Am I over-reacting??

[llisa32]

I know you guys will tell me if you think I am <'> , although currently I don't think I am

 

Schools bit a nightmare last few weeks and J's self esteem is currently very low...basically all stemming from his struggling with 'writing' and all things 'English lessons' as a consequence his maths has also regressed. He's been getting really fed up and frustrated and we've had several meetings with the school senco/form teacher/dep head and I thought we had all agreed were we going to heap praise for effort and 'trying' and try and keep his confidence up whilst we wait for further assessments. Then came this week

 

Monday....Kids have to do a 'diary entry' j wrote one sentance - very high level naturally but in his mind he'd said what he did. Teacher told him it was not 'enough' and that he needed to 'elaborate' - he then got given that as homework which we had no lock at all getting done, J got cross and angry, I wrote note in diary saying 'no luck - sorry'

 

Tuesday....Kids have english lesson, with 'comprehension' as the task. Fast fwd to end of day...teacher says he needs to do q's 1 -5 page 20 cos he didn't finish in class- thanks. I get home and see what he needs to do and think no wonder he didn't get finished cos it's exactly what he struggles with - why write 10 words when u can answer in 1

 

So I go through the work with him, when we're done (after much pain) I finally decipher the writing he'd done during the lesson and figure out it looks like he 'did' already 'complete' the task in school. I asked him and he said because he'd not done much in the lesson the teacher made him stay in at break, he then completed, but because he hadn't answered in full sentances thats why he got it for homework!!

 

So punished for not understanding, then punished again for doing it 'wrong'!!

 

Then Weds...I take him in eventually (didn't want to go, hates school, hates english etc etc etc) I tell him that I'm telling the teacher as long as he 'try's' during his lesson that he should still get to go to break...when I get hijm into the class she starts going off on one again saying 'You really need to do this you know' 'other children find it hard as well' you must etc etc etc He then decides he's not staying thanks very much and I spent 15 mins in the corridor with hijm before deciding to take him to his LSU teacher and leave him with her.

 

I do that and go back to the class to tell teacher where Ive left him and she says' Oh...well...do you think she'll go through 'full' sentances with him? and starts giving me a english textbook to run back up to lsu with for J to do!!

'I politely said 'I don't really think he's in the mood!!'

 

And Thursday tonight in his dairy next to my comment yesterday about not keeping him in at break ...teacher says 'Yes noted''''although not much effort!' and the other comments was 'J got 6/15 for spelling test.....?!!' and thats exactly how she wrote it!

 

Does she not get that both me and LSU have been telling her all week the more frustrated he gets and the more she pushes the less he will do! It's almost like she's telling me off now for the poor spelling test result!!

 

So I'm at the bottom of my huge post....I'm defo currently tempting to just write 'and?.....' next to the spelling test result

Edited October 11, 2007 by llisa32

[Cat]

I think that I would be writing so which part of 'my son has a disability do you not understand?!!!' But then I do not have to deal with these people every day. Even so this person is being obtuse to the extreme and I see shades of 'my will be done' coming through. Your son is not a horse and so there is no need to break him in, which is what it sounds as if she is doing to me

 

Cat

[wishingwell]

I destroyed all of DS books from 1st year in school, I would never wish him to see what his teacher had wrote about his work and behavior. He clearly remembers her and never will respect her.

Your son's teacher has absolutely no idea about teaching him. She should be praising him for what he can do. And finding ways to help make the things that are difficult less stressful, as for keeping him in at break, no way he needs to escape from school work for that time. Make a list of his difficulties and send a copy to the senco and head teacher asking for their advice on ways to assist in these areas. Hopefully between them they can offer some help, his difficulties are not uncommon and can easily be addressed to improve his self esteem. Just a little thought would make such a difference to his whole day all the writing is not necessary.

[llisa32]

Thanks Cat and Wishingwell.. <'>

 

Unfortunately we've done 'lists' and suggestions...and they were all sposed to be following em! - hence I don't even want to see the woman in the morning now cos my patience is running out

 

I'm thinking I'm going to have to mail the senco/LSU and deputy head again and have another meeting ...but it is starting to feel like some sort of power struggle...it's like she's decided that J just doesn't want to do it rather than he's getting really frustrated because he doesn't understand 'how' to do it!!

