 weeks ago was because I'd been at a conference where I couldn't cope with so much - partiocuarly social interaction and sensory overload - and the stress that built up over the days had to go somewhere, but I had no efficient means of releasing it.

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Thanks very much for your help, the link has answered lots of questions too. I'm sure my toddler has meltdowns sometimes, as he is beyond reasoning and even if I say one word to him he screams and runs away and is totally inconsolable and definitely beyond bribery

 

It's interesting that someone put it can be due to over stimulation, I'd never thought of that. Sometimes he does it when he's had all the attention we can possibly give him and I just didn't understand, it's now startiong to become clearer.

 

As for my DH, he's Aspergers too and although doesn't have meltdowns, he goes very very quiet and non-communicative. Especially at the moment as we're moving house soon and packing up everything. Any advice would be great both to help me and him

 

Thanks

 

Sarah x

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If your moving home this could be a trigger as its a change, and change is one of the triggers for meltdowns, I would suggest that if you can use lots of visual pictures that talk about moving, and the kinds of things you will have to do like packing, and having a removal van, clearing out the house and cleaning the new house, try and give her some control in the situation like what colour would she like her bedroom or what kind of things would be nice in each new room, pictures of the new home to get use to and may be a visit to the van that will move everthing, lots of preperation, discussing it and lots of oportunity to help her communicate how she feels so faces with different emotions on or a colour code, so red been distressed and sad and pink happy and confortable.

 

If the frequency is increasing already then some ideas on how to manage meltdowns will also help and I am sure there .is some here.

 

JsMum

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millymoo,

is there no chance of going on regular visits to the new place first so he can build it into his routine first,which is better than a more sudden move?

this is what am have to do for a long while before moving to a new residential home.

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Thanks again for your replies. I think this move is really affecting him as his behaviour at the moment is driving me to distraction. We've walked past the house a few times and he points to it saying 'man' as it was a man who showed us round.

 

We've been talking about what he'd like in his new bedroom and he wants animals (not real ones I hope!) so we're going to make that a priority for him as he has animals on the walls here. It will be a little bit of continuity for him.

 

Should we make a point of saying goodbye to this house or would that be distressing for him? I'm a bit stuck as this is all new to me

 

Thanks

 

Sarah x

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Hiya, My son was three when we last moved house, as much as possible we kept things the same...furniture in his room etc, but we did ask him if he wanted anything new for his new bedroom. Does your son seem happy enough about moving to a 'new' house? do you think he understands that you will no longer have access to the 'old' house?

 

Mine really struggled with understanding that new people were going to live in 'our' house, we didn't do a 'formal' goodbye in the end, just kept reminding him gently about all the benefits of the new house that he would love. Is there perhaps one item in particular you could get him as his 'moving house' treat??

 

It may distract initially from 'leaving' the old one. Mine did settle fine, but we did keep re-inforcing all the good things about new house etc. >:D<<'> hope it goes well

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hi sorry to hear about the meltdowns, They are horrible for all concerned, i cant help feeling sorry for k when he has one because he hates them as much as we do. I dont know if this is common, someone else may have experience with this but K has 3 types of meltdown. I have described them below in case it helps anyone else going through the same thing.

 

Slow / delayed meltdown? this is what we tend to see after school and is caused by him complying to the school routine. Whilst worrying about the taps and the toilets, his caretaker and all the other stuff about school he is not sure of He tries hard to please all day so as the day wears on, Kieran tries to keep control of himself and his thoughts to the best of his ability and not get into trouble, although he does still get into trouble sometimes and this only adds to the building frustration. Depending on what sort of a day he has at school depends on what sort of a night we can expect at home.

A slow meltdown can vary in intensity, from a brief rant and rave when he comes through the door to a full blown fit where things get thrown and people and objects alike get kicked and screamed at. we believe that this type of meltdown is a release of the days stress.

