now im fuming

[mel]

ok, apparently DS swore at his teacher yesterday, i dont know exactly what word was said, but his teacher brought me in and said his behaviour (which i have to say is dreadful at school) is "Learned behavour" meaning it is my fault he behaves so badly in school. Whereupon i stated that if the school would try and be at least a little bit helpful with his difficulties he would possibly behave a little better.

 

But thats not all....

 

I found out this morning that a teaching assistant gripped his arms and wouldnt let him leave the room during a brass instrument lesson. I am seething :angry: with rage at this because the school know that he cannot bear loud noises so i think that to restrain him rather than letting him sit outside the class is outrageous.

 

and it continues...

 

I asked the school to look into dyslexia assessment as he shows all the indicators of dyslexia and was told that they do test when a child is 7 but ONLY when his educational and maturity levels are also 7..... by the time he is educationally 7 he will be about 10 years old. he has quite severe learning difficulties......

 

Is the school being really obstructive here or am I just neurotic???

[Bard]

I'd go with outrageous, inappropriate and aggressive.

 

Is the TA trained in restrain techniques, and does she have the paperwork to prove it?

Was he a danger to himself or others, thus meeting the criteria for emergency restraint?

His behavour may be learnt, but he's learning that school don't care, won't listen and don't give a st*ff anyway, so his response may be undesirable but it is probably fuelled by desperation and anger, triggered by school.

If they know his needs and triggers, then he ought to be given a 'Get out of situation free' card to show when he can't cope, and a safe place to go and wait.

It sounds more like a scene from 'Clockwork Orange' than an educational establishment.

 

My son didn't use swear words until he went to Secondary and mixed with other children who were familiar with their use. The worse he ever said was 'Bl**dy H*ll!'

In Y7, his science teacher stopped him and asked him what was wrong, B replied that he'd been called a name and didn't understand it. Teacher asked what... B said "you're a f*ck*ng w*nk*r'

T's response was to look at him and say that they were very bad words that should never be used in school, and that the boy who used them was a naughty boy who was going to be in trouble.

B said, 'OK' and wandered on, happy to have categorised the boy's response.

 

And the dyslexia? Sounds like a School Action plus requirement. They need to access specialist advice for him, being as they obviously know little themselves.

Surely they can't believe that they've got it right, if they are so unhappy with the results?

Edited October 23, 2007 by Bard

[mel]

He has been on school action plus for 2 1/2 years lol...and they still cant get it right. ive just picked him up for lunch to find out that he has spent today in year 1..maybe their latest experiment is to move him down 2 years unofficially. let the problem move to a different classroom?

[Pets74]

mel <'>

don't know what to say.

my son swore at school but he picked it up from their playground.

for what it's worth i would say it's the school who is at fault, not you being neurotic.

can't offer any advice as i am on here for the same reasons.

<'>

hope you can get it sorted.

[Karen A]

Hi.It would be worth writing to the HT stating your concerns about DS being prevented from leaving the brass lesson.Ensure that you keep a copy.

The school should have a behaviour policy and it would be a good idea to ask for a copy.Check the policy to see what is documented regarding restraint.

If your child has an IEP then it should include a plan for dealing with situations that create stress where your DS may need to take time out.Ben has a time out card and all staff are aware regarding the need to allow him to take a breather.When the system works he no longer needs to reach the point where his behaviour becomes challenging.

If you have access to autism outreach support then they may be able to provide school with some input regarding different ways of dealing with stressful situations.

 

It is worth writing or phoning the HT also to express your concern that your child has spent the day in year1 and asking for the rationale behind the action taken.I am guessing that you were not told directly.At least the HT will be aware that you are keeping an eye on things.Karen.

[Suze]

Mel , maybe you should get them to confirm that the actual "learned" behaviour was in fact "learned" at school!..........my son learnt the "f" word there .I,d insist they test for dyslexia , leaving it till he,s 10 is WAY!!! ...........TOO late , best of luck suzex.