 

And he's such a perfectionist he absolutely hates not being able to do something....I know he's seeing the other kids get on with the task and just stting calling himself stupid - and thats the awful thing...and thats why I'm feeling like writing childish comments in the school diary!

 

Thank god I've now got those appts coming - don't think I would have held my sanity (or temper! ) otherwise

[Cat]

There is no need to write childish comments you can write factual comments like ' the problems that my child is having go hand and hand with his diagnosis' I would not be able to stop myself from reminding this person everytime she acts the BIG I AM with your son that he does have a disability. It needs pointing out to someone that she is crippling his already low self esteme.

 

Cat

[llisa32]

Thanks Cat <'> Will tell her again in the morning, LSU were going to speak to her on Weds but not sure if they did or not, will try and find out tomorrow

 

<'>

[Eva]

Hi Lisa,

 

I really feel for you <'> <'> . I know what you're going through and what it's like when despite all the info they have, some teachers just can't get their heads around it.

 

In my case, one example has been the teacher refusing to provide written support for my son when the kids have to do an activity. All I want is her to write somewhere something like: 1) Answer questions a, b, c 2) Show me when you have finished. But she refused, told me she wouldn't do that. Then the OT got on her case and the teacher under observation from the OT actually provided the written directions for J, but she hasn't done it since.

 

Maybe your son's teacher and my son's teacher are related?

 

Hope your son has an ok day at school today, it makes me so sad that our children have to go through this.

 

Cheers,

Eva

[soraya]

Dont these teachers ever learn, it makes me so mad that when they have a child in their class with ASD they should read up on it, and know how to deal with them. When Nick was in mainstream l used to have his teacher coming out to the schoolgates to have a go at me in front of all the other parents about Nicks behaviour!! Is your son statemented?

[llisa32]

Hi both <'> unfortunately we're still midway through diagnosis and currently have 'Social and Comms' disorder noted..(and dyslexia).waiting on an ed psch and speech and language appts now...

 

Currently feeling like wicked witch of the west this morning cos he did not want to go in and hubby was taking him cos I had some urgent work to get done first thing. When I suggested he go to Matron he said 'thats no good, cos she sends me back to class' and thats if the teacher lets him go there in the first place!

 

I know it's anxiety rather than actual poorly but they have soo not helped this week

 

Have ended up telling him I'm going to call matron and the deputy head to tell them to call me to come get him if they see him....He doens't know that deputy head, senco and form teacher were all on my hit list this morning anyway!

 

We're trying to work with them, but by heaping pressure on him they are not helping at all with us actually getting him into school!

Edited October 12, 2007 by llisa32

[Mumble]

I really don't know what to say I do know that you are not the wicked witch - I'm afraid you have a long way to go to take up that title (and I have at least 4 people in line in front of you requiring 'witch tourture' ).

 

Is this teacher quite *ahem* 'elderly' - she sounds like someone thinking - 'well we didn't have that in my day'. What she needs to realise is that J is in her class, J has a disability and as such it is her responsibility to accomodate his needs. Even without a definate AS diagnosis, he has a diagnosis of dyslexia and 'S&C' disorder - and she should be addressing these, which she currently isn't doing. Being in a school with an LSU that focusses on dyslexia, some of her actions are appalling - and she needs to be aware of these and how to support dyslexic pupils (of which, I am sure J isn't the only one so she has no excuse of ignorance). If he's getting that sort of score in his test, it says far more about the expectations being put on him than his 'spelling'. I'm not actually generally a fan of spelling tests per se and I think there are better things he could be doing which he would benefit more from at the moment.

 

What's happening with the staying in is that J is being punished for her ignorance - this is unacceptable.

 

When you did that letter with the pointers before, did you give a copy directly to the teacher? If not, I would do another copy and when you see her say, I gave this to the SENCO (or whoever), I wasn't sure if you had seen if, but I think it might be useful in helping us to work together to help J and reduce his anxieties.

