New, Confused, Worried

[farfalla]

Firstly I would like to start by saying Hello to all of you.

 

I have been scanning the forum as a guest for a while and due to events getting me down, joined last night, if just to get things out there and off my mind.

 

I have a darling 11yo son, who was diagnosed in May of this year with ADHD, traits of AS and CDD, this was brought about by some aggressive incidents at school, and a very knowledgable SENCO. After receiving the news/letter from the hospital, I just put it aside, well my son is who he is, and didn't grow an extra head overnight. UNTIL recently!! (Not a head literally).

 

 

He has completed his move to BIG school, and he has become more and more withdrawn/quieter.

For the first 2 weeks he was being bullied, this was due to him moving house last December and going to a school where he knew not one person. He didn't tell me about this until week two when he was called a name even I wouldn't use in life! The first thing I did was ring the school, and spoke to the tutor. She was unaware of this and thankfully they have a good anti-bullying system, and even though he had to get punched in the nose..... before it stopped, it now seems to have settled down.

 

My main reason for wanting to let off steam, was a had a call yesterday from the school, son had throw a wooden block at a schoolmate. The punishment he received for this was isolation! Sounds as rough as it is! I went in today and FINALLY meet with the SENCO and the head of year, (form tutor unavailable).

 

For the 11 years of his life I have managed, done things without thinking, washing him in the bath, doing his hair, cutting up his food. The more I am reading into this, could the consultant have got things wrong with the diagnosis? Could he have more aspergers than adhd? Am I going crazy? Could it be that I am looking into this more than I should?

 

Anyway end part is, the school are now putting him forward to see the APS and the LAS but shouldnt this have been looked at when they received notes or had a meeting with the primary school? I have asked for a statement, and I have been told this may not be available? So today after the meeting I rang Surrey childrens services and spoke to them, and they advised me that when i see the consultant on Wednesday, I should ask for a re-assessment, and if I want to apply for an assessment myself then I should ring them back.

 

I have applied for the school notes to be photocopied and sent to me, thankfully this only takes 24hours, and I will then see what the primary school had on him.

 

 

Apologies if this seems a bit unstructured but even as I sit here, the tears start to flow. I am a happy person always looking at the good in things and people, but lately I'm just so down!

 

If there is anyone who can give me advice or of someone who would know what they are talking about, then please let me know........I know most of the people on here are more knowledgable than the professions.

 

I hope this makes sense, and Hi again to all

 

far

[baddad]

Hi Farfalla - and welcome to the forum <'> ...

Not really sure how to answer as there are so many elements to your post, but the first thing i would say is that 'traits of ASD' is becoming a bit of a catch-all term to describe individual behaviours that fall within the dx criteris when other behaviours aren't present... it's misleading and 'wooly'and very annoying

 

As to whether your son's dx is appropriate, I think the best course of action would be to look at the dx criteria yourself and see whether his general patterns of behaviour 'fit', and if you think they do persue that with the consultant who has made the dx, citing examples of what you and the school see to reinforce that.

 

ADHD is often a co-morbid of AS/ASD - the fact that your son meets the criteria for ADHD does not rule out AS/ASD in any way, and should not be a barrier to further assessment.

 

Statementing process : a very difficult and complex area. If you look through our 'help and advice' and 'education' areas you will find many, many threads on this subject... a good way to start getting your head around it

 

As far as Isolation as a 'punishment' in school goes, is it possible your son has misinterpreted the intent? 'Time Out' is an approved, helpful and effective strategy for children to help them regain control/cope after meltdowns... I'm not saying that was the schools intention, but it could be - and if your son has not been supported in this way before and it wasn't fully explained he may have misunderstood(?)

 

Hope the above is helpful, and sorry if it's a bit rushed!

 

L&P

 

BD

[JsMum]

<'> I nearly cried myself reading your post, I am so relieved you have found this forum as its a really great place and I am sure your going to feel welcome and in no time we can help you deal with the many difficulties your son is facing, my son is 10 with ADHD with sensory processing difficulties and in assessments for ASD which has been a long road due to the ADHD masking many of the ASD symptoms, sensory difficulties are really traumatic for the child because everything they do is very stressful from grooming to been in different enviroments because of noise, smells, and physcial contact from other people.

 

A fantastic book I recommend is the out of syncs child, its all about sensory processing disorder and has lots of ideas to help.

 

Another great place for support is the National Autistic Society and the Contact a Family, both great for understanding ADHD that comes with ASD/AS.

 

I think when A child has a combination of difficulties/disorders it is very difficult to understand what distinguishes what but what I do know from reading information on ASD and ADHD it is becoming very common for children to have both and ADHD is picked up first if behaviour is aggressive that is mainly down to frustration and impulsive reactions.

 

There is some excellent books out there on AS by Tony Attwood and if you join a local AS parent group you borrow these books and have some contact with families who have gone throw the assessments and there is always parents there who like you are beginning to suspect an accompanying problem.

 

I am pleased the school have a good anti bullying programme and are achknowledging they have issues like bulling, but your son is vulnerable and he will need a lot of support due to his social skills which again is associated with both ADHD and especially AS so getting him assessed again will be very important so the school can understand his Special Educational Needs, again NAS and contact a Family can help with Education too.

 

I really do hope you feel welcome here and I love people finding this place when they really need it.

 

<'>

 

 

JsMum

[JsMum]

Here is a list of SEN provision support

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=676

 

JsMum

[pearl]

Welcome farfalla <'> You'll find lots of support on here, look forward to getting to know you.

[Bagpuss]

Welcome to the forum Farfalla <'>

[Stella63]

Hi Farfalla,

 

Just totally sympathise with what you're going through. Where abouts in Surrey are you? PM me if you like.