[summertime]

Schools should have a policy in place about restraint and it should only be used if the child is in danger of harming themselves or others, I suppose they could say they were restraining him to stop him running away and therefore putting himself in danger if he were to run out of the school, but that doesnt hold if they restrained him for the whole lesson when they know he has difficulty with noise

 

as for dyslexia, how can they expect a child with dyslexia to be educationally age equivalent when they are struggling to overcome dyslexia, surely that's a contradiction in itself. my eldest couldn't read a word at 7 and without being taught techniques to help with her dyslexia she would still be struggling today at 17

 

I would be very tempted to write to the governors, detailing your concerns and asking for a copy of the schools physical restraints policy

 

<'>

 

summer x

[paulathomson]

ALL behaviour is 'learned'. we dont enter this world with knowledge on how to behave.. we learn it. a teacher knows this..why is which we send our children to school.. to learn.. not just educational things but also social skills and how to behave appropriately.. i would point out to teacher that if your child behaves more unappropriately at school than at home that would indicate that the difficulties he faces are mainly at school and the learned behaviour is being sourced from school...

 

plus..if they are treating unappropriately then he will learn that too..i think that all teachers should be sent on a parenting course as part of their pgce or training... so that they can deal wtih children the best way.. that is not for children with ASD but all children.. my childs teacher has spoken to the children in her class unappropriately on many occassions.. i was sent on a parenting course and discovered that the way in which some teachers deal with our child undermines the whole process of learning a child to behave/respond correctly..

[mel]

I agree Paula. His teacher behaved most innapropriately today. My son had to be sent out of the class again and the other children laughed because he had gotten into trouble (like children do) . Instead of reprimanding the children she left them laughing at my son. I eventually had to go and collect him because he refused to re-enter the classroom. Maybe school thinks that humiliation will make my son behave. I most seriously doubt it and have yet again asked for an appointment with the head. apparently she is at some convention and wont be able to see me for at least a week. Im half tempted to keep him at home just to see how school react to that one. Who do i complain to?

[Karen A]

Hi mel.You need to put a complaint in writing to the Head Teacher and if you feel strongly enough to the Chair Of The Board of Governors at the school.If you have experience of appointments with the Head Teacher which do not resolve problems it would be a good idea to state a reasonable time within which you anticipate a response.At a later stage you may be able to escalate the complaint to the LEA however the LEA do not usually consider a complaint until you have had a response back from the HT and Chair Of Governors-and the problem has still not been resolved.Karen.

[Paula]

Unless you brought youre son up in a box with no sound then theres no way on earth that you could make sure he never heard a swear word.there on the tv,spoken in the street ect in the playground.what planet are these teachers on.....youre son lives in the real world and in the real world hell come into contact with swear words....its a fact.........to imply its you as a parent thats in the wrong is utterly barkin ###### mad.............

 

Id be fumeing me.............i mean are they thick or what if youre son has issues with noise what on earth were they doing makeing him stay in a room wi a brass blasted band it would be like torture.........

 

Sounds to me like they aint got a clue as to whats wat ..............

 

 

[sorry Paula I have removed end of post as language was a bit too strong.Karen.]

Edited October 29, 2007 by Karen A
mistake first time.

[Flora]

totally agree with the others, kids will learn swearing no matter how much they are protected from it!!!!

 

this reminds me of when Bill was at primary school. His teacher called me in after school one day to tell me how disappointed and annoyed she was with him. I went in the class and Bill was sobbing his heart out!

 

Turns out he'd been rubbing the side of his nose with two fingers in assembly. His teacher thought he was making a rude gesture at her and sent him out, then gave him a good telling off. He had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to have done. He wasn't even aware of the two fingers gesture and it was this incident that MADE him aware of it. Ironic it was, but no way would this teacher accept his side of the story. This rubbing of his nose was something that Bill had always done, and still does!!!! It just shows you whose mind was really currupted!!! I was really annoyed but knew it was pointless arguing the point.

 

bill still remembers it now and still sometimes brings it up even though it was nearly 3 years ago!!!! I think it was the injustice of it, and the irony that his teacher inadvertenly taught him a non-verbal method of swearing that it still ranckles with him to this day.

 

Mel, the best thing you can do here is point out that kids learn swearing everywhere, it's part of the English language and as a teacher she should be used to it by now!!! Then let it go.

 

The ironic thing is, that once kids realise that they can rattle the adults with a few choice words, as soon as they feel like rebelling then what are they going to do? I just ignore it in my own kids, but do point out to them that it's best NOT to use those words at school or in church

 

Flora XX