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Dylansplace

School meeting

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I just want to say, thank the stars for this forum >:D<<'> It helps so much to read other peoples up's & downs. I remember then I am not the 'only one'.

Having attended my meeting yesterday with my daughters school, I was so distraught :(

Dunno about anyone else, but when I get distressed my head fills like cottonwool. I wasn't angry, that came later, and I didn't cry, I just felt numb and woolly all over.

Then I cried, then I got angry and that cycle is still going on. Though the tears are giving way to the anger and boy am I angry and very frustrated.

I attended yesterdays meeting believing I was going to a Q/A session. OH no. After polite hello's etc, I was told by the principal that unless my daughters, attention span, test results and behaviour improves over the next WEEK, she will be expelled.

:angry::angry: With clenched fists, hidden in my pockets, I asked why the special needs teacher was not present, I'm told they don't have one :o

I asked what facilities they have for other special needs kids. The response floored me.

They are either expelled or if they are considered to be compliant they are re-tained in school and given menial tasks to occupy them i.e. cleaning the canteen or toilets :shame::shame: I kid you not.

I feel as though I am in a time warp.(Dickinson)

Someone wake me up please.

She, 'e' ( my daughter is too long to keep typing) has as much chance of achieving the requested, as growing a third leg.

She has ambitions, ie she wants to be a flat race jockey. We finally,I think, persuadered her maybe a boxer isn't an ideal occupation, though she'd make a perfect female Tyson !!

Joking aside, she WANTS to complete her education, she wants to LEARN and is more than capable in the right enviroment. Touching on another thread, I always thought inclusion, was the right path. I am so angry with myself. This was never the right thing for 'e'. And there was I thinking I was doing the 'right thing' :ph34r: As much as she can explain, 'e' has said that when she is in class as soon as the teacher starts talking all she can hear is 'white noise' (my words) and everything speeds up !!

Whatever she is experiencing it's real to her and at the end of the day that is what matters. Her biggest fear is failure, I spend so much time explaing that nobody can achieve 100% all the time. So expulusion will destroy her. What do I do. Sorry that isn't really a Q, I'm just venting :oops:

The only logical thing I have been able to to in the last 24hrs is e-mail autism europe. They are supposed to represent everyone in the autistic spectrum within europe, to the european parliment. As I am outside the UK, I don't think any of the UK rulings apply to us.

Sorry to have ranted for so long, I never realised until yesterday just how ignorant people can be.'e' in our eyes is a unique wonderful person, with an insight of the world as we see it, that I envy and love, why can no one else see her the same way ?

Before I go, glad to read your meeting went well KLU.

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Hi Dylansplace -

A Week? Sheer ###### madness...

Have absolutely nothing to offer personally, but I do know we've got another forum member living in France - Nikki. You could try dropping her a PM to see if she knows any French organisations/charities who could help, rather than the european one. They may be able to jump in more quickly.

Hope someone comes along with something more helpful soon...

One final thought, though, is that if the school are expressing attitudes like this then they probably aren't doing very much in the way of positive support. I know your options are limited, but I'd be looking hard for some (any?) sort of alternative in your position.

Very Best

BD

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Dylanspace, don,t blame yourself, you are not the one at fault here.The school are.What year are we living in?Got so angry when I read your post.Where is the understanding and support.Please don,t blame yourself mainstream school is a great option if our children have some understanding and support.Don,t berate yourself for doing what any other parent would have done.Stay strong and don,t let them win.

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Hi Dylansplace,

 

>:D<<'>

So very sorry that this has happened. :( Don't ever blame yourself. You have done your very best. The system is at fault for not adapting to your daughter. She has a right to the education that's best for her. I hope someone will come along soon with some knowledge of the French system and help you work out what your options are from here.

 

K

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Hello Dylanspace,

 

Just to let you know how disgusted we are to hear of your daughter's treatment in the archaic system which you have all been exposed to. You mustn't blame yourself. Everything we do for our children is for their good ; you can't blame yourself when systems or organisations fail to do their job properly.

I am really sorry I can't offer any practical help except to say we are thinking of you and your daughter.

 

Much love Joe's gran.

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I'm really sorry that your having such a tough time.

