Jump to content
JsMum

Its been a really hard week!

Recommended Posts

I feel overwhelmed this week, its been stressful with meetings and the first one was a Multi Agency Meeting and the focus was Js attendance, that its very low, even though he is signed off sick SS are saying he needs to be in school, the problem is Js Anxieties have raised so much he isnt going, even with part time in place, I asked for support to help get him to school, SS said they have No Funding, sorry we cant do that, the jist of the meeting was they can offer a 1 hour session, per week with a sessional worker, and the same worker is to look after him while I attend the Tripple P programme, as well as other support groups, but no support at home with J.

 

I have had further difficulties with J and he isnt settling until gone 12am and then I have to get him to school the next day, in the process of trying to get J to school he has hurt me, and because of more concerns over behaviour I contacted SS who said they really cant have anyone come in and help me with his difficulties, if he continued to be aggressive then they would remove him from my care!

 

I said I dont think so, and that how on earth can I request support now with that kind of support, she again said J needs to be in school, I said that I can not get him there, it went round in circles like this for another 20 mins, then she started to understand a tiny bit, she said that I need to take J back to the GP and get him to write to her and that if the GP said J doesnt have to go to school then that was fine, but the GP has already granted this, but I made an appointment and he missed school this morning to attend.

 

GP'S Appointment we went throw Anxieties and behaviours related to school morning and evening routines and that I was severly struggling, he achknowledged the difficulties and said that if I can get J to school then good but if I cant then I cant and he will be off sick, but how long do we go like that, so he is going to request a placement for J because even without school I am not in control of his difficult behaviours, he has attacked me a number of times and he has hurt our pet, that we have sadly had to rehome after really trying to try agian with a break in the kennels, but J is highly gelous of her and he hurts her as a way of expressing his own feelings so we have had to say good bye to her today we only got her to help Js social skills and to experience a pet, but sadly It hasnt worked.

 

This afternoon was the SEN Transistion review, as J goes into secondary school in september and he will no way cope in a mainstream school, he cant cope now, in a primary, I have requested an out of areas special school, and they want to try and see if J could cope in a mainstream I was no, in the meeting it again focused on Js low attendance, and they was asking what was the way forward, I explained about the GP writing to ss and that I have no idea how things will go, she said were could he go, I said I didnt know, the LEA SEN kept on saying so what do you think it will be, I said the GP is writing to SS so I dont know.

 

In the end I got highly emotionally because its clear that if things do continue I think I may loose J all together!

 

I walked out the meeting and got upset, :tearful:

 

I have remained strong all these months and then once the tears where there they didnt stop, but I did eventually, how many of us has cried in the schools disabled toilet! :crying:

 

After composing myself I was reasurred by the Schools senco and then I was met by the LEA SENCO and she said that she can see that it is very difficult and that she wasnt aware of how hard things where, she is going to look into what provisions can be available to J and she said she will contact me later on in the week, the Meeting then ended and I we went home.

 

Tomorrow I have to try and get J to school?????

 

JsMum

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh JSMum I truly empathise, we are going through simular and I thought our situation was bad. My heart goes out to you and I hope you get some real positive help soon. I wish I had the answers for you.

You are no alone >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

Clare x x x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Oh JSMum I truly empathise, we are going through simular and I thought our situation was bad. My heart goes out to you and I hope you get some real positive help soon. I wish I had the answers for you.

You are no alone >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

Clare x x x

 

 

Thank you clare, the thing is I have already tried really hard to get him to school, some days we do it, but he has had some difficulties, getting on with other kids, understanding work and how other teachers manage him, the school are very supportive however and J does have support, the problem is that its the enviroment, sensory issues, and then social issues that go further than the typical activity games, J is highly anxious in the evenings saying he hates it, and he isnt going, then the signs come out in behavioural and distress actions, its getting harder and harder, this monday he was late but tuesday he nearly didnt turn up at all, getting there late into the morning, so this week he has managed two afternoons that it, and that is trying very hard.

 

JsMum

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"I have remained strong all these months and then once the tears where there they didnt stop, but I did eventually, how many of us has cried in the schools disabled toilet! crying"

 

Yep - been there done that. But I feel a bit of a fraud - compared to your difficulties. Sorry have nothing to offer you other than this >:D<<'> And maybe a bit of this :pray:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you clare, the thing is I have already tried really hard to get him to school, some days we do it, but he has had some difficulties, getting on with other kids, understanding work and how other teachers manage him, the school are very supportive however and J does have support, the problem is that its the enviroment, sensory issues, and then social issues that go further than the typical activity games, J is highly anxious in the evenings saying he hates it, and he isnt going, then the signs come out in behavioural and distress actions, its getting harder and harder, this monday he was late but tuesday he nearly didnt turn up at all, getting there late into the morning, so this week he has managed two afternoons that it, and that is trying very hard.