 

Stella x

[Kathryn]

Hi Farfalla,

 

Welcome to the forum - glad you've found us, even if it's in such difficult circumstances. You'll find many of us will identify with your topic title!

 

Have a good look around the forum and the links, and any questions, just ask, there's usually someone around who can help.

 

K x

[farfalla]

Hi everyone and ty for the comments, yes my eyes welled up again, I'm sure I am turning in a cloud with all this extra

moisture!

 

One thing that stuck in my mind today was the SENCO telling me it was a same he wasn't diagnosed earlier in his life,

but its like I said to her, we have a funny few years when he was born, spilt from father after abuse at age 2, moved back to mum when her 2nd husband died age 4, then moved to Guildford when he was 7, (so I put a lot of his behaviour down to those events).

due to him being at the same school for longer than 6 months, they saw something in him, and at first classed as

a trouble maker, angry child, and lacked respect to elders. Where as he was finding things hard and not knowing he was ANY different from others, blamed myself for his ways.

 

Now even with his slight *anger probs, self harming, rocking, etc etc, I know its not my fault

because he is a loving child, with great emotions. The only thing I am now doubting is, should I have seen

the signs, and taken him to the doctor.... without really knowing what to say to him, and got him checked out earlier?

 

God I could writes pages, but I best not.

 

Baddad - ty for your reply, one I would like to say is he was in isolation ALL day today, when asking about this

it is within a cubicle, alone and very demanding. He was too scared to ask to go bathroom, which has made him very withdrawn again this evening. (I have read a diary helps, so I will invest in some paperwork tomorrow, to start a file up.

 

JsMum - ty hun, I will look into the things you put there, as for the Tony Attwood book, yes I got that after I got the letter, but really only flicked through.......until last week, and sat up reading nearly all of it in one go, with tears of course. Thank you so much for the link, great reading x

 

and to the other ladies, thank you....... and bless you.

I live in Guildford but for some reason it said something else on my post?? nevermind.

 

 

There I tried not too type too much, and didn't really do that well.

 

Hoping for an early night x x

Edited September 29, 2007 by farfalla

[Kathryn]

I live in Guildford but for some reason it said something else on my post?? nevermind.

 

Hi Farfalla,

 

If you're referring to the "Norfolk Broads " under your name on the left, this is where you are when you start to post on the forum. As you make more posts, you climb higher and higher mountains.

 

See the topic below for a more detailed explanation.

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=13337

 

Hope that helps

 

g'night!

 

K x

[farfalla]

Thank you Kathryn, that made my brain go mad for a few hours!

 

Off to bed I suppose, dog is asleep on sofa, seems a shame to move him

but he won't go without me <'>

[mummy]

Hiya and welcome to the forum. Presumeably your son is not on any medication for his ADHD?

 

I agree with what has been said in that ADHD and autistic spectrum disorders all kind of overlap and it is quite common to be diagnosed with both.

I really wish you luck with the assessment and the statementing process. These things can take time but I do think it is important that you do get a definite diagnosis as soon as possible to ensure that there is support in place in high school so that he doesn't get excluded for poor behaviour or misses out on good grades because he is not understood.

 

PS can i just mention adders.org, another good website/forum (about ADHD) where there will also be many people in a similar postion.

[UltraMum]

The only thing I am now doubting is, should I have seen

the signs, and taken him to the doctor.... without really knowing what to say to him, and got him checked out earlier?

 

Hey - don't beat yourself up ... sounds like you've been kept very busy looking after your lad <'> <'> <'>

 

Look at all this as a chance to get things sorted for him at his new school ...

 

ACE have an excellent webpage which talks you through a lot of the basics on SEN

http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/advice/booklets/G...gExtraHelp.html

 

Have a read and come back with any questions

[Clare63]

Hi Farfalla,

Welcome to the forum, I hope, like me you find it to be an enormous support, if nothing else it makes you feel not alone. Look forward to getting to know you better. I too live in Surrey and have sent you a pm.

 

Clare x x x

[rainbow queen]

hello farfalla <'>

 

welcome to the forum.

rx xxx

[elun1]

<'> Hi and welcome. I have 2 boys aged 6 and 8. Youngest is asd and eldest undx as. This forum is great and has saved my life more than a few times

Elun xxx

[mrs fussy]

Hi farfalla its good you have found the forum, its somewhere you can come with people who wil not only understand but also offer help and support, it sounds like you have had a rough time already some time ago but you have now hopefully overcome that and are moving on, hope your son gets the help he needs, i too must admit to getting a little teary when reading your thread but then again it doesnt take a lot to get me going! I was interested reading your thread to about the school calling in APS LAS what are these? never heard of them enlighten me please. Mrs F x

[farfalla]

well to answer mrs fussy first LA's is learning assistant, dunno what the other is, just got that in my letter....

 

But to add I arang the senco yesterday to dicuss DS losing his pencil case for the 2 time in as many weeks,

and how he had settled with the LA.....

 

they decided he did NOT need LA.... so has been going on as normal!!!!

 

also they were giving him time out cards, so I asked DS if he had one,

replied NO! so again asked the senco why not?

She replied the teachers are trying different methods with him,

one gave him blutac today, to keep his hands busy???

 

I am so p****D right now, that all the things they said they would put

in plpace for DS have not been done, and now they are chsnging things!

 

Thankfully the consultant at our PAEDS appointment, IS writing to

the school to get him assessed and statemented!

 

just when i thought we were going forward, we seem to be still,

so monday i will ring the school and ask again for an appointment

on that day to see the senco and/or head of year!

 

Not as tearful lately though, so i suppose thats a good thang ha!

But I know this will be the start of a LONG process..........

(from reading threads on statementing), so I will be prepared

and stock up on tissues ha

 

thank you all for the warm welcome and the great comments xx far xx