 

 

Gradual meltdown This is different to the above in that it is understanding not circumstance which make it happen. And the end result is very different. This is what we call his worry meltdowns. It manifests with worry, and constant questions about that particular worry. He will be insecure and want constant reassurance and if that reassurance cannot be given that is where the meltdown happens. For example we once woke up to find that we had no water, unfortunately Kieran was the first to the taps and discovered this before anyone else woke up. Initially he was frightened, then panic set in, he wanted me to tell him that the water would come back the next time he turned the tap on. I couldn?t guarantee this so I wouldn?t promise him like he wanted me to. And he was so distraught and confused he went on to get a full body rash was sweating and hyperventilating whilst remaining silent for the duration of the water shortage. Once the water came back on, he checked the taps constantly to make sure they were ok,

 

 

Instant meltdown ?There are many examples I could use to describe the severity of these meltdowns, there is no build up, no warning, these just happen out of the blue for various reasons. Sometimes we get the same reaction if we say ?No? to him, if he has requested a biscuit at tea time for example, but mostly we are still unclear as to what sets him off. It can happen in any setting especially if over stressed, .The severity of these meltdowns is extreme, and usually requires a lot of work to calm him down. He is dangerous in this mood as he will pick up and throw anything that is within reach and become totally destructive. Afterwards he cries and then gets angry because he doesn?t like crying as it gives him a headache. And so it starts again. When this type of instantaneous meltdown occurs we take him for ?time out?, (if possible) and talk to him about all the different colours he can see, all the things he is interested in. we also get him to feel his heartbeat as a way for him to recognise when he needs to take a break and calm down. This works for some of the time, and he often seems relieved for it to be over. These meltdowns sometimes happen after an initial slow or gradual meltdown so can be very unpredictable

 

hope that helps.

shaz

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hi sorry to hear about the meltdowns, They are horrible for all concerned, i cant help feeling sorry for k when he has one because he hates them as much as we do. I dont know if this is common, someone else may have experience with this but K has 3 types of meltdown. I have described them below in case it helps anyone else going through the same thing.

 

Slow / delayed meltdown? this is what we tend to see after school and is caused by him complying to the school routine. Whilst worrying about the taps and the toilets, his caretaker and all the other stuff about school he is not sure of He tries hard to please all day so as the day wears on, Kieran tries to keep control of himself and his thoughts to the best of his ability and not get into trouble, although he does still get into trouble sometimes and this only adds to the building frustration. Depending on what sort of a day he has at school depends on what sort of a night we can expect at home.

A slow meltdown can vary in intensity, from a brief rant and rave when he comes through the door to a full blown fit where things get thrown and people and objects alike get kicked and screamed at. we believe that this type of meltdown is a release of the days stress.

Gradual meltdown This is different to the above in that it is understanding not circumstance which make it happen. And the end result is very different. This is what we call his worry meltdowns. It manifests with worry, and constant questions about that particular worry. He will be insecure and want constant reassurance and if that reassurance cannot be given that is where the meltdown happens. For example we once woke up to find that we had no water, unfortunately Kieran was the first to the taps and discovered this before anyone else woke up. Initially he was frightened, then panic set in, he wanted me to tell him that the water would come back the next time he turned the tap on. I couldn?t guarantee this so I wouldn?t promise him like he wanted me to. And he was so distraught and confused he went on to get a full body rash was sweating and hyperventilating whilst remaining silent for the duration of the water shortage. Once the water came back on, he checked the taps constantly to make sure they were ok,

Instant meltdown ?There are many examples I could use to describe the severity of these meltdowns, there is no build up, no warning, these just happen out of the blue for various reasons. Sometimes we get the same reaction if we say ?No? to him, if he has requested a biscuit at tea time for example, but mostly we are still unclear as to what sets him off. It can happen in any setting especially if over stressed, .The severity of these meltdowns is extreme, and usually requires a lot of work to calm him down. He is dangerous in this mood as he will pick up and throw anything that is within reach and become totally destructive. Afterwards he cries and then gets angry because he doesn?t like crying as it gives him a headache. And so it starts again. When this type of instantaneous meltdown occurs we take him for ?time out?, (if possible) and talk to him about all the different colours he can see, all the things he is interested in. we also get him to feel his heartbeat as a way for him to recognise when he needs to take a break and calm down. This works for some of the time, and he often seems relieved for it to be over. These meltdowns sometimes happen after an initial slow or gradual meltdown so can be very unpredictable

 

hope that helps.

shaz

 

 

 

Fantastic examples and explanations here, can I photocopy this,

 

JsMum

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Fantastic examples and explanations here, can I photocopy this,

 

JsMum

Pingu

 

I think you got it,but sometimes they all can fuse into one and thats a really really bad mood.