I wish I had some way of helping you but I wouldn't know where to begin.

Would home school be an option for you?

Hope things work out ok soon.

lku xxx >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Hi everyone,

Been up now for hours. Can't sleep. your support is just compounding my feelings. Thank you >:D<<'> Thanks Nellie for that document. I have printed it off. Having read it, it tells me I have got the european council on my side. In fact it slates France for it's lack of educational provision for ASD children and that was in March 2004 :shame: Hubby says he's going to present it to the principal first thing Monday morning. Stuff the fact that it's in English, let him work it out. Right now I have two channels of thought.

A) what do I do with 'e' when, not if, expelled ? I have to source an alternative education for her.

B) I will drag La Manche into the 21st centurary ( in regards to autism) if it takes me the rest of my life.

We did look at home ed for 'e' some years ago, but she became very intravert and withdrawn.

Short term ie yesterday, we decieded that to keep her focussed and relatively posative we would highten her focus for the future. So we we took her to a 'up market' riding school, upped her lessons, and are going to be in touch with a jockey school early next week further south. Our first goal has to be salvaging her self esteem.

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Hi Den

 

I have sent you this reply but wanted to post on here to so everyone can see my answer / approach

 

GGGGRRRRRRR!

 

I am so sorry to hear of the problems you have encountered. I think that the school clearly has no idea or is not prepared to try.

 

As a first port of call I suggest you ask the school to write you a letter stating the facts if the meeting ie what they said. Then they can well & truly be hung out to dry. Did you have anyone else there independent to back your story up?

 

Firstly I am not sure of what you have done so far ? this would be my approach.

 

Make an immediate appt with your gp. Explain your daughters problems / diagnosis & take any previous paperwork you have to back it up. Ask you gp for an urgent referral to your regional child psychologist . Our local one is called the Centre Medico Psychologique pour enfants et adolescents (cmpi) - it will also be in your local tel directory I think so find out even where it is before you go to your gp so you can be one up on knowing where it is etc

 

Once there you can explain & get them to agree the diagnosis. You can explain that the school will not accommodate her & ask if they have a special needs school in your sector.? Then they can make arrangements for her to be tested etc to determine how her education should be conducted in future ?ie should she go there full / part time.

 

If she can go to the local school there is the opportunity for your child to have an aide scholaire to work with them each day at school on a one to one basis. This is what we have for our son when he attends the village school. This can be organised in conjunction with the child psy / school. Make sure you say this is available & ask / push for it if needed.

 

They will organise a meeting to discuss what they feel is ideal & then together an application ca be made the Commission Departementale De l?Education Speciale in your region for an aide scholaire if this is appropriate. It takes a few months but if you are awarded one then they work just with your child. After the first meeting it will be several rounds of assessments etc but once all the bods have their input they can then agree the way forward. Your gp will have to do a bit., the psy t etc etc

 

Through all this you will be appointed e representative to help ? make sure you get a bi lingual one if you can - they do exist

 

You may also be entitled to an Allocation Education Speciale once your child needs have been diagnosed. This is really a disability benefit monthly which comes via your social security / medical company. Again it is form filling but they can asses what scale your child is on & how much you are entitled to each month. Believe you me it is worth getting. You tell them all your needs etc & then they categorise you etc.

 

In France you child has the right to an education regardless of their needs and if there are no facilities in your area ( which I find not possible) then you certainly must consider the future there & maybe a move would be best.

 

I cant believe they can do nothing after all the help we get ? Samuel has a private taxi also to school each day & its all funded under our medical / disability rights

 

Maybe a visit to the consul website for british people in France may prove helpful. I will send you the link & the link for autism France which gives your childs rights etc. I know it is all in French but you can print off stuff & throw it at all the authorities to get help.

 

Let me know how it goes ? its not all like that here believe you me. If you want any paperwork / names I will try my best to help

 

Good luck & call me anytime

Nikki

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Hi Nikki

Thanks for all this B) You must be exhausted.

I'll explain where I am currently in all this.

I have yet to source a GP in my department that has heard of Aspergers. I have been in contact several times with the British Consular and asked them for a name of such a GP/specialist.

They are no longer allowed to hold such a list.

I have spoken with medical/social/insurance hot line in St Lo and have been told no such person exists.