 

JsMum

 

I agree with you, I sometimes think the school do not realsie the enormous efforts it takes getting our kids to school. C too is very anxious at night and will be awake into the early hours worrying and fretting. We managed 4 full days last week all be them a late start and only one day so far this week. Luckily for me C does not take his aggression out on me, its usually turning the furniture over or punching himself in the head. Don't think I can go on with this much longer and will have to look more seriously at other options.

 

Take care and stay strong

 

Clare x x x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hi jsmum and Clare,

 

Just reading these posts brings back all the problems we had with OJ in yr 5 and yr 6. He spent most of yr 5 out of school because he had a breakdown brought on because the school hadn't acknowledged his problems. He was gradually reintegrated in yr 6 but was only managing part time and only certain lessons - huge anxiety problems with other children, play time, pe, and many other things. When it came to secondary school we looked at special schools but because he was ok academically we wouldn't have been offered anything (even though his anxiety affects his ability to learn).

 

I have to say that he has done really well in mainstream (so far) apart from pe issues, probably helped by the fact that I work there in learning support so have been able to give my SENCO loads of info and strategies.

 

My heart goes out to you guys because it is so hard when your child is struggling within a system that on the surface is saying they are trying to help and yet you are still banging your head against a brick wall because they are not seeing what is really happening. i don't mean that to sound like waffle but I am feeling your pain and totally understand. Keep fighting the battle!!!!!

 

Stella xx >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If your son is signed off school then I have no idea why you are trying to make him go to school. Signed off means unfit to attend. I think the professionals are doing what they do best and running rings around a family who is under extreme pressure and not coping. Have you ever involved someone like IPSEA who will not let these people pull the wool over your eyes and who will fight fire with fire.

 

I have seen parents who are not coping and need help who are fobbed off time and time again until SS decide that 'they' are the problem and then that is a whole different ball game.

 

I am sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear right now but you do need help because whoever you are dealing with are making the rules up as they go along.

 

Cat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
If your son is signed off school then I have no idea why you are trying to make him go to school. Signed off means unfit to attend. I think the professionals are doing what they do best and running rings around a family who is under extreme pressure and not coping. Have you ever involved someone like IPSEA who will not let these people pull the wool over your eyes and who will fight fire with fire.

 

I have seen parents who are not coping and need help who are fobbed off time and time again until SS decide that 'they' are the problem and then that is a whole different ball game.

 

I am sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear right now but you do need help because whoever you are dealing with are making the rules up as they go along.

 

Cat

 

 

Hi Cat,

 

In the report is suggesting that the low attendance is adding to the reason J is so unsettled in school, and that by been off school it will be harder for him to develop friendships as his friends will move on, the problem is when ever there is an issue at school is ripples into the day and then the next day he has major reluctance and higher anxieties,

 

The main reason he was attending part time was to give us support as a family and to give J some social interaction with other children, sadly he has had some issues with relationships and he has remained unsettled the days he is going, today he has not gone into school, this morning he was shattered throw an emotional evening, he got upset later in the night and hadnt settled until gone 12am, today he became distress with mention of school and total non compliance, I now have also recieved the full report from the private assessment and it is fully supporting the Autistic Spectrum Disorder along with other difficulties, so now I have further evidence, but the LEA wont take any notice I know that, but at least I know I am on the right road with J and understanding his underlying difficulties and I am not going totally mad.

 

I feel that there is no point in persuing the school attendance issue for the rest of this week, J is obvously very anxious and tomorrow they break up and he always struggles on the end of term days so pointless sending him on a day he already would struggle with, we have plans for a five day break away in the wilderness where we will do all the things that Help J thats walking, cycling and visisting wildlife parks, so we will be busy doing that rather than drinking our blood and tears over this distressing situation.

 

I want to escape and get some good old fresh air, so I now have something to look forward to.

 

JsMum

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi J's mum

 

I haven't been around for a while, but having read your post, I wanted to say hi and wish you all the best.

 

I do hope that your planned break allows J and you some well earned time to chilll and that when you get back, some good news will arrive for you.

 

Take care of you, it is so hard, but we all keep struggling on against the odds for the love of our kids.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi JsMum,

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time, sorry to hear about your dog having to be rehomed. You must be under so much relentless strain at the moment. Im afraid I cant offer anything that others havent already. It seems to be a case of spinning in circles and hoping someone, somewhere will eventually step in and offer real help.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

Loraine xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

JS Mum,

Really feel for you.

Hope you enjoy your 5 days away in the wilderness..... sounds wonderful, enjoy the break and hopefully you will all be able to re charge your batteries.

Take care

Clare x x x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...