 

Shars

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Fantastic examples and explanations here, can I photocopy this,

 

JsMum

 

Course you can photocopy it. i wrote it for k's statement, but if anyone else can get some help from it then please feel free.

 

shaz

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hi sorry to hear about the meltdowns, They are horrible for all concerned, i cant help feeling sorry for k when he has one because he hates them as much as we do. I dont know if this is common, someone else may have experience with this but K has 3 types of meltdown. I have described them below in case it helps anyone else going through the same thing.

 

Slow / delayed meltdown? this is what we tend to see after school and is caused by him complying to the school routine. Whilst worrying about the taps and the toilets, his caretaker and all the other stuff about school he is not sure of He tries hard to please all day so as the day wears on, Kieran tries to keep control of himself and his thoughts to the best of his ability and not get into trouble, although he does still get into trouble sometimes and this only adds to the building frustration. Depending on what sort of a day he has at school depends on what sort of a night we can expect at home.

A slow meltdown can vary in intensity, from a brief rant and rave when he comes through the door to a full blown fit where things get thrown and people and objects alike get kicked and screamed at. we believe that this type of meltdown is a release of the days stress.

Gradual meltdown This is different to the above in that it is understanding not circumstance which make it happen. And the end result is very different. This is what we call his worry meltdowns. It manifests with worry, and constant questions about that particular worry. He will be insecure and want constant reassurance and if that reassurance cannot be given that is where the meltdown happens. For example we once woke up to find that we had no water, unfortunately Kieran was the first to the taps and discovered this before anyone else woke up. Initially he was frightened, then panic set in, he wanted me to tell him that the water would come back the next time he turned the tap on. I couldn?t guarantee this so I wouldn?t promise him like he wanted me to. And he was so distraught and confused he went on to get a full body rash was sweating and hyperventilating whilst remaining silent for the duration of the water shortage. Once the water came back on, he checked the taps constantly to make sure they were ok,

Instant meltdown ?There are many examples I could use to describe the severity of these meltdowns, there is no build up, no warning, these just happen out of the blue for various reasons. Sometimes we get the same reaction if we say ?No? to him, if he has requested a biscuit at tea time for example, but mostly we are still unclear as to what sets him off. It can happen in any setting especially if over stressed, .The severity of these meltdowns is extreme, and usually requires a lot of work to calm him down. He is dangerous in this mood as he will pick up and throw anything that is within reach and become totally destructive. Afterwards he cries and then gets angry because he doesn?t like crying as it gives him a headache. And so it starts again. When this type of instantaneous meltdown occurs we take him for ?time out?, (if possible) and talk to him about all the different colours he can see, all the things he is interested in. we also get him to feel his heartbeat as a way for him to recognise when he needs to take a break and calm down. This works for some of the time, and he often seems relieved for it to be over. These meltdowns sometimes happen after an initial slow or gradual meltdown so can be very unpredictable

 

hope that helps.

shaz

 

 

 

:wallbash: Meltdowns big tantrums now he,s 7 over anything, usually not get his own way or frustration at not getting his point of view across, like not tidying up lego,when asked,so he blew a fuse and kicked a chair over,missing a teacher.

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I have TSC and Epilepsy (diagnosed) and define myself as "borderline" Asperger, and I am in the process of finding out more about AS and myself (I am 43)

 

Did I experience meltdown yesterday?

 

Yesterday I had a very good day. I was very relaxed and happy and went to a local pub in my new jeans ! The pub was full so I had to sit at the bar next to a man that I know (from the last 6 to 9 months) hates me. Normally I avoid him. He is older than me, and he shows his hate by making insulting comments, not swear words but just ridiculous criticisms labelling me as an idiot. Normally I let it go, it washes over me. But over the months it has probably grown in me !