I have repeatildy banged on the door of our local Centre Medico Psychologique pour enfants et adolescents and got no where. I did manage to track down a female who works for the above office and has an 'understanding' of a/s. She agreed to accompany Hubby & myself to the first meeting at the college. Scary as it was her knowledge was miniscual. She explained as as best as she could. However I did furbish them with Tony Attwoods book in French and reams of French Documentation on a/s.

Thanks to Nellie i now have docs that clearly outline 'e' rights to an education. The school are taking the easy walk. They are direct contrevention of French law. I don't want her back in mainstream ed. However they will listen. I am currently in contact with a French advacate, who recently represented Autism Europe at Strasbourg.

Must leave in a hurry, will finish this later

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Sorry to have dashed off like that :oops:

 

Getting back to you Nikki. An aide scholaire is not an option, I can just see 'e' reaction to that one.

The local ed/phy has never heard of a/s. I know this, as after the 'wall bashing' incident, 'e' was seen by one. Without my knowledge :angry:

You make mention of a representative, possibly a bi-lingual one. Is there a way I can acsess such a person independant of the course you suggest ?

What I want to do now is secure a placement in an establishment that 'e' can receive her education. First I need to locate such a place.

Given the level of ignorance we are up against, I will be suprised if it exists in dep 50. Possibly we would be talking Caen or even Paris, which would involve residential care. I'm not sure any of us could cope with that right now especially 'e'. I'd reconsider home ed for her, but I'm not sure I'm equiped to get her through to qualify passing out of a Lycee ? And then there is the isolation factor.

Right now I don't have all the answers, so any suggestions welcomed.

Thanks to all again >:D<<'>

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ok hi again

just reading this is sending my bp sky high.

hope you got the link for the french site on autism - it really is invaluable. it goes into much depth on rights etc & also there is plenty of info in french to print off about asd's

the fact that your local office for child ed psy know nothing is their lookout - what a load of tosh. So if they have no one then again amke sure they write & say they cant help you then ask them for a referal.

your next step is to approach the region as a whole, not your local area. Find out about your commission for special ed in your dept - write to them direct

the french site has a list of regional education groups in all areas. look under that & there will be one for your region - they can help e mail the contacts on the site to find out who can help you go further. Use the lawyer to your advantage. Make sure you let them all know you are prepared to make a stand.

I cannot beleive in the whole department there is no assistance - that is a load of ********

they think that if they tell you that then they get off the hook then lets see who can really call the shots.

they are contravening the law - remain calm & document everything they say or do. Always take someone with you to every meeting - someone independant who can verify what is said.

I am sure someone nearby you must offer translation services or classes in french who would I am sure welcome the extra "donations" to translate on your behalf. That is what we did.

Right I am off to find more info

lets liase again & see whats the score

no one messes with us parents!!!!! They wont even have a hope of winning this war

Nikki

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Hi everyone,

Just wanted to keep you posted.

Nellie, I emailed the european health org about the case at Strasbourg and asked where I could get a French version of the report. They mailed me back this morning and said that they have now posted a F version on the epha site B) and they have so I printed that too.

Nikki all that info has proved fantastic. Dredging my way through it has taken 'till now, but what a revalation some of it has been. Thanks to you I have now found a French a/s site with MASSES of info on it, not least a contact specialist in my dept. Dept 50, 14 and 61 all have their own sites. They mention little on a/s, but it's a massive breakthrough.

I've rang the CMI again this morning, they were aware that there were problems with 'e' and I going to be contacted in the morning, first thing.

Meanwhile 'e' has gone off to school promising faithfully that she will work harder, won't get angry and try to understand more. :angry:

What do I say ? Don't try, thats what I wanted to say. I explained that if she can't it's because they are not providing her with the right enviroment, and that it is not her fault. I do not want her turning into some silent robotic creature. Never the less she has convinced herself she can do this. Which is only going to make the inevitable 100 times worse for her, as she really will feel she has failed :crying:

Thanks again everyone

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Hi Dylanspace >:D<<'>

 

Your situation certainly puts things into perspective!

 

I do hope you track down the right support for your daughter.