[llisa32]

Thanks Mumble <'>

 

Teacher has had 2 copies of the letter outling his difficulties and suggestions on how to help him cope

 

I'm just about to do nuther email to all of em, cos at the moment I'm feeling like I should rescue him

 

I know he's probably sitting in a lesson okay now...but underneath I know he's not - if u see what I mean

[barefoot wend]

lisa

 

You are not over-reacting at all. They are punishing J for his disability - they would not tell a child in a wheelchair that they had to do PE at home as it was not done in school.

 

Sorry, makes me sooooo mad!!!

 

Good luck.

 

Barefoot

[curra]

Lisa, I feel for you and your son. My DS had teachers like that in primary and still does. You need to have a meeting with the head and explain what effect homework that he can't do + comments in his books have on him.

 

Your are not overreacting at all! Good luck!

 

Curra

[rach04]

my lad gets kept in if he doesnt finish something in class. drives me nuts, keep telling them to stop and they still do it. Teacher who is also his senco thinks it will cure him.

[BusyLizzie100]

Lisa, I feel for you. <'> We are having a sort of home-school diary battle going on at the mo re DS2.

 

His LSA has practically got evangelical in her comments about he has such fun at school! we laugh all the time! he enjoys being with the other kids so much! he made perceptive comments about Jesus! What's next, I've cured him of autism!

 

The same day, DS2 comes home and tired and sad and saying that when people 'trick' him he wants to come home. He even got tearful - a very unpleasant experience for him, so it must have been bad.

 

Aaaaagh! Sorry, not helpful, I know, but thanks for letting me vent, too.

 

Lizzie xx <'>

[llisa32]

Hiya <'>

 

Funnily enough the form teacher made a similar comment to me one morning this week after yet another discussion about english lessons...'Well, I think he's happy you know'.....

 

And she would know that cos....

[thebuzzer]

Hi Lisa

 

You are so not over reacting. In fact the words "discrimination" are screaming out at me. I have been thumbing through my copy of the Special Educational Needs Code of Practice, but can't find what I am looking for, However, I was sent a link from the Autistic Society about discrimination i copied this bit for you.

 

If you are a disabled pupil or student at school or in higher or further education, or if you are a prospective pupil or student and think you have been discriminated against, you may be able to challenge this under the Disability Discrimination Act (DDA).

 

It is unlawful for education providers to treat you less favourably for a reason related to your disability or to fail to make reasonable adjustments to prevent you being placed at a substantial disadvantage.

 

It is against the law for education providers to discriminate against you in the following areas:

 

admissions (including placing requests)

the curriculum, teaching and learning and other services which are provided wholly or mainly for students ? including school trips and outings, school sports, leisure facilities and school meals, libraries and learning centres, work experience and student accommodation

by excluding you from an education institution or course.

 

Education providers must provide auxiliary aids and services as part of their legal duty to make reasonable adjustments, as well as adjustments to their premises where there are physical features that are placing you at a substantial disadvantage.

 

 

The website is www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/yourrights/equalityanddiscrimination/disability/pages/1education.aspx

 

Hope this helps the Disability Complaints Commission can help to. That should put the wind up them, talk of breaking the law.

 

Also, you could try the Autisitic Societys Advocacy for Education - I have found them most helpful.

 

Good luck!!!!

 

Clare

[llisa32]

Thanks for all the replies <'>

 

Seems that J spent practically the whole maths lesson today with matron...he told her he felt dizzy and like he was going to collapse! - he must have looked not too bad though cos they didn't phone me and he was physically fine when I picked him up - and actually after he'd had a go at me for not phoning matron and telling her to send him home, he started telling me all the things they'd talked about and how he'd had some water before the next lesson etc etc.

 

He's also realised after talking to matron exactly how many days left till half term and he's very happy about that!! So we've had a nice evening, I let him have takeaway of his choice and as usual it was pizza, he sat there like a king at a feast! - 1 plate full of pizza the other full of chips and garlic bread!....ben 10 cartoons on the TV - what better way to wind down

 

deputy head and senco both got back to me today expressing concern etc and saying we all need to have a meeting again asap, and funnily enough nothing was written in home/school diary today!