I can accept that some people wont like me, but I actually an innocuous person and someone would be hard put to find something truly bad in my character.

 

Last night I made a friendly comment and he tore it to shreds and then basically insulted me and my son (who he doesnt even know). I had only drunbk half of a pint of beer, and I just got up, said goodbye to the barman and left. But I was out of control inside.

I always think I want to handle these situations like George Clooney would or Tony Blair, just laugh it off and walk away, but last night, it caught me unawares in my good mood and hit me for six. I wasnt ready for such an attack.I guess I can understand how someone who doesnt even know me can be so vitriolic about me. But I know, how my body reacts and that is why I left.

On one side I could describe it as meltdown, because it overtakes me, my pulse shoots up, I guess I fill up with adrenalin, by the time I arrive back home (5 mins) I was livid. For some reason my body doesnt take the situation lightly. Logically, it shouldnt really matter to me. He is just a bittered twisted man, and what he says is obviously rubbish, but, it obviously affects me otherwise I wouldnt be writing this.

I know the next time I see him, I will be very hard put not to explode with anger at him. Because he did go way too far yesterday. But what it does is make the safe haven of my local pub, into a place of unrest for me that I no longer (today) a place of relaxation.

I I guess I just cant deal with such situations.

Do you experienced Aspies think this is aspie behaviour?

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Hi Jim,

 

I have AS and I'm 41.

 

I'm having a bad day today (incipient meltdown/overload :ph34r: ), so not much use for advice, but I didn't want you to think that any of us Aspies were ignoring you!

 

Bid :wacko:

Edited by bid

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Hi Jim,

 

I have AS and I'm 41.

 

I'm having a bad day today (incipient meltdown/overload :ph34r: ), so not much use for advice, but I didn't want you to think that any of us Aspies were ignoring you!

 

Bid :wacko:

 

I didnt think so. I havent been online since I wrote it.

 

I always thought I just had problems with "conflicts". I thought it was a matter of self confidence. But, what are "conflicts" anyway? The more I think about it, they are just social situations that, however well educated I am, I dont have the "James Bond touch" or the social nous to handle. I think this frustrates me. I think it leaves a vacuum, and I think the AS in me sees it as a break in routine, or a threat or worry, because I cant solve it, and it is unpredictable.

It is also the fact someone exists in my world that can set this thing off in me.

I think if is was just a confidence thing, I would be a very shy person, but I am not really shy. The fact I psend time alone in my world donig my things isnt about shyness. It is because I like it and feel good doing it. I would be happy to do more social things if it wasnt so hard to listen to someone, or if I could ask more questions and sound more interested. And, if I had the means to handle people (like the man above). But I dont.

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I think if is was just a confidence thing, I would be a very shy person, but I am not really shy. The fact I psend time alone in my world donig my things isnt about shyness. It is because I like it and feel good doing it. I would be happy to do more social things if it wasnt so hard to listen to someone, or if I could ask more questions and sound more interested. And, if I had the means to handle people (like the man above). But I dont.

 

This is very much how I am, too.

 

I also think that, by the time you get to our age ;):lol: the years of failed social interaction have had a cumulative effect. By this I mean that I was definitely eager to have friends, etc, when I was younger, but over the years I have been repeatedly hurt/let down/used by people I thought of as friends, so now I don't want to/can't be bothered/am too scared to make the (for me) huge effort to engage socially with people.

 

I am lucky in that I work in an environment that is pretty non-mainstream, so the people I work with are probably the most accepting people I have ever met. For the first time in my life I have been actively liked by a group of people, as opposed to just tolerated. So my team are very friendly, and that gives enough friendship/social stuff for me. I also have my on-line friends here. But in 'real' life I don't have a 'proper' friend. Sometimes I am lonely, but I have decided that is better than being hurt anymore, although it does make me sad as all my life I have wanted a 'best friend'.

 

Bid :)

Edited by bid

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Thanks for all the 'meltdown' info, i prob only get this twice a year but now i understand it more.

Last time was just after moving house when I had argument with girlf and found myself running to the laundry room and began growling and hitting myself.

Happened in what seemed like a second and tbh was strangely enjoyable though scary.

 

Ian

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