 

Bid :wacko:

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Hi Dylansplace,

 

Thanks for keeping us updated. Great news about getting the report translated in to French, well done!! :thumbs:

 

You sound like a force to be reckoned with, go get 'em girl. :devil:

 

Good luck with everything, let us know of any progress.

 

Nellie xx

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Hi everyone,

Got so much to say & it's all rattling round in my head so fast I might get it writen down wrong, so sorry in advance.

First want to say that after reading a couple of really sad, frustrating postings today, I feel guilty at being so happy. But I really can't contain this anymore.

Yesterday evening I got a phone call, 7pm, from 'e' school s/worker. He asks " can I make an early morning meet". Intrepitation sets in, so armed to to the teeth with 'defencive docs/bks, etc I arrived at the school 9am this morning, in fighting mood.

On arrival I am greeted by said s/w & principal, apologeticaly, they explain that even with all the info that I have given them they can't learn fast enough about a/s to support 'e's needs :o

But they have taken on board that 'e's ambition is to be a jockey & has serious difficulties. So they have spent the last 5 days researcing the availability of such institutions. After dismissing many, they have found one and have got them to accept 'e' in SEPTEMBER. It's brand new. Normally they have to be 15 to enter Lycee (equates to universaty in the UK)

Unlike many others, this one also continues the academic programe, so she will get her final qualifications ( she so desparatly wants), only they have a condenseded timetable, focusing on only core subjects :dance: So she will drop from 50hrs academic study to 30hrs.

50% of the time she will be in equestrian school :dance::dance:

She has a trial day on the 10th March, after wich we have to the end of May to make a desision.

The ONLY issue I see as a problem is that it is residential. We have always been her only support team & 'educators',how will she cope without this ? Bearing in mind that this is NOT a a/s unit

Bid, I could do with your input. I'm not even sure how I feel at losing my 'baby' so young :tearful:

Nikki, it's at Saint-Hilaire du-Harcouet, 'bout 2 hrs from us, but close to you I think.

Then even more, I get home, head buzzing :wacko:

I get a phone call !!

The specialist, that attended early on, with meeting with school. She admits France is BAD at taking ASD on seriously, very apologetic, explains that France is the only EU country that doesn't have facilities for a/s kids ( like I didn't already no that !)

She asks, can I attend a meeting with several other specialists on 6th April to explain to them the needs of a/s kids from a parents point of view :o I'm gob-smacked.

Overwelmed right now

Thanks for everyones support & feedback

One day at atime

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What a turn a round, well done you!! :clap::clap:

 

You must be reeling!! You say this is not an AS unit, do you mean it is not ASD specific? Do they have any expertise in ASD? For me this would be the crucial factor.

 

Nellie >:D<<'>

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WOW!!! :dance::dance::dance:

 

This is just the best news!!

 

It did feel funny to have my son go away to school, but 2 things kept me going...

 

First, he was desperate to go!

 

Second, I knew that this was the only way he would have any real future.

 

Have you told your daughter yet? I would have thought any horse-mad teenager would go wild at such a chance!

 

Will the support be autism-specific at all?

 

Bid :wacko:

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Great news :)

 

I'm glad you're being taken seriously at last, as a parent and as an expert.

 

It sounds like a great chance for your daughter. Presumably you are going to have a good look at the school before you decide if it's right.

 

I really hope everything works out for you and 'e'.

 

K

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Hi & thanks

I am still reeling !!

Nelly, no they have no ASD support or info, therein lies my concerns, who is going to replace 'us' her support back-up ?

Bid, how did you cope ? I want this so much for 'e' BUT ???

Please inform me ' what would you do' ?

Kathyrn, yes at long last they are taking this seriously, but what do I do. We are talking about a child who has devised her own comunication system/ ie when returning from school/college she writites a No on a blackboard we have. 1 is bad day 10 is ok day, depending on the No relayed,depends how long it takes for her to 'talk ' about her day. This facility will not be available at the Lycee !!

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I sympathise, having a daughter with her own unique way of communicating!

 

It all depends on how willing the staff are to learn about her particular needs. I suppose the only way to find out is to talk to them before they meet 'e' and then see how the trial day goes. If you don't have to make a decision till May you could also look at other places and compare them.

 

K

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